Seder For One

it is 9:30 P.M. in the holy city of safed.  the first part of the pesach holiday ended an hour ago.  being alone for seder night was a bit of a challenge.  i set the table which holds eight; for one. i took out a table setting for one from the pesach china.  i usually use decorative disposable when the family is here.  i think it's been ten years since i used real dishes and silverware on pesach.  the table looked quite empty so i took out the colored pillows that the kids had once made in gan and set them in front of the chairs, opposite me.  all in all, being alone was actually, a gift.  there were no distractions from reading the hagadah.  at one point the dogs seemed hungry so i took out chicken and carrots from the soup to feed them.  they didn't bark or bother me.  i love the kids dearly, but quite honestly; it was pleasant to be alone for the seder.  i was able to take an hour nap before the seder.  i'm usually still running around up until the seder doing prep work.  i had no one coming last minute who needed to be fed.  i had no one fighting or crying or falling asleep at the table.  i got to read commentaries in English and i had piece of mind.  it felt very intimate.  it was like reading the story of the Passover for the first time.

after many years of being the nurturer and the caregiver and catering to everyone else's needs; i got to care and nurture myself.  i made a simple chicken soup and salmon for the meal.  i didn't bother with side dishes this year.  i did whip up some hard cooked eggs and avocado and i made a small Israeli salad of diced cucumbers and tomatoes.  i skipped the onions.  i have the custom of peeling all fruits and veggies so there is additional work to be done.  the charoset; which we use for the seder to remember the mortar for the bricks, was delicious.  i  used pink lady apples, walnuts, dates and fresh ginger and added a bit of dry red wine after it was ground like a paste.  everything yesterday tasted so good.  i don't use spices on pesach besides ginger root, pepper corns and salt.  i also was starving ; not having eaten anything but fruit all day.  tomorrow is friday and i'll have the whole day to cook more food for Shabbat and be more creative.

when the kids are here i usually make: mashed potatoes, orange chicken, beets, egg salad, schnitzels, chicken soup, fried eggplant and a lettuce salad.  i also buy chumus for them.  last year i made shepherd's pie. it was great not having to make that much food this year.  i ate the matzah with gusto.  i chewed very slowly.  i didn't get up or rush to bring the food out.  i sat like a guest.  i participated in the seder.  i am usually too tired to even read along.  i drank the first cup of wine and didn't nearly pass out.  i actually, drank all four glasses of wine and felt okay.  i didn't serve dessert or coffee.  i finished the seder at 11:00 P.M and took the dogs for a walk.  no one was outside.  it was eerie. i thought that i might see a sign in the sky or something mystical, but no such luck.  i did see giant white clouds that looked that they were made of absorbent cotton.  i also heard a man hacking away and i got scared that he was the corona ghost/angel of death.  he was just someone going home from a family seder, coughing freely and not using a mask.  it definitely, unnerved me.