it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. it is my birthday tonight. that's right. i turn 63. i feel much older then that unfortunately. we are having an intense heatwave. it was nearly unbearable this shabbat without airconditioning. my unit gave out a while ago and there just isn't any money to replace it. i only use it a few days in the summer anyway. it is usually cool at night in zefat.
i had to babysit both kids on friday so i did most of the cooking on thursday. i woke up at 6:00 a.m. and washed the floors. you wouldn't know it by how it looks now. they are trashed. i made piquant fish, chicken wings, turkey meatballs, chicken cutlets, potato kugel, wheat berries, and two types of eggplant salads. i even baked a very moist chocolate cake. the kids returned home at 5:00 p.m. and i made a raw salad with cabbage, cucumbers and carrots.
there is a clan family wedding tomorrow night in hadera. i decided not to go. i was supposed to baby sit the grand daughter but lucky me, i'm off the hook. the daughter-in-law decided to take her to the wedding. i just do not have the energy to schlep out for this wedding. i went to an outdoor wedding on thursday night but it was very close to home. in fact, i got a ride home and it took about fifteen minutes in total. i am not in the best shape these days. dancing doesn't come easy to me. i sat with old friends the other night and no one was doing much dancing. we had a good schmooze session and got caught up with each others lives.
i met a lady from my old neighborhood in flatbush.. we even went to the same public school. how cool is that! we spent the night reminiscing. it was wonderful to get out and see friends again. i have been in isolation mode for years. i actually became phobic around people. i conquered my fears, and just went out. i had a pretty bad eye infection and spent the night in sunglasses. i didn't care. i realized that no one else cared how i looked, either. i'm sure no one wondered why i was overweight or why i had a red eye. i stopped worrying about it too and genuinely enjoyed myself.
i was once considered a beauty. i thought that facial paralysis was the worse thing to happen to me. i was in a deep funk 6 years ago. i felt that i lost my looks and yet i had a new grandson and that kept me happy. i survived cancer and that should be a joy always. this is the second birthday since i became cancer free. i am going out tonight with the family to Tiberius for my birthday. i hope that there isn't any last minute surprise party for me. i just want to get out for a bit, have a milkshake or frozen yogurt and breathe the sea air. i am pretty tired but that's par for the course.
Epilogue: it's 1:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. just got back from the birthday outing in tiberius. it ended well but it was rough going at first. we didn't leave zefat until 10:00 p.m. i was so paranoid that people were coming over to surprise me. i finally calmed down when i saw my son dressed in bermuda shorts and a sports cap. the kids were so excited but it was hard for them to deal with the car ride. it was pretty warm and humid there and my son didn't feel well. we sat overlooking the lake and had some ice pops. i had a frozen coffee.
we walked over to some cafe/bars. they were packed with american kids. we finally sat outdoors in a cafe/bar and the cigarette smoke was getting to me. the music was blasting and it was a bit of an endurance test at first. we finally ordered our food and both the service and the food was good. i felt like having a cocktail but it was very pricey. we had pizza, spaghetti and a huge salad with fried halomi cheese. my son ordered a large ice cream sundae, which we all tasted. no one had any room left to really eat anything more. the kids were running around but the place emptied out around midnight so it was fine for them to be free.
we got home pretty fast. i am truly stuffed. i ate almost the entire pizza by myself. it will be strange to be alone in the house tomorrow. the kids may sleep in hadera. it's all a challenge. i offered to pay for the meal but the kids wouldn't let me. it was a nice evening. of course, i feel like i burdened the kids by asking to go out but we did and we got home safe and all is well in our universe. of course, we think about the 3 kidnapped boys even when we are having a good time. we are always hurting for them and their families.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
School's Out Forever
it is 11:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. it's been a while since i posted. i've been busy with the grand kids. next week the boy's gan officially closes for two months. it is going to be a long, hot summer. safta zelda is going to be spending a lot of time with the boy. safta zelda is not all that patient and creative.
two weeks ago i took the boy with me on a really hot shabbat afternoon to visit my family. my niece and family are here from delhi. i got to see her 4 kids plus my nephew's new baby. i hadn't seen my niece since the family wedding, right after i came home from cancer treatment, last year. it was a pleasure to see the new grand niece and grand nephew. is that even a word? it wasn't a pleasure being so overweight.
it was hard navigating with my grandson. it was a long, almost 40 minute, walk to the chabad housing project. i didn't take a stroller. he is not a big walker. he is used to being chauffeured everywhere. it was not an easy task getting him there. he didn't have a nap that day and neither did i.. he had a real meltdown once he arrived. he didn't want to wear his shorts anymore because they were too tight. he also wanted his shirt and kepa off, too. my niece found some schmattas for him to wear and he quieted down.
he wanted to see his long distance cousin, mendush. mendush was no where to be found. my grandson wasn't all that thrilled to be with his female cousins. one of the girls asked him his name. he told her that it was a secret. apparently, this almost to be 5 year old, doesn't like little girls. i took the three kids to the park downstairs, and kept them occupied for a couple of hours. when we got back my grandson passed out. in all fairness, i think, he had a fever. he was burning up all day. his mother didn't really care. she was happy to have him out of the house.
towards the end of shabbat, mendush showed up and we woke up sahar. they ended up playing nicely until shabbat ended. luckily, a neighbor had donated a bucket full of lego and play house toys. we took a cab home as soon as shabbat ended. i haven't seen or heard from my family since. it is really hot, and it's a lot of people and kids to navigate. i'm thinking about filling up the pool next week. we could have pool dates.
my birthday falls out on motsei shabbat. i already told the kids that i'd like to go to tiberius near the pedestrian promenade along the lake. we could have a pizza or something. i really do not want them to throw me another surprise party. i want to spend my special day (night) with my immediate family. i wanted to make a party on sunday for my friends but the whole sephardi clan is going to hadera for a wedding. i went to the henna extravaganza and i don't feel like going to the wedding. they are taking my grandson so i am stuck babysitting the granddaughter.
there is a memorial musical evening for the 20th anniversary of the passing of the lubavitcher rebbe on sunday night. i'd love to go and enjoy an evening out alone. i should just tell the kids to shlepp the girl with them but i won't. i picked up my grandson at 2:00 p.m from gan yesterday and had the pleasure of his company until his mom came home. they had an end of the year party at the gan at 5:00 p.m. they left me with the girl and didn't return home until nearly 11:00 p.m. i managed to put her down early but i wanted to be in my own space and chill out. i wasn't informed that they were all going out for the night. i expected my son to come home from work at 7:30 p.m. whatever..........
i was actually, exhausted yesterday because i had taken a long walk in the heat. i started walking a few days ago. i am at my all time highest weight. i look awful. my stomach is as large as an expectant mom's. i am in no shape to work out but i decided to at least, start moving the body again. i am not doing speed or power walking. i am simply going outside and taking a leisurely 40 minute walk. i am also trying to cut out food binging. i am trying to maintain some kind of social schedule, too. i have been in bed for months with my latest sciatic attack. i am coming out.
my back is pretty good these days. my leg is still problematic. i started feeling that the chronic fatigue was slowly going away. i had some energy. i went upstairs and tackled the pigeon problem. i did a pesach cleaning job. the place was trashed. there was pigeon poo on the wooden floors and in the bathroom. everything was dark brown from a year's worth of dust. i cleaned for hours. i still haven't finished the floors but the balcony is clean and pigeon free. bravo!
i have 2 ladies coming for a week at the end of july. i gave them a ridiculously, low price. i needed the money now. i can't think about how much the realtors are asking. i don't seem to get one over on anyone. i am brutally honest. i am not going to spend any money on this. what i have in terms of household items is what they get. i will put out a bit of tea, coffee and sugar but nothing more. the space upstairs is lovely. there is even some air. they have the a.c unit too if it gets bad. we don't have a.c downstairs.
i finally went to get a blood test yesterday. it's been well over a year since i checked it. i made a point of walking to the clinic and returning by foot, too. they checked my blood pressure and urine. of course, they wanted me to do a mammogram. as i explained, i do a pet scan in another couple of months and that can find any sort of problem. i never did the MRI on my back. i can't be bothered. maybe i 'll order one in august.
i had an appointment to see the homeopath last week but she cancelled. i will have to survive without her right now. i need to keep on going out, seeing friends, and keep on moving. i have plans to go to a nearby wedding tomorrow night. i have a nasty eye infection in my weak right eye. i am hoping it will clear up so that i can put on a tad of makeup. i have no decent clothes because i've put on too much weight to fit into my nice clothing. i don't have any money to buy some moo moos. i am just going to suck it up or in, in this case, and be a good sport and go to the wedding in a long skirt and loose fitting white top. i am not going to turn any heads. oh well.........
two weeks ago i took the boy with me on a really hot shabbat afternoon to visit my family. my niece and family are here from delhi. i got to see her 4 kids plus my nephew's new baby. i hadn't seen my niece since the family wedding, right after i came home from cancer treatment, last year. it was a pleasure to see the new grand niece and grand nephew. is that even a word? it wasn't a pleasure being so overweight.
it was hard navigating with my grandson. it was a long, almost 40 minute, walk to the chabad housing project. i didn't take a stroller. he is not a big walker. he is used to being chauffeured everywhere. it was not an easy task getting him there. he didn't have a nap that day and neither did i.. he had a real meltdown once he arrived. he didn't want to wear his shorts anymore because they were too tight. he also wanted his shirt and kepa off, too. my niece found some schmattas for him to wear and he quieted down.
he wanted to see his long distance cousin, mendush. mendush was no where to be found. my grandson wasn't all that thrilled to be with his female cousins. one of the girls asked him his name. he told her that it was a secret. apparently, this almost to be 5 year old, doesn't like little girls. i took the three kids to the park downstairs, and kept them occupied for a couple of hours. when we got back my grandson passed out. in all fairness, i think, he had a fever. he was burning up all day. his mother didn't really care. she was happy to have him out of the house.
towards the end of shabbat, mendush showed up and we woke up sahar. they ended up playing nicely until shabbat ended. luckily, a neighbor had donated a bucket full of lego and play house toys. we took a cab home as soon as shabbat ended. i haven't seen or heard from my family since. it is really hot, and it's a lot of people and kids to navigate. i'm thinking about filling up the pool next week. we could have pool dates.
my birthday falls out on motsei shabbat. i already told the kids that i'd like to go to tiberius near the pedestrian promenade along the lake. we could have a pizza or something. i really do not want them to throw me another surprise party. i want to spend my special day (night) with my immediate family. i wanted to make a party on sunday for my friends but the whole sephardi clan is going to hadera for a wedding. i went to the henna extravaganza and i don't feel like going to the wedding. they are taking my grandson so i am stuck babysitting the granddaughter.
there is a memorial musical evening for the 20th anniversary of the passing of the lubavitcher rebbe on sunday night. i'd love to go and enjoy an evening out alone. i should just tell the kids to shlepp the girl with them but i won't. i picked up my grandson at 2:00 p.m from gan yesterday and had the pleasure of his company until his mom came home. they had an end of the year party at the gan at 5:00 p.m. they left me with the girl and didn't return home until nearly 11:00 p.m. i managed to put her down early but i wanted to be in my own space and chill out. i wasn't informed that they were all going out for the night. i expected my son to come home from work at 7:30 p.m. whatever..........
i was actually, exhausted yesterday because i had taken a long walk in the heat. i started walking a few days ago. i am at my all time highest weight. i look awful. my stomach is as large as an expectant mom's. i am in no shape to work out but i decided to at least, start moving the body again. i am not doing speed or power walking. i am simply going outside and taking a leisurely 40 minute walk. i am also trying to cut out food binging. i am trying to maintain some kind of social schedule, too. i have been in bed for months with my latest sciatic attack. i am coming out.
my back is pretty good these days. my leg is still problematic. i started feeling that the chronic fatigue was slowly going away. i had some energy. i went upstairs and tackled the pigeon problem. i did a pesach cleaning job. the place was trashed. there was pigeon poo on the wooden floors and in the bathroom. everything was dark brown from a year's worth of dust. i cleaned for hours. i still haven't finished the floors but the balcony is clean and pigeon free. bravo!
i have 2 ladies coming for a week at the end of july. i gave them a ridiculously, low price. i needed the money now. i can't think about how much the realtors are asking. i don't seem to get one over on anyone. i am brutally honest. i am not going to spend any money on this. what i have in terms of household items is what they get. i will put out a bit of tea, coffee and sugar but nothing more. the space upstairs is lovely. there is even some air. they have the a.c unit too if it gets bad. we don't have a.c downstairs.
i finally went to get a blood test yesterday. it's been well over a year since i checked it. i made a point of walking to the clinic and returning by foot, too. they checked my blood pressure and urine. of course, they wanted me to do a mammogram. as i explained, i do a pet scan in another couple of months and that can find any sort of problem. i never did the MRI on my back. i can't be bothered. maybe i 'll order one in august.
i had an appointment to see the homeopath last week but she cancelled. i will have to survive without her right now. i need to keep on going out, seeing friends, and keep on moving. i have plans to go to a nearby wedding tomorrow night. i have a nasty eye infection in my weak right eye. i am hoping it will clear up so that i can put on a tad of makeup. i have no decent clothes because i've put on too much weight to fit into my nice clothing. i don't have any money to buy some moo moos. i am just going to suck it up or in, in this case, and be a good sport and go to the wedding in a long skirt and loose fitting white top. i am not going to turn any heads. oh well.........
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Cheesecake Anyone
it is 5:45 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i got up at about 4:00 a.m and watched a bit of television. it's all retread. i am still tired but am in too much discomfort to sleep. it's the back. i have a constant nagging nerve type pain on my right side which makes lying down hard. i think i must have fallen asleep early last night. i seem to have chronic fatigue again. it's a struggle to function at all.
the big kids are going through 'something' and it's not easy being in the middle of a storm. the little kids are as rambunctious as ever. the daughter-in-law started another new job yesterday and i got the kids for a few hours. both big kids came home early and were sober enough. i feel sick to my stomach all the time. i have lost my shape. i have a huge stomach now that seems to be getting larger all the time. maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy, who knows?
i can't seem to be able to find a comfortable position to lie in or even sit in. the pain is really wearing me down. i am nauseated all the time. shavuot is on tuesday night. i tried to arrange to be together with a couple of friends but it didn't work out. one gal pal of mine wants to have a quiet chag. i offered to have her and hubby over for lunch but it was a no go. another friend doesn't really have a place to be but i didn't want to bother to cook for just the two of us. i also didn't want to be alone with the same person for 48 hours. does that make me a bad person?
i think about the past a lot. i used to have a full house and of course, i did a lot of cooking. i used to make quiches, kugels, eggplant parmesan, lasagnas, blintzes and of course cheesecake every shavuot. it was a non stop food fest. i had ladies coming over and we would read the megillas ruth and carry on until the wee hours of the night, all the while eating cheesecake and ice cream and drinking tons of coffee. i haven't had a cup of coffee in nearly two years now. the smell nauseates me. i remember a time that i didn't trust anyone who didn't drink coffee. my ex husband was a tea drinker. need i say any more?
the shavuot late night ladies get together stopped as soon as i moved away from town. it's too much of a trek to get up here from town. i get so nostalgic every time a holiday comes around. i am invited to the sephardi clan for shavuot. i may sleep out. that means leaving the dogs alone for a day.. the daughter-in-law wants me to make a cheesecake and a lasagna. the price of lasagna noodles is sky high, not to mention, the price of dairy these days. i have some cannoloni noodles in the closet. it's a bit more work than making the lasagna, but i guess, it's more or less, the same ingredients. i have to get myself to town to pick up my new checkbooks and get to a supermarket down town to shop for dairy. i actually need a lot more than dairy. i am all out of toilet paper, shampoo, aluminum foil, tea, oil, sugar, napkins, grape juice, dish washing soap and probably a lot more stuff.
i have been fantasizing about getting up and out and going to a shul in town at 5:00 a.m.ish to hear the ten commandments on wednesday morning. i did it once in my life. i have to say the memorial prayer for deceased parents and if i don't make it to town, there is a chabad shul near the clan's home that i can go to at 10:00 a.m. i guess the dogs will survive being alone. it's not like they don't make in the house every day, anyway..
the pain and the fatigue and the heat are keeping me down. i feel drugged all the time. i haven't taken any pain pills at all but i'm really out of it. throw in some psycho drama to the mix and i'm finished. shabbat was a bummer. i did a lot of cooking and no one ate any lunch. i even made a cake in the shape of the ten commandments, which hardly got touched. i am tired of making shabbat meals. my bank account is depleted as well as my strength.. i need to shop in a store where i can write post dated checks. i'm thinking september. i don't know if i have cab fare to get home or not. i am definitely not having fun right now. chag sameach!
the big kids are going through 'something' and it's not easy being in the middle of a storm. the little kids are as rambunctious as ever. the daughter-in-law started another new job yesterday and i got the kids for a few hours. both big kids came home early and were sober enough. i feel sick to my stomach all the time. i have lost my shape. i have a huge stomach now that seems to be getting larger all the time. maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy, who knows?
i can't seem to be able to find a comfortable position to lie in or even sit in. the pain is really wearing me down. i am nauseated all the time. shavuot is on tuesday night. i tried to arrange to be together with a couple of friends but it didn't work out. one gal pal of mine wants to have a quiet chag. i offered to have her and hubby over for lunch but it was a no go. another friend doesn't really have a place to be but i didn't want to bother to cook for just the two of us. i also didn't want to be alone with the same person for 48 hours. does that make me a bad person?
i think about the past a lot. i used to have a full house and of course, i did a lot of cooking. i used to make quiches, kugels, eggplant parmesan, lasagnas, blintzes and of course cheesecake every shavuot. it was a non stop food fest. i had ladies coming over and we would read the megillas ruth and carry on until the wee hours of the night, all the while eating cheesecake and ice cream and drinking tons of coffee. i haven't had a cup of coffee in nearly two years now. the smell nauseates me. i remember a time that i didn't trust anyone who didn't drink coffee. my ex husband was a tea drinker. need i say any more?
the shavuot late night ladies get together stopped as soon as i moved away from town. it's too much of a trek to get up here from town. i get so nostalgic every time a holiday comes around. i am invited to the sephardi clan for shavuot. i may sleep out. that means leaving the dogs alone for a day.. the daughter-in-law wants me to make a cheesecake and a lasagna. the price of lasagna noodles is sky high, not to mention, the price of dairy these days. i have some cannoloni noodles in the closet. it's a bit more work than making the lasagna, but i guess, it's more or less, the same ingredients. i have to get myself to town to pick up my new checkbooks and get to a supermarket down town to shop for dairy. i actually need a lot more than dairy. i am all out of toilet paper, shampoo, aluminum foil, tea, oil, sugar, napkins, grape juice, dish washing soap and probably a lot more stuff.
i have been fantasizing about getting up and out and going to a shul in town at 5:00 a.m.ish to hear the ten commandments on wednesday morning. i did it once in my life. i have to say the memorial prayer for deceased parents and if i don't make it to town, there is a chabad shul near the clan's home that i can go to at 10:00 a.m. i guess the dogs will survive being alone. it's not like they don't make in the house every day, anyway..
the pain and the fatigue and the heat are keeping me down. i feel drugged all the time. i haven't taken any pain pills at all but i'm really out of it. throw in some psycho drama to the mix and i'm finished. shabbat was a bummer. i did a lot of cooking and no one ate any lunch. i even made a cake in the shape of the ten commandments, which hardly got touched. i am tired of making shabbat meals. my bank account is depleted as well as my strength.. i need to shop in a store where i can write post dated checks. i'm thinking september. i don't know if i have cab fare to get home or not. i am definitely not having fun right now. chag sameach!
Friday, May 23, 2014
Just Woke Up
it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i got up at 7:00 a.m. and went straight upstairs to check out the pigeon situation on the porch. i read online a tip from a handyman, who swears by WD40. he apparently uses it on everything, including his body, for various reasons. i don't even know if they sell WD40 here, but i was sure ready to buy some. as ready as i am to get rid of these pigeons once and for all, after i read another blog stating all the risks and health hazards of using the aerosol can and the contents itself; i decided to go the 'organic' route, once again.
this time i read that pigeons don't like spices. i use cinnamon all summer long to keep the ants at bay, but it is way too expensive to use on the vast roof top apartment. i grabbed my hot paprika and started sprinkling it liberally on all perches. i actually got some in my eye but thank goodness, it wasn't WD40. let's just wait and see if it works. these pesty birds have turned me into an angry, shrieking bird terminator. even the grand kids scream at them when they see them on our roof. the little granddaughter always asks to go upstairs to see them.
i've been in bed all week. that last trip to do the MRI completely knocked me out. i didn't shower, or get dressed this week. i reek! even the grandson told me that i should use some of his perfume because i smelled bad. he got off the couch to bring me the bottle and demonstrate how to spritz oneself. that is pretty awful, i know. i guess i'll wash up before shabbat.
even more awful is the fact that i couldn't buy food for shabbat. i never made it to the bank to order checks last week and i was out of cash. i told my son that i couldn't afford to make shabbat for them. how awful is that! guess what? the kids went shopping last night and bought the food for shabbat. i am now the hired cook instead of the hostess with the mostest. it works for me. they bought the fish, treats, drinks, beer, and veggies this week. they even gave me some chicken breast to play with.
i fried up some cutlets already and stuffed some red peppers with meat and rice. i can't decide if i will bake them or cook them on the stove top. what heavy decisions i am faced with. my sister invited me to come over to see my new grand nephew yesterday. i couldn't manage it. i am a failure. i stuff my face everyday and avoid people. i haven't seen my good gal pal in a couple of weeks. depression anyone? i made an appointment with the homeopath and then cancelled it because i couldn't be bothered getting dressed. i also didn't have anyway to pay her.
i need to wash the floors and i just started throwing soapy water all around. i stopped for a break. my hip is stiff and my foot is numb, as usual. i've been emailing people all week. people that i don't really know. i'm in that type of communication mode. i can't stay on the phone because i get antsy. i guess it's the discomfort i'm experiencing from the sciatic condition. i am in a recluse kind of state. i spend countless hours watching 'dexter'. i haven't seen people all week long. escapism is good at times.
one of the people that i've been emailing is a newcomer to zefat. a "young" 67 male who is looking for a wife and a laundromat. he says he's 'between wives'. what exactly does that mean? is he a serial husband? someone forwarded a letter he wrote to the english library requesting a welcome committee. i sent him some suggestions on how to meet people. you know, local shuls, the chabad house, keruv institutes. it took all of my strength not to offer to wash his clothes. i actually, apologized for not inviting him for shabbat, as i didn't think i'd be cooking this week. what is wrong with me?
i still need to do the floors, cook up the corn, make the fish, make some salads and i should do a bit of laundry. i lost my groove. i think i'll call up a friend and spend sore more time chatting and the heck with the cooking and cleaning for a while. whatever..........
this time i read that pigeons don't like spices. i use cinnamon all summer long to keep the ants at bay, but it is way too expensive to use on the vast roof top apartment. i grabbed my hot paprika and started sprinkling it liberally on all perches. i actually got some in my eye but thank goodness, it wasn't WD40. let's just wait and see if it works. these pesty birds have turned me into an angry, shrieking bird terminator. even the grand kids scream at them when they see them on our roof. the little granddaughter always asks to go upstairs to see them.
i've been in bed all week. that last trip to do the MRI completely knocked me out. i didn't shower, or get dressed this week. i reek! even the grandson told me that i should use some of his perfume because i smelled bad. he got off the couch to bring me the bottle and demonstrate how to spritz oneself. that is pretty awful, i know. i guess i'll wash up before shabbat.
even more awful is the fact that i couldn't buy food for shabbat. i never made it to the bank to order checks last week and i was out of cash. i told my son that i couldn't afford to make shabbat for them. how awful is that! guess what? the kids went shopping last night and bought the food for shabbat. i am now the hired cook instead of the hostess with the mostest. it works for me. they bought the fish, treats, drinks, beer, and veggies this week. they even gave me some chicken breast to play with.
i fried up some cutlets already and stuffed some red peppers with meat and rice. i can't decide if i will bake them or cook them on the stove top. what heavy decisions i am faced with. my sister invited me to come over to see my new grand nephew yesterday. i couldn't manage it. i am a failure. i stuff my face everyday and avoid people. i haven't seen my good gal pal in a couple of weeks. depression anyone? i made an appointment with the homeopath and then cancelled it because i couldn't be bothered getting dressed. i also didn't have anyway to pay her.
i need to wash the floors and i just started throwing soapy water all around. i stopped for a break. my hip is stiff and my foot is numb, as usual. i've been emailing people all week. people that i don't really know. i'm in that type of communication mode. i can't stay on the phone because i get antsy. i guess it's the discomfort i'm experiencing from the sciatic condition. i am in a recluse kind of state. i spend countless hours watching 'dexter'. i haven't seen people all week long. escapism is good at times.
one of the people that i've been emailing is a newcomer to zefat. a "young" 67 male who is looking for a wife and a laundromat. he says he's 'between wives'. what exactly does that mean? is he a serial husband? someone forwarded a letter he wrote to the english library requesting a welcome committee. i sent him some suggestions on how to meet people. you know, local shuls, the chabad house, keruv institutes. it took all of my strength not to offer to wash his clothes. i actually, apologized for not inviting him for shabbat, as i didn't think i'd be cooking this week. what is wrong with me?
i still need to do the floors, cook up the corn, make the fish, make some salads and i should do a bit of laundry. i lost my groove. i think i'll call up a friend and spend sore more time chatting and the heck with the cooking and cleaning for a while. whatever..........
Monday, May 19, 2014
Catching A Break
it is 8:30 a.m . in the holy city of zefat. all the kids are gone. the daughter-in-law is in a training program for a new job and gets picked up early by a tender. my son has to get the small kids and himself, to their gans and his workplace. yesterday was a bit of a disaster. the son was fast asleep and the wife had already left. the kids were still undressed and unfed. the granddaughter came to me and woke me up after 7:00 a.m. for chocolate milk.
i was totally unaware of the new working situation. i hesitated going down the stairs to get the bottle. i try not being in their faces first thing in the morning. it's a good thing, though, that i went downstairs. both boys were still asleep. my son quickly got up and tried to spring into action. he had to get both kids ready for gan, so he thought. he dressed the girl and i got the boy ready. it turned out that the boy was going to his other grandma because the gan was on a break. i had to do the girl's hair, which i'm totally bad at. after all, i never had a girl, folks and my son did not have much hair. i did take a hairdressing course years ago, here in zefat, but none of the dummy heads that we worked on, had long hair.
the kids got out, more or less, in tact. i went upstairs to check out the pigeon scene. you really have to stay on top of it. it is a long and arduous war. i didn't have any thumb tacks so i brought up some nails. i banged away at the plastic screening i put up. all that banging noise got me ready for my appointment at at the hospital. i hope that i made the barrier strong and impenetrable. the pigeons tend to rip it down in total defiance. i cleaned up most of the poo and went downstairs to get ready for my trip to tel aviv. that's right, another MRI. of the old brain.
i quickly showered and dressed. i left at 11:30 a.m. my appointment was for 4:00 p.m. i walked a distance to a local bus stop to catch a bus to rosh pina. i usually cab it. since the medical carrier refused to reimburse me for these taxis, i find myself 'roughing ' it. i was able to catch a taxi off the highway to take me for a mere 10 shekels. the bus is only 5 shekels but i was pressed for time. the express bus came at 12:30 p.m and i got to tel aviv at 3:00 p.m. i had to take a taxi to the hospital because i simply cannot hack a local tel aviv bus ride. the taxi took nearly a half hour so the bus might have been close to an hour. that's way too much local bus ride for me after along bus trip.
i counted on being at the MRI for hours. the last time i waited at least 2 hours to see the doctor. this time, i caught a break. at 4:30 p.m. they inserted my tube and gave me my shot. i was in the machine at 5:00 p.m. i fell asleep. they kept on asking me if i was okay. i could barely answer because i was so tired. i keep my eyes close until they unstrap my head. that's the only way to deal with claustrophobia. i have to keep on telling myself not to open my eyes. i ordered a cab to pick me up at 7:30 p.m. that's on the medical carrier's account. i don't pay one cent. i was finished at 6:00 p.m., a real record time for sure. it was lovely outside and the lawns was watered and had the most lovely smell of fresh grass. i bought some chocolate milk and a roll and sat outside and had a picnic.
i felt well and was under no pressure. i even did a bit of window shopping in the mini maul. i bought some chocolate and sat on the grass and watched the cats play. i was at peace with the world. when i first got there, just as i entered the building, a man in a wheelchair asked me to take him to the emergency room. it was only a short distance and i was able to walk. i thought it was a divine message from above to get over myself. there i was, on my own two feet and not back in a wheelchair, like last year. i saw the same receptionists who helped me last year when i was at my worst. it was a real 'ah ha ' moment for me.
when i was waiting to enter the MRI, i saw a young couple who were apparently waiting for their baby to come back from his testing. they were both exhausted and reading words of torah. i felt so bad for them. i also felt so blessed for my family's wellness. a trip to the hospital is an eye opener, for sure. everyone was so nice to me, yesterday. the receptionist helped me with a bureaucratic issue. the nurse was also incredibly helpful and nice. the doctor easily got the line in and was so gentle with me. even the technician, who asked me to remove my scarf was nice. she quickly got me a surgical net to wear. it was actually a pleasure to be there. i know that sounds weird under the circumstances.
the only hitch was finding the taxi driver, afterwards. i didn't have any calls left on my cellphone. i never travel with my cellphone. it has been on my shelf, uncharged, for over a year. i am not a cell person. i have always been afraid of radiation. ha ha, the joke's on me! i sat outside for a while and then roamed the parking lot more than once, looking for a zefat taxi medallion. not one to be found. at 7:30 p.m. i had a total stranger cal the cab company for me. i was told that the driver was in a traffic jam and was about a half hour form the hospital. it was getting cold and i was getting tired. i could have made it home quicker if i had taken the bus. i was getting antsy. the driver arrived close to 9:00 p.m. i got home at 11:00 p.m. that's nearly 12 hours after i left.
i am really tired today. i have to see the brain surgeon next week. i have the sephardi family engagement party on the same day. i actually know the bride and like her very much. as it turns out, my daughter-in-law's father has to see the neurosurgeon at sheba, too. we have matching appointments at the same time. i offered to pick them up in my taxi. we will travel back to hadera together for the 'henna'. i'm actually looking forward to the party.
i met the loveliest american couple last week at the radiologist office. they were kind enough to offer me to stay over at their home for the night. i doubt that you'd encounter this type of hospitality in america. i didn't take them up on their offer because i had to get back to zefat, the dogs, and the kids. i had to make shabbat, too. in the meanwhile, we are staying in touch by email. i know how hard a process they are going through, having survived it myself. i am truly sorry for everyone who has to battle this disease and endure this treatment.
i was totally unaware of the new working situation. i hesitated going down the stairs to get the bottle. i try not being in their faces first thing in the morning. it's a good thing, though, that i went downstairs. both boys were still asleep. my son quickly got up and tried to spring into action. he had to get both kids ready for gan, so he thought. he dressed the girl and i got the boy ready. it turned out that the boy was going to his other grandma because the gan was on a break. i had to do the girl's hair, which i'm totally bad at. after all, i never had a girl, folks and my son did not have much hair. i did take a hairdressing course years ago, here in zefat, but none of the dummy heads that we worked on, had long hair.
the kids got out, more or less, in tact. i went upstairs to check out the pigeon scene. you really have to stay on top of it. it is a long and arduous war. i didn't have any thumb tacks so i brought up some nails. i banged away at the plastic screening i put up. all that banging noise got me ready for my appointment at at the hospital. i hope that i made the barrier strong and impenetrable. the pigeons tend to rip it down in total defiance. i cleaned up most of the poo and went downstairs to get ready for my trip to tel aviv. that's right, another MRI. of the old brain.
i quickly showered and dressed. i left at 11:30 a.m. my appointment was for 4:00 p.m. i walked a distance to a local bus stop to catch a bus to rosh pina. i usually cab it. since the medical carrier refused to reimburse me for these taxis, i find myself 'roughing ' it. i was able to catch a taxi off the highway to take me for a mere 10 shekels. the bus is only 5 shekels but i was pressed for time. the express bus came at 12:30 p.m and i got to tel aviv at 3:00 p.m. i had to take a taxi to the hospital because i simply cannot hack a local tel aviv bus ride. the taxi took nearly a half hour so the bus might have been close to an hour. that's way too much local bus ride for me after along bus trip.
i counted on being at the MRI for hours. the last time i waited at least 2 hours to see the doctor. this time, i caught a break. at 4:30 p.m. they inserted my tube and gave me my shot. i was in the machine at 5:00 p.m. i fell asleep. they kept on asking me if i was okay. i could barely answer because i was so tired. i keep my eyes close until they unstrap my head. that's the only way to deal with claustrophobia. i have to keep on telling myself not to open my eyes. i ordered a cab to pick me up at 7:30 p.m. that's on the medical carrier's account. i don't pay one cent. i was finished at 6:00 p.m., a real record time for sure. it was lovely outside and the lawns was watered and had the most lovely smell of fresh grass. i bought some chocolate milk and a roll and sat outside and had a picnic.
i felt well and was under no pressure. i even did a bit of window shopping in the mini maul. i bought some chocolate and sat on the grass and watched the cats play. i was at peace with the world. when i first got there, just as i entered the building, a man in a wheelchair asked me to take him to the emergency room. it was only a short distance and i was able to walk. i thought it was a divine message from above to get over myself. there i was, on my own two feet and not back in a wheelchair, like last year. i saw the same receptionists who helped me last year when i was at my worst. it was a real 'ah ha ' moment for me.
when i was waiting to enter the MRI, i saw a young couple who were apparently waiting for their baby to come back from his testing. they were both exhausted and reading words of torah. i felt so bad for them. i also felt so blessed for my family's wellness. a trip to the hospital is an eye opener, for sure. everyone was so nice to me, yesterday. the receptionist helped me with a bureaucratic issue. the nurse was also incredibly helpful and nice. the doctor easily got the line in and was so gentle with me. even the technician, who asked me to remove my scarf was nice. she quickly got me a surgical net to wear. it was actually a pleasure to be there. i know that sounds weird under the circumstances.
the only hitch was finding the taxi driver, afterwards. i didn't have any calls left on my cellphone. i never travel with my cellphone. it has been on my shelf, uncharged, for over a year. i am not a cell person. i have always been afraid of radiation. ha ha, the joke's on me! i sat outside for a while and then roamed the parking lot more than once, looking for a zefat taxi medallion. not one to be found. at 7:30 p.m. i had a total stranger cal the cab company for me. i was told that the driver was in a traffic jam and was about a half hour form the hospital. it was getting cold and i was getting tired. i could have made it home quicker if i had taken the bus. i was getting antsy. the driver arrived close to 9:00 p.m. i got home at 11:00 p.m. that's nearly 12 hours after i left.
i am really tired today. i have to see the brain surgeon next week. i have the sephardi family engagement party on the same day. i actually know the bride and like her very much. as it turns out, my daughter-in-law's father has to see the neurosurgeon at sheba, too. we have matching appointments at the same time. i offered to pick them up in my taxi. we will travel back to hadera together for the 'henna'. i'm actually looking forward to the party.
i met the loveliest american couple last week at the radiologist office. they were kind enough to offer me to stay over at their home for the night. i doubt that you'd encounter this type of hospitality in america. i didn't take them up on their offer because i had to get back to zefat, the dogs, and the kids. i had to make shabbat, too. in the meanwhile, we are staying in touch by email. i know how hard a process they are going through, having survived it myself. i am truly sorry for everyone who has to battle this disease and endure this treatment.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
I Could Just Cry
it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat and i could just start crying. i'm so tired and cranky and have had the kids with me since 2:00 a.m. it's lag b'omer and i'm in no shape to trek to meron to visit the grave site of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. my sciatic nerve has started up again. i did not go out last night with the kids and the grandkids to the local parade and barbecue afterwards at the clan's home. i stayed in curled up on my t.v. couch watching 'fargo' and trying to find a comfortable position. it wasn't easy. i was quite uncomfortable.
it's been a few weeks now that i've experienced pins and needles and numbness in my left foot. the pain has started travelling up the leg and into the hip area . i an constantly in discomfort. the radiologist told me that sitting is not good for this condition. i'm back to lying around all day. i cannot lift the kids anymore. that's on doctors' orders as well as what my common sense dictates. i am miserable. the radiologist said that being miserable isn't good for the pain.
i didn't sleep a wink last night. i seem to have this problem every saturday night. i have to travel again to the hospital tomorrow for a brain scan. lying down for an hour in the MRI machine will be very hard with my leg problem. i can't really put it off again. i have little or no patience for the kids today. they are really getting on my nerves. life is getting on my nerves. the dogs are getting on my nerves. the radiologist says that getting tense isn't good for the pain.
i spent most of shabbat day with the grandkids. i had them outside at 7:30 a.m. i knew they were making too much noise but no one screamed out of their window to let me know. one neignbor complained to my son in the evening. at least, they leave the cancer patient alone these days. i am feeling depressed. the radiologist said it is bad to be depressed... he said that depression increases the pain. i just want to catch a break. i know that being cancer free should be enough but it isn't. i want to be pain free. i'm tired of being uncomfortable. i'm also tired of being left with the grand kids. the daughter-in-law started a new job today. that will probably entail my help from now on. and pretty soon, the grandson will be on summer vacation. i am dreading the day when the gans close.
i know my attitude sucks. life sucks, too. i was hoping to go back to a part time job but that's not in store for me right now. the homeopath wants me to come back for another visit. of course, everyone makes money except for me. i had put an ad for my upstairs rental recently, online and had a prospect. of course it didn't pan out. neither did all the receipts i sent in to the medical carrier. they screwed me once again, out of about 1000 shekels. i am feeling very discouraged.
i made shabbat for the kids even though i was tired from travelling to the hospital and back on thursday. i guess i was a bit hyper when i returned. i even stopped off at the super to get some veggies. i couldn't really carry anything heavy because of my back. i bought 3 small fish fillets, a few beers, two small red cabbages, two packs of cherry tomatoes, a pack of corn treats for the kids, a few potatoes, 2 peppers, 3 carrots and a small jar of sweet chili sauce.
i defrosted a package of chicken breasts and a small package of chicken thighs. i used half of the breast to make fried cutlets and i used the rest to make a stir fry. i roasted the thighs using a prepared grill powder. i made instant couscous, mashed potatoes, 2 types of cole slaw, egg salad, spicy tomato stewed fish, a cherry tomato salad, and a chocolate brownie cake. most of the salads were untouched. the kids ate cookies instead of the cake. i hate waisting my money and my energy. what can one do?
my son actually called up on friday to see if i could keep the kids with me from 3:00 p.m. until shabbat, which is around 8:00 p.m. i am always amazed at his requests. i originally said to count me out for shabbat because i knew that i'd be exhausted after my hospital trip on thursday. i had to be at the gyn/oncologist in tel aviv at 9:00 a.m. the taxi came at 6:00 a.m. i hardly slept at all for fear that i'd miss the taxi. the kids do not have a clue as to how i feel. when they have a pain or headache or are just tired, they absolutely can't cope. i'm the martyr here. i'm tired of being bothered by them. i am tired of making shabbat meals. i am tired of being with the grand kids. there, i've said it. what is going to happen to me? is someone going to take away my grandmother papers or something.
it's been a few weeks now that i've experienced pins and needles and numbness in my left foot. the pain has started travelling up the leg and into the hip area . i an constantly in discomfort. the radiologist told me that sitting is not good for this condition. i'm back to lying around all day. i cannot lift the kids anymore. that's on doctors' orders as well as what my common sense dictates. i am miserable. the radiologist said that being miserable isn't good for the pain.
i didn't sleep a wink last night. i seem to have this problem every saturday night. i have to travel again to the hospital tomorrow for a brain scan. lying down for an hour in the MRI machine will be very hard with my leg problem. i can't really put it off again. i have little or no patience for the kids today. they are really getting on my nerves. life is getting on my nerves. the dogs are getting on my nerves. the radiologist says that getting tense isn't good for the pain.
i spent most of shabbat day with the grandkids. i had them outside at 7:30 a.m. i knew they were making too much noise but no one screamed out of their window to let me know. one neignbor complained to my son in the evening. at least, they leave the cancer patient alone these days. i am feeling depressed. the radiologist said it is bad to be depressed... he said that depression increases the pain. i just want to catch a break. i know that being cancer free should be enough but it isn't. i want to be pain free. i'm tired of being uncomfortable. i'm also tired of being left with the grand kids. the daughter-in-law started a new job today. that will probably entail my help from now on. and pretty soon, the grandson will be on summer vacation. i am dreading the day when the gans close.
i know my attitude sucks. life sucks, too. i was hoping to go back to a part time job but that's not in store for me right now. the homeopath wants me to come back for another visit. of course, everyone makes money except for me. i had put an ad for my upstairs rental recently, online and had a prospect. of course it didn't pan out. neither did all the receipts i sent in to the medical carrier. they screwed me once again, out of about 1000 shekels. i am feeling very discouraged.
i made shabbat for the kids even though i was tired from travelling to the hospital and back on thursday. i guess i was a bit hyper when i returned. i even stopped off at the super to get some veggies. i couldn't really carry anything heavy because of my back. i bought 3 small fish fillets, a few beers, two small red cabbages, two packs of cherry tomatoes, a pack of corn treats for the kids, a few potatoes, 2 peppers, 3 carrots and a small jar of sweet chili sauce.
i defrosted a package of chicken breasts and a small package of chicken thighs. i used half of the breast to make fried cutlets and i used the rest to make a stir fry. i roasted the thighs using a prepared grill powder. i made instant couscous, mashed potatoes, 2 types of cole slaw, egg salad, spicy tomato stewed fish, a cherry tomato salad, and a chocolate brownie cake. most of the salads were untouched. the kids ate cookies instead of the cake. i hate waisting my money and my energy. what can one do?
my son actually called up on friday to see if i could keep the kids with me from 3:00 p.m. until shabbat, which is around 8:00 p.m. i am always amazed at his requests. i originally said to count me out for shabbat because i knew that i'd be exhausted after my hospital trip on thursday. i had to be at the gyn/oncologist in tel aviv at 9:00 a.m. the taxi came at 6:00 a.m. i hardly slept at all for fear that i'd miss the taxi. the kids do not have a clue as to how i feel. when they have a pain or headache or are just tired, they absolutely can't cope. i'm the martyr here. i'm tired of being bothered by them. i am tired of making shabbat meals. i am tired of being with the grand kids. there, i've said it. what is going to happen to me? is someone going to take away my grandmother papers or something.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Thanks It's Almost Shabbat
it is 6:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i have had the kids with me for most of the week after school. i'm tired. i made a matzoh brie for the kids for supper. it didn't go over so well. the little girl didn't eat hers and the little boy left most of his lying around so the dog ate it. a little while ago, the little girl came into the kitchen and upchucked all over the floor and me. she seems fine right now. who knows what she did to herself while i was in the kitchen.
i took the kids to a local park and as usual, the little one wanted to go home and the big one wanted to stay. we were close to home when the little boy realized that he left his 'trash pack' sticker at the park. i had the little girl in my arms at the time, as she wanted to be carried, and i had to climb back up 2 steep flight of stairs to get back to the park. as it turns out, i left the girl's sweater at the park. the mother will have to drive over when she gets home and pick it up.
these kids are tired. i am too exhausted to give them their nightly bubble bath. i can't wait for their parents to get home and take their kids. i have put the kids to sleep all week long. the little one had a virus all week long and was very feverish and very testy. it was hard dealing with her. she kept wanting to go downstairs and as soon as we got there she wanted to be upstairs. this was life for me all week long; dragging this little rag a muffin around in my arms.
i couldn't go to my weekly torah class or see my adult girl friends, either. today, a couple of gals came over to make a mock commercial video. we spent about 2 hours on it in the living room. we finally 'wrapped' at noon time and i served tuna sandwiches and ice cream afterwards. i ran down to the super at 9:00 a.m. to get some things for shabbat. the kids will be here for lunch. i was hoping to go out for shabbat but you know how it is.
i bought fresh corn, a few potatoes, cherry tomatoes, pitas, and some beer. i don't know what i am going to cook yet. i have chicken breasts, wings and chopped chicken in the freezer. i was thinking about making mashed potato kugel and chicken cutlets but i can also go with grilled wings. i'm also thinking about chicken meatballs and mashed potatoes. i bought some hamburgers for independence day next week. i still have wings, franks, liver and chicken breasts in the freezer to use for a barbecue, if anyone cares to make one, besides me.
i am too too tired to think right now. we've gone through most of the ice cream already and i've gone through most of my allotment this month. i can't deal with these kids any more. my son just called to ask if i was in a hurry for him to return. ya think! i've been with these children for hours and days and weeks now, so their parents can go to work. i want to go to work. i want to be out of this house, too. i am tired of watching humpty dumpty.
i have 4 medical appointments this month. i'm not up for travelling so much. i went to get the medical papers sorted out and it was all one huge balagon. i have no patience to deal with it. on sunday, i'll go back to town and complain to the manager. i'm not expecting any resolution to the problems in the least. i stopped off at my friend's today for about an hour. she hurried off to the super and i made it home in tome to take care of the little kids.
i am worn out. it feels like the chronic fatigue is back, after a few months of a break. i should go back to the homeopath but i don't have the funds right now. oh well.........
i took the kids to a local park and as usual, the little one wanted to go home and the big one wanted to stay. we were close to home when the little boy realized that he left his 'trash pack' sticker at the park. i had the little girl in my arms at the time, as she wanted to be carried, and i had to climb back up 2 steep flight of stairs to get back to the park. as it turns out, i left the girl's sweater at the park. the mother will have to drive over when she gets home and pick it up.
these kids are tired. i am too exhausted to give them their nightly bubble bath. i can't wait for their parents to get home and take their kids. i have put the kids to sleep all week long. the little one had a virus all week long and was very feverish and very testy. it was hard dealing with her. she kept wanting to go downstairs and as soon as we got there she wanted to be upstairs. this was life for me all week long; dragging this little rag a muffin around in my arms.
i couldn't go to my weekly torah class or see my adult girl friends, either. today, a couple of gals came over to make a mock commercial video. we spent about 2 hours on it in the living room. we finally 'wrapped' at noon time and i served tuna sandwiches and ice cream afterwards. i ran down to the super at 9:00 a.m. to get some things for shabbat. the kids will be here for lunch. i was hoping to go out for shabbat but you know how it is.
i bought fresh corn, a few potatoes, cherry tomatoes, pitas, and some beer. i don't know what i am going to cook yet. i have chicken breasts, wings and chopped chicken in the freezer. i was thinking about making mashed potato kugel and chicken cutlets but i can also go with grilled wings. i'm also thinking about chicken meatballs and mashed potatoes. i bought some hamburgers for independence day next week. i still have wings, franks, liver and chicken breasts in the freezer to use for a barbecue, if anyone cares to make one, besides me.
i am too too tired to think right now. we've gone through most of the ice cream already and i've gone through most of my allotment this month. i can't deal with these kids any more. my son just called to ask if i was in a hurry for him to return. ya think! i've been with these children for hours and days and weeks now, so their parents can go to work. i want to go to work. i want to be out of this house, too. i am tired of watching humpty dumpty.
i have 4 medical appointments this month. i'm not up for travelling so much. i went to get the medical papers sorted out and it was all one huge balagon. i have no patience to deal with it. on sunday, i'll go back to town and complain to the manager. i'm not expecting any resolution to the problems in the least. i stopped off at my friend's today for about an hour. she hurried off to the super and i made it home in tome to take care of the little kids.
i am worn out. it feels like the chronic fatigue is back, after a few months of a break. i should go back to the homeopath but i don't have the funds right now. oh well.........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
