This Is The End, My Friend

it is 9:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  Pesach has just ended in Israel.  i will put my pesach things away tomorrow.  we have a nice break until Shabbat.  i have chicken soup leftover so i won't be doing much more cooking.  i might make some hotdogs tomorrow for me and the dogs.  they are no longer eating the puppy chow.  they want only people food.  the little one likes matzah but she also likes eating buttons and safety pins so there's no accounting for her taste.

it was another really quiet day.  it was like summer, really hot and sunny.  i took the dogs out several times.  there was only a hand full of young people out.  no one was wearing masks.  i spent the morning praying.  it is so different not going to services.  i really get to concentrate and it seems so much more meaningful.  today we said the prayer for our departed parents.  i cried my heart out.  they have both been gone for over a decade but everything is magnified in isolation.

i thought about Shavuot recipes this afternoon.  i wonder if we will be alone for Shavuot.  if so, i want to make a low calorie sugarless cheesecake for myself.  i may even make a small lasagna for one.  who knows what will be.  i'll probably just buy some good cheese and fruit and call it a day.  i thought about making cocoa, date and walnut balls yesterday.  i cracked a bag of walnuts and i peeled about a cup of dates; but in the end, i decided not to make them.  i just ate the nuts and the dates with some yogurt.

i haven't had any chocolate or sugar in about ten months.  i had a bit of sugar in a not so healthy type of peanut butter and i did have some bread pudding at the yeshiva; which was packed with sugar.  that was quite some time ago.  when i make my oat flour muffins; i add blueberries and almond extract.  sometimes i add a banana and that gives me the sweetness that i crave.  being sugar free is a lifestyle rather than a diet.  when i eat an apple it seems sweet by itself.  in fact, i like to have it with peanut butter.  in the past, i needed to add honey.  i don't really have food cravings anymore.

i think the Sephardi grandma is making morracan  pancakes downstairs.  it is their custom to make these the moment after pesach ends.  i don't know how they do it.  i have absolutely no strength to do anything right now. i had some wine before and i can hardly stand.  i decided that i will not be going out for bread tomorrow morning.  i still have matzah and i have a bag of corn tortillas.  i still have plenty of food so i will stay put.  i don't want to run into a lot of people.  i am becoming fearful of youngsters.  i will stay in my high risk lane for a little while longer.