remembrances

it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  I just got back from the cemetery.  today is the 14th anniversary of the passing of my father.  it doesn't really seem that it was so long ago.  my world crashed when he died.  I took to mourning for at least two years.  I couldn't get over it.  my father was 91 when he died.  it was extraordinary because he had heart issues.  both my parents survived open heart surgery at age 70.  it was a relatively new procedure back then in the 80's.  my father was one of the very few patients who lived after this surgery.  people thought we had magical powers or something.  my sister used to sit for hours reading psalms.  my father was on his feet and eating jello soon after the 16 hour procedure.  he was amazing.  he was very strong.

before my father passed on he was in the hospital here in safed for 40 days.  he was brought to the hospital in a septic state.  we had to amputate his leg.  they told us that he was in full organ shutdown.  they told us that he couldn't survive the surgery.  then they told us he couldn't survive the day.  shortly afterwards, he awoke from a catatonic like state and winked at me.  he grabbed my arm and I was rendered to my knees.  like I said, my father was very strong.  he had dementia and didn't remember that I was his daughter.  he did know me because I lived with him.  he used to call me 'big girl'.  they told us for 40 days that my father could not survive one more day and yet he did.  the nurses doted on him in intensive care.  he flirted with them and I think he might have even groped a couple.  they loved him.

I had to go to court in another town to get power of attorney to have his leg amputated. there was no judge that day.  I recognized a young man from safed and asked him if I could use his cell phone.  he turned out to be the office manager of the court and he was my neighbor.  he recognized me from taking my father out for walks.  he knew my dad.  he helped me get the necessary paper work.  a lot of people knew my dad from his outings with his helper. the taxi drivers adored him.  they would put songs on the radio for him to sing.  the world has changed for me since he left it.

he became very child like and I resumed the role of parent.  he was very happy and loved to be around kids and a crowd.  he loved to dance.  he loved to eat.  he became quite uninhibited.  he would get up at the senior's club and shake his booty.  he loved to sing and would sit out on the porch crooning Sinatra tunes.  the neighbors all knew him.  he would greet people in the street and say 'Shabbat shalom' every single day.  the kids in he neighborhood would run over to him to get their 'Shabbat shalom' greeting from him.  they nicknamed him the Shabbat sabba.  some people judged him and many more loved him. 

when he was in a hospital in the center of the country with ischemia, he brightened up the doctor's days by singing and kibitzing with them,   he didn't understand that we were there to try and save his leg.  he didn't understand that that most of the people on that ward were amputees.  one doctor admitted that his commute to work was very depressing and that he wished that he had a cassette of my dad singing "my way" to help him get through it.

I didn't stay long at the cemetery.  I wasn't feeling well.  this intense heat wave, that we are having,  has taken its toll on me. I am borderline dehydrated and very swollen.  I took a taxi and had him return in half an hour.  it appears that someone was there earlier on and cleaned both of the graves.  it was probably my sister.  last year I cleaned the graves.  I am glad that she got her chance to be alone with them. last year she ran off when she saw me.  I took some spackle with me to help reattach the boxes for the memorial candles.  they both had broken off the graves.  I didn't even get the chance to read some psalms.  it was broiling down at the cemetery. I kissed their graves and said goodbye.

I got a dear friend to read the mourner's kaddush for my dad tomorrow and I left a box of goodies at the yeshiva for the boys to enjoy.  that is what I could do for my dad.  I miss him and wish he was still here to call me 'big girl".

quickly scrambled to get food ready for Shabbat evening.  made two hamburgers and heated up some leftover rice and made a tilapia fillet.  threw together oatmeal, coconut flakes, ground peanuts and walnuts, a mashed banana and a couple of eggs plus a splash of palm oil and date syrup and created 'muffins, 'put up a kettle of boiled water and voila!  Shabbat shalom!