Friday, June 23, 2017

Friday Afternoon

it is 2:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  I feel a bit strange.  I don't really have anything to do.  I did a scouple of batches of laundry, earlier.  it was mostly towels and sheets.  it was mostly covered in dog pish.  cloey, the pincher is losing her control.  when I let them out they mainly forage for food scraps left out for the cats.  tiny the oversized tiny dog, still rips up my sheets and eats the foam off of the mattresses.  charming, you might say!

I think my maytag washing machine is leaking.  in the meanwhile, it gives me the chance to wash the downstairs floors.  I can't deicide if it's time to call in a repairman.  sometimes, I think it's better to buy a small machine.  I guess I will wait until it floods to make a move.  I am having a rough time with my tooth.  I think i may have an infection.  Friday is the wrong day to have a health problem in safed.

I went to the doctor yesterday morning to start the paper work for my next MRI, and doctors appointments.  I was feeling very nervous.  I asked the nurse to check my blood pressure because I have been feeling dizzy a lot lately.  it was high.  I have always had low blood pressure.  I was really feeling doomed yesterday.  I am hoping that it was a fluke.  I know that my recent weight problem does not help.  I stopped off at the bakery to buy some chocolate balls to bring to the kids.  the granddaughter loves them.

I sat on a bench and drank an ice coffee and ate two gigantic chocolate balls.  shame on me!.. while I was stuffing my face, two horses galloped past me.  it was surreal.  they were young and quite beautiful.  they were playing havoc with the passing traffic.  I am a bit afraid of horses.  I wondered if they might like a chocolate ball.  I thought about leaving the bench but I stayed glued to it, instead.  when do I have the time on a Friday to sit on a bench and drink iced coffee?  I'm usually washing the floors, shopping for groceries and picking up the grandchildren.  and cooking for Shabbat, of course.

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. yesterday.  I had been passing out during the day.  I didn't know why I was so tired.  I kept on falling asleep and missing all of my favorite shows.  I thought that it was later so I let the dogs out.  I decided to wash the floors.  suddenly I heard a loud commotion.  tiny, the medium sized stocky, male dog, jumped over the wall.  there were three pretty large male dogs outside my gate.  they all emerged on tiny.  I, somehow, shooed them away and got tiny back into my house, unharmed.

I finished the floors around 6:00 a.m. and showered.  I rested a bit and then went to the doctor.  I paid my electric bill and picked up a registered letter.  it was from the city reminding me to pay the real estate tax.  I haven't been to town in nearly a month.  I have gone to town to pick up my grandson but never made it to the bank or real estate office.  maybe on Sunday, i'll be a little more motivated to take care of business.  I also have to pay my water bill.  my best buddy sent me some birthday cash so I hope the bank won't be harassing me this week to take out, yet another emergency loan.

I do not have a credit card and you cannot pay any bills in the post office by check.  I am forced to go to these offices and it's always a long, schlepped out wait.  I am feeling out of it these days.  the heat does not agree with me.  my life does not agree with me, either.  I still have not heard from any of 'the' family.  I guess that I was not missed very much at the wedding.  I do get pretty depressed.  my granddaughter had a hernia surgery on Wednesday.  I stayed home and took care of my grandson.

he slept over the night before and I didn't sleep a wink.  he had closed all of the windows and terrace door and there wasn't any air.  he fell asleep on my arm and I was very uncomfortable.  the dog was also on my legs.  I picked him up from school later in the day and took him to a children's' fair in the evening.  it was packed and extremely noisy.  I sat on a plastic chair and waited for it to end.  there were far too many people there to keep tabs on my grandson.  you couldn't talk to anyone because of the noise.  there weren't that many grandparents there.  I finally met up with my grandson outside near the blown up trampolines.  he suddenly had enough and wanted to leave that second.  it took a while to walk out of the parking area and find a taxi.  I stopped off at the local bakery to buy him something to eat.

by 7:30 p.m. he had really had enough of me and my home.  he wanted his parents and of course, the gift he got for being a good boy.  I spent the next day in bed.  it was like a dream.  yesterday I spent about 20 plus hours awake.  I was hyper.  I couldn't calm down.  I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't relax.  I invited myself to my son's tonight for Shabbat dinner.  tomorrow night is my birthday.  my friends wanted to do something for me but I wasn't in the mood.  I think the kids will take me out for a birthday dinner.  I am turning 66.  and no, 60 is not the new 40!

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Nothing To Say

it is 10:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.   I am tired.  I haven't had a drink yet.   I had the kids yesterday for about seven hours.  no one wanted to use the pool.  everyone was tired and hot. the kids played with lego and watched television.  there wasn't any fighting.  we didn't leave the house to go to the park.  I went to the supermarket in the morning to buy food for Shabbat.  I thought about inviting the kids for Friday night dinner.  I spent a bunch of money.  the kids are home for Shabbat and I am invited to come for dinner.  right now I can't imagine moving.

I don't really feel much like cooking today.  I need to wash the floors but I have time.  I feel like a slug.  I need to pick up my granddaughter at 1:00 p.m.  I cooked up some non gluten macaroni yesterday for the kids.  I think it was made form rice.  it looked like macaroni but didn't much taste like it.  I ate a bunch of it with tomato sauce.  the kids ate it plain with olive oil.  they really didn't eat it.  I made 'skinny' banana cupcakes again.  I used only 4 tablespoons of brown sugar and 2 tablespoons of canola oil.  they aren't great but they do taste sweet.

I was hoping to start experimenting with almond flour and coconut oil when my sister arrived.  she decided to cancel her trip to the middle east at this time.  I don't think I can afford a trip to the health food store right now.  I had some 60 % dark chocolate last night.  I didn't binge.  the kids ate most of it.  I bought it to make a birthday tiramisu for the Sephardi grandmother.  I don't know if I have the energy to do anything like that today.

I made several hospital appointments for July. I postponed my oncological visit for a month.  I decided to go back to the brain surgeon after I do another MRI.  I usually try to double up on appointments but this time I will be going to tel aviv 3 consecutive weeks in a row.  what a drag!  I'm thinking of doing the brain surgery after the Jewish holidays in November.  we shall see if the surgeon is available at that time.  I haven't been in touch with them since I cancelled my surgery in December.

I was supposed to go over to my girlfriend yesterday morning.  she wanted to trim my wig on me. after I got off the phone with the hospital, I was feeling dizzy and of course, anxious.  I went to lie down for while.  I ran down to the supermarket and felt dizzy there. I do not do well in the summer. I can't manage the heat. my efforts to drink more and to be more active are futile.  I am so depressed.
I feel like I am in a dream state all the time.

I have managed to stop binge eating although I haven't managed to start a diet.  I am grazing all day long until I fall asleep.  I have managed to stay away from junk unless you include those awful non gluten noodles and a ton of sunflower seeds.  they are very caloric but do have a lot of magnesium.  I must lose weight.  I bought tortilla shells on sale.  they are fun to eat but definitely, not all that nutritional.  I think I will stop off at the supermarket to buy a birthday gift for the Sephardi grandma.  she is actually ten years younger than myself.  our birthdays are a week apart.  I will be turning 66 next week.  my friends are all older than me by a year or two but I feel older than everyone.

being estranged from my family in safed has taken a huge toll.  I am emotionally spent.  I cannot make sense out of it.  the more I analyze it , the more I get upset.  and the more I get upset, the more I miss them.  what a mess!

Friday, June 2, 2017

Almost Shabbat Once Again

it is 4:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.   I've been living the life of riley all day.   I didn't wash the floors and I didn't do any laundry today.  I did sweep the leaves in front of the house and pool area.  it is warm but quite windy and chilly at night.  I had the kids with me for about 12 hours yesterday.  the schools were closed.  the kids hit the pool but it was too cold to stay in for any length of time.  my grandson was having a hard morning.  I was pretty tired myself, after the holiday.  I took them to town in the evening to buy them prizes in the dollar store.  they went with me to synagogue to hear the 10 commandments on Shavuot day.  chabad made a program for the neighborhood kids in the early evening.

I am going to the kids for dinner tonight and my friends on the 'next' block for lunch tomorrow.  I made a few hard cooked eggs for tomorrow evening and I bought some half baguettes for Shabbat.   they are wonderful with butter.  I just made some banana- prune muffins.  I was going to make a banana bread loaf to take with me tonight but then I thought about making non gluten banana pancakes.  you know, one banana and 2 eggs? I remembered that I had steeped prunes for my friend last week and ran to look up prune loaf recipes.  I found the perfect recipe for a banana-prune bread.

I was all out of milk, half a cup short of prunes and didn't have any nuts but yet, I persevered.  I cut the sugar from a cup to less than a half a cup and I substituted organic brown sugar.  I only had white flour but I would have preferred whole wheat or rye.  I threw the batter into muffin tins and managed to get a baker's dozen.  I used the wonderful butter from Holland  that I had bought for Shavuot.  it only called for 4 tablespoons.  I thought about adding some sour cream to the batter, but I refrained.  I need to go on a strict food regimen next week.  I go to see the gyn oncologist pretty soon.  I can always freeze the muffins.

usually, it feels strange when I do not cook for Shabbat.  I thought about making a noodle kugel with onions and mushrooms.  I don't have anything to serve the kids if they stop buy tomorrow to use the pool.  I didn't hit the supermarket this morning.  I don't have any tuna in the house, either.  that's why I was kind of toying with the idea of making pancakes.  i'll just tell them that my house is bare and invite them to bring their own treats if they come over tomorrow.

I just had a half baguette with butter.  I am feeling so sluggish.  I truly could use a nap.  I would be too afraid of over sleeping and not getting up in time to light my candles.  I just rescued the muffins from being burnt.  they are lovely.  they have a nice buttery flavor and they are not too sweet.  I don't know if I could have totally omitted the sugar from the batter.  it's a shame that I was out of nuts because it would have been just perfect with walnuts.  I am glad that I have something to eat before I go to synagogue in the morning.  what a great find!

I managed to get all of the tiny Lego pieces back into plastic baggies and off of the floor.  the kids, most probably, my grandson, will have to sort them all out.  I tried to save the diagrams inside the box.  I bought him soccer gloves yesterday.  he is an excellent goal keeper.  my son got into a lot of trouble for wearing soccer gloves in the ultra orthodox school system that he attended.  my grandson goes to a more modern school.  it was like Deja vu buying him the gloves.  I got my granddaughter, what I thought was a box of toy dolls and ponies.  it turns out that this box did not contain, any greenery, ponies or dolls.  it is simply a cardboard corral.  you have to buy the collectables by themselves.  what a rip-off!  what was I thinking for 10 shekels????

I will have to get to town on Sunday to see if I can find a small doll or pony.  I'm sure they exist.  I still have a sink full of dairy dishes to wash.  I didn't get around to them yesterday.  I really need to sleep now!