Shabbat Shalom

it is 4:30 p.m. in the holy city of Safed.   it is about an hour to candle lighting.  we got through Rosh Hashanah well.  it was quiet and stress free.  I actually, enjoyed my food.  I didn't need to referee anyone and I had only adult conversation.  I went out the first night to friends.  I drank wine.  I slept well.  I got to services early and I stayed until the end.

I didn't have anyone to care for.  I didn't have anyone to take care of.  I had a friend staying over and we spoke freely without anyone interrupting the flow.   I missed having the grandchildren with me but I didn't miss the noise.  I didn't have to watch what I said, nor did I taste my own bile.  it was a good holiday.

the next day was a fast day.  I stayed home.  my grandson came over for a few hours and we watched Halloween cartoons.  the kids are mad for these.  his mother came to pick him up and I wished her a good new year.  I felt peaceful.  I didn't feel resentful or judgemental.  I felt like my genuine self.  the next day I set off for the hospital near Tel Aviv to do my brain MRI.

it took me about 3 hours to get to the hospital.  I took 3 busses.  I had a 5:30 p.m. appointment.  they took me in about 6:30 p.m.  that was a first.  usually I wait for about 2 hours.  I was finished by 7:30 p.m.  I had prearranged a taxi to take me home.  it took a bit to find each other but I was on my way home by 8:00 p.m.  we stopped for coffee and I got to sit outside and breathe some fresh air.  after being cooped up in the hospital for hours, it was nice to just relax.

I was extremely tired today.  I ran off to the supermarket to get some chicken for Shabbat.  I was just too tired to cook anything for myself so I put the chicken in the freezer.  I decided on having a tuna sandwich.  I just got a second wind and made some kasha, pumpkin, raw beet salad, string beans and fish.  why not eat a festive Shabbat meal even if I am alone.  I have a good Maeve Binchey novel for tomorrow.

I think I may have lost a bit of my stomach.  I haven't had any sugar lately.  I did dip the apple and challah in honey on the holiday.  I have been eating fruit again.  for some reason, I gave up fruit a while ago.  it could be that it was too expensive.  I have been enjoying apples.  I haven't had any chocolate all week.  I made whole wheat apple/carrot/raisin muffins before the holiday.  it was my treat with my morning tea.  there were only a few spoons of oil and honey in them.  it was a perfect  swap out for the traditional Rosh Hashanah honey cake. 

I may go to synagogue this evening for the Shabbat service.  my granddaughter may be there and I will get to see her.  that's if I don't fall asleep soon.  I am very tired.  I am trying hard to keep it all positive.  the kids got me a lovely turtle necked shawl from their vacation.  I will truly enjoy it this winter.  I sent them an email to thank them.  I even read their new year card.  a first for me.  I don't ever enjoy receiving help or gifts.  I am working on showing appreciation to others.  maybe you can teach an old dog tricks.  Shabbat Shalom!