Baby It's Cold Outside 2019

it is 10:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  it is freezing in the middle east!  they predict that tonight will drop down to 0 degrees celcius.  that may be 33 degrees farenheit but with the wind chill factor it is much colder.  it snowed a bit up here today.  I thought my soup making days was coming to an end last week when it was warm and sunny.  I cabbed to work this afternoon and immediately chopped up pumpkin, carrots, onions and sweet potatoes and made a huge pot of spicy soup.  I made a  savory  peppery noodle kugel and sautéed a lot of zucchini with onions and red peppers.  I  made a large quantity of tahini and cut up a lot of cucumbers and tomatoes.  I wanted to make an eggless chocolate cake but I ran out of time.  one of the students said the meal was great.  go know?

I made a tuna loaf, rice and baked sweet potatoes for their supper.  I did the washing up and floor and left at 6:30 p.m.  I couldn't add up my hours because I was too tired to see and didn't have my reading glasses with me.  I took the shuttle bus to a small grocery shop in town and bought turkey necks, cauliflower, frozen cherries, sweet potatoes, fresh mint, celery, zucchini and avocado for Shabbat.  luckily, I quickly caught a cab home.  I was too tired to make the turkey neck soup tonight. I  defrosted a small package of chicken livers.  I want to make some chopped liver for dinner tomorrow.  I am still on my diet and trying very hard to shed some pounds.

I bought a can of sour kraut and boiled up a few chicken franks, added some French mustard and I was in heaven.  I cooked up some cauliflower and I am feeling no pain.  the dog got hamburgers and rice for his dinner.  the smell of the hamburger turned me off tonight. I want to make a non gluten brownie for Shabbat.  it is made with eggs, peanut flour, avocados, banana and cocoa.  I need to add either maple syrup or honey.  I might try to skip the sweetener altogether.  perhaps, if I add some natural almond extract it will be okay.  I have been drinking hot chocolate lately without the sugar.  hopefully, the banana will be sweet enough.  maybe, i'll add some frozen cherries and cranberries.  I have been craving something chocolaty for a while, now..

I came to work without my reading glasses today. I use them for everything.  I even watch television with them on.  I cannot eat or prepare food without them.  I thought about running to town to buy another pair but it was hailing for hours and I stayed put.  I don't know how I managed to cook. I know that blind people cook so I don't know why I panicked.  it was a strain all right but I plowed through.  I must remember to leave a pair at work.  I have tons of them.  I bought one for every room in the house.  some times I lose them and then I find them in clusters in the master bedroom.  I need to get my eyes checked out.  I think I may have cataracts.

I have to start getting my medical papers in order.  I need to do a pet scan in april and then go to the oncologist.  I need to do a blood test first to make sure my kidney functions are okay.  I then need a doctor's letter stating that I need a taxi to the hospital one way.  I also need to schedule an MRI of my brain and see the neurologist in may.  before that, I need to do a peripheral vision test.  I need to find a doctor who has enough patience to do all of the required forms in one session.  last year the doctor spent an hour trying to convince me to go on antidepressants.  when it came to writing the letters, she freaked  and refused to spend any more time on me.  I forced her to 'lie' for me and write the letters.  I need to find the time to see a doctor.

 I am usually too tired in the morning to function.  I do not sleep very well during the week.  I usually hang out until I feel like I can actually stand and then shower and cab it to work around 1:00 p.m. I serve 26 young men lunch at 2:20 p.m.  I should write a book on how to make a simple meal for 30 in under 1 1/2 hours.  I usually use dried beans and chickpeas but in my book I will use canned beans to save time.  I think it could be quite fun.  of course, the recipes won't be tested.  I am famous for giving out my recipes.  I am always forgetting an ingredient or changing something like brown sugar for white or vice versa.  maybe I should start a food blog???

Shabbat Shalom

it is 3:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  I just finished up washing all of the coffee cups and dishes that were stacked up from the past week.  my dairy sink got blocked up and I had to remove the small accordion shaped plastic pipe and clean it out.  I was lucky that it was not all that big a deal.  I thought at first that I would need to call the repairman.  I did a real sponger using several buckets of soapy water this morning and the floor is still wet.  it was trashed with dog pee, hair, muddy paw prints and backed up sewer water, as well as safed red dirt. 

I don't know if the kids are stopping here to shower before Shabbat.  I am going out for dinner to the Sephardi sister's home.  it is about a 20 minute hike from here.  I am not exactly sure where they live.  it kept me up last night and prevented me from sleeping.  I was also so cold.  I couldn't get warmed up even with a heater right next to my bed.  I ran out at 2:00 p.m. to the local bakery to buy some spelt rolls and something to bring this evening.  I thought about making a cheesecake but I didn't make it out to the supermarket to buy the ingredients.

I bought a yeast cheese log and some chocolate covered hamentashem. I went to the 24 hr. store next to the bakery and got some chocolate eggs with toys inside, some gum and two stuffed animals for the grandkids.  I have some tiny play mobile kits that I bought last week, but it didn't seem like enough. who even knows if I will get the chance to see them before Shabbat?  I threw two chicken bottoms into a pan with string beans and some tomato paste.  that will be my lunch tomorrow if I don't make it over to my friends.

it has gotten cold in the house.  I have 3 heaters on and I'm freezing. I threw all of my damp towels into the washing machine and then hung them outside.  I think it might rain so I will have to go downstairs and fetch them.  I don't know where I will put them but I don't think they should stay out  in the rain.  I can't wait for the winter to finally end.  I just got my water bill.  it was only 100 shekels.  when the kids were here it was more like 600 shekels or more every time.  my electric bill is going to be a doozy.  I decided to heat this winter and I know it will cost me dearly, but I deserve it.

5:00 p.m.:  kids just came and left.  they loved their treats and toys.  I have to walk there now because I wasn't ready to leave with them.  oh well........

Sunny Days

it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I woke up without back stiffness and I actually feel rested.  I have no idea of when I went to bed.  I slept through the night without thinking about anything. I just collected all of my dirty and smelly clothes off of the floor and marched downstairs to do a load of laundry.  I was able to tape down the small accordion shaped pipe of the washing machine to the wall.  it has dislodged and was no longer feeding into the sewer pipe, thus flooding the room after every wash load. 

I had no where to hang the laundry as we had very few sunny days.  all of my towels are outside and wet.  I want to throw them all into the washing machine and then hang them on the lines downstairs.  nothing like fresh towels.  I do have a dryer downstairs but I haven't used it in nine years.  it needs a new exhaust pipe, I think.  it is an inexpensive piece but I don't have the patience to deal with it.  I have managed so long without it.

I couldn't find a dry piece of underwear this morning.  I had hand washed a bunch of them yesterday but they were still soaking wet this morning.  I found my son's speedo in one of my drawers and put that on.  I felt pretty guilty and I probably stretched it out but I have to admit it was very comfortable. I managed to find a couple of my underwear outside on the rack so I took off the speedo.  I already miss it.  maybe i'll keep it.  my son probably has bought other bathing trunks.

I only have to make lunch today for the yeshiva.  Yeh!  I think it will be falafel and chips.  when I got to work yesterday, I felt like I had a touch of the flu.  I felt wobbly and my arms hurt. my eyes were runny and I felt nauseous.   I knew I couldn't fry anything.  I was afraid to taste anything, too.  I threw a package of barley into a large pot and added all sorts of spices and water.  I then cut up onions. carrots, potatoes and zucchini.  I threw about 30 small potatoes into the large toaster oven after I pricked each one with a knife. 

I cooked up a bag of chick peas.  I was planning on making couscous with a soup.  I checked the pantry and there wasn't any couscous.  I also did not have enough time to start chopping up the pumpkin and other veggies.  frying falafel was out of the question and I hardly had enough time to prepare much else.  the potatoes weren't done and I panicked.  I took them out of the oven and crudely sliced them up.  I threw them into a huge pot and threw in the chickpeas plus the liquid and added a ton of spices.

I was able to crudely cut up some salad and I opened some cans of tuna and added mayo and pickles.  one of the students said lunch was phenomenal.  go know?  I had some defrosted chopped turkey meat and some leftover oatmeal form the previous day's breakfast so I threw in some eggs and made two meatloaves.  a little bit of  ketchup, mustard and soy sauce goes a long way when you are in a hurry. I had tried to bake some eggplant and tomatoes for the lunch but ran out of time and ended up throwing it all into a pot on the stove.  I decided to leave it for their supper.  I quickly made two bags of rice.  I then opened a huge industrial sized can of olives and threw it into a very hot and spicy tomato sauce.  the Sephardim make this and I love it.

sometime during the day, i popped a dexomol.  I was waiting for it to clear my foggy head.  it didn't.  I did all of the washing up and even scrubbed the cholent pot from the previous Shabbat. I washed the floor and I left at 5:00 p.m.  I added up my hours because I was convinced it was the 28th of the month.  I wondered why I had so few hours this month but I shook it off.  you can imagine how embarrassed I was when the manager told me it was only the 20th.  anyway, I bussed it home and was craving some dairy.  I wanted a yogurt so badly.  I couldn't stop off at the supermarket.  I was that tired.  I ended up boiling up some milk with a few raspberries.  I guess I wanted a warm smoothie.  it curdled into cottage cheese consistency.  it was pretty tasty. I left the curds.

I have nothing in my pantry except for a container of salty peanut butter.  the fridge is empty except for 3 containers of milk???  I am out of  laundry detergent, too.  I am definitely going food shopping after work today.

Tired Of Living

it is 10:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  just got up an hour ago.  poor dog tried his best to rouse me from my deep sleep to let him out.  it is still cold and nasty outside.  my house is freezing.  I do not feel like going to work.  I do not feel like cooking and I do not feel like washing pots and pans.  I want to go back to bed. I had another sleepless night.  I watched the lady gaga star is born movie last night.  wow! it was so good.  I was so tired but I would not let myself go to sleep.  I think I watched another movie  after that.  I can't even remember what I watched.

I had a heater right next to the bed but I was still freezing. even the dog was under the covers.  I feel like having a hot chocolate.  I have been eating well but I haven't been able to get under 2000 calories.  I had some frozen raspberries last night.  they hurt my teeth.  nothing tastes great. my eyes are burning and I have a toothache.  the kids are coming to safed for Shabbat.  I might get to see them.  they are going to the Sephardi sister's for Shabbat. they live a good 20 minutes from here.  I really wanted to go to Jerusalem this weekend. oh well.....

I am literally burnt out; my brain as well as my fingers.  I actually went to and from work yesterday by bus. I have been cabbing it every day.  I think to day will be a taxi day. I wish I could drink coffee.  I could use a strong shot of caffeine right now.  the green tea with mint doesn't quite do it for me.  it is an out Shabbat for the yeshiva so I only have to cook lunch on Thursday and supper on sunday.  I have been making really quickie meals lately.  I might have to do falafel this morning.  it is a lot of work.  I don't think I'm up for it.  yesterday I made 4 packages of bow tie noodles with a pot of ratatouille. I also served a bunch of baked sweet potatoes and salad.  there wasn't one bow left.

I might make couscous soup today and falafel on the side. or I might make falafel with frozen French fries.  the fries take almost two hours to bake.  I already gave them baked potatoes this week with quinoa and soup and salad. I have other ideas but too little energy. last night I made shepherd's pies and green lentils and bulgur for the vegans.  I am getting tired of the vegans.  the non gluten student returned. I am not in the mood for these' special food' needs students. I need a spa day.

30 Years Down the Drain

it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I have been trying to get myself back on track and eat healthy meals again.  when I could hardly fit into an extra large sized training pants for the show, I realized how large I really was.  I see my oncologist in april and I will be mortified to show at this weight.  I thought about doing a 1200 calorie diet.  on the show about 600 pound people, it seemed to work.  the only problem here, is that I do not do well with portion control.  I used to be able to eat like a truck driver and maintain my weight.  those days are long gone.  right now I will focus on low calorie good food.

I went to the food shop on Thursday, after work, and splurged on frozen salmon.  I spent about $30 for 4 huge fillets. I have been living on tins of canned tuna.  I felt so cherished.  I made two for Shabbat and a turkey neck soup. I bought prepared beets, humus and an eggplant salad. it was plenty.  I had some frozen raspberries in the freezer and ate some with 5% cottage cheese for breakfast.  it was stormy and i stayed in bed.  it was the only room that was heated in this huge house. even the dog stayed in bed under the covers.

I wrote a long email to a friend of over thirty years letting her know that I was officially done with our friendship.  perhaps, I shouldn't have sent it.  we definitely clashed over the recent play.  I was left out of the loop and even given wrong information regarding rehearsal times.  I was accused of forgetting important information, when I was never privy to said information.  I felt that I was met with hostility every time I gave an honest critique.  I myself, had a major hissy fit when I read the playbill.  I was not given a credit for the last two shows I costumed and received no shout out for the past 25 years, either.  I have done props and costumes for every show this gal wrote and directed.  I was the producer and promoter in an era before facebook and internet.

I know we are all getting on in years and are more brittle than ever.  I for one, cannot bend right now.  the sciatic is very much acting up. however, I am in a process of downsizing.  I am throwing out things that I don't want or no longer need.  that also includes people who do not cherish me.  I have no time to fight over petty things with anyone or scream to be heard.  I have been ranting for weeks.  the codependence behavior is over the top. I know that I need to separate someone's bad behavior from my psyche.  I expect way too much from people.  my older sister says this behavior is narcissistic; like when she forgot to say goodbye to me on her last trip.  it apparently, should not have hurt me. it had nothing to do with me.  she was simply stressed about catching her train.

I  do not feel so secure about myself these days.  my son moved to the other side of the country and the rest of my family in safed have no contact with me.  my siblings in the states rarely call.  so I guess I wonder if I am just one fat bore.  they seem to like me at the yeshiva but I am providing them with food.  this friend/best buddy of 30 years definitely seems to have moved on.  she has found a new theater partner and a new buddy who loves to smoke.  I cannot suffer cigarette smoke.  she apparently cannot maintain a long distance friendship  after all, she lives in town and I live in the burbs.  (20 minute bus ride)

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart

it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I have been running around town for a couple of months buying craft supplies and second hand clothes to make costumes for a friend's play. the play is on Monday night.  I am no longer speaking to my friend. we communicate through email texts.  the word 'communicate' is used loosely here.  she has not been communicating with me at all.  I have been completely left out of the loop for most of this project.  we had discussed the costume rehearsal, which was last night but we did not talk about full makeup.  I had brought the props that I made the night before.

yes, I left my cooking job right after I served lunch and ran, I mean cabbed it to the rehearsal.  first I went back home and fetched the washing machine prop I had made out of a medium sized carton. I then walked over to a friend's house on the next block and we cabbed it to the rehearsal which was in town.  my, soon to be ex-friend, or current frenemy,  kept telling me to read her script every time I asked a question about a costume or script.  well, I finally found the perfect carton, applied white contact paper and duck taped the control panel into the carton.  the panel was really too long but my gardner showed up unexpectedly, one morning and sawed off the extra piece for me.

I had ripped the control panel off of an abandoned washing machine I found in the neighborhood.  the difficult part was finding a carton in tact.  it had been raining non stop for over a month. the ironic part is that the script called for a dryer. I came up with a shtick.  I tied together a couple of dozen single socks into a very long string for the actress to pull out of the dryer.  I made a small hole in the middle of the large circle of the dryer, which I covered in tin foil. oh well....

I spent a fortune on these costumes.  I bought pantyhose, socks, long johns and shoes for some of the actors.  these guys weren't going to spend a nickel of their money.  this is a mock community theater with no existing budget.  my friend pays to play.  I have been doing costumes and props for her for nearly 25 years.  I had most of the costumes for her last play in my closet already, so it cost very little. this time I had to create looks from scratch.  I am not a seamstress nor dressmaker.  I find the right article of clothing and I embellish it.  I do have a vision.

my friend of over 30 years has undermined my efforts throughout this entire process. even on the night of the dress rehearsal, she was listening to cast members disparage my vision.  she asked me to supply her with a long black disheveled wig for her character.  I had the perfect one in my closet.  I bought it last year and never opened it.  it was a witch's wig.  the peanut gallery last night told her that her character had to be a blonde.  she actually engaged with them.  she didn't tell them that it was her choice to be a brunette for the show.  one of the yenta's from the peanut gallery actually came over to me during the rehearsal to tell me, once again, that my friend needed to be a blonde.

I created a business type look for one of the young ladies.  my friend had asked for a wall street type look.  I immediately thought of a pinstriped suit.  it was the obvious choice. I went online and saw that it was a stereotype of the 70's.  I found a well made brown jacket and wanted to match it with a skirt and blouse.  the actress is very statuesque.  she is rather thin and 5ft 10in.  she only wears maxi skirts and dresses.  I wanted to create a modern tailored look for her but it was hard to find the right skirt.  I found a very well made sleeveless woolen shift.  the proprietress of a fancy clothing store in town actually matched the two pieces for me for 60 shekels.  the shift only came down to the actress's' thigh.  my friend wanted her to wear it like that with tights.  the young actress was mortified.  I ran around town to the material store and bought a piece of fabric to add to the dress. it wasn't the exact match.  I then ran over to the store where I purchased the shift and asked the lady to add on the piece for me.  I thought that she was going to recreate a slit in the back of the dress.  she didn't.  I could have sewn the piece on myself but I didn't know how to make a slit.

last night at the dress rehearsal, the actress liked lovely.  she brought over some really awful looking woolen tights to wear under the shift.  I had found some nice opaque hose for her to wear.  she came out in black woolen knee socks.  I told her to remove them.  I thought she looked classy and business like.  my friend thought she looked frumpy and ultraorthodox like.  she told her to open the jacket to look like Audrey Hepburn.  it had no look at all with the jacket open.  I told the actress to close the jacket.  my friend said she didn't like it that way.  I told her that my fashion eye was the one that mattered.  she didn't agree with me.

in the meanwhile, my friend came out for her first scene in the wrong wig.  she actually fought me when I tried to correct her.  she couldn't tell the difference between a crazy disheveled witch's wig from a fancy curly one with bangs. I brushed the curly wig and cut off some of the tangled curls before I gave it back to her.   I even helped her get dressed for her last scene.  she had no idea how to put them on.  I had picked them out for her at the open air market a couple of weeks before with her.

it was probably, the worst night ever last night.  I started out feeling fluish in the morning.  I took a hot shower and popped a dexamol.  I cabbed it to work with two suitcases and four shopping bags of costumes. I was desperately sewing trim onto one of the costumes and I couldn't see what I was doing.  I cooked for about 4 hours at the yeshiva and did all of the wash up before I cabbed it to the dress rehearsal.  when I got there my friend was ready for a fight.  she showed me the dressing room.  it was dark.  I didn't want to enter with all of my things until she found the light switch.  she was angry with me. I found someone to turn on the light and started to arrange everyone's costumes. she threw her stuff all around the room and couldn't find anything.  I had everyone else's costumes down to the pantyhose organized by character. 

I even donned a costume to stand in at the end of the play for an absentee player.  I did all of this to help her out.  and yet she treated me like I was her biggest enemy.  I stuck around long enough to reorganize all of the costumes including hers for the show on Monday night.  I made a list of the props and costumes that I need to alter.  this is my swan song.  I will not be helping her out again.  I am done.