Monday, May 23, 2016

Busy In Zefat

it is 7:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I woke up with a sore throat.  last night while I was sorting out socks and making pairs out of them, the kids pulled down the ironing board lasso style.  luckily, no one got hurt but I let out a huge scream and kicked them out of the laundry room.  that was at 8:30 p.m.  they should have been in bed already, but I got obsessed with the socks.  I quickly showered them together and got them off to bed.  my son didn't come home until after 10:00 p.m.

I had had a nasty row with him in the morning.  I had asked him to change my telephone package which ended up taking about half an hour to do.  he was beyond crazy when he finally left for his work.  it was most frustrating for me because I could not reach a live person on the phone.  I tried in English and Hebrew but it only got me as far as being instructed to see the menu on the screen of my cellphone.  guess what, there are still some dinosaurs out there, like me, who do not have a smart phone and are not internet savvy.

I agreed that he could cancel the answering service because I thought he was talking about the call waiting, which I never use.  when I realized that cancelling the actual answering service would leave  me crippled, I may have yelled a bit. I was completely vulnerable.  he didn't like my complaining to him during the entire process, either.  he was like a mad man and I reacted this time.  I do not rely on these kids for anything.  I only ask for help when I'm desperate.  he told me to go back to ulpan and learn the Hebrew language.  I, of course, replied that I was too busy taking care of his kids to go to learn anything.  I didn't attack him when he came home so very late.  I was over it.

the weather here has taken an extreme change.  Sunday was excruciatingly hot.  I was running around town doing errands and I felt like I was going to drop dead.  it suddenly turned cold and rainy on Monday.  I was outside with the kids at the park yesterday for about an hour or more and had to come home because I was freezing.  I had gone to Meron with a couple of friends in the morning.  we decided to beat the crowds on Wednesday night.  yes, there will be hundreds of thousands of yidden making the pilgrimage to the grave site of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai.

I had a good cry at the kever and felt that I had successfully prayed for all of my loved ones.  it took us about an hour and a half to get back to zefat.  Meron is only about a 15 minute ride but it took a while to walk down the hill and we waited for over an hour for the bus.  on Lag B'omer, it takes over an hour to get down the hill and who knows how long to find the busses.  I haven't ventured out to Meron on the actual festival day for years.  I nearly got trampled by a sea of Chassidim  a while back.

I have to go to the old age this morning to substitute for the caregiver of our dear dying friend.  the poor gal is simply burnt out.  I wasn't aware that she worked 7 days a week.  I then have to pick up the kids from gan before 2:00 p.m.  I will be under a lot of pressure to get a taxi to get back up here in time.  I will have to run out at 1:00 p.m. at the latest. yesterday, I wasn't supposed to pick up my grandson from his gan.  the mothers had arranged a play date for him and his friend.  I had one of my 'intuitions' and called my son to make sure the date was still on.  apparently, the date was a no go and no one could reach me because I never take my cellphone when I go out.

I promise all the time that I will start using my cellphone but I never do.  it's like an old person who doesn't wear his hearing aid.  I can't stand cellphones.  when I travel with mine I hear it dialing by itself inside my handbag.  it makes me crazy.  I don't know how to retrieve lost calls, either.  and of course, I am clueless as to sending SMS messages.  yes, I am a dinosaur.  I have no problem asking a total stranger to call someone for me.  maybe, I should recharge the phone today.

I have to travel to the hospital at around 2:30 a.m. I have an MRI at 5:00 a.m.  I am not looking forward to this trip.  I am dreading getting back to zefat before the Lag B'Omer traffic.  I think i'll be okay but you never know.  I promised to take my grandson to a children's' rally on Wednesday night.  I will probably sleep on the bus.  but still, it will be one huge schlepp.  and I still have the entire day to get through and night with the kids.  I do not feel great today, either.  I must have eaten something bad yesterday.  my friend's husband fed me super greasy matzah brie yesterday.

it is very nasty today.  it's cold and windy and I would love to just crawl back to bed and hibernate.  the last thing I want to do is to go back to the old age home.  and in all honesty, I do not fancy being with the kids all day long, either.  on Shabbat, the kids were bugging me to take them to the playground.   I reminded them that their parents were also home.  when my granddaughter persisted in nagging me I told her that I didn't work on Shabbat.  the daughter-in-law asked if that was how I really felt.  yes, that is how I really feel.  taking care of kids, no matter how much you adore them, is definitely work.  and in my case, it's forced labor.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Sleepless In Zefat 2016

it is 1:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I actually turned off the television at midnight and went to lie down in the master bedroom.  I was exhausted.  my thoughts kept me awake so I got out of bed.  I was supposed to stop off at my sister's apartment tomorrow to get reacquainted.  we haven't seen each other in nearly a year, in spite of the fact that we live in a 3 mile radius of each other.  I have put on a ton of weight and don't really fancy my sister's look of disapproval and disappointment.

my sister works in my neighborhood but hasn't gotten around to visit with me on those days that she's around.  it's an old story.  I inherited my parents' house and she didn't.  it's been 7 years and she and her kids have come here perhaps, five times.  that was of course, after I returned home from cancer treatment and the arrival of our 2 other siblings from the states.

I stopped chasing after my sister and her kids last year.  this was construed as my lack of interest in their family which resulted in the recent news black out concerning my niece's latest pregnancy and subsequent birth.  I was incredibly hurt as you have already read in my past blogs.  my sister did not acknowledge my feelings and of course, shifted the blame on me.  I alienated myself from her and thereby relinquished any rights to sharing in her family's simcha.

I went through a rough patch after pesach and as usual, resorted to food binging.  I gained a bunch of weight again.  I was finally fitting back into my new clothes.  my good friend has recently slimmed down and I inherited her fat jean skirts.  I spent the entire week inside my house.  the extreme heat wave made me feel ill.  I was dizzy and tired the entire time.  I went out each day to pick up the kids from gan.  it was way too hot to take them outside to the kiddie park.

I spent the entire week binge watching television series all morning long.  I watched 'kill bill' 1 and 2 consecutively yesterday morning.  my eyes still hurt from all this television.  I didn't really move all week, either.  I had a touch of sciatic.  I have so much on my mind to do.  I need to go to the bank to check out the overdraft and I need to pay the city real estate bill in town.  I also have to buy flea collars at the pet shop and shop for food for Shabbat. 

I need to pick up some money that I earned last week by taking care of my friend in the old age home.  yes, I worked a 3 hour shift on independence day.  the money is in two different locations.  one of the ladies lives in the same building complex as my sister, so I thought I could kill 2 birds with the same stone, so to speak.   I also thought about going to the health insurance office to pick up my paperwork for next week's brain MRI. 

I need to be at the hospital near Tel Aviv at 5:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning.  Wednesday night starts the holiday of Lag B'omer and the pilgrimage to Meron where hundreds of thousands of people participate from all over the country.   I have no idea how this will effect my travelling back to zefat after the MRI.  is there any wonder why I lose sleep.  I also need to be back by 3:00 p.m. to pick up the grandkids at gan tomorrow afternoon.  my father's 12th anniversary of his death falls on Friday evening, so I need to get myself over to his grave on Friday morning.  I will have to get back by 12:00 p.m. to pick up the grandkids.  and of course, I will need to cook Shabbat meals.

I don't think I will be able to sleep at all tonight.  my sister and I have not gone together to my parents' gravesites in many years.  and of course, getting together for a family meal is out of the question too.  we are both very dedicated to visit out mutual friend at the old age home.  we simply cannot get ourselves to meet one another anymore.  is it any wonder that I keep on stuffing my face with food?  incidentally, we are both planning on seeing our mutual friend tomorrow.  perhaps that is where we will be reunited.  how lovely!!!