Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Blahs

i haven't posted in a couple of days because i've had a case of the 'blahs'. i've been suffering with a pain in the ball of my right foot for a couple of weeks, now. it seems to come and go, but for the past few days it has been hard to put any pressure on it, making it difficult for me to walk. not being one to run to the doctor, i have been suffering in silence. well, i did mention it to a couple of people. mikimi was kind enough to send me some blogs on foot problems. i have an appointment in a couple of hours with my homeopath, and i am hoping that she'll have an idea of what's going on in my body. the right side of my body has been seriously, compromised, and all my recent health issues seem to be on that side. my facial paralysis, migraines, foot pain, bunyan and loss of teeth are all on the right side of my body. i even woke up this morning with a burning sensation in my right kidney. i don't think of myself as a worry wart or hypochondriac, but since my mother passed away, i've been more concerned about my health. my son just thinks that i'm depressed. maybe i am. i'm bored with my diet and choices of food. everything seems tasteless and i'm uninspired to cook or prepare anything to eat. i basically live on sandwiches and yogurt and cottage cheese. my weight isn't budging and i'm pretty much fed up with the way i look. my face isn't back to normal yet, either. i can't remember the last time that i took a walk. this pain in my foot does put a damper on things. i sat for the baby two times on thursday and although, i enjoy being alone with him, it isn't easy. he needs a lot of physical attention, and it is a strain on me. i'm feeling basically, useless. i haven't done an aerobics workout in half a year. i seem tired all the time. i go to sleep at 3:00 a.m every day and it doesn't matter when i wake up because i always feel tired. i feel like a zombie. i don't feel like talking to anyone. i need to dye my hair, but i don't have the patience to deal with it. i look in the mirror and i really don't like who i see. someone just called from some health organization or department and asked for my mother. instead of, simply, saying that she was deceased, i told them that she was in heaven. how's that for sarcasm! i want to have some coffee with real milk, but it hurts too much for me to run down to the store. so i've been drinking my coffee with some awful, vanilla flavored, chemically treated, coffee creamer type milk, that is making me nauseous. i just opened the hamodia magazine section, and there is a supplement about last year's massacre in mombai. that's right, it has nearly been a year since they murdered the people at the chabad house in bombay. one of the sister's of the young woman who was murdered, lives in zefat. she is married to the son of a dear friend. she is also the neighbor of my sister. last year around this time, my son got married. my sister was hoping to use the neighbor's apartment for the first night of shevah brachas. i remember catching the fox news and hearing about a terror attack in india. i quite, honestly, didn't know where mombai was. i asked my niece, who was visiting with mom, if it was any where near new delhi. she told me that it was pretty far from where my niece and her husband were living. they were running the chabad house in delhi and we were all, anxiously, awaiting the first great grandchild. i went to sleep not knowing that the chabad house in mombai had been under siege. i woke up to a frantic phone call from my sister ann in california. she had just heard the news of the attack on the chabad house and had heard that rifkah bas yehudit was presumed to be dead. my niece is sarah rifkah bas yehudit bina. i was able to reassure ann, that our niece was not in harm's way because she had been seen the night before on a web cam, live, hook up at her brother-in-law's wedding. but it was still, an excruciating time for all of us, waiting for a miracle outcome. my niece and nephew flew to mombai to be with rifkah's family for shabbat. i told my mom the truth about my niece's whereabouts and it was the first time that i ever heard mom say that she didn't need to know something. when we finally, knew on motsei shabbat, that the people in the chabad house were dead, we went into deep mourning. they were returned to the holy land and buried on tuesday. my son was upset that i wasn't more excited about his upcoming wedding. i tried to reassure him, that even though, i was in 'mourning' mode on the day of the funeral, that i would be in 'simcha' mode the following day. and as soon as we woke up on the day of the wedding, we were all truly, joyous and excited. my mom and i hugged a million times that morning and i danced around in her bedroom. it's hard to believe that a whole year has gone by, already! my son and wife will be celebrating their first anniversary next week. rifka and gavriels' little son, who miraculously survived the massacre, will be turning three and the year of mourning for my mom will end. i received a new remedy yesterday and my homeopath was excited. i woke up this morning and i didn't feel wasted even though i went to sleep at 3:00 a.m. i enjoyed my coffee and felt a little more centered. i am planning to make a dairy lasagna for saturday night's melave malka for the family. i just learned that my nephew is returning to australia on sunday and we didn't get to see him this week. i wish all my followers a good shabbos! it's raining again, here in the holy city of zefat, and i hope i have seen the last of the blahs.


  1. You do know you can call me whenever you need-even in the middle of the night!
    Your life is full and yet feels empty.
    Mine feels empty and I feel useless.
    I shoukd really get out a do something or learn ot take up arts&crafts-maybe a hookrug?

  2. Zelda! You're back! I really missed you. Sorry you've not been doing well. You've had a lot of major changes in your life in the past year, both happy and sad. But you don't sound like the type of person who stays down for long. It also appears that you are surrounded by lots of family and good friends! That's priceless. I hope lots of happy times are waiting for you. Hope you get completely well soon. I look forward to reading more from you. Take care.