Thursday, April 29, 2010

Friday Morning Once Again

it's 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i'm sitting here on my blog even though i haven't had my morning coffee yet. it's grey and rainy outside and i'm in no hurry to run downstairs to buy some challah.

i have been in a funk since tuesday. i was very sad on monday and not really functioning. i babysat for my grandson for a little while, and cried as i rocked him to sleep. it was the first time in five years that i didn't make a dinner for my father's yirtseit. i felt pretty guilty. i didn't call my sister and she wasn't in touch with me, either. zvi came home from work and was upset that we weren't having a dinner for dad, too. it was like a non-event.

i woke up the next morning and made a batch of ginger snaps to bring to the old age center. i also brought a bottle of grape juice to distribute. the cookies got eaten, but no one drank the juice. one religious woman actually, said a prayer for dad, as she ate a cookie.

zvi agreed to leave work early to visit my father's grave. i told him that i'd be in touch. after i left the center, i stopped off at a local market to buy some veggies and fruit. i rushed home and started preparing the meal. i decided to make vegetarian stuffed peppers and a fish dish. i quickly cooked up some white rice and sauteed some carrots and celery. zvi was already home and wanted to leave so i left everything on the counters. i called my sister but she wasn't home. her husband said that she was on her way down to the cemetary. he apparently, wasn't going.

we spoke about this day, last shabbat. my sister said that it would be very easy to find a minyan of ten men to bring to the graveside because it was also, the yirtseit of the Rebbe's brother. zvi assumed that there would be people waiting for us at the grave. and my sister assumed that zvi would either bring or find a minyan there. i assumed that we could catch a minyan there, too.

we arrived at the cemetary at 3:00 p.m. and it was 'deadly' hot. the first thing that i noticed was that the plot directly next to my father's was taken. what a shock and utter disappointment! i had wanted to buy the plot and be buried next to my dad for awhile. i had planned to visit the office this week to inquire about the plot.

while we waited, zvi ran over to the nearby yeshiva to recruit a minyan. this time, there was no one there to help make a minyan. zvi returned and was rather upset with me. i wasn't too in love with him at that moment, either. gal had a doctor's appointment at 5:00 so zvi was in a rush to get back home. i wanted to stay awhile and say more psalms. i was trying very hard not to be angry. i also knew that i needed to stay with sahar while they went to the doctor.

my sister headed to another section of the cemetary and zvi and i went home, a bit broken spirited. on the taxi ride home, zvi suddenly remembered that he had brought baked goods and drinks to the shul last year. i immediately, got out of the cab and ran to the super and bought drinks, pretzels and cakes for zvi to take to the local shul at mincha.

the kids left and i put sahar in his playpen and started to make the meal. i poached some salmon and potatoes in a teriyaki soy sauce and made a tomato sauce for the stuffed peppers. i also made an apple cake. my sister came alone for the meal. her husband was under the weather and her daughter had tests. the rest of the family is out of the country. three of the grandchildren are in new york and the other one is in india with her husband and baby.

zvi went off to shul with the goodies and i finished the meal. i went to get the electric hot plate and thought about calling my sister in california to commiserate about the day. as i was thinking how this day was a 'non-event', i suddenly tripped over my hot plate and dropped it directly on my foot. i thought that i had broken a few toes. the pain was definately an event!

zvi came home from shul a bit elated. he said that the men had said blessings for dad. however, he was reluctant to come downstairs for the meal. he didn't eat a thing and gal ate just a bit. my sister and i were famished and really chowed down. everything was really delicious. i didn't bother to serve the icecream that i had bought earlier that day. the kids went upstairs to sleep and my sister stayed until 11:30 p.m. we never got around to speaking about dad.

i called my sister in california to schmooze. she was too busy to do something for dad this year. my foot throbbed but i put everything away and cleaned up.

on wednesday, i stayed in bed and binged the entire day. i ate almost the entire container of icecream and i finished all of the ginger snaps. i don't know if this is some form of bulemia on my part. yesterday, i went back on the south beach diet and ate a lot of chickpeas, peppers and tahina. last night, before zvi went upstairs, he asked if my sister was able to find a minyan after we left. he was apparently, still upset about his grandfather's yirtseit.

next year, i will be prepared and i will send an evening meal to the shul for the men to bless. i will also send a breakfast or lunch meal for the men to bless and we will bring a minyan ourselves, Gd-willing. somehow, i can still hear my father's voice saying, "do whatever is best for you". he would not have been upset. it was not his nature to hold grudges or judge.

now i have to think about buying challah and cooking a shabbat meal. shabbat shalom!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dad's 5th Yirtseit

it's 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. it's monday evening. five years ago we buried our dad. he was 91 and very strong. he lingered in a coma for three days and seemed to be fighting the angel of death rather, vigorously. i hardly left his side for those three days. i slept on a chair outside on the balcony of his hospital room. my mom and i were with him when his soul departed. he was very lucky to have had an observant male nurse say the ritual prayer as he died.

i really miss him a lot. dad had dementia and was like a small child in some ways. he could sit and watch the cars go by for hours and comment on how fast the drivers were going. he loved children and they loved him back. he used to walk down the street with me and wish the children 'good shabbas'. he would say it over and over again. the kids would come running over to wish the old man a good shabbas.

one time dad and i were sitting on a bench when two young boys came over to say hello. dad asked them in english what their names were. i was a bit nervous, not knowing how they would reply. sometimes israeli kids say curse words when they hear you speaking english. these young men were very sincere and were actually honored that dad chose to speak to them. many months later, after dad was gone, one of the young boys stopped me in the street and asked if i remembered the time that the old man asked him what his name was.

dad loved to eat, sing and dance. he had a great voice. he would sit outside in the morning and sing frank sinatra tunes. he remembered the words to most of the songs. he danced like a young man, shaking his booty. the dementia, pretty much, freed him of any inhibitions. he would break into song anywhere and people seemed to like it. of course, we were embarrassed a lot of the time, but he was genuinely, happy and well intentioned.

dad loved to flirt with the ladies. he didn't mind touching them either. this was due to the dementia. he was not like that in his earlier years. i'd say that he was more of an introvert unless it came to politics. he was famous for writing letters to presidents, congressmen and senators. i believe, that my sister in california, has some of these letters in her possession.

dad was a decent an honest man. he definately, taught us to take the moral high ground. his famous words towards the end were " do what's best for you". he may not have called me by my given name in the end, but he always told me that he loved me. one time he took my hand and kissed it. it made me sad.

dad loved to go outside with someone every day. it didn't matter which language the person spoke. dad reverted to speaking yiddish toward the end of his life. thankfully, he had a caregiver who was able to speak yiddish with him. one time, a substitute worker, who only spoke russian, came. he refused to come back because he didn't understand yiddish. dad however, managed fine with him and somehow understood him.

dad was very boisterous and larger than life. this huge house didn't seem large enough at times. when dad died, the house seemed too large and hauntingly, too quiet.
i didn't plan a meal tonight. i am feeling too sad to play the host. tomorrow, we'll visit his grave and perhaps, i'll be up to making something afterwards.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Flag Wars

it's monday afternoon in the holy city of zefat. since last thursday, the neighbors were all hussling to raise as many flags as possible this year. my neighbor to the right of me, put up a good fight this year. however, our neighbor, shlomo, once again, beat everyone out. this year, one flag was simply, not enough. i hung up a string of small flags over my gate but i was very tempted to hang up another one. talk about your peer pressure!

last night began memorial day in israel. all television programming was once again, suspended. all you can watch is home videos of the fallen soldiers. these are really heartbreaking. the majority of these fallen soldiers were aged 18 to 22. being a t.v. addict, i watched them until 2:00 a.m. and i was completely, spent. it's one thing to watch modern, hollywood holocaust films, but these videos are the real deal and most touching. dozens of israeli war songs are being played all day long. i find them very hard to listen to.

memorial day ends tonight and independence day begins. that means live music tonight and a mass exit tomorrow for the national parks and barbecues. the country literally, closes. everything shuts down including public transportation. i went to the supermarket yesterday to buy the coals, drinks, chumus, marshmallows, burgers, hotdogs, kebabs and pitas. they were all out of steaks and lambchops, not that i could afford them. i think the clan is coming over tomorrow. i'm never really sure of anything.

never mind! whoever shows up, shows up. my friend wanted to join us with her two dogs but i couldn't deal with any more dogs. especially, if all ten of the clan come over. three females and two male dogs is still way, too many dogs to have to deal with.

out of desparation, i rented a movie last night. i saw, 'the wrestler' with mickey rouke. what a bleak film that was. i really found it hard to deal with. the videos of the soldiers were sad but that film was downright, depressing. i wouldn't mind renting another film now.

yesterday, i felt better and finally made it to yoga in the neighborhood. it was so good to get out. i'm a bit sore today but nonetheless, feel okay. when i got home i went upstairs to see sahar. i spent shabbat with gal's family but didn't really get a chance to connect with him. so i volunteered to take him downstairs for awhile so gal could rest. she really looked ragged. i ended up having him for about 4 hours. we had a nice time, too.

gal was very apologetic that she slept that much, but i was glad to have been able to help her out. now that sahar eats solids and drinks from a bottle, it's so much easier to deal with him. we were crawling around the grass together and took a stroll to the super. we were both very mellow yesterday.

tonight the kids are planning to go out for the festivites. i wonder if they're planning to leave the baby here. i wouldn't mind. i don't go out on independence day. i continue to take a remedy for my face. there has been some slight nerve damage but not as bad as the first attack. so far, so good.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Afternoon

it's 1:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i haven't done a thing all morning. i'm expected to go to the inlaw's for the shabbat meal. i thought about staying home and making some fish. i even thought about defrosting some of last's week dinner but i can't be bothered. i can't even get it together to go down to the local super and buy some nosh to bring over tonight.

i have pretty much been housebound this week. i am suffering from some kind of virus. i missed three sessions of yoga already. my body aches and i'm headachey. it feels like my sinuses are plugged up and i keep getting this burning sensation behind my earlobes. that terrifies me. i keep thinking that i'm relapsing into another palsy attack. only this time, i think it will be the left side of my face that goes numb.

i ended up babysitting for my grandson on thursday. it was last minute. gal was supposed to bring him over to her mother's. michal and i were planning to co-babysit sahar but it didn't work out. i had him by myself for about 9 hours. i must say, that it went ok. i stuffed him with bottles of formula and jars of baby food. some grandma i am turning out to be! in my own defense, i did make him some mashed potatoes and carrots.

i am beginning to feel vulnerable again. i think that i'm getting a bit paranoid too. i feel that zvi is deliberately shutting me out from his life even though he lives here. i know that he did try to involve me in the car deal and i wasn't interested. it was just too nerve racking and my head was bursting. i've honestly, been feeling too rotten to care about anything except my grandson.

it is unusually hot today with no air. i am sweating and feeling rather uncomfortable. it just makes me feel more ill, like i'm feverish. i haven't gotten dressed in a couple of days, either. i think that i probably lost the extra pesach, matzah and sugar binge weight. nonetheless, i'm feeling rather bloated and went back to wearing my elastic waisted, prairie, denim skirt.

i still haven't heard from my homeopath. i did speak with her assistant and it seems that she won't be coming to zefat any time soon. i have no drive, unfortunately to travel to haifa to see her. so there it is. i remain in this listless state waiting to feel well again. my bedroom wall finally dried up from the leakage incident so i'm ready to paint it whenever i get the strength to get to town and buy some paint.

i just went outside to hang up an israeli flag. generally, i am not a flag waver. i have never been one. back in the 'golden medina', i didn't own an american flag. i was a bit of an anarchist back in the old days, too. And even though both my parents, G-d bless their souls, were american war veterans, i just, never caught the patriotic bug. now, i live in an area, where the men on the block, compete with each other to raise the most and the biggest flags for independence day. the very haredi jews don't raise flags. afterall, my son did serve in the israeli army for three years, so i think i'm expected to do it. okay, i'm done. shabbat shalom!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Volunteer Day

i just got back from town after spending the morning with the dementia group. the group attendant asked me if i would like to be a substitute worker. i was absolutely, terrified. i guess i could fake it. but i'm not sure if i'm up to changing diapers and showering anyone except for my grandson, sahar. i willingly, did it for my own parents, but i'm not sure if i could do it for these people. i should go there one time really early and see how the whole day goes by.

after visiting the group, i went to the bank and then met up with a friend. i suddenly, felt the loss of sensation in my face and a burning in my ear. this was how the bells palsey, facial paralysis, started the last time, a year ago. i absolutely, panicked and rushed home in a cab. i immediately took a remedy and emailed my homeopath. it actually, feels a bit better now. so far, my face hasn't become twisted.

i received a heart felt email from a blog follower and dear acquaintance, now. i responded right away. we were still discussing the holocaust and it's literature. there are some amazing books out there. i read "schlindler's list", years before i saw the movie. i must add, that i find it very hard to follow a movie about nazis, when someone famous like, harvey keitel, is starring in it. anyway, i just want to say once again, how much i do appreciate all the comments i receive.

next week is israel's independence day. the country will be 62 years old. it's really hard to fathom that as a country, we're so very, young. my parents married in a jewish ceremony in 1948. they would have been together 62 years, if they hadn't passed on. as it is, they had 57 years together, which is pretty good, considering that they married later in life.

the following week, marks the 5th anniversary of my father's passing. i really miss him. once again, we have to organize a group of ten men to pray at his gravesight. i don't know who, if any, of the family will be present. i hope zvi will come through for us, once again. i can't be bothered thinking up a menu this time around. i also doubt that there will be a family meal this year. my son, zvi was very close to my father. before he became a 'teenager at risk', he would bathe and shave my father. sometimes, he would style his hair and spray a bit of cologne on him, too. when in a good mood, zvi would sing along with my dad to old time show tunes.

throughout his dementia, dad thought that zvi was his son and you couldn't tell him any different. when my brother came to israel to celebrate my father's 90th birthday, dad couldn't 'chop' that he was his son. although he loved being with him, he never accepted that 'big man' was really his son, charlie. and even though my dad called me 'big woman', in the end, he never forgot zvi's name or his grandaughter's mimi's name. he used to call my mom, "sargent sussman" a throw back to her rank in WW11.

we threw my parents a 50th wedding anniversary party in zefat about 12 years ago. my father was just beginning to get confused. it wasn't anything fancy, but they had a ball. i bought a bunch of silly 'gold' props. i gave them some gold scouring pads, a golden statue that could pass for an oscar, and a golden clock in the shape of a giant wristwatch. i then gave mom a real gold necklace with a gold and diamond charm and she cried. i can still remember them dancing together at the end of the party. what a romantic, dad was! he was so much in love with my mom until the day that he died. he passed holding on to her hand.

mom and dad were both zionists and would have liked to live here a long time ago. they always said that if the israeli army would still take them, they would gladly, fight for the country. they first visited israel in 1976. i came to see them in '78 but wasn't open to staying. ironically, they stayed in brooklyn for me and then i made aliya many years later and left them.

mom was born in november 1917, the year of the balfour declaration, which first recognized israel as the jewish homeland. it's amazing that some 31 years later, the jewish state was realized. even more amazing, is that 53 years after the state of israel was established, my parents finally got to live here and are buried here, too. happy birthday israel! i love you, dad!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Monday Night

it's 10:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat and all is well. they finally switched back to the regular programming at 8:00 p.m. this evening. i did not spend any time today watching holocaust movies.

i checked the wall in my master bedroom today and it was really wet. i moved the giant antique mirror off the wall and discovered more water damage. the mirror thankfully wasn't ruined. zvi and gal made their way to hadera with sahar and gal's parents in the new car.

the good news was that a small pipe on the roof got dislodged and that was causing the leakage. luckily, the plumber didn't have to start breaking our tiles in the bathroom upstairs. at first, he was a bit stumped as to where it might be coming from. thank goodness, that we both concluded at the same time, that it probably was coming from the side of the roof enclosed behind the white door. sure enough, when i opened the door; we saw the water running out of the disconnected pipe. it took him about 1 minute to reconnect it and then he was gone, leaving, 'moi', the arduous task of mopping it all up.

this was not so simple a task, at all. the water was nearly ankle deep and there was no opening on the floor to push the water out of. i had to use a microfiber mopping rag and squeeze out all the water into a bucket. this took over an hour and a half to complete and a total of about eight buckets of water to dispose of. at one point, i was on my hands and knees in my velour house coat, ringing out water. i squatted for a bit until my back started really aching after a while.

the wall is still quite wet and still leaking onto the floor. i think it will take a couple of days for it to dry. there isn't any real damage to the wall because we caught it in time. i'll probably have to paint it once its dry again.

i have been doing laundry for the past 5 hours. i think i threw in about 6 super monster loads. i hung some of it out on my porch and i put the rest of it in the dryer. i didn't risk hanging it outside because it rained this morning. i'm pretty much caught up now. yeh!!

i had an offer of renting the downstairs for a couple of months to a single lady. here we go again! as much as i need the money, sometimes, i think that there isn't enough money in the world to deal with all the hassles. we'll just wait and see if anything comes to fruition this time.

zvi had some good news today, too. he thought that he needed a new motor hood and it turned out that he didn't in the end. we were both spared the costs of major repairs today. praise the Lord! he still had to spring a bunch of money on new brakes, but the owner had come down some on the origional price.

i started back on part one of the south beach diet today. you know the drill. no bread, no oats, no potatoes, no pasta, no sugar, no fruit, no rice, and no carrots or beets for two weeks. i really destroyed myself these past few days. i gained back about 6 pounds since pesach. what a crying shame! so today, i had some fish, and some chick peas, and some waluts, and a bunch of fennel with some tahina. i can't wait to have those frozen kidney beans that i bought last week.

i've already started thinking about shavuot and planning my menu. the kids think that i'm absolutely bonkers because shavuot is still another five weeks away. so i live for the future. sue me!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday Night

it's 1:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. today is holocaust day and all we get to see on cable t.v., which by the way, we pay for, is holocaust documentaries and movies. i am completely burnt out after watching hours of these films all day long.

i got up at 8:00 a.m. and tried my best to get ready for yoga. unfortunately, i just didn't feel up to it and missed another session. i think i had a relapse of the flu bug. the weather looked really grey and stormy, but it was actually, muggy and warm. my head hurt and my bad eye was also bothering me so i stayed in and started noshing.

i watched sahar upstairs for a few hours and continued on to another intense food binge. i guess it's time to see the homeopath again. i don't quite understand this national holocaust remembrance day. we don't exactly treat the elderly holocaust survivors all that well here and to make a special day out of it seems inappropriate to me. that's one thing my mom and i always disagreed on.

i just realized that i have a leak in my bedroom wall from the upstairs apartment. i found a stream of water on the floor a little while ago, and i couldn't for the life of me, figure out where it was coming from. i hope this is not a huge deal. i am really, not up for one. i guess i have to call the plumber in the morning and have him check it out.

zvi and gal tried very hard today to get the car insurance taken care of before they could take the car out for a spin. it needs some work done and there is a family friend, out of town, who is a reliable mechanic. according to the law here, gal cannot drive the car alone for another three months. she needs to be accompanied by a mature driver. she also has to pay an astronomical amount for the insurance until she reaches the age of 25.

they wanted to use my international credit card and give me the cash. i guess, needed to use, my card is more accurate. for some dumb reason, they couldn't pay with my checks. i had given them a $1000 loan recently, but gal couldn't access the cash because they don't do dollar transactions on sundays. i don't exactly get that either, because the cash was already in their account??? poor gal schlepped to town for nothing.

next, my credit card wasn't accepted. and their computer system was down for about four hours. i finally got through to them in the states and they confirmed that the problem was not on their end. i am always taken back by how nice they are on the phone. they always ask me how i am and wish me a great day afterwards. that's something that we don't have in isreal. i really miss customer service here.

well, apparently, my cousin's insurance company, would not accept my international credit card to pay for the car insurance. this is rather strange because i pay him for the house insurance with the same exact card. anyway, i tried my best. i babysat for the baby and i made the calls. in the end, zvi got his boss to use the company's israeli credit card so it finally got taken care of. are we having fun yet?

Thursday, April 8, 2010


i knew that when i wrote that i hadn't, yet, caught the flu bug, that the "yet" was going to do me in. i woke up so sick yesterday that i wanted to die. i was congested and it felt like a goat or baby elephant was standing on my head. it hurt to swallow and i was in a bad mood. i slept for hours on end and only got up to answer the phone.

sometime during the day, someone from my bank called to give me a password so that i could bank online. she spoke to me in english for quite awhile and tried to talk me through the process. she gave up beacuse it was too hard to do in english and told me that she would call me back. she actually, did call me back in the evening, and i tried several times, unsuccessfully, to type in the secret word that appeared on the screen. i hate those things. i can never get it quite right. i tried typing in the secret word three times and was getting very uptight. besides which, my head was splitting. i told the lady from the bank that i was totally done and hung up.

i was too sick to get up and make a hot drink for myself. each time that zvi called me i was more nasty. i blasted him for not paying his share of the electricity last month. he managed to buy a car this morning and i insisted that he pay me something up front. i never had a car and i grew up in a home without one. i am not a car person, anyway. i actually have a car phobia. i don't like to sit in the front seat, either. i often have crash fantasies when i travel in a car. i have had full fledged anxiety attacks in taxi cabs.

last night, when zvi called for the umpteenth time, to invite me to join gal's family for a birthday party, i nearly lost it on him for not understanding how sick i was. he called once again to ask if i could babysit for sahar all day. i of course, said no. but when he called again, obviously, desperate, i agreed. i'd do anything to get him off the line.

i went upstairs at 7:30 a.m. this morning and i just came downstairs. it's already 4:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. gal just got back from work and gave me money for the electricity. i felt bad taking it. i guess i'm one big schizoid. anyway, she asked if i could watch the baby tomorrow until 12:00. i agreed. so i need to get to the supermarket now to buy some food for shabbat. you'd think that i would have something left over from pesach. wouldn't you? we do have a few rotting pears, and that's about it.

the baby was actually, not that difficult to manage. it's a good thing that he takes a bottle. i have come a long way since he was a newborn. i now find myself adding a bit of sugar to his herbal tea. and this morning, i bought him a jar of baby applesauce that was loaded with sugar. how absolutely, scandoulous of me! l don't feel all that well right now. i hope that i can manage the trip to the supermarket.

i had to miss yoga this morning. if i am going to help out on a permanent basis i will need to hire someone to help out so i can get to yoga. it's bad enough that i gave up on my aroebics this year, but i can't lose yoga too. i keep on planning to return to the gym but it doesn't seem to be happening.

the baby terrorized the dogs today. he managed to hit cloey in the face with the t.v remote control and he pulled cooky's tail really hard. cooky really freaked out. the two of them are staying far away from him now. and to think that i was afraid of the dogs hurting the baby. go know!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Day Trip

it's almost 6:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. we just got back from visiting the winery where my son, zvi works. they also have a goat dairy nearby. zvi treated us to samples of delicious goat yogurts, hard and soft cheeses and frozen icecream.

we also sampled the dessert wine, which is simply lovely. i bought some fresh goat butter and a piece of hard cheese. i also sprang for a bottle of the dessert wine and two bottles of the goat yogurt. one is plain and tangy and the other one is sweetened with date honey. i'll freeze the butter and yogurt for shavuot.

we were also graciously, given a tour of the dairy and we saw over 2,000 goats. the son of the owner drove us over to the nearby moshav and they showed us how the goats were milked. i thought that there might be a "loose" goat here and there for my grandson to pet. instead, he was taken inside the corral where there were hundreds of baby goats. if only sahar could speak, i wonder what he'd say about all of this.

what can i say? i had the time of my life! i had two delicious cups of coffee and frozen yogurt and tons of hard goat cheese to eat. and i got to play with sahar for an hour on the artificial grass outside. we also got to chat with american-israeli tourists, too. poor gal, really suffered inside the goat pens. the smell of fresh manure was not to her liking. surprisingly, it didn't bother me.

i was so excited to bring sahar over to see the goats. i don't know how much he could understand. he didn't cry but he didn't laugh, either. it must have been too overwhelming for him. it sure beats a petting zoo anytime.

i went to yoga this morning. i was looking rather slim before the holiday. i gained about 6 pounds and it's all in my stomach. how annoying! i'll hopefully, get back on my diet tomorrow. my body is a bit banged up, having taken two falls during pesach. the first one was off a plastic chair which literally, melted under me. i landed on my rear, which is well padded. the second fall was a bit more traumatic. i slid on a slice of cucumber and caught the fall with my arm. never the less, i landed flat on my back. luckily, i didn't sprain my arm or hit my head on the floor.

i still haven't put away my pesach kitchen, yet. tomorrow is my targeted day. my sister and her family cleared out this morning but left all of their belongings and food stuff downstairs. they need to come back this evening to get everything. they all had a flu type of illness going on all week long. i was lucky not to have caught it. yet.

i just went upstairs with a package of pancake mix, and my specialized pancake skillet and spatulah and made a bunch of pancakes for gal. zvi really wanted fresh lambchops again, but the store was out of them. he'll just have to settle for pancakes when he comes home from shul.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Erev Shabbat

it's 11:00 a.m. erev shabbat in the holy city of zefat. the kids are going out for shabbat so i guess it will be just me or perhaps me and michal for dinner. i could go downstairs and have shabbat with my sister and her clan but i feel like being upstairs in my own space.

i haven't been near the computer all week. my niece has practically lived on it. i let go of my diet and really binged one day. i had two cheap swiss dairy chocolate bars, a handful of marshmallows, an assortment of pesach cookies and brownies and a couple of bags of potato chips. add to that matzah and butter and you can imagine how sick i got. i couldn't even talk with anyone. i was totally, in my own sugar dazed world.

yesterday, i took myself in tow and ate only fruits and protein. i feel a little better now. i don't know where these binges come from. i absolutely, cannot just eat a piece of chocolate without it triggering a binge. i had some raw almonds and a banana for breakfast this morning but skipped the dates. i need to detox from sugar again.

yesterday, the entire sephardi clan went to a nearbye park (15 minute drive) to have a picnic and barbecue. i was simply not up for joining them. i stayed in my housecoat all week long, perched on the t.v. couch. at 9:00 p.m. zvi decided to make his own barbecue and raided the fridge for meat. we only had frozen steaks and turkey schnitzels. he went down to the supermarket on the other side of town and finally returned at 10:30 p.m. with fresh lambchops and chicken wings.

apparently, his friend worked in a butcher shop and he persuaded him to prepare some chops for him, after hours. zvi can be pretty determined when he wants something bad enough. they started the fire and i started making french fries. i always forget how long it takes to make chips on pesach. gal had to come downstairs to my apartment to cut up the salad as i do not allow any of my pesach utensils to leave my kitchen.

by midnight, zvi and his brother-in-law were happy campers, munching out on lambchops and drinking red wine. gal and her sister were upstairs watching the 'charlie's angels' movies and munching on chips. i was back in my bed watching the boob tube. zvi was finally satisfied and went to bed. i went to sleep around 2:00a.m.

i got up this morning and decided it was time to blog. everyone was sleeping and it was finally, my chance to get near the computer. when i turned it on it was all in hebrew. i also had to type in my name and code to get into my e-mail. it wasn't automatic anymore. i also had a hard time downloading my messages. i was feeling very frustrated. i couldn't find the usual internet icon, either. i am not that computer savy and therefore have had my computer set up for my limited useage.

everyone and their sister have been on my computer this week. my sister downloaded the program 'chrome' to enable her to see her daughter and grandchild in india earlier in the week. she left it on assuming that i would use it to see our sister in california,too. it was my first time back solo on my computer in 5 days and nothing looked familiar. i started to panic. my sister told me to calm down which got me more aggravated. instead of just fixing it she told me that i was chosing to over react and that it was all in my head. she said that no one had done anything to hurt me. i then started to scream.

i immediately called michal to talk me through the program. my niece came in one moment later and quietly, removed the 'chrome' and everything was right again. once again, i was calm. and once again i shook my head in disbelief. shabbat shalom!