Confessions of a Yo-Yo Dieter

my weight has always fuctuated according to the seasons. i was super svelte and on my game during summer, began to put on weight in autumn, and by winter i was pretty, zaftig. in my mid-thirties, after i had my son, my metabolism changed and i remained slender. i had a good figure and i was happily, a size 10. it was a pleasure to be able to find clothes to fit, so easily. i could also, eat as much and whatever i wanted and didn't gain an ounce. i had the appetite of a truck driver. however, i started to spread and gain wait in my mid-forties. so i started to diet. i would eat a lot of steamed fish with spinach and other veggies and would go for a 40 minute walk every night, directly after eating. around the same time, i started going to a holistic healer for a back problem. he convinced me to love what i eat and not fret over calories. he encouraged me not to feel guilty about eating a cookie. and if i was to indulge in a cookie or piece of cake, i was to really love it and enjoy it. after awhile, i seemed to get back into shape, rather effortlessly. in my late forties, i joined a gym . and for the first time in my life, i started to exercise and do aerobics. when i turned fifty, i began to learn ballet. it was fun but totally not my forte. i absolutely, couldn't to spins and turns. i would get so dizzy, that i would have to sit down. i continued my aerobic workouts and even started yoga and stretch classes. i have never been what you may call, flexible, physically or psychically. somewhere along the line, i started putting on weight and gained a huge belly. about five years ago, i had the lead role in a women's chanukah show and dreaded appearing on stage at my new weight. so i went on the south beach diet at the encouragement of my blogmaster, michal , who had just been on it and lost a bunch of weight. in the beginning stage you don't eat any carbohydrates or fruit for a two week period. for two weeks i didn't eat any rice, pasta, bread, potatoes, fruit or drink any juice. i managed pretty well so i kept up this part and never went on to step 2 or 3 or even maintenance. after a month i lost about 16 pounds so i kept it up for a year. i pretty much lived without carbs. on shabbos, i would have a limited amount of challah and grape juice. i think that this new regimen destroyed my metabolism. it didn't take me long to start gaining back some of the weight. i continued to exercise and i walked for miles every day. i was more muscular now, but it seems that muscles add on weight. but as long, as my clothes still fit ,i considered myself to be lucky. about 3 years ago i had to stop my walking because zefat was under fire from ketushas. i never quite got back my momentum. then, about 2 years ago when my niece got engaged, i started dieting once again to make sure i could fit into my dress. i was naturally very excited so the weight came off easily. but, once again, i gained most of it back and could not lose another ounce. i did a work out 3 x's a week, and i walked up a storm but nothing budged.! i ate minimal amounts of calories and ate tons of salad and cottage cheese and still nothing budged. i became lethargic and thought that i might be suffering from chronic fatigue. but all my friends and family told me that it was "just" hormones. i went on google and read all about thyroid and decided to check out my hormone levels and thyroid. my blood tests indicated that i was hypothyroid but the doctors didn't pick up on it because it was marginal. i went to a homeopath and after taking a remedy i noticed an immediate change in my cholesterol and thyroid. i was able to lose weight again, but i could gain it back in a couple of days. last year just before chanukah my son got married. i went on a bread diet just before the engagement and lost a few pounds. basically, i would eat slices of whole wheat bread with a smear of humus or tuna salad and lots of salad and veggies. i would eat a lot of eggs cooked in olive oil. it seems that , now, eggs lower your cholesterol and are good diet food. i continued dieting until the day of the wedding and lost 16 pounds altogether. but i also lost my mother, a few weeks later and once again i started to binge and gained back another 20 pounds. before pesach, i returned to aerobics and walking again and i lost about 7 pounds without really dieting. i was just working really hard, painting and cleaning the house. but right before pesach, i got bells palsey and went into a downward spiral. i didn't leave the house for months. it has now been six months and i still have'nt returned to the gym. just before rosh hashana i went on a fruit fast to try and lose a few pounds before my grandson's bris. i ate nothing but plums and maybe a few grapes for a week. i didn't even weigh myself to see if i lost anything. i seem to gain 4 pounds every other week. i will binge and eat for hours for a day or sometimes, two. then i will go on a diet for a week and lose the 4 pounds. i will be okay on shabbat, but start to binge again on saturday nite. sometimes, i will make it through sunday and then for no apparent reason ,start a binge on sunday nite. my brother just lost 50 pounds on weight watcher's. i started my bread diet last week but am being a lot more flexible. i really want to knock off this extra weight, once in for all! so much for the confessions of a yo-yo dieter.!