Life Goes On

it is 12:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  I am waiting for my grandson to come.  apparently, there is no afternoon program anymore.  school ends at the end of june but they have already suspended the lunch program for the first graders.  it gets harder every year.  you see all the working parents with their kids by their sides at the banks, health clinics, restaurants, and clothes stores.  the teachers get off but the parents have to work.  it doesn't make much sense.

my dear friends from Jerusalem, came to visit me for shabbat.  my son and family also joined in the shabbaton.  we were a lively bunch.  of course, we all ate too much and drank too much.  I was exhausted, as usual.  I haven't had much sleep lately.  my sister and I had a terrible falling out over a family secret from 20 years ago.  my niece gets married next week and I will not be there.  neither will my son and his wife.

I have spent hundreds of hours on the phone talking with my siblings and friends.  I have not received any resolution and I doubt I will get any closure.  everyone tells me to get on with my life.  I went through a severe mourning period for my lost relationship and didn't shower, dress or leave my house for about 4 days.  I did eat an enormous amount of sugar.  I finally got up one day and showered.  I went out the next day to buy groceries and spent the day cleaning my house.  I hadn't done the dishes, either.  I cleaned my house and scrubbed the floors with bleach and soap.

I made all the beds and straightened out the living room.  I caught up on laundry, too.  I didn't sleep very much on Thursday night.  I spoke with my friend to around 3:00 a.m. and then couldn't fall asleep.  I found it very hard to prepare the shabbat meals.  I made plans to pick up another girl friend and help her take her ailing elderly dog to the vets to have him put down.  afterwards, we stopped off at the large supermarket to buy treats for Shabbat.  it was quite surreal.

I managed to make Moroccan spicy fish, a tabouli salad, a potato kugel, Chinese style stir fried noodles, grilled chicken wings, stewed chicken, beets, egg salad, cooked tomato salsa, and a green salad.  I bought humus and rolls.  I thought about baking a cake but didn't.  we bought two yeast  cakes at the supermarket and the kids brought a cheese cake loaf and a chocolate mousse loaf, to boot.  we had tons of potato chips, seeds, nuts and corn chips.  it was a food bacchanal.  we had Bacardi breeze's, assorted beers, port wine and jack Daniels.  no one was feeling any pain.

the grandkids were having a ball, too.  they received lots of little toys and legos.  the kids slept with me on Friday night.  we got up pretty early.  I was with the kids from about 6:45 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.  everyone was nashing on the nuts and seeds and cakes.  I didn't think that anyone would want to eat lunch but they did and we ate at 11:00 a.m.  no one made it to the synagogue for services.  everyone went to nap on Saturday afternoon except me and my grandson.  he does not like to sleep.  he has never been keen on sleep.  I was delirious from lack of sleep.  he started to have a meltdown in the evening.  no one left the house.  it was hot outside.  the house was cool and comfortable.  we had a small third meal of leftover salads and tuna fish and then finished off the cheesecakes and ice cream.  my friend had bought a cream cake and ice cream to celebrate her dog's passing.  we had a toast earlier in the day to her dog, mickey.

my other friend was also going through a family crisis.  we have been on the phone together 24/7.  I guess we all needed a Shabbat to chill out.  but then, life goes on.  Shabbat ends and reality settles back in.  the older kids went off to the movies.  we stayed here and rapped until around 2:00 a.m. I had the television on but couldn't hear a word.  I was very concerned that I had gone deaf.  I found out this afternoon that my friend's son had simply lowered the volume on the remote control that I never use.  so, no, I hadn't suffered an hysterical deafness.

another close friend, had a bit of an emergency health crisis and ran off the clinic this morning.  I couldn't meet her there because my friends were due back from town and my grandson was supposed to come over, too.  I did most of the washing up this morning but there is lego all over the house.  I do not have the strength to deal with it today.  I am taking it slow today.  I still do not know if I will be hosting any holiday Shavuot meals this week.  I would be very glad not to do nay more cooking.  I am taking it very 'easy breezy' right now.  I do have cannelloni noodles and lady fingers if I do decide to make a tiramisu desert and a dairy stuffed cannelloni for Shavuot.  who knows.  I am still pretty traumatized from my fight with my sister.

Aftermath:  it is now 4:30 p.m.  I just got back from picking up my granddaughter from kindergarten.   my son left work early and the three of them are downstairs cleaning out the pool..  the pool was never taken down last year.  it made it through the winter but filled up a lot from all the rain we had.  it is green and sludgy now.  it didn't help that my granddaughter threw fresh oranges into the  pool.  I am staying upstairs and resting.  I have no strength to bud in to this project.  I think I may be making Shavuot meals after all.  I will keep them simple.  beef in wine for dinner with either a mashed potato kugel or plain mashed potatoes with a sweet noodle kugel.  perhaps I will prepare a green salad, string beans teriyaki and sherbet for dessert.  for the day I will make stuffed cannelloni, a greek salad, perhaps a crust less spinach quiche and a tiramisu for dessert.  I will have fruit for both meals.