A Month Later

it is midnight in the holy city of safed.  it has been nearly a month since i posted my last blog.  i simply could not function because of the heat wave.  i do not have air conditioning in my house.  there is a large unit upstairs but i didn't make it up the stairs.  the apartment was trashed and filthy and i couldn't cope with cleaning it up.  there is also, no bed upstairs.  the balcony was covered in pigeon poo, too.  one of the daughter-in-law's sisters transformed it into a beautiful studio.  she washed the wooden floor, painted the walls white and cleaned up the bird poo.  she also declared the upstairs hers.

it was too hot to go shopping and too hot to go walking.  it was too hot to cook and bake.  it was well over 100 degrees.  at one point it made it to nearly 110.  i only took the dogs out twice a day.  they couldn't cope with the heat.  we would go out at 6:00 a.m. and then at midnight.  the house was a sauna.  i was dizzy almost every day.  i spent many hours lying in bed and watching television.  it was too hot to visit my friends.  it was too hot to do laundry.  it was too hot to clean the house.  it was too hot to dust.  it was too hot to be in clothes.  it was too hot to read.

i kept wetting my head and my hair covering.  i took a cold shower about three times a day.  i even wet my pillows.  i also wet the dogs and gave the male dog a bubble bath.  it was nearly impossible.  just when i thought i couldn't take one more day of heat, it cooled down a bit.  of course, it got right back up there again.  the new year holiday was bearable.  we had cool breezes at night.  they are now predicting a heat wave for yom kippur.  it is nearly always hot on yom kippur. 

we had a minor fast day yesterday.  it was from 5:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m.  it was pretty hot during the day.  i started my nightly fast at 8:30 p.m. so i ended up fasting for nearly 23 hours.  i had a sore throat and wanted to drink something hot.  i stayed in bed.  i felt dizzy.  i watched cooking shows all day long.  i was living vicariously.  i remember not being able to watch commercials years ago while i was fasting.  if i saw food i was miserable.  yesterday; watching all of that food nourished and sustained me.

i broke my fast with yogurt and fruit.  i was hungry today.  i had another yogurt with fruit and a mix of nuts and seeds.  i then made chicken wings and rice and had an early lunch.  i had another fruit and called it a day.  i was hungry in the evening and had a toasted roll.  i haven't had much exercise this month.  we are currently in a lockdown but it doesn't feel like one.  I stocked up on food before the holiday because i didn't want to go shopping this week.  it is hot during the day but gorgeous and cool at night.

the rosh hashana holiday was very strange this year.  i went to the local Sephardic synagogue to hear the shofar blasts.  i ventured into the ladies' section.  it was the first time since pesach.  there were only 3 ladies there.  i couldn't breathe in my mask.  it wasn't cool.  they only had fans running.  i felt a panic attack coming on so i fled.  just as i left the early service was blowing the shofar.  i went back home.

it just didn't feel like rosh Hashanah.  it fell on the sabbath this year.  it didn't feel like the sabbath; either.  i prayed at home.  it took me about two hours to finish the morning service.  when i read the prayer about who will live and who will die, i thought about my sister.  she died recently and i started to cry.  i hadn't really thought about her in a little while.  the truth is that i was overwhelmed by her death. i went into a dark place and had to crawl myself out of said place.  my friends were all worried about me.  i didn't think i could ever feel anything except pain. i was surprised to feel happy again even it was fleeting.

i spent the entire shabbat and holiday with my sephardi in-laws and their family.  my son and family couldn't make it to safed.  i heard; very last minute; that my grandson had been feverish for a few days.  my daughter-in-law desperately wanted to be with her family for the holiday.  my son did not.  he wanted to be at home with his family for the holiday.  i was beginning to get sad that the grandkids weren't coming until i heard that the grandson was ill.  i was relieved that they stayed where they were; in the end.  the much younger sephardi grandma; was very disappointed that they stayed home.  what type of new reality are we living?