Living In The Fast Lane

 it is 7:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  we have another half hour left of the fast of the ninth of av.  this is the culmination of the 3 weeks of our mourning the loss of our holy temples. during the past nine days, we refrained from hearing live music, having haircuts, wearing freshly laundered clothes, planting trees, eating meat, drinking wine, doing laundry and travelling and bathing for pleasure.  i didn't go to the pool.  we have been stuck with 95 degree heat throughout.  i have been too hot to function.  i couldn't blog.  i stayed in bed all week long and didn't leave my house until around 8:00 p.m. for my walk.  i did go to synagogue on shabbat to cool off.  i do not have airconditioners on my floor.  luckily today, the heat was down to 93.  i still spent the day in bed.  the fast started last night at 7:40 p.m. i went over to the local sephardi synagogue to hear the megillah of lamentations.  i haven't gone in years.

it was the third anniversary of my sister.s death.  i have been dreading it.  i went to the cemetery.  it was dangerously hot. i found a broken chair and curled up against he wall and read psalms.  we were estranged  when she took ill.  the severity of it was kept from me and my other sibblings.  i wasn't told anything until she was terminal.  i found out she had died hours after the fact.  i haven't spoken with her kids since the funeral. it is a very sad state of affairs. i used to go to her grave to emote; to beseach her and beg for answers.  i would actually scream.  i decided not to go to her grave any more. yesterday, i washed her grave and lit a candle. i didn't scream but i cried out loud. i kissed her grave and hugged her.

our parents are also buried there. i did not think that i had the stamina in this heat to go yesterday. i think i was driven. i took a taxi because i wasn't up to the two bus journey.  it's pretty close.  the city of safed is pretty small. its not a huge journey like in the states. i used to walk there.  it's quite beautiful there and very meditative and serene. we also have the tsadickim, the holy masters; buried in another section. and there is another section for the fallen soldiers. it was a very difficult time for me yesterday. i did get a glimpse of her adult children. one of my neices and i got caught up and i got to see a few of my grandneices, my sister's grandchildren.

i left them to say kaddish, the traditional mourners' prayer and i walked down to my parents' graves. i didn't stay long.  i simply, kissed their stones.  so weird.  that's what i have left of them.  they each died at 91 so they had good lives.  i caught the 2 busses home and started to prepare food.  i made some tuna fillets and spelt pasta, baked sweet potatoes and white potatoes, made red lentil and veggie soup and unroasted buckwheat grains.  i have plenty to eat.  i am not sure if i can shower tonight or if i am still bound by the rules of the day.  

in the past i would watch holocaust rememberances to keep with the spirit of true mourning but nowadays ; i am involved on this day of true mouning for my sibbling.  the ache doesn't go away. it is always there.  i thought that when i lost my parents i was truly devastated. it cannot come close to the devastation of losing a sibbling of 65 years.  the time of mourning and our fast has officially come to an end. hopefully, tomorrow i will go back to the pool.  i will catch up on laundry and get ready for shabbat. i am hoping to have some guests in august.

Too Darn Hot

it is 8:00 p.m. in the holy ciy of safed.  i just got back from my daily/nightly walk.  it was actually pleasant outside.  it is way too hot inside my house.  it was 98 degrees today and it is supposed to get into the hundreds.  i am not a heat person.  i stayed in the pool for a couple of hours today because i dreaded getting out into the sun and heat.  usually the winds are so cold that we really suffer after leaving the pool.  that was not the case today.  i felt the heat in the pool but being wet; felt great.  i got a vicarious kick out of everyone entering the pool and getting the initial shock of cold water.  by then, the water no longer felt cold for me.  i was tired and hungry around 3:00 p.m.  i had only eaten a few cherries and a few dates to break my nightly fast.

last night i cooked a pot of chicken soup using wings.  i added carrots, celery and onion.  after a few hours i tasted it.  it lacked depth of taste and it was watery.  i added tumeric, basil, garlic and a bit of ginger.  i decided to add a couple cups of split peas and continued to cook it for another couple of hours.  i removed the wings as best as i could.  i removed the bones and skins to give to the cats outside. i saved the bits of chicken for my dogs.  i cooked some white rice.  i then pureed the soup.  i never made a split pea soup with chicken broth before.  i froze about 4 pints of the soup.  i think it will go well with deli meat sandwiches. i might be having guests in august.

i am having trouble remembering to turn off the gas.  last night i could have sworn that i turned off the gass but i left it on.  luckily, the soup didn't cook out.  today i did the same thing with my chick peas.  i got them off the flame just a split second before they burnt.  i am planning on making chumus for shabbat.  i haven't decided what to make for shabbat dinner. i have some chicken fillets in the freezer so i might make those.  i am fullly stocked up with kale,  the guy from the veggie section of the supermarket ordered them for me.  i am a kaleaholic, you might say.  i am nuts for this stuff.  you must chew it very carefully and slowly.  i love it with any type of pasta.  i love it in my green salads.  i love it in my chicken.  i love it in my stews.

i have been in the house lately until the sun goes down.  after the pool, i find that i nod out.  my cable co. was streaming the rocky movies.  they are pretty short and really badly done but quite entertaining. i watched rocky 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 and i even saw john rambo; also entertaining.  i love blood and guts movies.  last night i noticed that they were streaming all 3 godfather movies.  i watched the first godfather movie last night until 2:30 a.m.  these films are pretty long and epic.  i think they are all over 3 hours.   i watched the second one this morning before i went to the pool.  they are both sensational with incredible actors and great film writing. i am planning on watching the third one after i finish my blog tonight. it is not a great film and doesn't come close to the first two. never, the less, i must watch it.

i may have binged watched all three of the godfather films twice in my life. i do not think i was totally sober while doing this.  anyway ; the rocky movies and the godfather movies stand up to today. they are good movies.  there is so few good movies these days.  everything is a franchise.  everything is a remake.  everything is truly vacuous.  i hopefully, will not fall asleep while i am watching the godfather 3 tonight.  i didn't have my nap today.

i baked a half dozen banana blueberry corn muffins so i will have something for shabbat.  it was too hot to put on the large oven so i made these in the tiny toaster oven.  i had two for supper with 2 boiled eggs.  i had some semi frozen chunks of melon with greek yogurt as a treat.  it is getting hot again.  i will sign off.

The 3 Weeks

 it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i got off to a late start and took the dogs out at 7:30.  i came back and did some laundry.  i mopped the floors.  everything is covered in dog hair and black dust.  i sweep about three times a day and it is still dirty.  i didn't have the energy to throw buckets of soapy water all around the floors.  i did a wet mop job, instead.  i washed down the porch off of the master bedroom; where i have 2 laundry racks.  the dogs lie out there when they need a breeze.  it was pretty dirty. i put out a small comforter .  the dogs like freshly laundered sheets and duvet covers.

yesterday we had a fast day which began the period of time, called the three weeks.  it is a sad time which leads to the major fast of tisha b av, commerating the destruction of the two temples. sadly, my baby sister died three years ago just before the onset of the major fast.  it is a really hard day.  i have always watched holocaust films to keep me in the state of morning but i no longer need any aids.  it is a personal tragic day for me.  in this period of historical mourning, we cease from joyous occassions.  we do not make weddings, or listen to live music.  we do not buy new clothes or houses or furniture. 

it starts out on a minor note of sadness and increases by the day.  on the last 9 days of this period, we refrain from eating meat or drinking wine.  we can have the meat for shabbat meals. nine days of vegetarian meals is always fine for me.  i am not that much of a carnivore. this is not an auspicious time for the jews so we postpone elective surgeries and law suits.  even travelling can be considered dangerous.  we avoid swimming during the nine days. during these nine days, we do not do laundry. we try not to shower for pleasure.  on the fast itself, we do not wear leather shoes. we do not wear freshly laundered clothes.  some allow it on shabbat.

i am hopefully; going to have some friends come for a visit after the nine days end.  yesterday's fast was only from dawn until sunset.  i started fasting at 11:00 p.m. because i had a late meal that night.  i seldom eat after 9:00 p.m.  i fell asleep and woke up at 4:15 a.m.  i had just a few minutes to drink some water before the fast began. i then went back to sleep.  it was a hot day.  i stayed in bed almost all day. i got a phone call from a friend alerting me to the fact that missles from lebanon had fallen in israel in the north.  she was at the pool and the lifeguard had been called to have the bomb shelter opened.  as i lay in my bed; i thought i heard planes and i thought i heard missles falling in the distance.  

later on in the day i took the dogs out.  i heard loud trance music with a thumping beat.  that was the booms i had heard for hours.  as relieved as i was that we were not under attack; i was also hurt that some people were having a loud celebration on the fast day which begins an historic mourning period for the jews. i broke my fast at 8:30 p.m.  i never got to pray.  i was in bed on my phone reading about the three weeks. i heard that a young man was killed by a terrorist.  on tuesday a terrorist rammed his car into 8 people waiting at a bus stop.  he then got out and starting stabbing other people. a young pregnant women while fighting for her life, lost her baby.  

its beginning to feel like tisha b av almost every day.  how many families are losing cherished children and family members on a daily basis? so i ask G-d to help me understand his plan and to help me understand why seemingly, innocent eople are being systematically cut down.  i know that there is nothing new under the sun and that there has always been hard times for the jewish people. i have to pray harder and nudge G-d more vehemently.  someone recently told me that the prayers of elderly women are most pleasing to G-d.  wishing everyone a quiet and peaceful shabbat.

elderly women 

Etiquette When Walking

 it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i just got back from my evening stroll.  it is prettty hot here in the middle east.  i go to the outdoor neighborhood pool for a couple of hours each morning to cool off.  i take a hot shower when i return home and then eat too much food.  i have been passing out for a couple of hours in the afternoon.  i seem to be recharged at around 8:00 p.m.  i haven't seen too many people walking at this hour lately. i actually didn't drag my feet this evening.  i felt energized. i ran for a little bit.

one lady passed me by and we didn't acknowledge each other.  i always woonder if there is a formal etiquette when meeting people during a walk.  i get it that joggers and speed walkers and cyclists are in their zone.  there is a need for spleed that transcends greetings.  however; what about a senior, schlepping along for her 45 minute stroll? every once in awhile, someone will greet me but on the whole; there seems to be obvious rules against this.

i tend to talk to myself as i walk.  i am usually in my own zone.  i never take my phone with me.  i very often shout while i am walking.  i have my demons.  i have imaginary conversations to those individuals, who have mistreated me. i get myself pretty worked up and i do not mean; sweating. meeting people while i am talking to myself is kind of out of the realm of normal.  lucky for me; that it is usuallly the joggers and cyclists who whiz by me. tonight, it was only a fellow senior who passed me by and she felt no obligation to make eye contact or give a greeting.  i do always wonder if there is a rule book for these kinds of situations.

i made 2 types of soup yesterday.  i delivered a few containers to a friend's spouse who is at the moment managing alone. i froze a container of my turkey neck lentil soup for shabbat and i enjoyed a portion of my black bean and chick pea soup for lunch.  i wanted to bake corn bread but the local supermarket was out of corn meal.  i had some sour dough spelt and teff flour bread with some chedder cheese.  teff flour is my newest thing.  the ethiopians have made their flat bread with it for so many years.  it is supposed to be one of those super grains. i found it to be a bit bitter at first.  i don't usually buy sliced bread.  i have been eating sour dough spelt pitas for a while now.  they are smade without sugar or salt. 

i know that most people tend to eat less in the summer time but i have been eating way too much lately. i think i am bored.  i do not find the pool particularly, stimulating. i do not swim nor exert much energy dog paddling around. i do get to cool down.  i have little patience to read during the day and i do not have any projects to do right now.  i do not have any hobbies and i cannot run around town in this heat. so i eat.  i have been trying to lose a bit of weight.  i seemed to have put some on last winter.  i usually lose it quickly in the summer but so far i haven't been successful.  i do not eat processed foods nor do i use vegetable oils.  i do not use sugar or any kind of sweeteners. i avoid ice cream and chocolates.

i am hoping that the grandkids might come to visit this summer.  in the meanwhile, i am going to the pool in the morning and walking in the evrnings.  there isn't much to watch on t.v.  i am waiting for the blacklist to come to its' end.  i am mostly watching reruns on TLC.  such ridiculousness! movies are out of the question.  i can't seem to follow a plot any more and i usually fall asleep during the middle of a film. i do not enjoy eating out any more so my life is pretty simple.  i see my friends at the pool so i do have a bit of interacting every day.  it is what it is.