A Long Day

it is 7:00 a.m. in the holy city of Safed.  I just woke up.  I am truly tired.  yesterday I travelled to the center of the country to see my brain surgeon.  I took a taxi there.  I didn't sleep much the night  before.  I was rather nervous about seeing the doctor alone.  he now works in a new office in the oncology department.  I wasn't so thrilled about being back there, either.  I dreamt that I was terminally ill.

I was convinced that he was going to rush me into surgery then and there.  while I waited two and a half hours to see him; I worried about not having my robe and toothbrush with me and leaving the dogs alone.  I was in a new part of the hospital and unsure of where I was.  I needed to drink and eat something but I was afraid of getting lost.  a very old secretary brought each patient to this location, one by one.  she spoke of herself in the third person.  it was a bit bizarre.

there wasn't any significant change in the tumor.  the swelling was about the same as it had been 3 months ago.  the doctor said that it was eventually going to cause me neurological problems.  he couldn't say when but he was certain of it.  I told the doctor that I had decided to do the surgery.  he seemed greatly relieved.  I then thought that perhaps I was being hasty.  I have been monitoring the tumor for 4 years.  we discussed doing it after Chanukah.

I will have to see the anesthesiologist first.  I dread another visit to the hospital.  it took about two and a half hours to get there by cab.  we experienced a bit of traffic.  I then had to wait a half an hour or more for a bus back to Tel Aviv in the hot sun.  that ride took an hour but it was pleasant.  I then waited another half an hour or more for an express bus back to Rosh Pina.  it was very hot in Tel Aviv without any shade.  that ride took about 3 hours.  I had a long wait in Rosh Pina for a local bus back to Safed.  I usually jump into a cab but there was not one to be found.  I got off in the middle of the road and had a 15 minute schlepp to my house.

I was depleted when I finally got home.  I ended up eating all the leftovers in the fridge.  I feel pretty awful this morning.  I have to disassemble the sukkah today.  my back is hurting.  I didn't rally drink yesterday.  I stopped in to visit my cancer nurse.  she lost a ton of weight and had a new hair do.  she looked fabulous.  at first she didn't recognize me but then she gave me a great big hug.  they were so wonderful to me in that wing.  I even saw one of the volunteers there who had been very kind but I didn't really connect with her.  It felt very strange to be back there.  I was hoping not to run into any of the cancer patients that I once knew at the hostel.

I may have a five day stint next month cooking at the yeshiva.  it's a bit of money.  and it's something to keep me busy and focused.  my son called yesterday while I was at the hospital.  he obviously didn't remember that I had an appointment.  he probably needed help with the kids.  I was disappointed that he didn't call me back to check up on me.  I guess he had his hands full.  I was the only patient yesterday who came alone.  everyone else had a family member with them.  I felt a bit sorry for myself.  I had hoped that my sister might tag along but she wasn't feeling all that well.

I made plans to meet a new American immigrant tomorrow.  the lady who used to run the Alzheimer's unit in the old age home, made the connection.  she wanted to get the two of us together.  I have to be careful not to be bossy or over protective of this new lady.  I have some key phone numbers for her but I have to keep it easy and breezy.  I can't wait until my next CoDa meeting.

there was a large Haredi family who got on the bus and didn't have seats.  I immediately went onto action.  I woke up soldiers who were taking up two seats and switched my own seating to accommodate the family.  I didn't hear any thank you,either.  I then got very frustrated when I saw the little kids standing in the aisles after I had arranged them seats.  I had to tell myself to chill out.  they even held the bus up after the ten minute break.  I was beside myself with worry that they all made it back onto the bus.  everyone else including the driver, was amused. 

when they got off the bus I wanted to help with their luggage but I didn't.  I was tired and my back hurt.  I did fetch the little girl's scooter.  I was concerned how they would all get back to Safed.  I watched them all schlepping the suitcases, crossing the street and entering the bus.  the little girl carried her scooter. I have to stop chasing people so I can help them.  People are indeed, capable of helping themselves and do not need Zelda to care for them.