Friday, July 8, 2016

Just When You Think It's Safe

it is 6:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I am sitting here in wet clothes while I type.  I jumped into the pool to cool off but now I'm pretty hot.  I am furious with my son and his wife.  I had a really nice birthday this year.  the kids took me out to a good Chinese restaurant and wined and dined me.  actually, I had a rum and coke.  it must have cost a small fortune.  the next day I spent a real fortune on fruits and cheeses and cake and rum breezes to entertain a couple of gal pals.  we dipped in the pool and then had a lovely brunch.

the daughter-in-law bought me shirts from the clothes store where she works.  none of them fit and I had to go out the other night wearing an oversized white peasant blouse to dinner.  it's bad enough that I gained so much weight but I felt like a whale in that blouse.  last night I wore another one of her blouses to make a condolence call to a neighbor.  I looked like an ultra orthodox lady and was very uncomfortable.  a younger lady engaged me in a conversation because I looked like a rebison.

the daughter-in-law is insane when it comes to her floors.  heaven protect us if we spill a drop of water after she has washed the floors.  if she does the housecleaning on Wednesday that means the kids shower upstairs in my house and use my bathroom after they come out of the pool until Friday when she comes home from work.  in my house, the kids are allowed to trash the place.  I warned my friends that the daughter-in-law doesn't let anyone go into her house after the pool.  we all climbed the stairs to use my bathroom after we dunked.  the daughter-in-law grilled me later that night if I had used the downstairs apartment.

this weekend the kids are making a shabbaton with the daughter-in-law's cousins.  I noticed this morning that the house was empty.  it seemed like everyone had gone off to somewhere.  I called my son to inquire where everyone was.  he informed me that the daughter-in-law had gone off to Tiberius.  I assumed that she had gone with the cousins and that the downstairs  pool area was fair game.

my niece and family are in from India.  I had invited her to make a pool date with me and my grandchildren.  she called to ask if the kids could come over to visit and use the pool around noon time.  I ran downstairs to the supermarket to buy treats and drinks that have the politically correct kosher certificate.   just after they arrived the daughter-in-law's cousins returned.  it was a bit awkward.  my family are Ashkenazi chabadniks and the cousins are traditional Sephardim.  it wasn't a good mix.

I brought out lots of drink and nash for all the kids.  the chabadniks wanted the Sephardim to wait until they finished being in the pool because of modesty issues.  I can't get into them now.  it's almost Shabbat.  all I know is that I didn't let my family use the bathroom downstairs after the pool.  I didn't let the kids in the house at all.  my niece did use the bathroom to change her clothes before the pool, which I thought would be okay.  I even warned the cousins not to enter the house wet.  they didn't take me seriously.

my daughter-in-law returned home to find my family in the pool.  the outside table was trashed with remnants of French fries and pretzels and apple juice because I had run upstairs to help her cousin out.  the cousin was frying chicken cutlets in my kitchen because they don't have gas downstairs.  I had every intention of cleaning up when I got back downstairs.  in the meanwhile my son came home and I knew I was in for it, once again.

how dare I use the pool like it's mine?.  I guess that applies to the table and chairs they bought, too.  and the backyard in general, now that they have created a summer wonderland.  and then I was told that my family had trashed their house even though the kids had never set foot in the house.  I lost it on my son, once again.  I told him to leave my house and I let them know I wouldn't be joining them for Shabbat.  he threatened to move out.  imagine that!  to be continued.....

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