Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Purim Is All Gone

it's 6:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. purim came and went. i haven't been out of the house since sunday night. what can one expect after 12 hours straight of drinking pina coladas. today it's wednesday, shuk day in zefat. i wonder if they had a shuk today. it's been raining on and off. i already blogged my story but i hit the wrong button and lost the entire blog. what fun! i haven't cleaned up after purim yet.

in the end, we were only 10 at the purim table. i made, way, too many hamentashen and rum balls. i also prepared too many chicken wings and meatballs. i usually can gage this better, but i was expecting about 14 for dinner. the kids decided to go to gal's family for the day. i was, honestly, glad not to have to chase after sahar while i was drinking.

i was pretty exhausted on saturday night. i had taken care of sahar all of shabbat day and i had been on my feet all of friday, cooking for shabbat and purim. the kids had decided to be home for shabbat and of course, only let me know on thursday night. my gal pal came running over, all upset, on saturday afternoon. she had lost all of the purim wigs and her gloves. she actually, expected that i would be upset, too. i told her that it was no big deal. we would simply go to plan 'b' and wear human grey wigs. afterall, we were trying to emulate the queen of england. i gave her a pair of short white gloves and a short grey wig.

as soon as shabbat ended, i did the dishes and then jumped into a shower. i then tried to get into my dress. i needed my girl friend to zip me up and safety pin me shut. i gave her something to wear and i started making up my face. i wasn't going for glamerous, but somehow, i achieved it. i wore my mom's mink stole and long white gloves.

my girl friend decided that she didn't want to go to the all female party at the chabad house. she opted for the mixed party at a gallery in the artist colony. i left her off at the gallery and climbed up the hill to the chabad house in the old city. when i got there they were just in the middle of the megillah. afterwards, i decided to try to start the show, because it was really getting late. we really wanted to make it to the other party.

we asked the mc's if we could do our shtick first, as we were planning to leave. we were rejected rather easily. afterall, they had their rules and regulations. we hadn't gone to the grand rehearsal in the monsoon rains. who were we anyway?? i had originally, planned to interrupt the show from the audience, after a couple of acts, and spring into our shidduch shtick. it would not have gone over very big here. this group were, way, too serious for us. it didn't matter that we had iniated the first purim party at the chabad house many years ago. as we were told, that was then, and this was now.

we left in a mock 'huff' and promised to return to perform. we shlepped over to the other party and it was dead there. as soon as i arrived, i was ushered onto the stage and given a chair to sit in. they announced that the queen of england had arrived. i sat there and gave the queen's wave, while they snapped my picture for a while. it was pretty neat. a little girl begged to dance with the queen. i put my stole around her and swung her around. she was so happy.

my pal and i made our way back to the stage and did an impromtu skit. she grabbed the mike and asked me what i wanted from her. i answered that i wanted a shidduch. that got a big laugh. we got a round of applause when we told the crowd that we had just been kicked out of the chabad house. my friend then broke into her humorous song called 'he's gorgeous'. i pranced around her and made adoring faces. it was a huge hit. those little kids really loved us!

we then made our way back to the chabad house and they were only up to the 5th act. we were supposedly, the 16th act. we ended up staying, way too long. i felt very guilty about ditching my friend so we left again. it was nearly midnite. when we got back to the gallery my friend had already left. so, we shlepped back to town and i caught a taxi home. i was really frustrated, having missed the dance party and not being able to perform.

when i got home, my friend wasn't here. i somehow, got out of my dress and took off my stage makeup. she finally showed up. she had gone to the chabad house to find me and had returned to the party, too. how we didn't run into each other is still a mystery. she got a ride back home. i ended up being on the phone with my gal pal til 3:30 a.m. it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

i got up at 9:00 a.m. and got ready to hear the megillah. i felt like crap. i didn't know how i was going to be ready for the meal at 3:00 p.m. i got back from shul and poured myself a pina colada. forget about coffee! i felt better immediately, so i kept on drinking while i set the table, made the chicken and salad, put the food on the hot plate and gave out shaloch manot to neighbors.

on saturday, i was feeling goofy. i put a stocking cap on my head to feign baldness, and then put on the white knitted kippah with didelocks. everyone laughed hysterically, so i decided to wear it for the purim meal. i had told my friend that we were all dressing up in leopard. i knew she'd flip.

my girlfriend came over early. she was dressed as a chassidic rebbe. she really looked like a little man. i decided that she was the 'kvetcher' rebbe and i was her bacchur. i made facial hair with my mascara and darkened my eyebrows. i put on a long white dress and looked like a yemenite chassid. we went next store to the neighbors and shocked the heck out of them. i gave out shots of whiskey and left.

we gave out chocolate lollies and bags of nash to everyone we met on the street. when the guests arrived, i invited them in to the kvetcher rebbe's tish. i kept on drinking and served the meal in character. i blasted jewish trance music and stayed by my rebbe's side throughout the meal. zvi came home and nearly plotzed when he saw us. i looked so much like him, it was scarey. we then went on to another household to hear the megillah and do our rebbe shtick.

i then went to visit my sister who was shocked to see me dressed up like that. i ended up at gal's family for awhile and then went home with gal. i stayed in bed all of monday. i had wanted to visit the seniors but i couldn't get it together. i spent the day eating left over purim chocolates. i even, fell asleep in my costume. i somehow, managed to clean off the makeup. i had sahar with me yesterday and today, and i may have him tomorrow, too. i don't know when i'll get my place in order.

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