it is 6:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed. it is thankfully, quiet in the north. it is a nightmare in the country. we are all traumatized. i went to visit my neighbor this morning. i wanted to see a nother human being. the streets are empty. we have been told to stay inside. i haven't taken a walk in 5 days. i ache all over. it was so lovely to sit with a friend and drink a cup of tea. my friends joke that it is like covid, yom kippur and tisha b'av but with food. our soldiers aren't getting too much in that department. thy are on the run. volunteers have given them tons of sweets and bambas but i think protein bars is what they need. there are pickups all over safed to send food parcels and supplies to these dear young men. i saw a video today from one soldier requesting hydration packets. i feel that there is a lot of unity in the country. we are mostly numb. a friend is comimg over to spend shabbat with me. i cleaned the downstairs and the safe room. we downloaded the app for the home front command. we have a transister radio. i am too tired today to cook. i will try to make us a decent shabbat meal in the morning. i am scared that we may not have a peaceful shabbat. i have never felt this type of fear.
i want to prepare the downstiars for a long stay. i need to get someone to help me carry down a small fridge. i want to put it in the safe room in case we need a cold snack or fruit. i am beginning to shake. i feel guilty because our youth is holding strong. i want to be strong, too. i am safe in my house. i have what i need. i am not under attack, but i cannot feel calm. i cannot enjoy the moment. i need to drink some water. i need to have a sweet. then i will take a hot shower. i need to walk my dogs but i am scared to. if i see a man at the end of the street, even if it is a neighbor; i freak, i imagine it is a terrorist. last night the sirens went off. i was very disorganized. i went to my safe room without my phone. i ran back upstairs to fetch it. the dogs didn't want to come into the safe room. they are nervous. they sense something is off. they were not allowed to go downstairs for three years because i had family using the apartment.
there were 5 sirens but no"booms" we were told to stay in the safe rooms and shelters. i didn't know. i came back upstairs. there were rumors of the lebanese border being breached. i started shaking. there is a lot of misinformation. today we heard an explosion. there were videos of it. the mayor called to let us know that it was a practice. why couldn't we have been briefed before the explosion. these are very scarey times. i must get the courage to walk my dogs. i feel that familiar tightness in my chest and in my stomach. i am not afraid to sit in my safe room and ride out the missiles. i am afraid that i will be attacked or worse, G-d forbid. i must try to be strong and talk to G-d. i must try to see the good in this horrible situation. i survived cancer. i was in the gulf war and the second lebanese war in 2006. my faith was stronger then. i was younger then. there were no reports of taking elders captive then. we have seen unbelievable acts of cruelty and savagery. it is like watching the holocaust with arab subtitiles.
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