it is 7:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i have to be at the dentist at 11:00 a.m. today is the big day. today i get my plate. today i start wearing false teeth. i am slightly depressed. last week i started crying as soon as i reached the office.
i am really afraid that i won't be able to put it in myself. i am also afraid that it will hurt a lot. i fear that i won't be able to chew my favorite foods. let's face it, it is a sign of old age. most people today, get implants and in general, take care of their teeth. i don't think that people in the golden medina, think twice about the price of dental care. here, in the holy city, people do without teeth. it does not make us more holy by any means.
friday night starts pesach. we have 4 more days to get our houses in order. i did my toaster ovens oven and kitchen stove yesterday. i broke down and used a whole container of oven cleaner. i first tried soap and water and using my steamer. it didn't do anything. i ended up using my bare hands for hours. i was possessed. i forgot what a long and arduous process this is. the tips of my fingers are burnt and bloody today.
my lttle cooking alcove is ready for pesach. my main kitchen is almost ready for pesach. the windows are clean, drawers are crumb free, food closet is lined and stocked with pesach goods and fridge is lined and filled with fruits and veggies.
i managed to cut down oranges and lemons from the garden. the freezer is modestly filled with chicken and some meat. yes, i broke down and bought two small meat roulades.
i still need to scrub the kitchen counters and sinks. i have plastic sink inserts for the holiday. i even have pesach plastic bowls for the dog food. i did mention that i already bought chometz free dog food. i need to do a huge amount of laundry today. that's right, all the bedding, mine and doggies' need to get done. the living room needs a simple dusting and floor washing. i can't do the windows this year. they are simply, too heavy to lift out by myself.
that leaves the master bedroom, computer room and 3 bathrooms to finish up. that's a lot of work to do. what can i say. i already did the downstairs apartment. that took 12 hours. i thought i had a rental. i was manic. now i'm less than manic. i am tired and my hands are stinging. i managed to polish the candlesticks. i did my silver ones with toothepaste and my mother's brass ones with lemons. they are all shining. i wish she was alive to show her. maybe she's kvelling from heaven.
when i think about the current family 'situation' i think that maybe mom isn't so much kvelling. she's probably thinking that i blew it. i have moments when i also, believe that i blew it. i just keep on cleaning and getting the house done. it isn't so warm and fuzzy to be alone all the time. as much as i enjoy the quiet, sometimes it gets to be a bit eerie. i do get to hear the 'sister' prancing around upstairs and her trance music beat. every once in a while, her cigarette smoke drifts into my apartment. i frantically, get up and spray the hall with my deoderant, for lack of something stronger.
i need to get to town and cash a check. i don't seem to have any energy to jump up and start my day. i really over did it yesterday. my favorite movies, 'kill bill' one and two, were on last night at midnite. i turned off the television and went to sleep. if only they had scheduled it on saturday night, i could have endured both versions. i couldn't fall asleep for anything after shabbat. last night, i fell into a really deep sleep.
i went to the senior's center on sunday to say hi. i hadn't planned on staying too long. i was exhausted from not sleeping the night before. i ran to town to clear up a bureacratic problem. i caught the 8:00 a.m bus. i was very nervous. the clerk couldn't understand why i was so agitated. any way, i was finished in a few moments, so i ran across the street to the center.
they had a staff meeting, so i stayed on to help with the group. i mostly, sat outside in the sun with a few of the seniors. i left before lunch time. i needed to get home. i ended up shopping and didn't get back home until 4:00 p.m. i jumped into bed. i didn't do any cleaning. that's how it goes. one day 12 hours of cleaning, the next day bed rest.
my son called with a potential rental yesterday. someone wanted a 2 year lease. i couldn't possibly think about it. i want to take my time and figure out the best choice for rentals. i do not want a family living downstairs right now. i'm trying to focus on holiday rentals. i want to rent the upstairs studio full time. that will require building a separate entrance and stairs. after pesach, i will get an estimate. i will have to wait until after may to do anything. we are traditionally, prohibited from making repairs and building during this time.
i spoke with my brother, the psychologist, last night. he seemed to think that i was on the right track. he didn't judge me harshly. he understood how hard the situation is for me. he didn't really offer me any advice, but he did acknowledge my pain. got to get up and have some java. i put away my two burner stove, so there won't be any more hot food until friday night. bummer!!!