Tuesday, October 26, 2010

peaceful bliss

it's 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. all is peaceful. i am actually feeling calm. i have been so uptight lately, with the kid's move and trying to reorganize my space. i have been trying very hard to rid myself of many of my mom's nick nacks, and i have been dealing with probating my parent's will and of course, the fallout from the will.

it isn't a very pleasant situation, to say the least. i found myself, once again, ranting to whomever would listen. i embellished my stories and dramatized them to the point of tears. i went through the past 30 years of my living in zefat and dealing with my sibling here.

i was getting pretty weirded out. i was also getting bombarded with warnings from my friends and other siblings to protect what is mine. i was seeking out validation from anyone who would lend an ear. i was doubting my right to exist. i was stuffing my face with containers of icecream and packages of cake. i was living in my night gown.

i finally broke down and went to see my homeopath. i also went to visit my daughter in law's mother. we kind of caught up and tried to 'one up' each other on our grandchild raising skills. i was told that my giving him pieces of cucumber was dangerous. i was also told that putting molasses in his milk was questionable.

she told me that the baby was totally comfortable there with all of the kids to play with and i immediately began feeling inadequate. sahar has only the dog to play with here. she also insinuated that perhaps my speaking to him in english was not beneficial. i, of course, tried to confer that experts have said that one should speak to a child in his original language. i left however, feeling that i was too boring and not stimulating enough for my 13 month old grandson and that somehow, i was impeding his speech progress.

i rehashed the inheritance dilema with the homeopath, and she agreed that i was most deserving of the bulk of the will. i felt that she was trying not only to validate my feelings, but to also, present a case scenario for me. she gave me a couple of drops of her magic potion and i immediately, became quiet and calm. it was so great.

now when i 'discuss' certain issues, i am unemotional. i do not rant. i did, feel a bit queasy at the lawyer's office this morning but i managed to deal with it. i then went over to the seniors' center and everyone seemed to be in a bad mood. no one felt like talking to me and no one seemed to care that i had come to visit, either.

i ran to the hardware store to make another key for gal. she lost hers after just a couple of days. as i was leaving to go to town yesterday, i decided not to leave my key outside in the planter. i figured that i'd be home before gal got back from work. that little voice in the back of my head said to leave the key. i had gotten accustomed to listening to the voice but i didn't yesterday.

gal got back early, and climbed in from the front window and fell and hurt her leg. i got back a little while after. listen to that inner voice! it's an angel taking care of us, always.

1 comment:

  1. You are a person of value and are deserving!
    You took care of your parents in their later years (maybe consult a rav as opposed to just a lawyer).
    And the next time you want to pig-out, ring me and we can do something together even over the phone.
    Sahar sounds like he is developing beautifully. I can see about the cucumber but language other savta is wrong.