Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Who's Got The Liver?

it is 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  just got back from the small supermarket.  I ran down to buy some chicken liver.  the daughter-in-law wants some of my yummy liver teriyaki at the sheva bracha.  I wasn't planning on making any.  I made a small amount on Purim.   the daughter-in-law's married sister liked it.  l don't know about the rest of the clan.  anyhow, there wasn't any liver to be found.  perhaps some will come in tomorrow.  they are having their 10 shekel sale so I bought a package of dates, a 3 pack of 60% dark chocolate, 3 cans of Italian diced tomatoes, 2 cans of pickles and three gift items for my neighbors.

because they were so inexpensive, I need to buy something to supplement the gifts.  for example, a package of herbal tea to go with the 2 ceramic mugs and  a package of some exotic spice mix to go with the spice jars, etc.  I don't know why I keep on buying chocolate. I'm on a diet and my 7 year old grandson has temporarily sworn off chocolate.  I started my morning with banana pancakes.  one mashed banana and two beaten eggs and voila!  they were actually very filling and had the consistency of real gluten pancakes.  I will make them on pesach and serve them with honey.

the repairman came over with my new plastic toilet tank.  I entered the guest bedroom and decided to put up the new wallpaper border.  I ripped the old one off last week.  this new one is a cheap contact paper kind.  it actually ripped in a few places but who's starring up at the ceiling, anyway?  my new self, who doesn't strive for perfection anymore, was delighted with the results.  I was quite frightened to climb the ladder.  I couldn't make it to the last rung.  the task ended up being very doable.  I am glad I pursued.  while the plumber fiddled in the bathroom, I put up the border. 

when he left the bathroom was trashed.  I decided to clean the bathroom and the guest bedroom with buckets of water and bleach.  I managed to take out the bedroom windows.  putting them back in was a bit harder.  I wonder how much longer I will be able to do this in the future.  I took down the curtains but didn't wash them.  no one eats in the bedroom.  a friend uses it when she stays over on Shabbat and holidays.  I store sheets and blankets and old baby clothes in the closets.  the room is usually vacant.  recently, the kids played havoc in the room; sliding off of mattresses and hanging out of the windows.  my screen got tossed out of the window and I couldn't put it back without removing the heavy windows.

I need to strip the bed and do a lot of laundry. it is supposed to rain for the next few days.   every year I do my windows and it rains soon afterwards.  I don't really care.  I don't feel like waiting to the last minute to do the windows.  so now I have to put away the Purim costumes and props and wash the floor of the computer room.  I have already done the windows.  I still have the master bedroom to tackle.  that's a hard one.  I have tons of clothes strewn all over the room.  the bed is covered with dog hair and the dog ate part of the foam mattress.  I don't have a functional vacuum so I use a lint brush.  I'm not looking forward to this task.

the main part of the kitchen is done.  the closets have been wiped clean.  all of the candlesticks and most of the Judaica collection have been polished as well as the silver spoon collection.  the 1939 world's fair spoons have never looked shinier.  I didn't do the living room windows last year.  I can't lift them anymore.  I doubt that my son will have time to help me.  the room is basically clean.  the cut-glass and fake flowers have been washed.  the wooden furniture has been polished. 

when the grandkids are not here I can get a lot done.  it took me about 6 hours to finish the bathroom and guest bedroom.  yesterday, I spent the afternoon out in the playground with the kids.  I was quite tired and decided to spend 'quality' time with the kids.  when I try to do tasks in another room all hell breaks out.  it was warm yesterday and the kids had the playground to themselves.  I guess the rest of the moms were cleaning.   I bought myself a lovely salad at the bakery and got the kids some barekas.  I bought some gnocchi but the kids just picked at it.  I ended up eating a huge plate full and didn't feel all that great afterwards.  I wanted to eat a chocolate bar or two but luckily, I fell asleep before I could do more damage to my body.

my new, non perfect self, will wear a dress that I wore 8 years ago to my son's wedding.  although I weigh about twenty pounds more, I cannot afford to be vain.  I cannot, also afford a new outfit, hat ,wig or pair of shoes.  my new motto is 'it's good enough'.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

So Tired

it is 12:15 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  the grandkids are coming over at 2:00 p.m.  yesterday they nearly killed me.  the granddaughter gave me a few sharp blows to my lower back which started the sciatica acting up.  I took them outside to play on their scooter.  they go coasting down a hill together and it lets out some steam.  the weather is threatening.  the sun comes out for a while and then it rains.  I herded the kids and dogs back home when it started drizzling.  the sky was black and looked ominous.  back at home, they were both being aggressive and taunting me and the dogs all evening.

they finally settled down after I showered them.  luckily, one of the aunts came at 8:00 p.m. to take them home.  it's much better for them and myself, that they fall asleep in their own beds.  they are always happy and very affectionate when they go home.  while they are here, they are wild and do not listen to me.  I find myself telling them that I do not want them visiting me again.  we all feel bad afterwards.  how much patience am I to exhibit?  I am tired and worn out from pesach cleaning.  I feel very pressured.

next week is the family wedding.  I still haven't coordinated with my daughter-in-law which day to host the dinner for the bride and groom.  I still haven't fully planned the menu, either.  I am going with turkey meatballs and a bulgur pilaf.  I have cold cuts, chumus, and possibly, hard cooed eggs for appetizers.  this group does not know from devilled eggs.  I bought a huge bag of string beans and I have some canned mushrooms.  originally, I thought about making a mashed potato kugel to go with the cold cuts.  I just don't know if I want to bother.  I'm thinking about buying frozen barekas.

I'm still not sure about the dessert.  I have a recipe for a black forest no bake cake with chocolate mousse and cherry filling.  there is only one place in safed that I know of that sells cherry filling in a can.  I don't know if I want to bother.  I do have a package of lady fingers that I would love to get rid of before pesach.   I still need disposable serving dishes.  I do not see myself dragging china platters to the downstairs apartment.  I am also trying to get rid of my dirty laundry.  I have tons of towels and sheets but we don't have any sunny days to hang them outside.  I dismantled the hose from my dryer.

when I'm not cleaning for pesach, I feel guilty.  and as much as I tell myself to abstain from doing spring cleaning, the polishe clean freak comes out.  I have managed to do the windows in the computer room and in the kitchen.  I know it is unwise to do this now because we are having storms and they will get muddied once again.  I can't help myself.  I can always windex them from the outside.  I haven't used any chemicals yet.  I ran out of windex and just used a rag and soap and water.  I wiped them dry with newspaper.

I shined the silver with toothpaste and I shined the brass with lemons from the tree.  I  haven't used the heavy duty oven cleaner yet.  next week after I throw the dinner party, I will finish the kitchen.  I still need to put away the purim stuff.  at least it's confined to just one room.  it's all on the bed in the computer room.  the closet doors are stuck so it is hard to fully open the closets to clean.  just one more expense I have that I can't afford right now.  the local yokel handyman couldn't fix the closet.  he probably charged me for it but made it worse.

I need to replace the toilet tank in the main bathroom.  the handyman is dragging his feet about taking care of this.  it will be a small fortune .  it is very hard without the use of the toilet.  even though I have another two toilets, this is the one we use the most.  it's hard for the kids to run to the hallway to use the new toilet there.  it's also hard for me.  in the middle of the night, it's a bummer to run into the hallway to use the toilet there.

I have been trying to drastically diet for Monday's wedding.  I am out of cabbage soup and I ate 4 eggs yesterday.  I bought pesach cookies for the kids to munch.  I don't want real cookies in the house now.  the kids didn't really eat much yesterday.  I opened cans of corn and mushrooms but they didn't want tuna fish.  I made eggs but I ended up eating them.  I didn't feel so well later that night.  I ran out of cash and am saving the rest of the shopping until I can write some more checks. 

I think that I am finished with cleaning today.  maybe if I give the kids more attention they will act better.  I do not want to be an ogre.  one of the actresses in my friend's play quit this week.  she is in the middle of a psychotic break.  she actually believes that she wrote the script and that my friend stole it from her.  so much for my props and costumes.  I worked on these since the end of the summer.  I schlepped home a kid's plastic pool from the garbage, went shopping for long john's and bathing trunks, made a slip not tutu, sewed blonde curls to a swin cap, spent hours in the purim shop, and searched for dresses.  I also made cake, cookies, quiche and a steak from sponges.  oh well.......

Friday, March 17, 2017

Almost Pesach 2017

it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  candle lighting for Shabbat is in a little while.  the kids are away for Shabbat.  another family wedding took them out of town last night.  my daughter-in-law's sister gets married on the 27th.  I am feeling the pressure of making the sheva brachot already.  I have been watching the kids a lot lately, as family members go searching for outfits.

I have two possibilities, myself.  the dress I wore for my son's wedding eight years ago, and another black skirt and top.  I can fit into both but my stomach is enormous.  I have been food binging the last couple of days.  I have been working on pesach cleaning , costumes for the play and taking care of the kids.  I still haven't put away the Purim stuff.  I ate a half kilo of m&ms.  I was supposed to serve them at the after the wedding meal.  oh well......

purim came and went pretty fast.  there was such a build up before hand.  I had a terrific headache the night of the adult purim party and could not enjoy myself.  in fact, I had the headache all Shabbat.  the weather here changed to cold and rainy again.  my head was throbbing for days.  I drank sangria for relief but it didn't really do any good.

I spent a lot of time on my oompa lumpa costume and it felt like it was all in vain.  I even sprayed a small wig green but I didn't have any satisfaction from the look.  I rushed to town after the megillah reading and the grandkids were up here at the synagogue for a family party.  they were bummed out that I wasn't there and I also was bummed out at my old city party.  li felt all alone.  everyone was families and couples.

the meal and house party was great.  everyone was in a great mood.  the music was blasting so you couldn't have a conversation.  everyone was dancing,  everyone kept going into my costume room and reappearing as something else.  there was tons of spray paint and everyone, except myself, ended up with green hair.  the Sephardi grandpa sprayed his beard green, too.  there was tons of food and sweets.  Johnny walker black and jack daniels made the rounds.  I stuck to my cheap vodka and fresh squeezed orange juice.

I brought a friend from synagogue back to the house.  it was nice having another English speaker around.  we stopped at a neighbor to give a food package and I had a cup of pomegranate wine.  it quieted my headache a tad.  the kids got this enormous package of sweets.  this year I didn't make chocolates.  I bought a small box of hamentashen form the supermarket, too.

I polished my silver spoon collection, assorted chanukiahs and other judaica.  I will try to do both my silver and brass candlesticks on Saturday night.  I cleaned out all of my kitchen closets and drawers and did the freezer and fridge.  I even bought chicken and beef for pesach.  I also bought chopped turkey and chicken fillets for the after wedding meal.  I plan on making meatballs and a stir fry.  instead of kugels I am going to make a bulgur pilaf.   I would like to do the meatballs next week and freeze them.

my daughter-in-law will have to do the salads and desserts.  I am clean out of ideas and money.  I bought the paper goods and drinks and plastic cutlery.  I made a couple of bridal centerpieces and 50 chocolate bride and grooms and 40 sackets of white and black jelly beans.  I would love to get the room set up in advance.  it all comes down to the kids' schedules.  aas for me, I am trying do get as much pesach cleaning out of the way when I am alone.

I have some leftover turkey black-eyed pea stew and fish fillets for dinner.  I already ate a ton today.  I am planning on going on a cabbage soup routine all next week.  I hope I can shed a few pounds before the wedding.  famous last words.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Almost Purim 2017

it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I got up at 6:00 a.m. and ran to the kitchen to make a pitcher of sangria.  I bought a cheap bottle of rosé and picked the last of the oranges off the tree.  I didn't have the strength to run to the store to buy some brandy so I poured the last few tablespoons of the tequila bottle.  I added a cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice and some organic brown sugar.  tomorrow night is the annual purim party at the mystic mountain brewery.

this year the skit is "Willy Wonker And The Cholent Factory'.  I like to dress up according to their theme.  last year I was a dead rock star and a bearded transvestite the year before that.  this year I am going as a female umpa lumpa from the original gene wilder movie.  I checked online to find a look.  I couldn't find a green wig in town so I spray painted a short platinum page boy wig.  it didn't take to all of the wig so I have a greenish platinum wig.  I didn't bother buying suspenders.  I made a pair from some wide white elastic I found hanging around.  I covered it with striped ribbon and glued brown buttons on it. I did buy a pair of brown and yellow striped stockings.  I don't own a pair of pants so I am wearing a long white skirt.

I spent a fortune on purim, props, art supplies and bridal decorations for the upcoming bridal celebration dinner.  I have been multi tasking lately.  I am truly grateful to my psychic sister and my biological sister for helping me out financially lately.  it has been wonderful to feel like a person again without fretting about money.  I shopped for Purim food with a free mind.  I bought some meat and chicken fillets but decided to save it for Pesach.  I bought a package of frozen stuffed meat pastilles and a package of potato filled cigarettes.  I also bought a small package of hamentashen.  no baking for me this year!.

I am having the clan over for Purim.  I wasn't planning on cooking this year.  I really wanted to be low key but the kids wanted to come here.  since they moved out they appreciate me more and we all get along better with some distance between us.  I have had the grandkids here a lot lately.  I have let them make Purim decorations and pictures galore.  the kitchen looks quite decorative.  I am in the process of straightening up the house.  i can't explain how dirty and messy it was.  I finally cleared up the living room and washed the floor.  I still had loads of bags left over from the kids' move.

I finally got it all sorted out.  some things were stored here and others thrown out.  I even managed to take some clothes over to the second hand charity store.  I know the house will be thoroughly trashed on Purim so I won't go too crazy.  I cooked a couple of dishes for Purim this morning.  I made a pot of beef meatballs with a  'middle easterny' tomato sauce.  I also made a pot of super, spicy turkey stew with black eyed peas and chickpeas.  I read somewhere that it is a traditional Purim dish.

my daughter-in-law invited me for dinner so I don't need to cook.  I will just make some salmon for lunch.  on Sunday I will broil up some barbecue chicken wings, make a green salad and a cole slaw.  I was going to make a chicken stir-fry but I think I will not have time.  I will probably be hung over from the party and I won't sleep at all.  I have to hear the megilla in the morning and get the table set up.  luckily, I found paper plates that I had bought for my son's birthday.  they were color themed after his favorite soccer team.  the daughter-in-law passed on them.  oh well, their loss, and my gain.

I have soft drinks and my son will provide the wine.  I spent a small fortune at the open air market buying jelly beans and little m&m lookalike candies.  I made 25 little cellophane packets of the 'm&m's' and placed them in a huge wine glass to make a  centerpiece for Purim.   each bag has a Purim sticker.  I will take an additional 25 packets to use as cholent beans at the Willie Wonker party.  we will probably end up on stage and I will throw the beans into the audience.  I made 40 little bridal packets with the white and black jelly beans.  each cellophane bag has a different bridal sticker. I searched high and low for black and for white jelly beans.  I didn't make Purim themed chocolates this year.   I made over 300 for the engagement party.  I have 50 chocolate bride and groom ones in the freezer.  I have my yellow and blue plates, and two types of clown napkins to match.  I bought clown lollies to give to the small children.

I bought canned fruit cocktail for dessert.  I may throw some apple slices into the mix.  the Sephardi grandmother is making pitas, cake, couscous and meat.  I have it easy.  happy Purim and a good Shabbat!!

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Almost Purim

it is 8:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I got up at 5:45a.m. and let the dogs out.  I quickly put up a pot of chicken that I had left defrosting on the kitchen counter and made a bit of rice.  we had an extreme heat wave yesterday.  it felt like summer.  I took advantage of the weather and washed a bunch of sheets, the dog's bed, the small carpet in the t.v. room and an assortment of towels.  I also washed all of the floors.

my daughter-in-law thought that I had started my pesach cleaning.  I simply, was cleaning the house.  it was filled with dog hair and pish, children's art projects and supplies, and my own crafting scraps all over the kitchen.  there were Purim costumes and props strewn everywhere, too.  in safta Zelda's house, it's Purim all year round.  the kids can trash the house all day long.  there is no end to the amount of envelopes, stickers, gift cards, glue and cellophane tape.  one does not have to limit oneself while dressing up and creating art and crafts by cleaning up.

I, myself, have been helping out a friend with play costumes and props.  I made a tutu out of green tulle with red and black highlights. I found a YouTube tutorial.  it was slip knotting hundreds of strips of tulle onto an elastic band.  it took days to finish.  I recently discovered a box of material while I was clearing out the closets downstairs, after the kids moved out.  it had been there for 17 years and  probably before that, in my mom's home for another 30.  I threw out the outdated material but I kept the tulle.

 I have also been crafting wedding party favors lately.  I haven't been in touch with the hospital.  I have been running around finding bridal stickers, napkins, cake decorations, muffin holders, organza baggies, and toothpicks, etc.  when I'm not finding bridal themed party objects, I am searching for new Purim wigs, cigarette holders, microphones, and coloring books and stickers for the kids.  I know I must contact the hospital next week.

I volunteered to make a post wedding celebratory meal for the sister of my daughter-in-law at the end of march. it is traditional to wine and dine the new bride and groom for a week.  it will be two weeks before pesach and I gather , there are not many offers to host the couple and their families at that time. I spent a lot of time watching videos on how to craft bridal champagne glasses and simply gave up and bought stickers and premade baggies.  I'm not a glue gun type of gal.  I actually, find crafting hard.

I couldn't even find one bridal doll in town.  I did find a set of bottle covers but they were pretty cheesy and pricey.  I made an 'ornate' vase out of a large wine glass using bridal themed stickers and stick on jewels.  I bought a Purim bridal bouquet.  I also adorned 4 shot glasses with bridal appliques and one wine flute.  I cannot control myself.  when I get a party theme in my head I simply run with it.  I also made about 50 chocolate bride and grooms and put them into cellophane bags with silver tie twists.  I put bridal themed stickers on another 40 cellophane bags to fill with jelly beans.  I decided on white and black jelly beans but I can't honestly say that I have ever seen black jelly beans in safed.

 you can see why I haven't found time to blog lately.  the kids have been here a lot.  I am exhausted most of the time and my nose is constantly running.  I have been eating a lot of wheat so it might be that.  and yet, the grandkids have been coughing and ejecting a lot of nose mucus too.  after airing the house out yesterday it became very cold again.  I slept with the space heater on.  I usually turn it off.  I was really knocked out.  I never sleep through the night.  anyway, the house is clean for the moment and it is quiet.  the dogs are outside.

my male dog has taken to prowling at night.  I have had mostly female dogs.  I am not used to males. he is also larger than I'm used to.  my last male dog was a chiwawa.   he returns on some nights after midnight.  there is a female dog further up the street in heat.  we are definitely, not having fun.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Tu B'Shvat 2017

it is 11:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  tomorrow night is Tu B'shvat.  it is the New Year of Trees.  I invited my kids to come over for Shabbat.  they will walk home and return for Saturday lunch.  I thought they might want to sleep over if the weather is harsh but it appears to be a warm spell at the moment.  I pretty much prepared the Shabbat meals.

I have been running around town buying the various fruits that we use for our Seder on Tu B'shvat.  some people have the custom to drink four cups of wine like we do at the peach Seder.  i'll be happy with one.  I have walnuts, almonds, chestnuts, pistachios, pine nuts, black olives, barley, frozen cherries, sabras, persimmons, fresh lemon relish, fresh figs, dates, prunes, apricots, pomegranate, a carob and a carob date bar, red and green grapes, candied citron, apples, pears, cooked quince, and a pineapple.  I make a quince every year.  no one except moi, likes it.  I usually eat the whole thing by myself.

I made an applesauce cake.  I think it might be a tad raw inside.  I cooked chicken livers in teriyaki sauce; made barbecue wings in sweet chilly sauce and fried up chicken fingers.  I might skip the fish course tomorrow night.  I made chocolate leaves.  I made a beef cholent with black beans, wheat and white beans.  haven't done one of these in years.  the daughter-in-law doesn't like cholent.  I threw in a package of prepared kishka but it disappeared in the stew.

I was thinking about making a cheesecake but I decided not to in the end.  maybe i'll make some coconut bars tomorrow.  I need to clean the kitchen floors and pick up the kids from gan.  maybe I can buy some ice-cream.  I grated some raw beets for a salad.  I plan on making one large green salad with cherry tomatoes. we can munch away at the remaining nuts and fruit for dessert in the afternoon.  this year I tried to buy as much fresh fruit as possible.  I did hit the dried fruit pretty hard all week long.

in past years, I made a lot of dishes using the 30 fruits of the Seder.  I used to put out ten types of nuts, ten types of fruits with stones and ten types of fruit with small seeds.  we used to read a bit of scripture for each fruit and drink red and white wine.  by the end of the night we were singing 'yes,we have no bananas' and the Chiquita banana song.  those days are gone.  in the past, you couldn't get certain fruits that were out of season.  now a days, they have everything in the fruit stores.  they had giant papyas but they seemed pretty hard.

one year when Tu b' Shvat fell out on a Friday night, like tomorrow; I cooked up a dish for every single fruit and nut.  I made lychee donuts, carob coconut soufflé, nectarine chutney, lemon couscous, cashew thai chicken breasts, and chestnut soup; to name a few.  that was my greatest culinary performance.  tomorrow night it's just chicken wings and chcken tenders.  and if I get a second wind, i'll make some tilapia  fillets.

I hope it will all go smoothly.  I hope the kids will not be too wild.  I must not have any expectations.  I did my best to provide the fruits and nuts according to the Sephardi Seder.  my friends down the block, are out of town and actually, the kids want it to be just us 5, so we shall be an intimate gathering.  I wonder if the grandkids will get to stay over.  last Friday night my granddaughter got a turn to stay over.  I was not consulted beforehand.  luckily, I had the heaters on timers.  her girlfriend came over so she wasn't bored.  we slept most of the afternoon away.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Not again

it is nearly 10:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  my son just picked up the kids.  they were here for eight hours.  that is a full day's work.  while I watched them, fed them, and kept them from beating on each other, I made chocolates for a family engagement party on Thursday.  my granddaughter did do arts and crafts as her brother built tiny Lego sets for two hours straight.  this enabled me to make a lot of chocolates.  one of my molds was defective and a lot of chocolates are less than pretty.  the newer mold was much clearer to read.  at first I thought it was the quality of chocolate that I melted; but in the end; I realized that it was definitely, the molds.

I volunteered to make a dinner for after the wedding so I made a bunch of chocolate bride and groom chocolates, too.  the mold broke in several places when I tried to empty it.  some of these bride and groom chocolates are also defective.  in the past I would be more perfect.  I gave up making chocolates years ago.  I did not have any patience today, either.  by the end of the day, I was finally getting into the rhythm of it all and they were coming out of the molds fairly easily and shiny. 

I lost track of how many I made.  I think for the initial party, when my son got married I made over 200.  I sent some over to the synagogue when my son was called to the Torah, as a bridegroom.  this time I stopped after 100.  I did  buy 4 bags of white chocolate chips, so I might just make a few more chocolates tomorrow.  I bought tiny cellophane baggies and silver and gold twists.  I will put them into the cellophane tomorrow.  it was a rainy and cold day anyway, so I didn't mind being indoors working.  I dreaded my grandson coming over while I made the chocolates because I knew that he wanted to help.   as it turns out, he was given a 400 piece set of Lego and he was quite into building it.

I did have to stop every moment to come and see what they were doing.  they run me ragged.  there is no such thing as coming to where I am.  and of course, I have to bring food and drinks and snacks over to them.  Israeli kids are rough. when they are good they are gold.  we had music going, and the kids were singing for hours.  it was a very serene couple of hours before the punching, screaming and yelling.  they are always so happy when they leave.  I am glad that I did the brunt of the chocolates today. 

I have been working on a hand made tutu for my friend's play.  I had no idea of how to make one.  I knew I had to make a circle and put a piece of elastic around it but I didn't know how to make it poufy.  I went online and watched a tutorial.  I opted for the slip not version and ended up cutting up hundreds of slips of tulle and attaching each one to the waist band elastic.  what a balagon!  I have it more, or less finished but I must reinforce the elastic band.  I also opted for making it a tie around.  the actress who is wearing it, cannot simply, pull it over her head.  it is all poufy and multi colored and looks very funny.  I want to sew a big ribbon around the waistband to make it even sillier.

I am pretty sure that I want to postpone my brain surgery til after pesach.  I will notify the hospital and see what they have to say about it.  I am under too much pressure about purim, the upcoming wedding, and  getting the house in order for pesach.  the kids are also busy now and won't have the time to help me out.  we shall see what will be.