it is 7:00 a.m. in the holy city of Safed. I just woke up. I am truly tired. yesterday I travelled to the center of the country to see my brain surgeon. I took a taxi there. I didn't sleep much the night before. I was rather nervous about seeing the doctor alone. he now works in a new office in the oncology department. I wasn't so thrilled about being back there, either. I dreamt that I was terminally ill.
I was convinced that he was going to rush me into surgery then and there. while I waited two and a half hours to see him; I worried about not having my robe and toothbrush with me and leaving the dogs alone. I was in a new part of the hospital and unsure of where I was. I needed to drink and eat something but I was afraid of getting lost. a very old secretary brought each patient to this location, one by one. she spoke of herself in the third person. it was a bit bizarre.
there wasn't any significant change in the tumor. the swelling was about the same as it had been 3 months ago. the doctor said that it was eventually going to cause me neurological problems. he couldn't say when but he was certain of it. I told the doctor that I had decided to do the surgery. he seemed greatly relieved. I then thought that perhaps I was being hasty. I have been monitoring the tumor for 4 years. we discussed doing it after Chanukah.
I will have to see the anesthesiologist first. I dread another visit to the hospital. it took about two and a half hours to get there by cab. we experienced a bit of traffic. I then had to wait a half an hour or more for a bus back to Tel Aviv in the hot sun. that ride took an hour but it was pleasant. I then waited another half an hour or more for an express bus back to Rosh Pina. it was very hot in Tel Aviv without any shade. that ride took about 3 hours. I had a long wait in Rosh Pina for a local bus back to Safed. I usually jump into a cab but there was not one to be found. I got off in the middle of the road and had a 15 minute schlepp to my house.
I was depleted when I finally got home. I ended up eating all the leftovers in the fridge. I feel pretty awful this morning. I have to disassemble the sukkah today. my back is hurting. I didn't rally drink yesterday. I stopped in to visit my cancer nurse. she lost a ton of weight and had a new hair do. she looked fabulous. at first she didn't recognize me but then she gave me a great big hug. they were so wonderful to me in that wing. I even saw one of the volunteers there who had been very kind but I didn't really connect with her. It felt very strange to be back there. I was hoping not to run into any of the cancer patients that I once knew at the hostel.
I may have a five day stint next month cooking at the yeshiva. it's a bit of money. and it's something to keep me busy and focused. my son called yesterday while I was at the hospital. he obviously didn't remember that I had an appointment. he probably needed help with the kids. I was disappointed that he didn't call me back to check up on me. I guess he had his hands full. I was the only patient yesterday who came alone. everyone else had a family member with them. I felt a bit sorry for myself. I had hoped that my sister might tag along but she wasn't feeling all that well.
I made plans to meet a new American immigrant tomorrow. the lady who used to run the Alzheimer's unit in the old age home, made the connection. she wanted to get the two of us together. I have to be careful not to be bossy or over protective of this new lady. I have some key phone numbers for her but I have to keep it easy and breezy. I can't wait until my next CoDa meeting.
there was a large Haredi family who got on the bus and didn't have seats. I immediately went onto action. I woke up soldiers who were taking up two seats and switched my own seating to accommodate the family. I didn't hear any thank you,either. I then got very frustrated when I saw the little kids standing in the aisles after I had arranged them seats. I had to tell myself to chill out. they even held the bus up after the ten minute break. I was beside myself with worry that they all made it back onto the bus. everyone else including the driver, was amused.
when they got off the bus I wanted to help with their luggage but I didn't. I was tired and my back hurt. I did fetch the little girl's scooter. I was concerned how they would all get back to Safed. I watched them all schlepping the suitcases, crossing the street and entering the bus. the little girl carried her scooter. I have to stop chasing people so I can help them. People are indeed, capable of helping themselves and do not need Zelda to care for them.