Saturday, September 18, 2010

Home Alone

it's 7:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. it is saturday night. we just finished the 26 hour fast of yom kippur. we stopped eating yesterday and lit the shabbat candles at around 5:00 p.m. it is a very strange thing to spend the shabbat fasting. we usually, stuff face all shabbat long.

i went to the cemetery on friday to visit my parents' graves. i had a good cry, read their tehillim, cleaned their stones and went home. we were supposed to eat two meals before the fast. i had a couple of whole wheat rolls and a slice of salmon, that i took from my sister. the kids went to the sephardi clan so i was home alone and didn't bother to cook.

i found a package of stewed chicken that i had frozen and i had it for the second meal. it was delicious. the day before i defrosted an unmarked package and it turned out to be cholent. it was great! i shared it with the dogs.

last sunday was a fast day and i felt dreadful. i guess after overeating at six holiday and shabbat meals, my body couldn't deal. i pretty much stayed in bed all day. i didn't have the will to get up in the morning and go to yoga. i forget about the evening aroebics, too.

i went back to the dentist and he put a temporary cap on one of my teeth. he wanted to pull out another two teeth on the right side but i absolutely refused. i have to go to the surgeon tomorrow to see if he can put in implants. i don't really have enough money at this point, but i'll need at least one to be used as an anchor for a bridge. it's all so depressing!

i went to the clan for shabbat after rosh hashana and they made a big deal about the baby being too attached to me. he didn't even see me for the entire time that i was there. when i got up to leave and said good night to him, he was crying and very overtired. he wanted me to pick him up, like i do all the time, and the sephardi grandmother got a wee bit jealous.

i am easily hurt. i admit it. i didn't like this one bit. i've decided not to go there for succot. i'd rather stay home alone or in my succah alone than be privy to that behavior.

i enjoyed being alone for yom kippur. i got to spend the entire day and evening in shul. i didn't have to babysit or deal with anyone's moods. it was a bit strange to come home to an empty house but i'll just deal with it. i wanted to watch a bit of television but the programming wasn't scheduled to come back on until another hour. only in israel is cable television off on holidays.

i stayed in shul this evening until 7:30 p.m. i broke my fast with a piece of store bought honey cake and a cup of orange drink. i got home and had a whole wheat roll with a bit of tehina and a sliver of green pepper. i then made two eggs and sneaked upstairs to the kids' apartment and 'pinched' an icecream bar.

wish me luck at the dentist. i am at my wits end trying to come up with money these days. if you have any suggestions, write in.

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you in at times loneliness/aloneness/solitude. money/finances/budget are a constant frustration to many of us as we learn to adjust and cope with the situation. hang in there.