it is 1:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. I actually turned off the television at midnight and went to lie down in the master bedroom. I was exhausted. my thoughts kept me awake so I got out of bed. I was supposed to stop off at my sister's apartment tomorrow to get reacquainted. we haven't seen each other in nearly a year, in spite of the fact that we live in a 3 mile radius of each other. I have put on a ton of weight and don't really fancy my sister's look of disapproval and disappointment.
my sister works in my neighborhood but hasn't gotten around to visit with me on those days that she's around. it's an old story. I inherited my parents' house and she didn't. it's been 7 years and she and her kids have come here perhaps, five times. that was of course, after I returned home from cancer treatment and the arrival of our 2 other siblings from the states.
I stopped chasing after my sister and her kids last year. this was construed as my lack of interest in their family which resulted in the recent news black out concerning my niece's latest pregnancy and subsequent birth. I was incredibly hurt as you have already read in my past blogs. my sister did not acknowledge my feelings and of course, shifted the blame on me. I alienated myself from her and thereby relinquished any rights to sharing in her family's simcha.
I went through a rough patch after pesach and as usual, resorted to food binging. I gained a bunch of weight again. I was finally fitting back into my new clothes. my good friend has recently slimmed down and I inherited her fat jean skirts. I spent the entire week inside my house. the extreme heat wave made me feel ill. I was dizzy and tired the entire time. I went out each day to pick up the kids from gan. it was way too hot to take them outside to the kiddie park.
I spent the entire week binge watching television series all morning long. I watched 'kill bill' 1 and 2 consecutively yesterday morning. my eyes still hurt from all this television. I didn't really move all week, either. I had a touch of sciatic. I have so much on my mind to do. I need to go to the bank to check out the overdraft and I need to pay the city real estate bill in town. I also have to buy flea collars at the pet shop and shop for food for Shabbat.
I need to pick up some money that I earned last week by taking care of my friend in the old age home. yes, I worked a 3 hour shift on independence day. the money is in two different locations. one of the ladies lives in the same building complex as my sister, so I thought I could kill 2 birds with the same stone, so to speak. I also thought about going to the health insurance office to pick up my paperwork for next week's brain MRI.
I need to be at the hospital near Tel Aviv at 5:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning. Wednesday night starts the holiday of Lag B'omer and the pilgrimage to Meron where hundreds of thousands of people participate from all over the country. I have no idea how this will effect my travelling back to zefat after the MRI. is there any wonder why I lose sleep. I also need to be back by 3:00 p.m. to pick up the grandkids at gan tomorrow afternoon. my father's 12th anniversary of his death falls on Friday evening, so I need to get myself over to his grave on Friday morning. I will have to get back by 12:00 p.m. to pick up the grandkids. and of course, I will need to cook Shabbat meals.
I don't think I will be able to sleep at all tonight. my sister and I have not gone together to my parents' gravesites in many years. and of course, getting together for a family meal is out of the question too. we are both very dedicated to visit out mutual friend at the old age home. we simply cannot get ourselves to meet one another anymore. is it any wonder that I keep on stuffing my face with food? incidentally, we are both planning on seeing our mutual friend tomorrow. perhaps that is where we will be reunited. how lovely!!!