Last week

it is 12:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  last week i started to blog again.  i didn't really have much to say but i felt compelled to try.  my son and his family came to visit last thursday.  the entire clan came to party with them.  afterall, they weren't here for the holidays this year.  the clan was.  i spent all of rosh hashana and most of sukkot with them.  i wasn't in the mood to be with them on thursday.  i was tired.  i hadn't slept the night before because i stressed over the kids arriving in safed.  i was so afraid that they might be fined by the police or sent back to jerusalem during the newest lockdown.

i straightened up the house and washed the floors. i made the beds.  it was surreal seeing the kids again.  i actually shouted to the sky a thank you. the baby took one look at me and started to cry.  he is ten months old and he doesn't know mw yet.  i guess i was kind of scary shouting like that.  the kids came in and checked the closet for their gift bags.  i managed to get to town to buy them stickers and mini LOL dolls and brawl star figurines and two model kits.

i also had tons of treats and food.  they don't usually eat up here when they come.  they usually run straight downstairs to eat with the sephardi grandparents, who are both ten years younger then me. i don't buy milk anymore because they usually drink their morning coffee downstairs.  i use almond milk in my tea.  the clan came shortly after they arrived.  everyone went downstairs.  i stayed at home.

there were kids running in and out of my house and my dogs kept getting out.  it was stressing me out.  everyone left after 1:00 a.m.  i think they ordered pizzas.  i didn't go down even to say hello.  i had spent the entire shabbat with them the week before.  i don't eat at night any more.  my grandson left to sleep at his cousins' house and i slept with my granddaughter on the television couch.  i was too tired to schlepp in a mattress.  it was good that the grandson left.  he didn't want to sleep with the dogs because they all have ticks right now.

my granddaughter fell asleep at 2:00 a.m.  i lost my sleep and finally passed out around 4:30 a.m.  i was comatose the net day.  sometime in the early afternoon i was left with my granddaughter and the baby. he finally got it that i was the cool and silly american grandmother who speaks a secret language.  he wasn't any bother to care for.  i made him some organic oatmeal with a banana, apple, peach and dates.  i discovered that i like my oatmeal raw now.  i was always a muesli lover.  i now process the oats and fruit together into a paste like consistency and add almond milk.

we had shabbat meals downstairs with the entire family.  one sister was MIA; stuck in another town with her infant son and medium sized dog.  i fell asleep with my dogs after midnight on friday night.  my grandson slept with his two male cousins in the next room.  the granddaughter slept upstairs with her aunt who has taken over the roof top apartment.  i had a really bad headache on shabbat.  i thought that my head was actually, going to explode.  i couldn't deal with all of the noise.  one of the 'adult' children had a meltdown.  i thought that i was going to end up  in the ER.  it was very hard to deal with.  i stayed upstairs on saturday.  i had had enough of the clan family.

i slept with the granddaughter on saturday night in the bedroom with the three dogs. the grandson had the privilege to sleep with the aunt upstairs.  everyone ate downstairs and i stayed in my house.  they left in the late afternoon on sunday and i went to sleep.  that was three days ago.  i have been sleeping ever since they left.  i haven't put the mattresses back and i haven't done the dishes.  i haven't left the house and i haven't spoken to friends.  i haven't texted.  i have been in a fog.  i did binge watch season 15 of grey's anatomy.  i thought it was awful and yet i watched all 25 episodes.  

i am planning on doing some hand washing tomorrow.  my machine is no longer connected downstairs. i was given another washing machine, which is upstairs in the kitchen.  i had hoped to make it my laundry room.  i no longer have access to the upstairs.  i just went downstairs and retrieved my laundry rack; which was borrowed last week.  i am feeling a bit overwhelmed. i hope that the sephardi family will find a new home.  after six months, the honeymoon is definitely over.

Listless In Safed

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i stopped blogging.  i honestly, had nothing to talk about.  it was a long holiday period and i didn't get to see my grandkids.  i was a drone.  i spent most of the holiday sleeping.  it was hot and i was down.  i ate all of the holiday meals with the sephardi clan, downstairs.  i didn't put up my meager little 2x2 sukkah this year.  the men built a great big one out of wood downstairs.  i didn't really get a chance to spend time in the sukkah.  the sephardi grandpa set up the sukkah as his private study hall.  he ate all his meals there.  he slept there and he prayed there and he learned torah all day long there.

every year i can't wait until the first day of sukkot to go to my sukkah and have a cup of tea and eat a muffin.  i usually go to synagogue for services and return to my sukkah to serve a holiday lunch for me and a friend or two.  this year, i entered the sukkah downstairs and the grandkids were coming in for hot chocolate.  the grandfather was ready to make kiddush; having prayed for hours since 5:00 a.m. 

i sat down quietly and opened my prayer book.  there were two sons-in-law sitting at the table with the grandfather.  i never sit at the table with the men.  i usually sit with the children and ladies.  i felt awkward but i wanted to pray in the sukkah.  there were grandkids coming in and out of the sukkah so i was never actually alone with the grandfather; who is ten years my junior.

i deeply regretted not having put up my sukkah.  some of the female members of the family ate inside the house.  they were much more interested in being together and gabbing; than sitting in the sukkah for the meal.  it was also shabbat; which made it even more restrictive.  the next morning, i walked over to a large synagogue and sat outside in the shade and prayed by myself.  it was nice to hear the men pray and sing.  it almost felt normal.  but of course, it wasn't.  i guess it is the new normal.  i have decided to maintain a low profile.

i went to the local supermarket this morning and shopped with a passion.  i filled up the freezer with chicken.  i do very little these days except: eat, sleep and watch t.v.  i have virtually no exercise except for walking the dogs.  i did meet my friend this morning and we trekked over to the bank.  we also went to the pharmacy.  i ran into the health food store for a moment and bought two bags of organic oatmeal.  i have been eating a lot of oatmeal lately.  i like cooking it with dates and apples and bananas.  i also love adding tons of cinnamon.  that whole venture took about 40 minutes.  i came back and fell asleep.

i don't do much cooking or baking.  i did make chicken wings and rice for me and the dogs this evening.  i actually, cooked it for the dogs and ended up eating a portion.  i didn't add any spices or salt.  i did add the remainder of a can of baked beans and some black pepper for myself.  i wasn't in the mood to eat today.  i ended up fasting for about 18 hours.  i didn't have the oomph to cook so i had a yogurt with walnuts, pumpkin seeds and apples.  it held me until around 5:00 p.m.  i then had the chicken and rice and started my nightly fast early.  i managed to rid my body of all of the holiday overeating this week.

i felt much lighter this morning. my skirts are loose in the waistband.  i am managing with my meager wardrobe.  i could use a denim skirt.  one of these years, i will go to town and buy one.  for now i am okay.  i was lucky to have been given some clothes this summer.  losing weight is a big plus in finding clothes.  before, i couldn't find anything in my big size.  i put on the old exercise stretch pants and they fit just great.  it was pretty incredible not gaining weight during covid and the jewish holidays.  miraculous, actually.