Tired Of Living

it is 10:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  just got up an hour ago.  poor dog tried his best to rouse me from my deep sleep to let him out.  it is still cold and nasty outside.  my house is freezing.  I do not feel like going to work.  I do not feel like cooking and I do not feel like washing pots and pans.  I want to go back to bed. I had another sleepless night.  I watched the lady gaga star is born movie last night.  wow! it was so good.  I was so tired but I would not let myself go to sleep.  I think I watched another movie  after that.  I can't even remember what I watched.

I had a heater right next to the bed but I was still freezing. even the dog was under the covers.  I feel like having a hot chocolate.  I have been eating well but I haven't been able to get under 2000 calories.  I had some frozen raspberries last night.  they hurt my teeth.  nothing tastes great. my eyes are burning and I have a toothache.  the kids are coming to safed for Shabbat.  I might get to see them.  they are going to the Sephardi sister's for Shabbat. they live a good 20 minutes from here.  I really wanted to go to Jerusalem this weekend. oh well.....

I am literally burnt out; my brain as well as my fingers.  I actually went to and from work yesterday by bus. I have been cabbing it every day.  I think to day will be a taxi day. I wish I could drink coffee.  I could use a strong shot of caffeine right now.  the green tea with mint doesn't quite do it for me.  it is an out Shabbat for the yeshiva so I only have to cook lunch on Thursday and supper on sunday.  I have been making really quickie meals lately.  I might have to do falafel this morning.  it is a lot of work.  I don't think I'm up for it.  yesterday I made 4 packages of bow tie noodles with a pot of ratatouille. I also served a bunch of baked sweet potatoes and salad.  there wasn't one bow left.

I might make couscous soup today and falafel on the side. or I might make falafel with frozen French fries.  the fries take almost two hours to bake.  I already gave them baked potatoes this week with quinoa and soup and salad. I have other ideas but too little energy. last night I made shepherd's pies and green lentils and bulgur for the vegans.  I am getting tired of the vegans.  the non gluten student returned. I am not in the mood for these' special food' needs students. I need a spa day.