Almost Shabbat

 it is 2:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed. it feels like rain. yesterday, i enjoyed being out of the house for a few hours.  it was a lovely, sunny and cool afternoon.  i bussed over to canaan and stopped off at the bank for my balance, and went into the health food store but left without buying anything. i think i was distracted. i went over to the supermarket to check out if the frozen blueberries had arrived. i bought 4 packages. you never know when they will be out. i use them for my sugarless,,non gluten banana muffins and my sugarless, non dairy banana blueberry chocolate ice cream.

outside the supermarket; i saw an old friend who lives downtown. we lost contact during covid.  i haven't gone to town in the last month. i tend to stay close to my home. i do walk out of the neighborhood but i haven't gone down to town by myself. we caught up on the past three years and we laughed like school girls. only in israel during a war, can you let your hair down. i made a simple shabbat meal. i am back to  i already ate some. i poured a container of whole wheat penne pasta into the pot of sauce.  i ate a huge amount of pasta, gearing up for a long walk.  i never made it out for my walk. because it looks like rain. i am also very tired today.  the stress really gets to you and forget about the cortisol levels.

i went to a phone shop to buy a new charger.  i was getting desperate when the phone wouldn't charge more than 25%. supposedly, i bought a fast one.  well, it took over 24 hours to get up to 100%  with the new charger.  i thought about going back to the store today but i ran out of time.  stores close early now that shabbat starts at 4:00 p.m.  i will have to wait until sunday to go back to the store. i didn't take the reeipt with me. i hope he remembers me. 

i baked 7 sugarless, non dairy, non gluten, blueberry corn muffins in the tiny toaster oven. the rubber lining on the oven door of my regular oven, broke off.  i filled individual muffin tins to fit in thetiny  toaster oven.  i must have muffins on shabbat morning. i grated raw beets, apples and carrots for a salad. i still need to prepare some fish. i will probably pop a salmon fillet intothe tiny toaster oven.  i want to make a bit of tahina sauce.  and i need to mop the kitchen floor.  just a regular friday afternoon in a war zone.  we have been very quiet here so i have nothing to complain about.  it's just a little like living in the twilight zine at times.  wishing everyone a good shabbat, a quiet shabbat, a shabbat shalom!

Understanding Things Now

it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  Thank G-d,  things are quiet here in the north. i didn't take my walk today.  it has been hot here. i also did not sleep more than a couple of hours last night. i napped on shabbat day; which made it impossible for me to sleep last night. i turned off my phone at around 4:00 a.m. i managed to take the dogs out at around 6:00 a.m. they are definately affected by the war energy.  we have the constant sounds of planes and helicopters flying over us and we had a siren the other evening.  the dogs got pretty freaked out.  so did i.  it is waiting for the booms that get's to you.

i have been reading so many anti israel blogs and reading tweets from prominent politicians and famous personalities; accusing israel of being the oppressor, and aggressor in this war. the world's powers are calling for us to make a cease fire.  i pray that we don't stop fighting until we demolish hamas. i am 72 years old.  i was born 6 years after the end of WW2 and the holocaust.  the nazis were destroyed and the japanese were broken.  my parents were both veterans.  my father served in the infantry in the philippines and my mother served in the wacs in england. we had several black and white photos of them, in a straw box my mother kept in the closet.

they never really spoke of the holocaust to us and very little of their war experiences. my father did his basic training in the south and got into many a fist fight against the anti semitism of his officers and fellow trainees.  i remember his telling us that he never killed anyone up close with his bayonet but he acknowledged that he probably, had killed japanese soldiers.  he also said that he was glad that they had dropped the atom bomb on japan.  he owed his returning whole, to the united states from this.  my mom told of being in a german synagogue after the war and lighting the first candles there after the war.  they were both ardent zionists but somehow didn't instill that in their children.

i remember my mother sitting in her bedroom watching a multi hour long holocaust film and crying.  i remember not understanding.  i was impatient with her.  i thought she should get over it already.  i had no understanding of the holocaust back then.  i remember a t.v.series about it but i probably didn't watch it in its entirety.  after all, we were americans.  my parents were born in america and their parents had come to america at the turn of the century.  i didn't understand how it had effected my family.  i grew up in brooklyn new york.  they had a larger population of jews than israel.  i didn't start to read holocaust books until i came to safed, 40 years ago.  i didn't really experience anti semitism while growing up.

my parents dreamed of living in israel and only fullfilled that dream in 2000.  my father wanted to fight for israel.  he was well over the age for that, but he wanted to defend the jewish homeland. similarly, he joined the army to fight the nazis.  my mother was so distraught when the israeli government evacuated its jewish citizens from the gaza.  they used our young and beautiful brave soldiers to physically remove the citizens. t hey tore down synagogues.  i thought my mother would die from watching the news.  she was actually in the hospital in safed during the evacuation.

my son was in the army but was not involved in any of the evacuation.  i grew up in a house that had a lot of sadness. i never understood until lately that i was second generation holocaust. i later learned about my mothers' cousins being destroyed by hitler. i saw a picture of her female cousin and i was shocked to see the resemblance to my mother.  it finally hit me.  i  finally understood.  and now i watch the awful vodeos against israel and all the modern day holocaust deniers and i am sickened. i feel my heart pulsating.  i understand how my mother sat crying in her bedroom watching documentaries of the holocaust.  i also understand my father's desire to kill nazis and fight for israel's existence. i want to avenge all the murders and rapes and beheadings and burnings of my people.  i want to nuke iran.

i want all the two faced liars and politicians and celebrities and jews against israel to go and scew themselves and lose their followers, their wealth and their celebrity status.  i want the hamas to be history.  i want to  see my grandkids.  i want to take a walk and not be afraid of a siren going off while i am away drom my safe room.  i want this nigtmare to end.  i want the mosiah to deliver us to a kind new world. i want to wake up tomorrow to good news.  i want to hear that all the hostages were found and returned to israel.  i understand my parents, now.  i want to visit their graves, here in safed.

h