What's Going On

it is now 3:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  got back a little while ago from town.  i have been going out each morning with a friend to show her around safed.  she just got back to safed a couple of months ago.  i really; haven't been out that much during covid; so it was an adventure for me; as well.  today; we tackled the large hardware store in the southern end of town.  it was huge and chaotic.  after hours of looking around; i realized that i had lost my pocketbook.  we were both pretty much done in at that point.  it was torture to have to go through that entire store to find my purse.  luckily for me; someone had turned it into the cashier.

we then set out to look for a welder or auto repair store.  the metal bar and wheels of my friend's radiator got bent out of shape during the move here.  we saw a small hardware store and the man there tried to bend it back into shape with his hands.  it remains to be seen if that actually helped.  in the meanwhile; we will be on the lookout for spare parts from a radiator that has been trashed.  we then went over to a supermarket nearby.  i was hungry and kind of wanted to buy some salmon.  i also bought fresh turkey wings for shabbat.

we finished our shopping pretty fast and cabbed it back home.  we had both done a huge shopping there together; a couple of weeks ago and spent several hours getting reacquainted with the aisles.  i had completely forgotten that i had defrosted beef schnitzels in the morning; before i left.  it took about five minutes to sauté them in a skillet and make a salad and voila; i had a hot lunch waiting for me.  the dogs had some, too.  i am pretty spent.  it was quite hot this moring in town.

we ventured to the rosh pina strip maul on tuesday.  i hadn't been there since covid.  my friend had banking business and i wanted to find a comfortable walking shoe.  we went to an enormous health food store first.  by then we were both ready to call it a day.  i was hungry and a bit impatient.  i couldn't remember where the orthopedic shoe store was.  the strip maul is not all that large.  lo and behold; i looked up and saw that it was directly across the street from the health food store.  by that point; i had little patience to look for shoes.

we went in and exited a moment later.  there was another israeli brand of shoe store right across so we went in .  i immediately saw a cute pink sneaker by hush puppies.  i tried them on and they were heavenly so i bought them.  they were already more than half price and they offered me a second pair for only $20.  i am now the granny in pink and in blue sneakers; racing down the sidewalk in safed.  yesterday we stayed in waiting for the repairman.  so typical; he was a no show.

i invited another gal pal to join me for shabbat. i stopped off to buy chicken and ended up buying fresh turkey wings.  i thought about making soup and decided instead; to make a stew with barley for saturday lunch.  i found a container of frozen chicken soup in the fridge and a package of chopped turkey so i will make dumplings to go with the soup for friday night.  i want to keep it easy and breezy.

i recently went to do my annual blood test.  i was pretty upset to see that my cholesterol and sugar both went up.  i lost around 40 pounds during covid and have been doing intermittent fasting all year and hour walks.  i managed to drop the sugar and cholesterol last december so i don't know what i did wrong lately.  i haven't eaten chocolate, candy, processed foods, ice cream, cake, cookies or potato chips in over a year and a half.  and i haven't used sugar, honey, date syrup or maple syrup; either.  it is a mystery.  however; i have been indulging in lots of grapes and dates.

there were 20 items that didn't get tested so i have to return to my doctor and reorder another blood test.  nothing here gets done in a day.  i did an antibody test because i was sick during the last holiday.  i was hoping that i had had a mild case of covid and had antibodies' but no such luck.  i remain unvaxed with no antibodies.  it's okay.  i am retired and have no special interest in working, eating out, or seeing a movie.  it's enough that i can shop and get around.

What's Going On?

it is noon in the holy city of safed.  the holiday of sukkot ended on tuesday night.  i was sick on the second part of the holiday.  the kids were here.  this is the holiday where the men dance with the sefer torahs.  it is a happy time for the jews.  we no longer eat inside our sukkahs.  the kids get loaded with sweets and the men; with liquor.   the women as always, cook the festive meals.

at the end of the past saturday night; i got hit with a stomach bug.  it was awful.  i found myself trying to sleep on the bathroom floor close to the toilet.  i spent about 6 hours in and out of the bathroom.  i finally fell asleep in my bedroom at around 5:00 a.m.  thank goodness for adult diapers!  i haven't felt well since.  i have been nauseous and headachy ever since.  the weird thing is that i didn't lose my appetite.  i suffered throughout the holiday being with everyone.  the kids; pretty much; got along and there were no major meltdowns but my head was hurting the entire time.  

i managed to get to the local synagogue in the evening to watch a bit of the cerebration.  i wasn't as fortunate the next morning.  i stayed in bed for most of the day.  the kids came in and out of my house all day long.  the toddler made his way up the stairs all by himself and let himself in to visit with me and my dogs.  it did give me some joy to see him; despite my aching head.  even when a couple of the boys were playing ping pong on my dining room table; i was glad they were here but suffering from the noise.  i thought that i might have covid yesterday.  i tried calling around to find where i could get tested but i didn't have the energy to go anywhere.

as soon as the holiday ended; my son disassembled my sukkah.  it took him less than an hour.  it took me 4 hours to assemble it by myself.  i don't know how many trips up the stairs i took to bring up the rods and wood.  both sukkahs; huge and small; were put away in the shed for next year in rapid speed. it was surreal.  it felt so empty. we spent the entire week eating and sleeping in them.  i didn't sleep in mine but i did eat most of my meals in it.  the weather was lovely this year; no strong winds or heavy rains to move us out of our temporary homes.  i spent a lovely day by myself in my 2x2 meter sukkah.  it was so relaxing and quiet after the chaos of the actual holiday.  the dogs also joined me in the sukkah; lying on a blanket.

it was cool enough without the fan.  i ate and called friends on my smart phone and video chatted with the grandkids.  i even read a novel.  it was bliss.  i had a few female friends come by for meals.  it was so nice.  i did a lot of walking and enjoyed seeing all of the sukkahs on the streets.  people were out late in the night.  i went to visit a friend and hung out in her sukkah on shabbat.  i enjoyed some grapes and potato kugel and then went back home for my shabbat meal.  i was feeling no pain until saturday night.  i haven't left the house except to walk the dogs, since.  i did manage to get an hour walk in last night.  

i thought about getting a covid test this morning  but i actually felt better.  it was the first day in nearly a week; that i woke up without that headache.  i could actually focus and function. i called a friend and had an actual conversation.  the pain in my head is slowly starting up and i am feeling 'heady' once again.  i will take a dexamol tablet and start to make some food.  i want to make a big pot of chicken soup.  i already defrosted wings and thighs.  i have onions and carrots and sweet potatoes.  i couldn't find any celery last night.  i am not going to schlepp to the supermarket today.  if i continue to feel unwell on sunday; i will get the covid test.  i am hoping that a restful shabbat will help.

the holiday of the tabernacles

 it is nearly 8 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  it is nearly time for my nightly hour walk around the neighborhood.  the dogs have gotten out and run away.  i am too tired to search for them.  i know i haven't posted any writing in months.  i have been on facebook.  i spend many hours on facebook commenting on just about everything that's posted.  i communicate with old friends in australia; family and friends in the states and my chabad family in dehli. india.  it's a compulsion.  it gets me very wired and i don't sleep until 4 a.m.

i mostly read everything posted out there on covid.  i am amongst the unvaxed.  i am a traitor to my country and a disappointment to my orthodox community.  i turned 70 in july and according to the covid news; i should already be dead.  i am very tired from all the turmoil.  i spent the first year in isolation.  i went to the supermarket at 6 a.m. and took the dogs out when no one was around.  i did visit a friend or two.  i stayed away from synagogue and any place that involved people.

i went on a strict health regimen and started intermittent fasting. i gave up sugar, chocolate and processed foods. i started walking.  i lost around 45 pounds.  i spent the summer at the local neighborhood outside pool.  i turned brown.  i learned how to swim or dog paddle and get to the end of the pool.  i went to see the grandkids in jerusalem.  i bought a few new things to wear. i went to a maul once with a friend. 

i recently had some tasty pizza.  i haven't been to a restaurant yet and i don't do takeout.  i eat very simple food and don't feel comfortable eating other peoples' cooking.  i went to the gyn oncologist and the lung surgeon but i failed to do a brain MRI; nor see the neurosurgeon.  yes, i am still walking around with a huge, benign brain tumor and a microscopic cancerous tumor in my left lung.  who cares about covid.  oh the good news; is that i am still in remission.

tomorrow begins the weeklong festival of sukkot.  the sephardi family downstairs; built an immense wooden sukkah dwelling with curtains and windows and blinds.  the father of the clan lives in this wooden dwelling all week long.  he prays in it and sleeps in it and of course; eats in it.  i felt sad last year without my own little sukkah upstairs.  sukkot is definitely; a man's world and a man's holiday.  women are not obligated to eat or sleep in the sukkah.

i decided to assemble my sukkah this afternoon.  it took me about 4 hours. i have a collection of plastic vines and grapes and pomegranates and apples.  i do not have the patience to play around with this and string up these fruits this year.  i am exhausted.  i was up and down off a metal chair for hours.  my body hurts and it was hot outside.  i want the dogs to come home and i want to take my walk.  tomorrow i am cooking a holiday meal for my friend and myself.  she doesn't want to be around a lot of people so i won't be joining the sephardi family for the holiday.  i think my son and family will come for shabbat so i will be with everyone then in the huge sukkah downstairs.

i am planning on making stuffed peppers, spicy barbecued chicken wings, chopped liver, humus, tahina, green salad, tabouli salad, and buckwheat and bow tie pasta.  it is actually 2 holiday meals and the dogs have to eat, too.  nice talking to you all again.  Happy holiday to all my jewish readers.

t

One Of Joan Rivers' Last Interviews! On Palestine & Her Health!! CRAZY...

The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: History Fact Check

Another Holiday.

it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i stopped blogging after pesach.  i was wiped out and didn't think anyone was interested in my blog anymore.  i have been on face book every day.  i spend a good hour every morning reading all the posts of friends and commenting on their posts.  i try to be charitable and say nice things.  i have gotten into heated posts with many dog owners because i commented that i don't think dogs should lie next to brand new infants in bed nor do i think we should leave dogs alone with our babies, either.  maybe; i always had small nervous, skittish dogs but my pincher bit my grandchildren more than once.

people post pix of their pets and babies on a public forum and if you comment anything besides, 'adorable', or 'great', they turn on you.  some of them are more vicious than their pit bulls and other oversized pets.  i guess i see the potential danger in many pix.  i hate when people pose with giant snakes or lions or tigers.  i am always thinking, that in one more moment they are done for.  i guess i am negative, as these bloggers always accuse me of being.  it's kind of ironic because i am always rescuing dogs and am mad for them.

tomorrow night is our holiday of shavuot.  best known for the holiday of dairy.  like, serious cheesecake, is going on in the land.  in the past, i have been known to make a pretty good lasagna and tiramisu but i prefer to leave it in the past.  with prices sky high, i could not afford to buy the makings for these two dishes.  pesach, left me in debt.  i am making one cheesecake for a dear friend, who lives in the neighborhood and i am going to make a pan of cheesecake brownies for the sephardi family, living downstairs.  my son's in-laws are still coexisting with me.  we get along just great.  the sephardi grandmother, 10 years my junior; makes all the shabbat and holiday meals.  i join them when i am up to it and i sit and eat.

i usually spend shabbat alone.  i like the quiet and i prefer eating my own food.   i don't eat late anymore and it is very hard finishing meals at 10:00 p.m.  i still fast every night.  when i am alone i eat less food and finish by 8:30 or 9:00 p.m.  i usually go to sleep right after i finish eating and taking the dogs out.  i stay up all week long till the wee hours of the morning; watching t.v.  on friday night i make up for all the lost sleep during the week.  i like to go to synagogue now.  there has been so much tragedy in israel in the last few weeks.  i find it is difficult to be alone with my thoughts so i go to hear the men chant and pray on saturday mornings.

i have recently committed to walking at least 45 minutes every day.  since we have had severe heat waves; i have taken to get out at 6:00 a.m. to do my walk.  when I haven't made it out early; i go out at night.  for several days, i didn't venture out in daylight except to take dogs out close by.  i was a bit of a vampire for awhile.  this afternoon it cooled enough for me to take a walk at 5:00 p.m.  there were tons of people out, too.  i had a touch of sciatica this morning and the walk helped a lot.  it is acting up now and so are the dogs.

i hope that my son and family make it here in safety.  there are missiles falling all over the country.  the terrorists don't like to waste their missiles in daylight when they can be detected easily.  they prefer to strike in the middle of the night while children and their parents are asleep.  you get about 15 seconds to make it to a bomb shelter in most cities so many people are just sleeping in the shelters every night. i sincerely hope that we will have a quiet and peaceful holiday.  so far, we have not been afflicted in the north but no one knows how long this will last.  a young soldier from safed is in critical condition after his jeep took a direct hit.  his 21 year old sergeant major wasn't so lucky nor was a beautiful 5 year old  boy who took a direct shrapnel hit which killed him.  his mother, who is in critical condition wasn't able to be at his burial.

so we continue our lives and get ready for our holiday.  what choice do we have???  we had a year of peace during corona.  i try to keep my dark thoughts to myself and still be positive.  it is a full time job.  i am looking forward to the holiday even though i won't be eating any cheesecake.  i pray for the jews all over the world who are being targeted by arab violence.  may we all merit to be in our own homes with our families on shavuot night.

It's Over

 it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  the holiday of pesach has ended.  i spent the entire holiday in bed.  i was mentally and physically exhausted.  i didn't leave my house except to take the dogs out.  it was very cold and rainy.  i overate and food binged.  i did manage to fast the minimum 12 hours every night. i was pretty miserable.  the matzah this year was my enemy.  it was fresh but very thick and hard.  i have a sore in my mouth from chewing it.  i stayed away from all sugar.  i wasn't tempted in eating chocolate or potato chips.  i did prepare some french fries one day.  it hurt my stomach.  the next day i cooked a sweet potato.  it was more agreeable.

i made all of my food from scratch and except for the oil, matzah and wine; i bought everything fresh.  i even made my own tomato sauce from fresh tomatoes and onions.  i only used salt and whole peppercorns; which i ground.  i didn't do any baking this year.  i bought cakes and cookies and potato chips and chocolates for the kids.  i missed my chai tea with almond milk dearly.  i found almond flour for pesach but it was very expensive so i passed on it.  i also found hand made oat matzah but i also passed on it for the same reason.  i spent a fortune on pesach this year.  i always do.  it seems to get more expensive every year.  i try to keep it simple but it seems to never end.  i did without steak and lamb chops and bought minced turkey and beef and inexpensive poultry.  i did buy two small pieces of beef.

the kids had a good time here being with their cousins but they were able to do the real fun things in jerusalem.  they did get to go to an indoor amusement park near safed this week before shabbat.  i stayed home.  i am still in social distancing mode.  i don't think there was a place for me in the car; anyway.  it took me a month to get the house in order for pesach and it will probably take less than a half hour to get it back to normal.  i have already put the pots away.  i will clean the sink inserts and the pesach stove tomorrow.  my back is killing me.  i was sick last night and quite dizzy all day.  i spent the morning in bed.  the kids will be going home soon.  it will be a month i guess; before i see them again.  we will have the holiday of shavuot then.  that's the holiday of dairy and cheesecake.

i am not even thinking about making any cheesecake this year.  last year's tiramisu was a disaster.  i kept to the original and only used mascarpone cheese and red wine.  if i do make one this year i will add the whipped cream and use brandy.  we have lots of time to decide.  i usually make a lasagna and ever since i started buying the ricotta and mozzarella, it has been a real winner.  i am already thinking about making blintzes.  my kids don't really go for them but i am thinking about blueberry and cheese filling.

i hope i start feeling better this week.  i intend to go on a fruit and yogurt diet for a couple of days.  i need to let my poor stomach have a break and i need to get out and start walking again.  i have been a couch potato for too long.

Reaching The Finish Line

 it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i worked for about 12 hours today; washing the kitchen counters and floors and bathroom and running around like a crazed person and washing the floors another two times.  i even covered all of the counters in heavy weight tin foil.  this is the stuff that resembles razor blades.  it is sharp and strong. i managed to knick myself and i saw droplets of blood on the counters.  i made the beds and rewashed all of the floors in the house.  i changed the bedding on my t.v. couch where i sleep with the two dogs.  i put some fresh rosemary in the pillow cases.  we are officially in tick and flea season.  i ran around the house a million times today.  i set up a tea, hot chocolate and coffee area on the counter. 

we are going into shabbat tomorrow and the pesach seder is on saturday night.  the kids are due to arrive soon.  it is absolutely freezing in safed.  we have been having monsoon showers for a few days.  of course, i did the windows.  i ran to the local supermarket yesterday and got caught in a hail storm.  we will be eating shabbat meals downstairs with the entire sephardi clan.  the kids want to do their seder upstairs with me.  i will be cooking tomorow.  i don't think they have eaten upstairs with me in a year.  i am planning on making chicken soup with mock ground turkey matzah balls.  i say 'mock' because i do not use matzah meal on pesach.  i will also make chopped liver, beef in wine and chicken in orange and honey sauce.  if there is leftovers, i will have food for the week. 

i don't use a lot of spices on pesach.  i stick to salt, peppercorns, onions , oranges and lemons to make things taste good.  i usually buy ginger root but i didn't see any at the supermarket.  i hope everyone likes the food.  it's been a long time since they ate in my house.  i usually make them a salad and throw in a can of tuna when they come.  i also make packaged gnocchi. i found a pesach variety that was very expensive.  i usually melt cheese on them but i didn't buy any.  maybe they'd like butter.  i finally found some in my local supermarket with the right kashrut.  i can't wait to have some on my matzah.  i have two types of matzah for them.  i bought the large handmade round ones that are charred and the machine made squares.

i bought potato chips and all sorts of pesach cookies and cakes and brownies and milk chocolate. i even bought drinks.  there was a time that i only served fresh squeezed lemonade or bottled water.  i never allowed coca cola at my seder.  i didn't pull out my toaster oven this year so it will be simple stovetop food and simple potato dishes.  i won't be making a potato kugel.  i bought walnut oil so hopefully the food will have a special taste.  i need to crack the almonds and walnuts tomorrow,  i'm hoping the kids might want to help me.  i am exhausted and want to crawl into my freshly made t.v. couch/ bed.

it has been a long haul but i finally made it to the finish line.  my house is clean and chometz free.  i have the ground turkey, beef, chicken livers and chicken defrosting in the sink.  i don't have an ounce of strength left do another thing now.   i just changed all the clocks an hour later.  we start daylights savings tomorrow.  the shabbat will be longer and the seder will start at around 8:00 p.m.  it is hard for me to eat so late but that is how it will go now.  instead of rushing home at 4:00 p.m. before it gets dark; we will have plenty of time left in the day.  wishing everyone a very happy and kosher pesach!

k 

Pesach Cleaning Countdown

 it is 2:00 p.m. i have been wanting to get out of the house for a while now.  i have been inside the house, scrubbing and cleaning away for a couple of weeks.  we have had some sunny days but i have been cooped up inside doing laundry.  we are scheduled for some rain so i am taking advantage of the dry and windy weather and hanging out my winter jammies, robes and sweaters on my porch.  i am pretty much caught up with the linens and towels.  i have managed to toss out a lot of things this week.  old glass dishes, cruelled works , an oil painting, sheets and table cloths and a vase; all had to go.  i suddenly, could not look at these things any more and i certainly, did not want to waste any more time cleaning them.  most of these things were nearly 40 years old and some even older.

i also have been rearranging the pictures on the walls.  i do this every year before pesach.  my sister professionally, staged my house a few years ago.  i didn't move a thing for years and suddenly; i got the 'bug'.  i reframed a few choice pictures and i am happy with the results.  i washed all of the curtains and slip covers of the beds, chairs and sofa.  i have been doing everything in my bathtub except for the towels.  the Sephardi grandma has a washing machine downstairs.  mine has been put in storage. it is an old maytag and truthfully; it doesn't do the deed anymore.  after pesach; i plan to bring in a plumber and have a small machine installed up here in my house.  that would be ideal.  i don't dare bring my dirty, soiled, doggie haired sheets downstairs.  i have my pride.  i keep a few separate sheets in the master bedroom for my son and wife.   the dogs are not allowed on these.

i have pretty much run out of money this month.  pesach will do that to you.  the kids want to do the seder up here.  i am planning on making a modest meal of chicken soup, chopped liver and a piece of beef in wine.  pesach comes in on a saturday night following a long shabbat.  you can imagine how much food is consumed on saturday day.  last year i was by myself and just had soup. i finished the last part of the seder and went to sleep.  i usually make chicken for seder night but i think the kids would prefer the beef.  i traditionally, do not use spices for pesach.  i basically, use salt and freshly ground pepper and a lot of fresh ginger, oranges, onions and lemons.  i don't use garlic.  i know that the grandkids would not like this.

 i am dreading having to eat so late at night.  i have been pretty much; eating my main meal around 5:00 p.m. and fasting.  i usually make mashed potatoes on seder night but the Sephardi grandma makes a dish of mashed potatoes and hard cooked eggs for the shabbat lunch. they all love this.  i can't look at it. i have to figure out what i can make instead.  i peel all my fruits and vegetables on pesach.  i do not use peppers or cabbage or spinach.  i even peel tomatoes, celery and dates.  it is a lot of work.  i have a pesach toaster oven but it is stored in a place that i can't get to by myself.  i was thinking of buying a small one so that i can make a potato kugel.  i don't know if i should go into debt for this.  i need to do all the cooking on friday so latkes are out.  they would be just awful; reheated on saturday night.

i haven't completed one room yet.  i have been pretty erratic in my cleaning.  i see something in another room that i want to fix, or change and i leave the project at hand to do something completely different and more interesting.  this is not how one should clean for pesach.  we still have a full week left to clean for pesach.  we check our homes next thursday for any bread or cake crumbs that we may find but we still have to eat bread until saturday morning.  this is a bit tricky.  i am just going with the flow.  it is already getting cold and i don't know if i will make it out.  i want to buy some gnocchi i saw in the local supermarket that is kosher for pesach.  the kids always want some when they visit.  i need to shower and feed the dogs and run out.  to be continued..............

It's That Time Of The Year

 it is 8:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i am cold and i am tired.  we are about 16 days away from our spring holiday, pesach; or as we call it, jewish spring cleaning.  i just am not into it this year.  i did clear out my refrigerator and i wiped down the freezer.  i went shopping and the freezer is stocked with fish, chicken and chopped beef and turkey.  the price of beef was extraordinarily high so i passed.  i don't know if the kids will make it to safed for the pesach seder.  the higher ups will probably put a lockdown in effect for the holiday.  they are opening up the mauls, schools, restaurants, pools and hotels for those who have been vaccinated but will keep families from celebrating the jewish holiday together. 

i have had about enough of the politics of covid and cannot stand it any longer.  i have not been vaccinated.  i am still on the fence.  there are a lot of people here who are in the same boat.  i think that 60% of the israeli population are still not vacinated.  i am also through with restaurants, movie theaters, mauls, pools and crowds.  i will never change now.  i am turning 70 in july.  i am used to wearing a mask.  i have learned that i like to eat my own food and that i like the quiet.  i do not miss being in the public.  i do not plan on ever working again.  i am waiting for my social security to kick in.  i am adjusted to this new world covid order.  i go to the supermarket once a week and sometimes i take a long stroll.

i take my dogs out three times a day.  we don't leave the neighborhood.  i am nervous about stray dogs.  my male dog has become aggressive and he is an alpha male dog looking for a fight.  he drags me along the street and yanks my arm when he sees a cat.  we have dozens of street cats.  the city has not picked up the strays for nearly a year now.  there are cats and kittens all over the neighborhood.  my dog is crazed.  i keep him on a leash now.  i let him out when we had the snow storm a while back because there were no people around.  during the last lockdown i didn't see any of my neighbors.  most of them have recovered from covid or have been vaccinated.

pretty soon they will restrict us non vaccinated, unpatriotic, free thinkers from using public transportation.  it's just a matter of time.  this all gives me a headache.  it tires me out.  it makes me want to take to my bed until covid ends.  i went to jerusalem last week to celebrate purim with my kids.  the entire sephardi clan was there, too.  i got a ride but because the police put up roadblocks to curtail travelers; it took us 4 1/2 hours to get there.  the next morning i travelled for 3 1/2 hours to make my hospital appointment in the tel aviv area.  i stayed in bed for 3 days after.  travelling is a bitch.

i am too cold to throw around buckets of water.  i used heavy duty disposable wipes to clean my sofa.  they were hotel fragranced.  the room smells lovely.  i don't think i will do all the windows this year. i also do not have access to my washing machine.  so i will not get to do all of my laundry before pesach.  i truthfully, do not care.  i lost one of my dearest friends, before shabbat.  i am bleeding.  i am sore.  i am defeated and i am more vulnerable than i want to admit to.  i struggle to stand up.  my baby sister passed away in august.  my wounds are still open and now this.  this is the way it is.  we have to grab onto every moment of joy and happiness when we can.  we can't take one another for granted.

 i try not to make any plans.  i try to be open and stay flexible.  maybe i will see my kids on pesach and maybe i won't.  maybe i will invite another unvaccinated single lady to join me here.  i will do my best to get the house cleaned and hope that i will not be alone again this pesach.  i keep going over possible menu plans in my head.  that is how i roll; always making plans and exhausting myself.  i still need to buy hand made round matzahs, pesach dog chow, eggs, vegetables and fruits and a package of unshelled walnuts.  i shopped early to beat the crowds.  i spent a small fortune.  welcome to our second pesach in  covid.

Nothing New

 it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i just finished my third bowl of oatmeal.  i added an apple, a banana, a hand full of walnuts and three chopped dates.  you would think that this should last me all day but it doesn't.  i eat this every morning.  today i actually, drank two glasses of water first.  i feel a bit dizzy.  the weather has been unseasonably warm.  i stayed in all week  and only went out to walk the dogs.  the weather doesn't agree with me.  i felt congested and headachy all week long.  i also overate every day.  i am still doing my intermittent fasting but i have slowed down.  i am already thinking about having some rice cakes with peanut butter and citron jelly.

perhaps; it is physical or perhaps it is a sign of resignation.  i haven't had a covid shot yet.  i am still holding out.  my friend says that i am a gambler.  she took me to the pharmacy yesterday and bought me an oil of olay face cream.  it is quite expensive in israel.  she always brings me one when she comes back from her trip to vegas.  i must look really dreadful if she bought me the cream.  another friend suggested that i wear lipstick.  she said that my lips were pasty white. i guess i am not aging so gracefully; afterall.

i just do not see the purpose of wearing makeup or dying my hair; anymore.  i no longer go out to restaurants or go to public gatherings.  i wear a mask every time i venture out.  i am naturally, aging.  i just do not care.  i shower every day and brush my teeth.  i even use a bit of fragrance.  i eat well and have given up sugar and junky food.  i haven't been walking lately.  i am always tired.  i think its the result of binge watching on netflix.  i seem to be in bed all day watching series that i never got to see.

my kids came in last week for shabbat .  they came to see the new baby who is currently staying here with her parents and three year old sister; downstairs.  i had to travel to the tel aviv area on thursday to do a CT.  it took me four hours and two busses to get to the hospital.  it was my first time in a year travelling log distance on a public bus.  it was not easy wearing my mask for nearly 9 hours.  i left at noon and was back in my house at 9:30 p.m.  i returned home and went downstairs to see the grandkids. i walked right into the entire sephardi clan; having a birthday party.  i was starving; having not eaten all day.  they only had cake and junk to eat.  i ended up having two slices of pizza very late that night.

i didn't have tons of gifts for the grandkids this time.  i am broke.  i got them each a couple of things and gave then some money.  they were pleased.  my granddaughter wanted to return the money.  i guess i shouldn't have explained that i was not rolling in the dough.  my grandson; who is about fourteen months; was very standoffish.  he doesn't really know me.  he does love to come upstairs and see my dogs.  he doesn't actually talk yet and doesn't really understand english.  it is frustrating to say the least.

i slept with the two older grandchildren on mattresses on the floor.  we didn't crash until about 4:00 a.m.  i was virtually, non functional the next day.  i had done a thorough house cleaning on wednesday and prepared the master bedroom.  my place was truly trashed.  i cleaned for about six hours.  i didn't need to cook a thing.  as soon as everyone woke up; they went downstairs.  i did make some oatmeal for the toddler.  i joined the sephardi family for all the shabbat meals. i had some real quality time with my granddaughter, who is now into charms.  we slept together on friday night.  the grandson hung with his male cousins.

there were relatively few meltdowns.  everyone seemed to get along.  we sat outside in the glorious sun for a few hours.  the kids dragged out all the different types of lego.  it was peaceful.  i tried to read psalms.  i kept on nodding off.  it took me two hours to finish my portion.  the kids left early on saturday night and i retreated to my bed and netflix.  i wasn't feeling well.  of course, i thought i had covid.  i had some rather bad dizziness and headaches.  i stayed in bed for days.  i am pretty sure it was the weird weather because i felt better when it turned a bit colder.

i have to return to the hospital in a couple of weeks to meet with the lung surgeon.  i will ask him if he thinks i should have a covid shot.  i don't look forward to travelling again.  i have a good chance of getting back before nightfall this time.  i think they are already predicting bad weather.  what can i do?  they are talking about no real purim this year.  some cities are planning on opening up the mauls.  i couldn't care less.  i do not have a vaccine passport and don't care to hang out in crowded mauls ever again.  i don't eat takeout and do not miss going to restaurants.  perhaps, i do miss it a bit.  my life is ridiculous.

it is another friday morning and shabbat tonight.  the week truly flew by.  i will make my own food.  i may go to friends who live nearby; for lunch.  i found kale yesterday at the local supermarket and had a blast.  i defrosted some chicken and i will stew it in a while.  i have been feasting on couscous and bulgur lately.  i have been hitting the carbs pretty hard.  i may have put on a bit of weight.  i am pretty inactive.  i never feel satiated.  thank goodness for my nightly fasting.  i have become a shut-in.  i did get out yesterday for a bit with a friend.  i plan to eat dinner and call it an early night later.  i have no desire to talk with anyone tonight. i don't really have any interesting reading for later. 

this little mountain town is full of covid.  very few are wearing masks anymore..  once the shots began, people got more careless.  i am maybe; leaning towards getting vaccinated.  i have never had a flu shot.  i will see what the lung surgeon has to say to me.  i don't really feel like cooking today.  i feel heady and congested.  it is supposed to get a bit colder.  i haven't used the heaters all week long.  i am in a real funk.

The New Year For Trees

 it is 9:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  they predicted a big rain storm last night.  it never happened.  we did get a bit of rain this morning but the sun is out now.  it is supposed to get really cold for shabbat. last night was the beginning of the holiday of Tu B'shvat.  it is the 15th day of the jewish month of shvat and we celebrate the new year of fruit trees.  by way of celebrating; we eat as many types of fruits that we can find.  it is our way to rectify the sin of adam and eve who ate from the forbidden tree of knowledge in gan eden.  since the rabbis couldn't agree on which tree it was that they ate from; we try to cover our tracks by eating as many fruits as possible.  traditionally, it was thought to have been an apple tree.  however, we jews can't agree on anything so we eat apples, pears, figs, dates, carobs, pomegranates, almonds, barley, walnuts, wheat products, grapes or raisins and we drink wine on this night.  

the more dedicated of us jews make a seder similar to the pesach seder and include 30 types of nuts and fruits and drink 4 cups of wine.  i hosted such a seder for dozens of years.  i used to buy 10 types of nuts, 10 types of fruits with large pits and 10 types of fruits with seeds.  one year, when the holiday fell out on shabbat; i cooked a meal incorporating all 30 items. i had a folder with the entire parts of the seder in english and dozens of special recipes.  a few weeks ago i threw the folder out.  i was not thinking clearly.  i figured that i would never host a seder again and especially; not during covid. this was years of compilation and hand written recipes.

last week i searched for my folder.  i wanted to do a seder alone like i did last pesach.  i picked roses and rosemary and lavender on my walks with the dogs.  yesterday i picked myrtle in front of y house.  i placed a huge candle in a fancy holder on the table.  i didn't buy 30 varieties of fruits and nuts this year.  i stuck to the7 biblical fruits of the land and added the apples, pears, carobs, walnuts and almonds, that are mentioned in the seder.  i did splurge on stewed citrons.  there were no candied citrons to be found.  and carobs, were almost nearly unavailable.  i called a spice and nut store in town to inquire if they had citrons and carobs and i hopped on a bus to town early the following morning.  the citrons were very expensive.  i paid nearly $15.  i didn't care.  i was obsessed.  i also wanted to buy a lot of carobs.  i actually adore them and eat them like i used to eat mini chocolate bars.  they gave me a gift of 3 carobs for buying the outrageously, overpriced citrons. 

i made parcels for a friend and the sephardi grandparents downstairs. i included a fair amount of stewed citrons and a whole carob.  they were recovering from covid and the young grandmother was in mourning for her father who had recently passed away.  i made chicken legs and barley with the juice of fresh lemons, tangerines. and oranges. i added a few dates, slivered almonds and a package of  precooked chestnuts.  i tried roasting some fresh ones but i managed to burn them.  i also cooked wheat berries with a splash of honey and a lot of cinnamon.  i will use the leftover wheat berries for my shabbat cholent tomorrow and i will cook some chicken wings later to eat with the leftover barley.

at 4:00 p.m. my friend; who lives on the next block ; decided to join me for the meal later that day. i raced around the house collecting shoes and socks and coats and various pieces of clothing strewn throughout the t.v. room and on the kitchen chairs.  i washed the dishes and pots and pans in the two sinks and i cleared the table.  i put on a clean tablecloth and damp mopped the floors.  i set up a platter of fruit and arranged the dried fruits and nuts in decorative glass dishes.  i opened a small bottle of red wine and of course, had a problem with the cork.  i put the cooked wheat berries and pot of chicken on the hot plate.  i hustled to take a shower and get dressed.  i had been lingering on the phone all afternoon with a friend.  i was still in my jammies and shabby woolen robe covered in dog hair. i let the dogs out by themselves because i had no time to walk them.

we sat for about half an hour trying to come up with a list of songs using fruits in their titles.  in past seders; after drinking 4 cups of wine we would all break out in a rendition of 'chiquita banana" and 'lemon tree'.  ah!, those were great times.  last night my friend; who is a true musicologist; came up with quite a lot of songs.  we then started our seder with a glass of wine.  i read one sentence about each of the 12 items we were going to eat. i had downloaded them on my cell.  it was a bit hard to read.  i had planned on duking it out with the torah passages in hebrew; on my own.  i was in no rush.

we did rush to get it over and have our dinner finished by 6:30 p.m. because we both are advocates of intermittent fasting and we both usually don't eat after 5:30 p.m. or 6:00 p.m.  at 6:30 p.m. i walked her home with my dogs. we were both cold and tired.  i washed all of the serving dishes and cleared the table.  the girls downstairs were doing a party.  they were blasting music on their amplifier.  i called to ask if they needed any fruit.  i gave them the rest of my grapes and stewed citron and fresh coconut.   i didn't really like the grapes this year.  i stayed away from the heavily candied dried fruits this year.  i ate only fresh fruits and unsalted nuts.  i did buy a few dried figs. i also do eat 3 dates every day.

well, it is no longer sunny and it is very cold now.  it does look like rain.  i have no desire to go outside now.  i have what i need for shabbat.  i would love to buy a lettuce but i am quite content to live without one.  i have some cooked beets in the fridge and plenty of walnuts and tangerines left to make a salad.  i bought a small piece of beef to make a cholent for myself for Shabbat lunch. i even bought a bag of mini potatoes. i have enough wine to make kiddush and a bag of spelt rolls in the freezer; so all is well in the middle east for now.

One More Lockdown

 it is 8:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  yes, folks; we are once again in lockdown.  we just got off a rather, bogus, two week lockdown; where nearly everything was open and now we are in a serious lockdown.  it is against the law to be in someone else's house and yet we are allowed to gather indoors in groups of 5 or outdoors in groups of 10.  we are allowed to go to demonstrations as long they are in within a kilometer from our homes.  i just cannot take this seriously.

i have stopped thinking about covid.  i am focusing upon the possibility that my lung tumor might be  cancer.  these stupid, ineffective lockdowns do not change my lifestyle one iota. i still walk the dogs and walk to the supermarket and pharmacy whenever i have the notion and the energy and of course; the money.  we are having a warm spell and it is absolutely glorious to be outside in the warmth and sun. who needs a bottle of vitamin D.  i have opened up all of the windows to air out the house a bit.

we have been in the midst of an overly zealous drive to inoculate the town for covid.  they have held huge rallies in a hall downtown to get the maximum of the elderly their covid shots.  my friends ran to get their shots.  many elders want to travel to see their grandkids abroad.  one friend wants to get back to vegas after pesach.  i for one, do not believe in shots.  i never get a flu shot and i refuse to have a pneumonia shot.  i am not rushing anywhere to get a covid shot, either.  there is a covid shot frenzy in israel.  we have to be the first country on the planet to be covid free. and yet, we have a reported 8000 cases a day here.  and now the threat of a worse strain of the dreaded covid from england is upon us.

the stress and the confusion is maddening and depressing.  i am trying very hard to keep my equilibrium.  i have stopped speaking out against the covid shots.  i have also stopped speaking out against the biden presidency.  i refrain from watching or listening to the news.  i live in my little bubble.  i have recently accessed free netflix ad i am binge watching series all day and night long.  i am still pretty much sugar free but i recently mistakenly; bought sweetened almond milk.  i have been grossly overeating lately.  i seem to not be able to get enough of my carbs.  it could be a lot worse.  except for the two slices of pizza that i wolfed down at the birthday party a few weeks ago; i  have managed to make and eat my own food.  no take out food for me.

i will join the sephardi family downstairs for shabbat meals.  the government is coming off very hard and threatening to crack down on everyone during this new lockdown.  i caught a glimpse of the israeli news at a friends' house last night.  they showed continuous footage of citizens getting covid shots and actually had a countdown to the lockdown like the new year's eve ball dropping.  i am absolutely uninterested.  i have two hospital appointments in february and march which will require extensive travelling on public busses.  whatever......

i am desperately short of funds at the moment.  i went to the local supermarket to look for discounted chicken wings and other goodies.  i came home with canned organic tomatoes, spicy chili beans, and sardines with peri peri.  they were all out of wings.  i bought a lettuce and a read cabbage to make a salad for shabbat lunch.  i spent about $12.  i made a salad with the sardines and ended up with the worst heartburn.  they were incredibly hot.  my chest throbbed for hours.  the Sephardi mom did my laundry this week.  my machine was uninstalled to allow for her machine and dryer.  i have been doing hand wash since april.  she washed all of my towels and a few sheets so i am set for the next visit from the kids.

life is swell.  life is good.  life is full of warm bowls of oatmeal and bananas and apples and dates and neflix shows and endless hours of the food network and walks with the dogs and countless hours on Facebook and what's app with friends.  the yeshiva that i worked for is looking for a cook.  i am so wanting to go back to work but i can't.  i absolutely cannot be in that environment during covid and in all honesty, i no longer have the strength.  i cook the bare essentials for myself.  wishing you all a good shabbat! and a happy weekend.