Blogging Again

 it is 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i lit the chanuka lights about an hour and a half ago. there are only a few neighbors that lit chanukiahs outside.  i lit my metal chanukiah with the macabees holding torches. i  used small glass bowls of olive olive and cotton wicks.  i placed it right off of my cooking area and i placed an electric plastic chanukiah up against the window ledge facing the street; for my neighbors to see.  it was my mom's from her home in brooklyn.  i have been alone this chanukah and it feels a bit creepy. the grandkids used to light my chanukiahs here before they moved from safed. i had no desire to polish or schlepp down my silver chanukiah. i was in a silly mood, anyway.

i arranged for a few friends to come up to my area tomorrow evening; for a chanuka get together.  tomorrow is the last night of chanukah.  my friend's home is warmer and cozier so we will meet there.  she also has an electric piano and tons of songs to play.  its about a 7 minute walk from my house.  i have not had a walk in a couple of days.  i do take the dogs out a few times a day, but i do not leave the immediate area with them.  they go nuts when they see other dogs or cats and tend to drag me. they are definately; having a hard time. they follow me from room to room and they seem a bit distressed.

my friend will will try to make latkes and i will try to make whole wheat spaghetti with tomato sauce and a greek salad with lettuce, black olives, red peppers, spanish onion and feta cheese.  the traditional greek salad is made with chunks of cucuumbers, tomatoes, black olives and feta cheese.  in israel, people use shredded lettuce.  i prefer the cucumbers and tomatoes version.  however, one of my friends has food issues so i am playing it safe with those food items, i know that she eats.  for instance, she does not like any dressing on her salads.  she only takes lemon wedges.  the traditional greek salad comes drizzled with olive oil.  so we will leave it off of the salad and serve the oil separately.  my potato latka making days is truly, history.

i need to shop tomorow for whole wheat spaghetti, feta cheese, parmesan cheese, black olives,red preppers, lettuce and red onions. i was finished praying and reading psalms and threw on my coat to hit the supermarket nearby; when it started raining hard. the street lights were off and it was very dark and foggy.  i decided to shop in the morning.  it is hard crossing the roads here.  sometimes, i feel like i am living in the wild west.  the city recently repainted the stripes of the pedestrian crosswalks but unfortunately, most people do not stop for seniors.  i am afraid to cross with the dogs so i wait until i see no more cars. they rebricked the streets up here and did a poor job near the bus stop.  i find myself, tripping all the time..

i stopped blogging because i was on facebook all the time.  i spend hours viewing posts about the war and anti israel demonstrations all over the world and i comment on many posts.  i also repost many videos that i find relevant or outrageous and it leaves me very little time to blog. i have taken to reporting hate speech; recently.  i was depressed, outraged, traumatized and miserable for awhile.  i didn't have any strength to blog.  i did not want to share atrocity stories.  the government here has pretty much; taken care of that.  i also took to my bed for a week, several weeks ago.  i was pretty trashed.  the people here were so demoralized.  none of my female neighbors left their homes, except to grocery shop.  i noticed that no one was dressed, either.  women stayed in their pajamas. 

last week, i mustered up the courage and bussed it to jerusalem for my grandaughter's bat mitzvah party.  the travelling was swift and peaceful.  jerusalem, as well as safed; have been pretty quiet throughout the war.  we have 'skirmages' on the lebanese border but so far it has been rocket free, here. we pray that it remains, so.  we do hear booms all the time and our planes flying over.  it is our background noise.  sometimes, it feels like i am in the twilight zone.  i volunteered once to make sandwhiches for the soldiers but i did too much and burnt out.  i haven't returned, yet.  i took on praying and reading psalms for the soldiers, hostages ad my fellow countrymen.  it takes up a good bit of my day.  i don't sleep long but i am in bed every night at 800 p.m.  i am in my house by 5:00 p.m.  i am not a fan of the dark and daylight savings.

i managed to meet up with a friend at the mall in jerusalem.  neither one of us were in the mood to go to a movie. it was a shame because it was senior's day and half price.  i only had some water and we laughed and discussed the war and our problems.  it was good to be together for awhile. the mall was noisy and crowded but still, we laughed and emoted.  i had no patience to check out the shops.  by the time we knew it, it was time to get back.  my friend had to struggle in heavy traffic back to her home and i had to deal with the bus in the dark, back to my son's home.  i did buy the kids some very fancy and costly donuts.  i ended up waiting in line for almost an hour, to buy them; to boot.  i passed my favorite second hand clothing store but i was way too tired to go in.  i had waited out a strong downpour and didn't want to chance being outside for another one..

i left the next morning back to safed.  i have been tired since i returned.  that's how it goes.  war is tiring.  reading the news is exhausting.  commenting on facebook is endless.  staying up til 3:00 a.m. every night is ridiculous.  i get out occasionally and take my 40 minute walk.  it now takes me nearly an hour.  i am eating way too much and sitting way too much.  i have definately, put on some weight.  i am behind in all my doctor's appts.  i do not travel to tel aviv these days.  i have a list of all the things i need to organize.  i managed to mop the floor today and i did laundry yesterday.  one day at a time.!!

Hanukkah in Santa Monica (Tom Lehrer)

Almost Shabbat

 it is 2:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed. it feels like rain. yesterday, i enjoyed being out of the house for a few hours.  it was a lovely, sunny and cool afternoon.  i bussed over to canaan and stopped off at the bank for my balance, and went into the health food store but left without buying anything. i think i was distracted. i went over to the supermarket to check out if the frozen blueberries had arrived. i bought 4 packages. you never know when they will be out. i use them for my sugarless,,non gluten banana muffins and my sugarless, non dairy banana blueberry chocolate ice cream.

outside the supermarket; i saw an old friend who lives downtown. we lost contact during covid.  i haven't gone to town in the last month. i tend to stay close to my home. i do walk out of the neighborhood but i haven't gone down to town by myself. we caught up on the past three years and we laughed like school girls. only in israel during a war, can you let your hair down. i made a simple shabbat meal. i am back to  i already ate some. i poured a container of whole wheat penne pasta into the pot of sauce.  i ate a huge amount of pasta, gearing up for a long walk.  i never made it out for my walk. because it looks like rain. i am also very tired today.  the stress really gets to you and forget about the cortisol levels.

i went to a phone shop to buy a new charger.  i was getting desperate when the phone wouldn't charge more than 25%. supposedly, i bought a fast one.  well, it took over 24 hours to get up to 100%  with the new charger.  i thought about going back to the store today but i ran out of time.  stores close early now that shabbat starts at 4:00 p.m.  i will have to wait until sunday to go back to the store. i didn't take the reeipt with me. i hope he remembers me. 

i baked 7 sugarless, non dairy, non gluten, blueberry corn muffins in the tiny toaster oven. the rubber lining on the oven door of my regular oven, broke off.  i filled individual muffin tins to fit in thetiny  toaster oven.  i must have muffins on shabbat morning. i grated raw beets, apples and carrots for a salad. i still need to prepare some fish. i will probably pop a salmon fillet intothe tiny toaster oven.  i want to make a bit of tahina sauce.  and i need to mop the kitchen floor.  just a regular friday afternoon in a war zone.  we have been very quiet here so i have nothing to complain about.  it's just a little like living in the twilight zine at times.  wishing everyone a good shabbat, a quiet shabbat, a shabbat shalom!

Understanding Things Now

it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  Thank G-d,  things are quiet here in the north. i didn't take my walk today.  it has been hot here. i also did not sleep more than a couple of hours last night. i napped on shabbat day; which made it impossible for me to sleep last night. i turned off my phone at around 4:00 a.m. i managed to take the dogs out at around 6:00 a.m. they are definately affected by the war energy.  we have the constant sounds of planes and helicopters flying over us and we had a siren the other evening.  the dogs got pretty freaked out.  so did i.  it is waiting for the booms that get's to you.

i have been reading so many anti israel blogs and reading tweets from prominent politicians and famous personalities; accusing israel of being the oppressor, and aggressor in this war. the world's powers are calling for us to make a cease fire.  i pray that we don't stop fighting until we demolish hamas. i am 72 years old.  i was born 6 years after the end of WW2 and the holocaust.  the nazis were destroyed and the japanese were broken.  my parents were both veterans.  my father served in the infantry in the philippines and my mother served in the wacs in england. we had several black and white photos of them, in a straw box my mother kept in the closet.

they never really spoke of the holocaust to us and very little of their war experiences. my father did his basic training in the south and got into many a fist fight against the anti semitism of his officers and fellow trainees.  i remember his telling us that he never killed anyone up close with his bayonet but he acknowledged that he probably, had killed japanese soldiers.  he also said that he was glad that they had dropped the atom bomb on japan.  he owed his returning whole, to the united states from this.  my mom told of being in a german synagogue after the war and lighting the first candles there after the war.  they were both ardent zionists but somehow didn't instill that in their children.

i remember my mother sitting in her bedroom watching a multi hour long holocaust film and crying.  i remember not understanding.  i was impatient with her.  i thought she should get over it already.  i had no understanding of the holocaust back then.  i remember a t.v.series about it but i probably didn't watch it in its entirety.  after all, we were americans.  my parents were born in america and their parents had come to america at the turn of the century.  i didn't understand how it had effected my family.  i grew up in brooklyn new york.  they had a larger population of jews than israel.  i didn't start to read holocaust books until i came to safed, 40 years ago.  i didn't really experience anti semitism while growing up.

my parents dreamed of living in israel and only fullfilled that dream in 2000.  my father wanted to fight for israel.  he was well over the age for that, but he wanted to defend the jewish homeland. similarly, he joined the army to fight the nazis.  my mother was so distraught when the israeli government evacuated its jewish citizens from the gaza.  they used our young and beautiful brave soldiers to physically remove the citizens. t hey tore down synagogues.  i thought my mother would die from watching the news.  she was actually in the hospital in safed during the evacuation.

my son was in the army but was not involved in any of the evacuation.  i grew up in a house that had a lot of sadness. i never understood until lately that i was second generation holocaust. i later learned about my mothers' cousins being destroyed by hitler. i saw a picture of her female cousin and i was shocked to see the resemblance to my mother.  it finally hit me.  i  finally understood.  and now i watch the awful vodeos against israel and all the modern day holocaust deniers and i am sickened. i feel my heart pulsating.  i understand how my mother sat crying in her bedroom watching documentaries of the holocaust.  i also understand my father's desire to kill nazis and fight for israel's existence. i want to avenge all the murders and rapes and beheadings and burnings of my people.  i want to nuke iran.

i want all the two faced liars and politicians and celebrities and jews against israel to go and scew themselves and lose their followers, their wealth and their celebrity status.  i want the hamas to be history.  i want to  see my grandkids.  i want to take a walk and not be afraid of a siren going off while i am away drom my safe room.  i want this nigtmare to end.  i want the mosiah to deliver us to a kind new world. i want to wake up tomorrow to good news.  i want to hear that all the hostages were found and returned to israel.  i understand my parents, now.  i want to visit their graves, here in safed.

h

Getting Out

 it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  yesterday, a friend took me to a recycling machine in safed; where i was able to return 170 assorted cans, plastic and glass bottles and get my deposits back.  it was outside of a supermarket in the south of safed.  i usually do not shop there when my friend is not around.  it is a 2 bus trip and i can't be bothered; usually.  returning bottles in two other supermarkets is a bit of a hassle.  the supermarket near me, makes you hand each bottle over to the clerk and she puts them in designated bags and counts them.  you then get a receipt and get a credit in the store.  they limit you to 50 bottles.  for 50 bottles, you get a whole 15 shekels, which is the equivalent of $3.71.  you kind of wonder why anyone would bother for this little amount of money. yesterday, i received S12.59 for the bottles.  that is half the amount i used to make for an hour's work when i was cooking for a yeshiva.

i used to throw my bottles out or bring them to a recycling bin. once they started putting deposits on bottles of mineral water, i began to bring them back to the store.  it is amazing how many bottles you find on a daily stroll.  people leave them behind at bus shelters and in garbage recepticles arund the neighborhood.  i feel that i am helping to clean up the environment, while i make a bit of money.  i still have another 50 bottles to bring back.  one supermarket, that i usually walk to; is currently not receiving bottles. they give you cash but also restrict you to 50 bottles at a time. i can easily, take 50 plastic bottles with me on the bus.  they are virtually, weightless but the glass bottles are pretty heavy.  it also makes me feel usefull.  right now, i am feeling pretty vulnerable and useless.

you do not see many people out and around although it has been very quiet in safed.  we pray that it will stay like that but most women and children are inside these days. it is quite reminiscent of the covid years without the sirens blasting.  i did see some people yesterday jogging and going out for a walk.  it gave me courage.  i finally took a walk in the late evening.  i didn't to the entire neighborhood because i am still nervous about walking near a large area without houses nearby.  it was nevertheless, a small victory.  we have had a slew of soldiers in safed lately.  i get a real kick out of seeing these beautiful young people.  they are so upbeat and courageous.  i want so desparately, to be able to help out the war effort but my current financial situation, prevents it. i can't really donate pillows,and blankets.

i am no longer up to baking cookies or preparing sandwiches.  i have come to the realization that by keeping myself sound and fit, and not being a burden on anyone, it is quite enough.  ialso have started to pray, again.  i heard once, that G-d loves the prayers of old women.  i bless each and every soldier that passes me and thank them.  yesterday, i encountered a lovely young soldier at the supermarket. i blessed him and handed him a 50 shekel bill. he smiled so brightly.  i felt like i was giving a grandson some money to buy something he liked.  i wish i could do more.  i guess i should get out and look for some more bottles. LOL

Staying Regulated

 it is 7:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. we had another quiet day, here in the north.  i don't remember hearing our planes today.  it was rainy and it was sunny.  it was warm and now it is cold. i wanted to return my 50 plastic bottles.  i collect bottles now.  it is my way of taking care of the environment and bringing in a bit of cash.  it sounds pretty silly but i make almost $5 each time i go to the supermarket.  the plastic bottles are pretty light and i can hop on a bus and return them at a supermarket about 10 minutes away.  

the neighborhood supermarket makes you pull out each bottle while a clerk keeps the count.  you have to place them in certain bags that she pulls out.  at the large supermarket they have large bins to toss the bottles in.  no one watches you and they give you a receipt and you wait on line with the shoppers and you receive cash.  at the neighborhood supermarket;  you only get a credit.  it is actually fun.  the glass bottles are a lot harder to return.  i need to schlepp them in a shopping cart.  25 of these bottles is very heavy; while the plastic bottles are seemingly weightless. the cans are not hard, either. 

the point is;  i wanted to do a normal task today.  i wanted to walk to the supermarket, which is a 20 minute stroll but you do not see people walking in the streets.  people are keeping a low profile.  people are in their houses.  i guess the front command has told people to stay close by.  you do catch a glimpse of neighbors getting in and out of their cars; usuallly carrying groceries.  i do occasionally; see other dog walkers, besides myself.  otherwise, it is pretty quiet.  my neighbors do offer their help and keep in touch with me.  i am the only single lady on the street.  there are quite a few adult children; temporaily at their family home these days.  everyone wants to be together with their familes.  and there are some parents who have travelled to the south to help their kids out.

i try to stay regulated as best as i can.  i am doing tons of laundry and washing my dishes.  i am constantly sweeping the floors.  i take the dogs out several times a day for short walks.  yesterday, i cooked up a large pot of chicken soup with barley and green lentils.  i froze two containers and i have plenty left for shabbat.  i also baked a dozen : unsweetened non gluten banana/cherry muffins.  i use graham flour these days; also known as chickpea flour.  it has a particular taste but i am used to it.  i make up these recipes by myself.  sometimes, the recipe only makes 8 or 9 muffins.  i seldom get a baker's dozen but i used 3 eggs yesterday.  i grated in fresh nutmeg.  i haven't used it in a long time.  i was actuallly craving cinnamon but i took out the nutmeg instead.

i usually make banana/ blueberry muffins but my local supermarket was all out of blueberries.  i am not a big fan of frozen cherries but that's all i had.  the muffins came out okay.  i was looking forward this morning to bringing my plastic bottles to the large supermarket and buying a bag of frozen blueberries.  oh well...  i ended up with the mutt and jeff repairman, in my house, instead.  i noticed that the water meter was spinning yesterday and i wasn't using any water.  i figured that one of the toilets might be running but we couldn't find the culprit.  later on,  i shut off the water valves ton two toilets but the water meter kept on spinning.  hopefully,  the repair guy can come back on sunday.  if not; i will have to get a plumber to check it out.

i managed to fold up the material of the sukkah and actuallly; got it back into its plastic zippered bag this morning.  it made me,  kind of nuts; every time i saw it all squished together on the dining room chair.  i simply couldn't focus on this task after simchat torah and the massacre of our citizens.  my gardener came on that sunday morning after the carnage on shabbat.  he took my sukkah down and brought all of the parts downstairs to my shed.  he needed a task to focus on.  he needed to help an old lady out.  i left the material on a table outside for a couple of days.  i then threw it on a dining room chair.  i wanted to wash it but it didn't fit in my american toploader washing machine. it was a great relief putting it back in my closet today.

i felt like i had accomplished something.  i am keeping regulated by staying clear of the news.  i quickly glanced at headlines of breaking news but i no longer listen to the news.  i am traumatized. i do not watch much television any more.  i take my phone into bed with me and watch reruns of 'everyone loves raymond'.  it tickles my fancy.  i find myself chuckling out load.  it is theraputic to laugh. i read that it is the actual rememdy to combat the horrific videos that we watched on the news.  who knew?

Just Woke Up

it is almost 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i ate a humongous amount of pasta, bread and salad for lunch.  i then had a fake banana based ice cream and fell asleep. i think i literally, passed out.  i had a hard time sleeping last night.  i spent hours on facebook; looking at the seemingly, countless posts of civilians and soldiers who have been killed.  they are all stunningly, beautiful people.  the finest and best of our youth have been taken from us.  we read of such bravery and dedication to the survival of our people.  so many of our young women have been slain in battle.  and the world continues to call for more of our bloodshed.  it is exhausting to try and make any sense of any of this.  i found myself answering so many of the posts.  so many people are trying to get the world to see that israel is not on par with hamas.  we are trying to prove that we are not the agressors, here.  we are trying to end the false narrative that israel is an aparthied atate.  we are trying desparately, to show the world that we do not target civilans and wantingly, kill children and women.  i post all day long that the world is not listening and that they are all calling for our destruction as a state and as a people. it is exhausting and it is useless to try to defend our right to exist.

i sit in my large house and look around all day.  i see the pictures that my grandkids made, hanging on my wall.   i see the toy kitchen set up near the door. i  see the many sets of assorted legos on the shelves. i see the little tent in my living room that my grandson loves to play in. i  sigh.  right now i know that they are safe, thank G-d.  i know that they are not running in and out of bomb shelters.  i miss them terribly but i know that they are safe and unmolested.  i saw a couple of little kids in the playground with their grandpa this morning and i started to cry.  i would smile, mormally, but i am traumatized.  i look at the pictures of the hostages in gaza too many times a day.  one cannot avoid it. 

 i was born in 1951, a few years after the holocaust.  i have vivid memories of my mom, watching documentatries of the holocaust in her bedroom and crying.  i was too young to understand the trauma.  adults did not speak of the autrocities to their kids.  there was an underlying sadness in our homes. it was only a short time ago that i realized that i was second generation holocaust.  my grandparents came to america at the turn of the century and my parents were born in new york so i never thought we were effected by the holocaust.  it was only later on that i saw pictures of my mother's cousins who perished and other members of our famly.  i didn't understand why my mother watched the documentaries and why she couldn't get over it.  and now i spend my nights and days going over all the pictures of the fallen soldiers and of the innocent women and children slain and of the many hostages being held in gaza.  and i watch the many demonstrations on the news calling for the destruction of the jews and it exhausts me.  our soldiers are fighting for our existence as a people.  they are fatigued and hungry and on the move.  and i am in my beautiful house looking around at all lthe photos of my grandkids.  and i am old and vulnerable and understand the holocaust better now.

Life In The Middle East

 it is 6:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  it is thankfully, quiet in the north. it is a nightmare in the country. we are all traumatized. i went to visit my neighbor this morning.  i wanted to see a nother human being.  the streets are empty.  we have been told to stay inside.  i haven't taken a walk in 5 days.  i ache all over.  it was so lovely to sit with a friend and drink a cup of tea. my friends joke that it is like covid, yom kippur and tisha b'av but with food.  our soldiers aren't getting too much in that department.  thy are on the run. volunteers have given them tons of sweets and bambas but i think protein bars is what they need. there are pickups all over safed to send food parcels and supplies to these dear young men. i saw a video today from one soldier requesting hydration packets.  i feel that there is a lot of unity in the country.  we are mostly numb. a friend is comimg over to spend shabbat with me. i cleaned the downstairs and the safe room. we downloaded the app for the home front command. we have a transister radio. i am too tired today to cook. i will try to make us a decent shabbat meal in the morning.  i am scared that we may not have a peaceful shabbat. i have never felt this type of fear. 

i want to prepare the downstiars for a long stay. i need to get someone to help me carry down a small fridge. i want to put it in the safe room in case we need a cold snack or fruit. i am beginning to shake. i feel guilty because our youth is holding strong. i want to be strong, too. i am safe in my house. i have what i need. i am not under attack,  but i cannot feel calm. i cannot enjoy the moment. i need to drink some water. i need to have a sweet.  then i will take a hot shower. i need to walk my dogs but i am scared to. if i see a man at the end of the street, even if it is a neighbor; i freak, i imagine it is a terrorist. last night the sirens went off.  i was very disorganized. i went to my safe room without my phone. i ran back upstairs to fetch it.  the dogs didn't want to come into the safe room. they are nervous. they sense something is off. they were not allowed to go downstairs for three years because i had family using the apartment.

there were 5 sirens but no"booms" we were told to stay in the safe rooms and shelters. i didn't know.  i came back upstairs. there were rumors of the lebanese border being breached.  i started shaking. there is a lot of misinformation. today we heard an explosion. there were videos of it.  the mayor called to let us know that it was a practice.  why couldn't we have been briefed before the explosion.  these are very scarey times. i must get the courage to walk my dogs.  i feel that familiar tightness in my chest and in my stomach. i am not afraid to sit in my safe room and ride out the missiles. i am afraid that i will be attacked or worse, G-d forbid.  i must try to be strong and talk to G-d. i must try to see the good in this horrible situation.  i survived cancer.  i was in the gulf war and the second lebanese war in 2006. my faith was stronger then. i was younger then.  there were no reports of taking elders captive then.  we have seen unbelievable acts of cruelty and savagery. it is like watching the holocaust with arab subtitiles.

Feeling Desolate

it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  right now it is still quiet in the north.  the constant sounds of our fighter planes is our background noise.  Thank G-d that we haven't had a reign of missiles here.  it was a long and very hard summer.  the record heat wave, the daily demonstrations against the government, and the frequent acts of terrorism; made life here pretty intense.  i was afraid to travel.  i didn't get to visit my grandkids. the holidays were difficult this year.  i struggled to feel joyous but persevered to be in the moment.  i think weall new in our heart of hearts; that war was inevitable.  the writing was on the wall.  the lack of unity in the country was awful. there was a real threat of civil war.

on friday night, i went to the sephardi synagogue in my neighborhood for services.  it was shabbat and our holiday festival, simchat torah.  the men do a proession holding the beautiful torah scrolls, which are adorned with scarves and flowers.  they sing beautiful liturgies and circle around the bima many times. then they sing and dance with the torah scrolls.  at one point all the men held hands as they sang. i cried at the beauty in their unity.  i felt joyous.  i felt hopeful for the jewish people.  i came home and had my holiday shabbat meal.  i was alone but i felt blessed and i went to sleep after my meal.

on saturday morning, i went to the synagogue for morning services.  a lady, one of the regulars; told us that she had heard some very disurbing news about what was happening in the country.  i knew that we were under attack in the south.  i knew that rockets were falling all over our major cities and that on our holy sabbath and holiday, sirens were ringing.  then someone else spoke of terrorists infiltrating the country.  women paced and looked out of the window. i didn't quite understand exactly what was happening. i have lived in israel for nearly 40 years but my hebrew is poor.

i witnessed a few young men, in the middle of our prayers, saying goodbye to their families.  i saw mothers, rushing out of the synagogue to say goodbye to their sons.  i cried.  i have lived through two other wars. i had never seen the men actually, leaving. yes, these soldiers are young men.  many have already died.  i read a list of the fallen this morning.  i stared at their beautiful and young faces.  i cried for their families and for their losses. on saturday afternoon, the few people that i passed on the street; looked broken. i heard only two words: war and 'balagan'.  i understand now that everyone was in shock.

i saw the look of horror on many faces.  one of my neighbor's sons told me about the attacks on the moshavs and the taking of hostages.  he said, war and balagan.  he also told me that if the missiles started to fall on safed that i was to come to them.  he insisted that i do not remain alone.  i wanted to visit a friend but i didn't want to to deliver this horrible news to her.  it was suddenly very hot.  i came home and changed my clothes.   i went for a 40 ninute walk.  i begged G-d for mercy the entire time.  i spoke in english, my native language.  i stopped in the local chabad services in my neighborhood.  the men pray in a tent.  the women sit under a pergula.  it was very peaceful there.  no one looked grief stricken.  no one said, war, balagan.  i didn't think anyone knew we were at war.  everyone there was joyous.

i stayed until the afternoon and evening services finished.  i felt safe.  i fet welcomed.  i felt hopeful. the rebbeson there indeed, knew of the war but she never missed a beat.  her faith is that strong.  i came home and took a nap.  i ended shabbat with the ritual prayer.  my son came over.  he and his family were in safed for the shabbat.  we watched the news.  it was devastating.  it was like watching a disaster movie but bruce willis and gerad butler weren't in it.  my son talked about returning to jerusalem. i was distraught.  i begged him to stay the night in safed.  after he left i kind of collalsed in bed.  i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep. i turned off the t.v.

i watched old videos of "everyone loves raymond" to about 4 or 5:00 a.m. i needed a bit of relief.  i got up at 7:00 a.m. and walked the dogs.  my gardner came and took down my sukkah for me.  i was planning to do it.  i really didn't have the strength to but i thought i did.  the gardner who is in his 50's was very quiet. he usually has what to talk about.  he had that same dazed look as everyone else.  i finally brought in the sukkah decorations last night.  the material is still in my living room . i can't seem to be able to focus and fold it.  i did a few batches of laundry in the afternoon.  i swept the floors. my friend went food shopping.  i couldn't get dressed and i didn't want to go out.  i think i have enough food to get me through this week.

i have a safe room in my house. it has a steel window and is supported with heavy concrete.  i already placed a bed there just in case.  i feel fortunate and i also feel alone.  i spent many nights in this safe room with my mom, and friends and son during the last war.  we ate well and supported each other.  i try to limit the amount of news that i watch.  it is aganizing.  the country has been demoralized.  the death toll is up to 700 and the injured is over 2000.  almost 100 people, including woman and children are being held captive.  i am trying my best to keep busy and to remain regulalted.  i am afraid to take a walk even though we are not under attack here.  we are told to stay close to our bomb shelters.  i try desparatetly not to go down the rabbit hole.  i try to remember that G-d is in control and not hamas.  i try to act strong but on the inside, i am crushed.  i have this gnawing in my gut and my head aches.  i feel useless.

The World Is Passing Me By

it is 8:15 a.m. in the holy city of safed. i just got back from walking the dogs.  they built a traffic circle at the top of my street where i catch the bus to town.  they have been repaving the sidewalks up here for weeks. it has been quite difficult walkling through the traffic with the dogs. they repainted the crosswalks but sadly, most people drive right past them.  now that the kids are back to school, i have the burden of navigating me and my dogs through the lines of parked cars of parents dropping off their kids to the day care and gan at the end of my street. needless to say , no one is watching as they back out and people are driving too close to my behind for my liking.

yes, it is best that i take the dogs out earlier.  i sometimes manage to get out at 6:00 a.m. but lately i have had difficulty falling asleep.  i am more anxious than ever.  i try not watching the news but it does catch up to you. this incredible heat wave has not helped soothe the worries, either.  the neighborhood pool is still open for another week but i find myself feeling restless and bored there.  now that summer is officially over, i am at a loss of what to do. i want to travel to see my grandkids and yet i am nervous about travelling. for now i am stating close to home.

rosh hashana is right around the corner.  the day of judgement! ooh scarey.  i feel unworthy.  i feel isolated and not with it.  i feel the world passing me by.  i spent several months at the pool.  there, i was known.  there, i got greeted by my friends and even the lifeguards.  there i felt, rormal.  there i felt accepted.  now i feel like a shut in.  i feel like a grumpy old woman.  i have thought about doing some volunteer work.  i used to help out the dementia group at the seniors' day center.  i am a senior now and although, not demented, i feel that i could use some help.

i thought about; perhaps once a week, going to the english library to sit and talk with individuals who want to improve their english skills.  it is easy for me to make conversation.  i am a natural yenta so it is a good fit. after the holidays i will formulate a plan.  it is turning hotter and once again; it is going to be close to 100 degrees over shabbat.  i go to the pool at noon now.  then at night, i try to do my walk.  i don't always succeed.  my blood work up did not show great results from my eating green and intermittent fasting.  even my vitamin d level was low even tough i have been at the pool all summer, for hours. go know?

i have little patience for anything.  i am super crabby.  all my friends say i am negative. i am fighting demons and ghosts constantly.  i am ranting all the time.  this blog was created to channel my rantings but it doesn't seem to be helping. i am now going into covid avoidance mode.  i do not want to be around any crowds of people.  i have not managed to lose any weight this summer.  i eat like a truck driver and i eat non stop.  i am dreading the holidays. i am dreading the long prayer services.

the kids will not be joining me for any holiday meals.  i will eat with friends at night and bring the simbolic foods like: dates, pomegranate, beets, black eyed peas, carrots, gourd, leeks, fish head, apples etc. i bought a great bottle of wine.  i will drink it with my friends. i will try to be happy. i will try to stay at services and be grateful for what i can do. i will try my best to be positive. i will try not to judge anyone. i will try to be me, again.  it has been a long while for the real zelda to thrive.  the angry, abused zelda is always present.

the workmen finally showed up.  i am having house repairs done before winter. it is all outside work.  they are using sealent material and my house is reeking from the strong chemicals.  i just ran around closing all of my windows but the smell lingers in the air. i will head for the pool to avoid the paint smells. unfortunately, there has been a foul smell of sewage at the pool lately.  i can't catch a break, LOL.

Been So Long

 it is 4:15 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  it has been a long time since i last blogged. it has simply been too hot to really function.  i have spent days in bed because it was too hot to move.  i took advantage of the neighborhood pool to help cool me down but it was very crowded with private groups and out of town visitors. it was a true hardship. i didn't leave my neighborhood for about 3 weeks to avoid the crowds.  after the traditional 3 weeks of mourning for our temples; the town became inundated with out of towners. it is my least favorite time to be in safed. right now there is a lot of building and renovaton going on in my hood. the noise, the dust the disruption of my peace is overwhelming to me.

i didn't travel or leave home this summer because of the extreme temperatures, civil demonstrations and daily terorist attacks.  i missed my grandkids very much.  i  hadn't seen them since may.  i longed to hug them.  i always bless the whats app device.  that and facebook allows me to see what my family is doing in the states, india and israel.  i had become a bit of a shut in.  i go out every day to the pool and try to take a walk but i wasn't able to navigate outside of the home for a while.

i stayed in during the 3 days of the klezmer music festival in safed.  i cannot deal with record crowds.  i feel vulnerable and obsolete. i managed to fall in the house a few weeks ago and injured my rib cage.  i was very lucky not to have broken anything, including my head.  it was painful to take a deep breath and to walk the dogs.  after i did my daily crawl in the pool it hurt terribly.  it was very hard turning in bed or getting out of bed.  i am pleased to report that it is pretty much on the mend.  i spent most of this week in bed suffering from sciatic pain.  it has gotten better, thankfully.

as the holidays approach, i find myself in a bit of a funk.  i do not like atumn very much.  i always feel in a hurry to get home before it turns dark and cold.  candlelighting is in about an hour and a half.  i stayed at the pool til 3:00 p.m. today.  the temperatures are way up again and shabbat is going to be in the 90's.  we have had some cool nights but it has become quite humid once again. i made a one pot meal with chicken legs, lentils and root veggies. i made bulgur also. it is a quickie meal. i intended to make chicken soup and baked sweet potatoes but it was too hot and i was tired from being at the pool.

i wanted to bake muffins but i don't think i have any more energy to bake.  i need to mop the floors.  i might not get around to it as i am feeling pretty hot.  i might just make some frozen banana and blueberry dessert.  i am all out of peanut butter so iwill have to use tahina paste instead.  i will add a spoon of cocoa powder and a splash of almond milk and voila, sugarless non dairy icecream. it helps to have a good imagination.  wishing you all a good and peaceful shabbat.

Falling On Hard Times

it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed. shabbat ended a little while ago.  i am expecting friends to visit for a few days tomorrow.  i did a huge washing of the floors yesterday afternoon.  i can't remember exactly how many buckets of soapy water i used. i was sponging water out of the house for hours. i cleaned the counters and put away the pots and pans. i made baked sweet potatoes, broiled salmon fillets, chumus, a huge green salad, and braised chicken with leeks and kale. i didn't get to bake my cickpea flour banana and  blueberry muffins.  i had buckwheat rice cakes and peanut butter for a morning snack.  i didn't really miss the muffins. i even bought some dried dates. the stores were out of the organic ones.

i spent about 3 hours at the pool on friday.  it was quiet and empty at around 10:00 a.m. that's when the older swimmers do their laps.  the kids don't start emerging until around 1:30 p.m. it was so delightful.  i hated to leave.  i stopped off at the local supermarket to buy some dairy products.  i got home at 2:00 p.m. and began my food preparation.  it didn't take long.  i had some frozen chicken and spelt noodle soup defrosting while i swam at the pool.  it was a pleasure to come home to a cooked meal after the pool.  everything was under control and i was feeling pleased with myself.  at around 7:00 p.m. i lit my shabbat candles and went into the kitchen for something.  i slid on a puddle of soapy water and took a nasty fall on the hard tiled floor.  i got winded.  i lay on the floor for a moment and the dogs came to my side.  i used my hand to break the fall.  this is not the best thing to do; i realized afterwards.

i was in a considerable amount of pain.  i found it hard to breathe.  my rib cage was aching.  i took the dogs out for a walk.  i wanted to go to my neighbors to ask their daughter, a nurse, if i needed medical attention.  i dreaded going to the hospital on shabbat night.  i didn't know how i would get home if they discharged me.  it is about an hour and a half walk on a good day.  i was getting scared.  i was sure the nurse would pressure me to go to the emergency room.  i decided to go back inside.  i found my trusty bottle of arnica oil and applied it to the sore area.  i went to lie down for a bit.  i got up not easily; and went into the kitchen to eat my shabbat meal.  i made the kiddush and had a sip of wine.  i ate a tiny piece of a spelt pita and went back to bed.  i was nauseous and tired.  i managed to sleep for awhile.

i got up at around 10:30 p.m. and was hungry.  i ate all of the kale and leeks from the braised chicken and went back to bed.  i had a very good night's sleep.  i got up about 6:30 a.m. to walk the dogs.  i was in a lot of pain.  my friend's husband was on his way to the synagogue and saw me holding my side. i told him i had injured my rib cage after a fall.  he wanted to pray for me for a total recovery and he told his wife i had broken my rib cage.  my biggest fear was that i might wake up during the night and not be able to breathe.  if it wasn't shabbat i would have googled the symptoms. luckily, i woke up and i was not struggling for air.

i have applied the arnica oil several times today.  i didn't need to take a pain pill.  it smarts when i inhale or laugh but otherwise i am doing all right.  i was able to do my daily 45 minutae walk at 7:00 p.m.  i hope that i will be able to clean the upstairs apartment tomorrow. there is a huge parquet floor to wash and a porch area and bathroom.  if i cannot then my guest will have to.  i doubt i will be able to schlepp any mattresses.  its a miracle that i am on my feet. i am very grateful to be in my own home tonight. i might just watch a bit of t.v. or go back to bed and continue reading my murder mystery.  a good new week to everyone.

The Cable Is Out

 it is 10:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  my cable t.v. isn't working.  it is very aggravating. i had the last two episodes of a series that i wanted to finish.  i am tired and just needed to watch a bit of television.  i have android cable.  i keep getting a message that my internet is not working but my internet is working. there aren't any english speakers in the company i use.  at least; i haven't found any. they don't even give me the option of watching certain movies in english.  the best thing about them is that they are cheap.

the last time i had a problem, my grandson was here to deal with the company for me.  sadly, i am alone right now. i am expecting guests on sunday so i may have to wait until then.  it is almost shabbat so i think i can manage.  once upon a time i could not.  i am a t.v. addict.  fortunately; i have a new computer and a smart phone.  i can watch reruns of 'the nanny' and 'everyone loves raymond' until i fall asleep. or i can warch political videos of matt walsh , megan kelly and ben shapiro. i am too tired to read.

my eye is irritated form the heat and the dust and the clorine at the pool. i am not a happy camper. and i need spelling check.  i do not know how to set it up. i have been overly tired since i went to the cemetery last week to visit my sister's grave.  her children arrived right after i finished reading my psalms.  i was not welcome to join them in their recital of the mourners' kaddish prayer.  i have been ousted from the family. i tried so hard not to get disregulated.  i thought i had it under control but i lost a couple of nights' sleep over this. this is not an easy one.  it has been three years since my sister died.  i hoped things would change.

i am lucky enough to have good friends who allow me to vent and rant but this time i tried not to. i really tried to keep it on the down low but it caught up with me. it is like a wound that just keeps on opening to allow the pus out.  there have been large groups at the pool all week long and i have been going in the afternoons instead of the mornings.  unfortunately, it is very crowded and noisy in the afternoons.  it has been a real mess.  the kids are unruly and constantly jumping over our heads. it has not been much fun.

there are loads of out of towners in the city and in my neighborhood.  the stores are crowded and the streets are filthy.  this is my least favorite time of the year. i avoid going to town.  soon there will be the annual  klezmer music festival and that really is annoying. the bus schedules are off and the busses are overcrowded.  i like to walk to town when it isn't too hot.  it has been too hot.  i take my nightly 45 minute stroll around the neighborhood but it has been very humid.  last night i ran into hordes of out of towners and their many kids.  it was not pleasant. we are trapped.  yes, some people profit from the tourists.

i need to use my eye drops and finish my luke warm hot cocoa.  the eye muscle hurts. i hurt.  i am too tired to deal with the cable t.v again tonight.  it's bed for me. the dogs woke me up at 6:00 a.m.this morning.  i haven't napped today so i think i might be able to fall asleep soon.  i am too tired to cry tonight.  hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. i need to straighten up my roof top guest apartment and mop the parquet flooring and wash down the porch area.  hopefully there isn't a lot of pigeon poo. i haven't been upstiars in a while. i wish you all a good night.

Living In The Fast Lane

 it is 7:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  we have another half hour left of the fast of the ninth of av.  this is the culmination of the 3 weeks of our mourning the loss of our holy temples. during the past nine days, we refrained from hearing live music, having haircuts, wearing freshly laundered clothes, planting trees, eating meat, drinking wine, doing laundry and travelling and bathing for pleasure.  i didn't go to the pool.  we have been stuck with 95 degree heat throughout.  i have been too hot to function.  i couldn't blog.  i stayed in bed all week long and didn't leave my house until around 8:00 p.m. for my walk.  i did go to synagogue on shabbat to cool off.  i do not have airconditioners on my floor.  luckily today, the heat was down to 93.  i still spent the day in bed.  the fast started last night at 7:40 p.m. i went over to the local sephardi synagogue to hear the megillah of lamentations.  i haven't gone in years.

it was the third anniversary of my sister.s death.  i have been dreading it.  i went to the cemetery.  it was dangerously hot. i found a broken chair and curled up against he wall and read psalms.  we were estranged  when she took ill.  the severity of it was kept from me and my other sibblings.  i wasn't told anything until she was terminal.  i found out she had died hours after the fact.  i haven't spoken with her kids since the funeral. it is a very sad state of affairs. i used to go to her grave to emote; to beseach her and beg for answers.  i would actually scream.  i decided not to go to her grave any more. yesterday, i washed her grave and lit a candle. i didn't scream but i cried out loud. i kissed her grave and hugged her.

our parents are also buried there. i did not think that i had the stamina in this heat to go yesterday. i think i was driven. i took a taxi because i wasn't up to the two bus journey.  it's pretty close.  the city of safed is pretty small. its not a huge journey like in the states. i used to walk there.  it's quite beautiful there and very meditative and serene. we also have the tsadickim, the holy masters; buried in another section. and there is another section for the fallen soldiers. it was a very difficult time for me yesterday. i did get a glimpse of her adult children. one of my neices and i got caught up and i got to see a few of my grandneices, my sister's grandchildren.

i left them to say kaddish, the traditional mourners' prayer and i walked down to my parents' graves. i didn't stay long.  i simply, kissed their stones.  so weird.  that's what i have left of them.  they each died at 91 so they had good lives.  i caught the 2 busses home and started to prepare food.  i made some tuna fillets and spelt pasta, baked sweet potatoes and white potatoes, made red lentil and veggie soup and unroasted buckwheat grains.  i have plenty to eat.  i am not sure if i can shower tonight or if i am still bound by the rules of the day.  

in the past i would watch holocaust rememberances to keep with the spirit of true mourning but nowadays ; i am involved on this day of true mouning for my sibbling.  the ache doesn't go away. it is always there.  i thought that when i lost my parents i was truly devastated. it cannot come close to the devastation of losing a sibbling of 65 years.  the time of mourning and our fast has officially come to an end. hopefully, tomorrow i will go back to the pool.  i will catch up on laundry and get ready for shabbat. i am hoping to have some guests in august.

Too Darn Hot

it is 8:00 p.m. in the holy ciy of safed.  i just got back from my daily/nightly walk.  it was actually pleasant outside.  it is way too hot inside my house.  it was 98 degrees today and it is supposed to get into the hundreds.  i am not a heat person.  i stayed in the pool for a couple of hours today because i dreaded getting out into the sun and heat.  usually the winds are so cold that we really suffer after leaving the pool.  that was not the case today.  i felt the heat in the pool but being wet; felt great.  i got a vicarious kick out of everyone entering the pool and getting the initial shock of cold water.  by then, the water no longer felt cold for me.  i was tired and hungry around 3:00 p.m.  i had only eaten a few cherries and a few dates to break my nightly fast.

last night i cooked a pot of chicken soup using wings.  i added carrots, celery and onion.  after a few hours i tasted it.  it lacked depth of taste and it was watery.  i added tumeric, basil, garlic and a bit of ginger.  i decided to add a couple cups of split peas and continued to cook it for another couple of hours.  i removed the wings as best as i could.  i removed the bones and skins to give to the cats outside. i saved the bits of chicken for my dogs.  i cooked some white rice.  i then pureed the soup.  i never made a split pea soup with chicken broth before.  i froze about 4 pints of the soup.  i think it will go well with deli meat sandwiches. i might be having guests in august.

i am having trouble remembering to turn off the gas.  last night i could have sworn that i turned off the gass but i left it on.  luckily, the soup didn't cook out.  today i did the same thing with my chick peas.  i got them off the flame just a split second before they burnt.  i am planning on making chumus for shabbat.  i haven't decided what to make for shabbat dinner. i have some chicken fillets in the freezer so i might make those.  i am fullly stocked up with kale,  the guy from the veggie section of the supermarket ordered them for me.  i am a kaleaholic, you might say.  i am nuts for this stuff.  you must chew it very carefully and slowly.  i love it with any type of pasta.  i love it in my green salads.  i love it in my chicken.  i love it in my stews.

i have been in the house lately until the sun goes down.  after the pool, i find that i nod out.  my cable co. was streaming the rocky movies.  they are pretty short and really badly done but quite entertaining. i watched rocky 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 and i even saw john rambo; also entertaining.  i love blood and guts movies.  last night i noticed that they were streaming all 3 godfather movies.  i watched the first godfather movie last night until 2:30 a.m.  these films are pretty long and epic.  i think they are all over 3 hours.   i watched the second one this morning before i went to the pool.  they are both sensational with incredible actors and great film writing. i am planning on watching the third one after i finish my blog tonight. it is not a great film and doesn't come close to the first two. never, the less, i must watch it.

i may have binged watched all three of the godfather films twice in my life. i do not think i was totally sober while doing this.  anyway ; the rocky movies and the godfather movies stand up to today. they are good movies.  there is so few good movies these days.  everything is a franchise.  everything is a remake.  everything is truly vacuous.  i hopefully, will not fall asleep while i am watching the godfather 3 tonight.  i didn't have my nap today.

i baked a half dozen banana blueberry corn muffins so i will have something for shabbat.  it was too hot to put on the large oven so i made these in the tiny toaster oven.  i had two for supper with 2 boiled eggs.  i had some semi frozen chunks of melon with greek yogurt as a treat.  it is getting hot again.  i will sign off.

The 3 Weeks

 it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i got off to a late start and took the dogs out at 7:30.  i came back and did some laundry.  i mopped the floors.  everything is covered in dog hair and black dust.  i sweep about three times a day and it is still dirty.  i didn't have the energy to throw buckets of soapy water all around the floors.  i did a wet mop job, instead.  i washed down the porch off of the master bedroom; where i have 2 laundry racks.  the dogs lie out there when they need a breeze.  it was pretty dirty. i put out a small comforter .  the dogs like freshly laundered sheets and duvet covers.

yesterday we had a fast day which began the period of time, called the three weeks.  it is a sad time which leads to the major fast of tisha b av, commerating the destruction of the two temples. sadly, my baby sister died three years ago just before the onset of the major fast.  it is a really hard day.  i have always watched holocaust films to keep me in the state of morning but i no longer need any aids.  it is a personal tragic day for me.  in this period of historical mourning, we cease from joyous occassions.  we do not make weddings, or listen to live music.  we do not buy new clothes or houses or furniture. 

it starts out on a minor note of sadness and increases by the day.  on the last 9 days of this period, we refrain from eating meat or drinking wine.  we can have the meat for shabbat meals. nine days of vegetarian meals is always fine for me.  i am not that much of a carnivore. this is not an auspicious time for the jews so we postpone elective surgeries and law suits.  even travelling can be considered dangerous.  we avoid swimming during the nine days. during these nine days, we do not do laundry. we try not to shower for pleasure.  on the fast itself, we do not wear leather shoes. we do not wear freshly laundered clothes.  some allow it on shabbat.

i am hopefully; going to have some friends come for a visit after the nine days end.  yesterday's fast was only from dawn until sunset.  i started fasting at 11:00 p.m. because i had a late meal that night.  i seldom eat after 9:00 p.m.  i fell asleep and woke up at 4:15 a.m.  i had just a few minutes to drink some water before the fast began. i then went back to sleep.  it was a hot day.  i stayed in bed almost all day. i got a phone call from a friend alerting me to the fact that missles from lebanon had fallen in israel in the north.  she was at the pool and the lifeguard had been called to have the bomb shelter opened.  as i lay in my bed; i thought i heard planes and i thought i heard missles falling in the distance.  

later on in the day i took the dogs out.  i heard loud trance music with a thumping beat.  that was the booms i had heard for hours.  as relieved as i was that we were not under attack; i was also hurt that some people were having a loud celebration on the fast day which begins an historic mourning period for the jews. i broke my fast at 8:30 p.m.  i never got to pray.  i was in bed on my phone reading about the three weeks. i heard that a young man was killed by a terrorist.  on tuesday a terrorist rammed his car into 8 people waiting at a bus stop.  he then got out and starting stabbing other people. a young pregnant women while fighting for her life, lost her baby.  

its beginning to feel like tisha b av almost every day.  how many families are losing cherished children and family members on a daily basis? so i ask G-d to help me understand his plan and to help me understand why seemingly, innocent eople are being systematically cut down.  i know that there is nothing new under the sun and that there has always been hard times for the jewish people. i have to pray harder and nudge G-d more vehemently.  someone recently told me that the prayers of elderly women are most pleasing to G-d.  wishing everyone a quiet and peaceful shabbat.

elderly women 

Etiquette When Walking

 it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i just got back from my evening stroll.  it is prettty hot here in the middle east.  i go to the outdoor neighborhood pool for a couple of hours each morning to cool off.  i take a hot shower when i return home and then eat too much food.  i have been passing out for a couple of hours in the afternoon.  i seem to be recharged at around 8:00 p.m.  i haven't seen too many people walking at this hour lately. i actually didn't drag my feet this evening.  i felt energized. i ran for a little bit.

one lady passed me by and we didn't acknowledge each other.  i always woonder if there is a formal etiquette when meeting people during a walk.  i get it that joggers and speed walkers and cyclists are in their zone.  there is a need for spleed that transcends greetings.  however; what about a senior, schlepping along for her 45 minute stroll? every once in awhile, someone will greet me but on the whole; there seems to be obvious rules against this.

i tend to talk to myself as i walk.  i am usually in my own zone.  i never take my phone with me.  i very often shout while i am walking.  i have my demons.  i have imaginary conversations to those individuals, who have mistreated me. i get myself pretty worked up and i do not mean; sweating. meeting people while i am talking to myself is kind of out of the realm of normal.  lucky for me; that it is usuallly the joggers and cyclists who whiz by me. tonight, it was only a fellow senior who passed me by and she felt no obligation to make eye contact or give a greeting.  i do always wonder if there is a rule book for these kinds of situations.

i made 2 types of soup yesterday.  i delivered a few containers to a friend's spouse who is at the moment managing alone. i froze a container of my turkey neck lentil soup for shabbat and i enjoyed a portion of my black bean and chick pea soup for lunch.  i wanted to bake corn bread but the local supermarket was out of corn meal.  i had some sour dough spelt and teff flour bread with some chedder cheese.  teff flour is my newest thing.  the ethiopians have made their flat bread with it for so many years.  it is supposed to be one of those super grains. i found it to be a bit bitter at first.  i don't usually buy sliced bread.  i have been eating sour dough spelt pitas for a while now.  they are smade without sugar or salt. 

i know that most people tend to eat less in the summer time but i have been eating way too much lately. i think i am bored.  i do not find the pool particularly, stimulating. i do not swim nor exert much energy dog paddling around. i do get to cool down.  i have little patience to read during the day and i do not have any projects to do right now.  i do not have any hobbies and i cannot run around town in this heat. so i eat.  i have been trying to lose a bit of weight.  i seemed to have put some on last winter.  i usually lose it quickly in the summer but so far i haven't been successful.  i do not eat processed foods nor do i use vegetable oils.  i do not use sugar or any kind of sweeteners. i avoid ice cream and chocolates.

i am hoping that the grandkids might come to visit this summer.  in the meanwhile, i am going to the pool in the morning and walking in the evrnings.  there isn't much to watch on t.v.  i am waiting for the blacklist to come to its' end.  i am mostly watching reruns on TLC.  such ridiculousness! movies are out of the question.  i can't seem to follow a plot any more and i usually fall asleep during the middle of a film. i do not enjoy eating out any more so my life is pretty simple.  i see my friends at the pool so i do have a bit of interacting every day.  it is what it is.

Almost Shabbat

 it is 6:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  candlelighting is in another hour.  i will walk the dogs soon and then take my daily stroll after i light. it is in the high 80's and epected to get hotter over shabbat.  i spent a couple of hours at the pool and came back tired. i boiled some eggs, grated some beets, and made a green salad with tahina dressing.  i baked a potato and a sweet potato.  last night i made a pot of chicken soup and a pot of chicken legs and red lentils.  i had some lentils and chicken when i returned from the pool. i just had the baked potato.  i am stuffed.  i think i will have the green salad and a salmon fillet for my shabbat dinner.

the dogs had chicken breast and bulgur for lunch. the heat is getting to me.  i was on my t.v. couch talking to a friend for the past hour.  i got her to read my post.  i have been blogging for nearly 14 years now.  i started when i was ranting about the in- laws hogging the first born grandson.  i was pretty angry and overwhelmed in those days.  i guess i still am.  anyway; i was ranting to my sister about the situation and she said that she was hanging up because it was no longer a dialogue.  it was in fact; a monologue. and that is how the zelda monologue was created.  in the past on windows 10, i could read comments.  it was so exciting.  people were reading my blog all over the world.  i never understood it.  most of my followers were my sister's friends from california. but i had followers in china, too.

then i got on to facebook and i got hooked.  i stopped blogging.  i had a smart phone and i never went over to my computer.  i didn't even know that somehow, i no longer had windows 10 anymore.  i was so involved in catching up with old friends. with the advent of covid; i was afraid to blog and afraid to comment on facebook.  i was an anti- vaxer, an enemy of the state, a parasite. i didn't have a green passport.  i couldn't go to movies or use the trains. and i couldn't afford to be kicked off facebook and lose contact with the outside world.

recently, i longed to blog again but i couldn't do it on my phone.  i thought about buying a tablet.  hten i realized that it would be so nice to have a new computer. and then voila, i had one.  blogging again is like getting back on a bike.  it feels so natural.  i can't believe there are people out there who take a moment to read my blog.  it can be tedious.  it can be a lot. but it is the closest thing to a hoby that i have.  i don't think it is likely that i will take up knitting or painting.  this gives me a purpose. it validates my days.  it is good for my memory.  i start each day at 6:00 a.m. and by noon time, i can't remember what has transpired in my life.

the laundry is caught up with and the house is clean.  the dishes are done and the food is cooked. i even have some leftover banana blueberry chick pea flour muffins.  i bought some disney plates and a huge salad bowl that mentions happiness. i need a reminder always to be happy for all my blessings.  i am ready to bring in shabbat.  wishing everyone a quiet and peaceful shabbat!

Back To Me

it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i am getting ready to go to the pool.  they have had large groups of kids every morning this week so we, the older card carrying members; have had to come in the afternoons.  as i start my day at 6:00 a.m.; i am usually tired in the afternoon.  i seem to get my second wind in the late evening.  i have been taking my 45 minute evening strolls at 7:00 p.m.  i have been getting home in the dark.  it has been hard to get my walk done during the heat wave.  i has been too hot during the daytime and too windy in the evening.  i cannot do wind.  i suffered from bells palsey many years ago and i am still quite sensitive to extreme temperatures and the wind is my arch enemy.

i think i had a bit of a stomach bug this week.  i thought it was something i ate on shabbat but i was totally incapacitated on sunday and monday.  i slept during most of the days.  i had the runs and i wasn't up for reading or watching television.  i managed to take the dogs out but i didn't do my dishes, wash my floors or do one bit of laundry.  whatever i ate seemed to go right through me, immediately.  i didn't go near the pool.  we had a heat wave but i felt chilled.  it was not a fun time for me.  on tuesday evening, i forced myself to take a walk.  i felt like i was crawling but i did my 45 minute stroll through my neighborhood.  i went to the pool yesterday for about an hour and a half and i managed to doggie paddle for most of the time.  yesterday was ladies' day.  it was very hot and very crowded.  i had to zig and zag my way through the pool. it was more like roller derby.  i only got kicked, once.

i made buckwheat and whole wheat noodles for supper when i got home.  i have been eating my dinner at around 5:00 p.m.  i can't stand being full later in the evening. i have a fruit around 8:00 p.m. if i am hungry but usually a chai tea with almond milk is enough.  i haven't lost weight this summer.  it is not easy.  i know i eat too much, even though it is all healthy food.  i have been craving icecream and chocolate.  everyone at the pool is gorging on french fries and ice cream bars.  the lifeguards smoke, eat hero sandwiches  and drink energy drinks all day.  i mash up a frozen banana and add a spoon of cocoa powder and make a paste like consistency.  that is my ice cream.  it actually gives me a pick me up and a chocolate fix.  it doesn't have any preservatives and its all healthy.  sometimes, i throw in a hand full of blueberries. 

i seem to wake up every morning with back pain and leg and foot pain.  i think the back pain is from my dog paddling.  i no longer suffer from neck pain.  i have also been experiencing joint pain. i think it might be from eating cherry tomatoes.  i don't eat many nightshades.  i hardly ever have white potatoes and i haven't eaten eggplant in ages.  it is only recently that i have been gorging on these teeny, tiny cherry tomatoes and also eating mini red peppers. they are so firm and sweet.   i must try to eliminate these foods from my diet.  and i must start drinking water.  i tend to forget to drink. it has been really hot here and i seem to go for hours without hydrading.

i finally did the dishes and pots and pans from shabbat.  i mopped the floors and did a couple of loads of laundry.  i guess i am back to me. i had my greek yogurt with oats, walnuts, blueberies and peaches and i had some buckwheat and noodles. is there any reason why i haven't shed any pounds?  it is what it is.  i am addicted to food.  i eat until i can't eat any more.  thank goodness i fast a minimum of twelve hours daily and do some exercize.

Happy Birthday

it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i am pretty much set for shabbat.  the house is clean, the dishes are washed and the pots and pans are put away.  the laundry is all caught up and the linen closet is full.  i made chumus from scratch, broiled some salmon fillets and made saucey chicken with black beans and red lentils.  i took my 45 minute walk this morning before it got too hot.  i had some avocado and spelt bread when i came home.  i got my swim bag in order and went to the pool.  it was fairly empty and i had the pool to myself.  it was hotter than yesterday and i stayed in the water longer.  by noon, i was tired and wanted to get back home.  i had gone with friends to an indoor farmers' market yesterday, so i didn't need to stop at the spermarket today.  

i enjoy walking home in my wet bathing clothes.  i wear a longsleeve leotard and long sport pants. i throw a shirt over the leotard and wear a denim skirt over the pants.  it keeps me cool for the rest of the day.  i feel pretty relaxed.  i already ate several bowls of the lentils and black beans with sauce from the chicken.  i had a container of sauce in the freezer as well as a baggie of cooked black beans so i let them do their magic. i simply, added a bit of salt, some ground ginger,cinnamom and coriander.  i had wanted to make soup but i had no patience to chop vegetables. perhaps on sunday, i will up to it.

i turned 72 this week.  it was my first birthday that i didn't travel to see the grandkids; in awhile.  i am into my own thing these days.  i enjoy being in my home. i clean my house, do laundry, wash my dishes and go to the pool.  i eat green and am sugar free.  i do not eat processed foods nor do i use vegetable oils.  i do not fry anything and i drizzle organic olive oil on everything.  occassionally, i add coconut oil to my baked goods.  i love kale and buy it whenever i see it.  it is not all that popular here.  i do not eat cake or icecream or chocolate any more.  i am pretty much caffeine free.  i love my chai tea with almond milk.  i am pretty boring and a pain in the neck to feed. 

i went out with a couple of gal pals to have a steak on my birthday.  i ordered an entrecot steak off the bone.  it arrived medium rare and medium warm; bordering on medium cold.  it was bland.  i asked for salt.  i like black pepper and salt on my steaks.  it came with a small green salad.  it was dressed with a  sugary dressing.  i could not eat it.  we ordered the house bread.  it was sour dough.  it come with a very hot and spicey spread and nothing else to spread on our few sloces of bread.  i put a couple of drops of olive oil on my slice.  i chose a slice of whole wheat bread with raisins. afterall, it was my birthday celebration.  i somehow, tried to swallow a rather large piece of steak and realized that it wasn't going down.  i thought that i might not live to see my 73rd birthday.  i jumped up, beat my chest and managed to dislodge the piece of meat. the waiter ran over and looked quite disturbed.

i think i am officially off steak from now on.  there was no dessert on the menu so i ordered a glass of black tea.  i thought about having a glass of wine but decided not to, in the end.  i went to the mall after dinner and bought 2 pairs of sketchers' pool sandals on sale. that was my birthday gift to myself.  a very good friend called me from europe.  she was the only one who remembered it was my birthday.  i decided to take it easy.  my birthday is special to me because it is my history.  my record of when i entered this life.  it isn't important for others to celebrate it with me.  actually, i do not enjoy receiving gifts. i usually buy a cake and icecream for the grandkids and give out cash.  i did get a very pretty apron from a friend and i loved it.  i didn't have one and was looking around to buy one.  so i had a steak and got an apron.  life is good.  wishing everyone a peaceful shabbat.

taying Busy

it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i got up at 6:00 a.m. this morning and took the dogs out for their walk.  i do not go far with them. i am fearful of running into loose animals at that hour.  we go around the block until they do their thing.  i came home and put in a batch of laundry.  i am nearly caught up with all of the bedding.  i mopped the floors and cleaned the fridge and the stove top.  i put away the pots and pans and washed some tea cups. i put all the dried sheets and pillow cases in the linen closet. i put up a pot of turkey neck, black bean and lentil soup.  tomorrow is shabbat and i wanted to get a head start in case i spend time at the pool. 

 i am debating on going now to the pool.  it is only in the 70's and looks like rain.  i prefer to go later in the day when it will be warmer and sunny.  the kids start to come about 2:00 p.m. and it gets noisy.  yesterday they had a group until 1:00 p.m. so we elders couldn't do our laps at 10:00 a.m. i also haven't had my breakfast yet.  i usually eat earlier but i had supper last night at 9:00 p.m. it was a an avocado sandwich and a bowl of oats, almond milk and blueberries. i fast for a minimum of 12 hours daily.

the pool used to open at 9:00 a.m. but they had trouble getting lifeguards.  the indoor pool opens at 7:00 a.m. but it is pretty far away if one doesn't have a car.  i prefer an outdoor pool. there is air and there isn't a strong smell of clorine. i basically go to cool off on a hot day.  i am not a swimmer.  i can dog pladdle my way back and forth of a lane.  i read today that dog paddling builds uppper core body strength, which i sorely, lack.  so i guess, i don't feel totally lame.

i read on facebook this morning that a friend's 21 year old son in australia was in a serious motor bike accident and undergoing knee surgery.  i wish them well but it gives me the shakes.  my neighhbor's nephew was killed in an accident many years ago and his older brother was left a parapalegic; a few years later.  i wish they were outlawed. israelis are pretty wild drivers but the ones on motor bikes, are the scariest of the lot of drivers.

i don't hink i am ready to plunge into a pool of cold water.  i am already pretty  tired. i have been on my feet for the past 4 hours.  i think i will have a large green salad and a cup of chai tea with almond milk.  then i will do my 45 minute walk and do a bit of shopping.  i am well stocked with lettuce, brocoli and kale for the moment.  i have lovely pink lady apples and mini plums from a local neighborhood tree.  i want to buy a decorative laundry bag; if there is such a thing and a suction hook to hang my extension cord on the wall. right now i have it hanging onto a bucket over the dogs' food and water bowls.  i also need a new salad bowl. i accidentally knocked mine over resulting in hundreds of shards and pieces of porceline all over the kitchen floor.  it took me forever to sweep it all up and i am still finding pieces.

 there was a bad odor of  sewerage in my kitchen.  i suspected it was coming from the washing machine.  i opened up a home perfume sticks bottle of patchuli and vanilla and placed it on my floor next to the sewage pipe and opened the window.  it didn't really help. i hesitantly, pushed the pipe of the washing machine further into the swer pipe and it seemed to do the trick. one less problem averted.  my soup looks a bit thin so i might add a potato.  i will take my walk after i have my salad.

Going Swimming

 it is 1:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  at 10:00 a.m. there was a group today at the pool so i am waiting for them to file out before i enter. it is pretty hot today.  i did not check the forcast to see how hot it really is.  i ate my huge green salad with lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, black olives, scallions and kale and had a banana and blueberry muffin made from chickpea flour.  i added a dallop of rocotta cheese on the salad for protein.  i am trying desparately to get rid of the extra holiday pounds i acquired.  i started eating green, more or less; during covid.  i also started intermittent fasting.  i pretty much, fast for 12 to 14 hours every day. i know its not that much but i do it, regardless.

i try to get my daily 45 minute stroll done when the sun goes down.  i used to walk much faster.  at least, i keep it moving.  i am hopeless at swimming.  i manage to doggie paddle my way in the lane and do about 10 -12 laps.  it takes me forever.  my girlfriend does 40 laps in half the time.  what can i say?  new yorkers were not known for their swimming prowess. i do love to be in the water.  it's good for me to be out of the house for a few hours.  i tend to overeat when i am home.  it doesn't matter that i basically, only eat natural foods; too many calories and little movement only leads to no good.

i weigh myself once a year.  i usually take a random piece of clothing and try it on.  if the waste is loose i know i have lost a bit of weight.  if the waistband is tight , i know that i gained weight and check what i eat.  a friend of mine, weighs herelf every single day.  sometimes more than once.  she remains to be thin and doesn't gain an ounce.  i am not that dedicated.  i do not take stock in numbers.  i am not my dress size nor i am the amount of kilos i carry.  i am a semi- active senior who still can clean her house by herself.  i just threw in 3 loads of laundry .  my house is clean and i am able to keep myself clean.  i am thankful for the strength i do have. ten ears ago i went through treatment for cervical cancer.  they discovered a brain tumor during a routine body scan and more recently, they discovered a tumor in my left lung.  on both counts i am symptom free.

i remain positive most of the time.  i do have my moments. i blog because it helps keep my brain working and helps sharpen my memory.  i find that i forget words and names all the time. i try to stay as organized as possible to help me find things more easily.  like most people, i am always serching for my cell phone.  most of the time it is in my hand. blogging helps me vent. helps me spew out tention.  it gets me to have a monologue and a platform.  it gives me a moment to myself and i have a room all for myself.

Remembering

 it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  a friend texted me a list of 5 things to do to improve one's brain function and memory.  at our age we tend to stoop a bit , not be so positive and not eat such a healthy diet; and not really, work up a sweat.  it appears that we must get more physical, eat more veggies and green salads and fish, stand up straighter and think positive.  we must write a list of ten ideas that we have everyday. we must do things that makes us happy.  we must affirm every time we are happy.  we must keep our lists.   i am bloggimg and sitting up straight right now.  i am trying to stay positive.  i hope my blog contains at least ten ideas i have.

i didn't go to the pool this morning.  it is quite cool in my home and i dread going into the pool when the water is very cold unless it is an extremely hot day. i truly prefer walking to dog paddling.  when i walk i am alone and get to meditate.  it can prove to be most dangerous; as kids go whizzing by me on their motorized scooters and bikes.  it seems like these vehicles are mostly ridden without the good old fashioned bells. one false move to the right and one could be a gonner.  i guess that is not the most positive thing to think on my daily walk. i guess i will have to change that thought.

i have been using my new toploader washing machine by hoover.  life has become so normalized.  no more bending on my knees to wash things in the bathtub.  no more squeezing out water from towels. no more running to the porch with soaking wet clothes held closely to my stomach in the winter.  no more soaking wet clothing.  how did i go three years without a washing machine? i keep asking myself when did i give up on life?  i get so angry i resort to screaming.  i talk to myself and rant.  i also, unfortunately; rant to all of my friends.  i take 45 minute walks and i lately rant to G-d.  i have been lucky not to have met anyone i know; during one of my rants.

my posture has been awful.  i have been stooped over while i walk.  i have been experiencing back pain lately.  i thought i had strained my back in the pool.  it might be due to the heat wave we have had. and i am one, who finds it difficult to drink enough water.  i used to be a coffee addict but i haven't idulged in any in over ten years.  sddenly one day; the smell of coffee nauseated me.  i used to live near a coffee factory in safed. i tried on various occassions to make a coffee and it all resulted in me pouring them down the drain.  i am now a chai tea person/addict who must have it with sugarless almond milk.

i do not have a lactose intolerance.  i just, cannot stand the smell of milk. this too, happened suddenly. the same thing goes for sugar.  i cannot stand the taste of cane sugar, honey or maple syrup.  i eat a few dates every day and i like my fruit but i cannot stand cakes, cookies or muffins that are sweetened.  i also developed a dislike of products with yeast.  i buy spelt pitas that are sugar, salt and yeast free.  i have become a freak.  i am not gluten free but i do not feel well after eating poofed up bread.  i also have a fear of preservatives.  no E's for me if i can avoid it.  so; will all of these changes in my diet help me preserve my brain function and will i start to remember all of the words for things that i have forgotten recently?. 

Almost Shabbat

it is 3:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i went to the pool this morning.  it opens at 10:00 a.m.  usually the seniors are doing their laps at that time.  i don't swim.  i doggie paddle.  it isn't comfortable and i can't do more than 20 laps.  that takes hours to accomplish.  i like to cool off and be at the pool when it ivery hot and quiet there.  i can't stand when the teenagers come. they jump, they splash, they scream and they interrupt the seniors doing their laps.  they usually do not stay in the water that long.  they sun bathe, and eat and then come back in. ny then i am done.

i got to the pool at 10:30 a.m.  the pool was nearly empty .  my gal pals were already doing their laps.  it was hot and the water wasn't cold so i didn't need to get acclimated to the water.  i was doing my laps when the sky turned black.  one of my friends got out of the pool. it looked like it was going to start raining.  i stayed in.  a moment later i heard the thunder so i got out. we saw the lightning and decided to get going.  we live a couple of blocks from the pool.  i walked home in the downpour.  i was already wet from the pool so i didn't really care.

i got home and quickly rinsed out my pool clothes. i swim in a leotard and exercise tights and a turban.  i took a hot shower and went into the kitchen to grab some lunch.  i had baked a huge sweet potato for this evening's shabbat meal but it was still hot and i couldn't resist.  afterwards; i helped myself to a turkey wing and a leek; also prepared for shabbat.  i added the rest of the buckwheat groats i had cooked earlier in the week.  i had thought about eating it tonight.

i am uncomfortably stuffed now.  i made a couple of salmon filets in the toaster oven.  i can not use my oven now that i have plugged in my new hoover top loader washing machine to the same outlet.  after i finished eating everything; i found an extension cord and connected the oven to another outlet.  problem solved.  however, the extenson cord hangs over the dogs' food bowls and it makes me a tad nervous.  i will have to venture out on sunday and buy a couple of suction hooks so i can hang up the extension cord on the wall.  

i did tons of laundry yesterday in my new washing machine.  i have been washing everything in the bathtub for the past three years.  what a difference!  i feel like a queen.  i cooked most of the shabat food yesterday, after i did the laundry.  i made a small cholent of meat, potatoes and black beans and  i have bones for the dogs to enjoy.  i also made a few turkey wings with leeks and carrots.  i baked banana,blueberry and walnut muffins.  i used chick pea flour, almond milk and a bit of coconut oil.  this is a made up recipe. it is not rocket science.  sometimes i get a baker's dozen and sometimes i get less.  yesterday, i got 9.  i baked them in individual cups because i couldn't fit the muffin tin in my tiny toaster oven.

i usually indulge in a muffin or two on shabbat.  my baking relies on bananas for its sweetness.  i do not use sugar, honey,  maple and agave syrups or stevia.  i do occassionally; but really; hardly ever; drizzle a bit of honey on something.  sometimes, i add a bit of almond flour to the chick pea batter.  yesterday i did not.  they slid out of the aluminum muffin tins, easily.  they were kind of flat. i like them dense.  i don't like fluffy bread or muffins. i do not serve my baked goods to my friends.  these are reserved for me. likewise; i   do not partake of my friends' baked goods.  they are much too sweet for me.

i cleaned and mopped the floors yesterday while i was doing laundry.  so, i am done and ready for shabbat.  the house is clean, i am showered and the food is done.  i might make a salad for later.  i just baked a couple of beets to serve sliced.  i am a lady of leisure.  i honestly, am too tired to move right now. my back aches from the dog paddling and i am too tired to take my daily walk.  maybe i will go out later this evening.  who knows?   wishing you all a shabbat shalom!

A Brave New World

 it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  we buried another young man this week in the military section of the safed cemmetery.  this young man was a border police soldier.  he was a commander at the 'ripe' old age of 20 years old.  an egyptian border policeman went into our space and murdered 3 young soldiers. it was no accident.  and it was not any battle.  it was a terrorist attack.  the other two soldiers were 19 and 20 years old.  i didn't know about this or i would have gone to the burial.

i am pretty sure that most of the town was there.  that's 2 young safed men murdered in the prime of their lives within 2 weeks of each other.  it is almost too hard to bare. safed is a small town in the north.  when i came in 1984; the population wasn't yet 6000 people. with the massive russian and ethiopian immigration throughout the years; it has grown considerably but it is still a little town. most people know the family of the slain soldier.

i skipped the pool this morning because the technician for my new hoover top loading washing machine came this morning.  i bought the machine back in january.  it took me a while to get a plumber to install a faucet and new pipes.  that was after i got another plumber to unblock the sewer pipe.  i hadn't used this sink since i moved here.  that's almost 22 years.  i couldn't get a plumber to install the machine without a technician coming to set it up and test run it.  it took a couple of months for me to get the apliance store to order the technician to come to safed.

i had a maytag for many years.  it was a tank.  i couldn't get a plumber to successfully hook it up to the hot water tap so i used it with cold water.  it was okay for anything that wasn't stained.   i then had people staying in my downstairs and they used my laundry area for their machine so believe it or not; i did my laundry in the bathtub for 3 years.  i had wanted to make a laundry upstairs but someone dicided that they needed the space. there didn't appear anywhere to set one up, apparently.

today, i stayed home and did 3 batches of laundry.  it is amazing and so very easy. easy on the back and easy on the knees.  who knew??? i did most of my towels and the spinning cycle is amazing.  the towels are just slightly damp.  i was used to wringing them out by hand and running way across the house with soaking wet, heavy towels and leaving behing puddles of water.  how ridiculous.  it is amazing how  one can deprive themselves of normal comfort for so long.

i also was using a small refrigerater for a couple of years because my normal large one, needed a new chip. i needed to play around with everything in the freezer and rearrange the order so i could add other food items. i learned to put all cooked food into containers because i couldn't fit any pots in the fridge. it's actually not the best to store food in pots but we all do it.  i came into a bit of money and bought myself a larger fridge.  it is still not a large fridge but i am managing. it is white.  it was hard to get used to.  i then bought a small top loader washing machine which has remained unused for 5 months.  i also bought a new computer so i could blog again. i used that right away.

my new motto is taking care of zelda.  at 72, i am finally putting myself first.  i am making sure that i am comfortable and that everything works in my house.  i have slowly taken back my power and am trying to live a good life.  i go to the neighborhood pool to relax, dog paddle a bit and get out of the house for a coupple of hours.  i try to do a 45 minute stroll every day.  i try to eat green.  i try to stay away from too many chemicals.  i want to be the best zelda i can be.

A New Week

it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  just got back from my daily/ nightly walk.  it was way too hot to walk during the day. i made it to synagogue to hear the weekly torah portion.  there was no airconditioner or fans running.  i tried to breathe and not panic.  i thought about going home but i was tired.  as it was, i left before the service ended.  as soon as i left the synagogue, huge rain drops descended.  it was like hailing by the time i got home. i live about five minutes from the synagogue.  i was definately wet, but not soaked.  it was strange.  the rain was actually cold.  i expected warm rain on such a hot day.  it was around 90 degrees out and the size of the drops falling were llike hail balls.  i didn't run.  i looked around.  it was like summer and winter all rolled into one.

i quickly changed into dry clothes and made kuddush.  i drank some wine.  i had a lovely salad waiting for me and i added bits of cooked salmon and a hard cooked egg.  i didn't leave the electric hot plate on.  i had luke warm chai tea with almond milk.  i had a baked sweet potato for dessert. it was sweeter than any pastry i could have wanted.  i bentched and went to lie down.  i was very tired.  i guess the heat knocked me out.  i slept for a few moments and got up.  i spent the day reading a dick francis murder mystery.

at 4:00 p.m. i took the dogs out.  it was a bit windy but definately, still hot.  i decided to wait until the sun went down to go out again. i went back in and had another salad.  i am trying to shed a few unwanted pounds.  i hadn't gained weight in a while.  i recently started binge eating again.  it is now considered an eating disorder like bulemia or anorexia.  i had not indulged in quite a while. i try not weighing myself and usually can tell by how my clothes fit if there is a change.  i guess i goofed.

i need to be out of the house for a few hours so that i don't just eat out of boredom.  although, i eat mostly healthy and unprocessed foods and avoid sugar, you can gain weight by just eating too much.  today i made sure to eat alot of green salad with a bit of protein.  i used to eat salad three times a day.  i don't remember when i stopped.  i am back to working 45 minutes a day.  i used to walk much more than that.  most of my friends do not walk much for various reasons.  hopefully, i will get myself back on track soon. i find it hard to do my walk and also do the pool.  i will cut down on the amount i eat and try to be conscious of when i eat and why.