It's Been Awhile

it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i haven't blogged in a while.  i have been getting acclimated on my smart phone.  i bought the phone on black friday back in november of last year.  actually, my friend ordered one and i told her to order another for me.  it remained in a box on a shelf until just recently.  my grandson took it out of the box a few months ago; to check it out.  he told me that it was a very good phone.  my son said it was just an okay phone.  i had wanted to get the sim card from the small cell phone; inserted into the brand new smart phone; for a long time, now.

while i was still cooking at the yeshiva, it didn't seem like an urgent matter.  i didn't want to have to bring the shiny new smart phone to the very dingy kitchen with me every day.  i managed with the tiny cell phone until i lost it, one day. i didn't think i could ever learn to use a smart phone so i resisted buying one.  none of my gal pals had one yet; so i thought that i was in good company.

i replaced the small cell phone with an even smaller and cheaper cell phone.  it wasn't a perfect situation but i didn't really care.  i quit working in the yeshiva before the holiday of purim just before march.  the covid virus was just getting into high gear then.  i stopped going to town.  i spent most of my time preparing the house for pesach.  getting the sim card inserted; was now a lost cause, so it seemed.  a neighbor was kind enough to come over and apply the whats app on the smart phone but she couldn't insert the sim card.  she stood outside on my porch one evening , as it began to rain; and tried to talk me through using the app.  i stood by my open window and looked out.  it was too surreal.  i didn't even own a mask back then.  i was scared to have a person in my house.

i tried to call my grandson on the whats app but it didn't work.  she came by again, but i told her i was a lost cause.  one time i got a video of my new grandson and i ran to the neighbor to help me open it.  i was so delighted to have a recent picture of him.  i hadn't seen him since he was born in december.  my son called to let me know that he wanted to make a video chat one day in april.   he called me three times and each time, i panicked and couldn't catch the phone.  he was very impatient and angry with me.  i finally, under extreme pressure; was able to open the phone and see the grand kids.  i watched them do the check for chometz on the night before pesach.  i stayed on the phone for nearly an hour.  i showed them all the toys i had bought them for pesach.  i didn't know how to speak on a smart phone so i yelled on the top of my lungs.

i was never able to get them on a chat again.  the phone went back in the box and back on the shelf until a couple of weeks ago.  i finally walked to town one evening and had the sim card inserted and the shield placed on the phone.  i even got a sturdy case for it.  i still had a hard time catching calls.  i went over to a friend's house and practiced with her for a couple of hours.  little by little, i picked up some tricks.

i am not perfect yet but i can call, and text and whats app people now with ease.  i even sent emails on it. it is being caught up as opposed to being a dinosaur.  i have self confidence again.  i don't feel desperate any longer.  i like it very much.  i intend to cancel my land line phone tomorrow.  i have wasted tons of money for years calling lost distance.  i will keep the internet service on my home computer.  i find it too difficult to blog on the phone.  my gardener was so elated to hear that i finally used my phone.  he has been telling me for years to get with it.

New Format

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i haven't posted lately because i was afraid to try the new blogger format.  i hate myself for being so feeble.  i used to be adventurous.  i hate this digital new world.  i know that it does make life easier but i try to resist it as long as i can.  it does make for more more problems.  i was supposed to have gone to the electronic store to get a sim card put in my smart phone.  i have resisted going, too.  i actually charged the phone and i just might go this afternoon.

i just tried looking for the contacts list on my gmail account and of course, i couldn't find it.  what is wrong with me?  i feel like such a loser.  i know that the guy at the electronic phone could copy all of my contacts into the smart phone and i would be able to use the whats app application, once in for all.  i am spending tons of money on a land phone and it doesn't make any sense because hardly anyone calls me on it..  the phone company that i pay a small ransom doesn't even call me on it.  everyone wants SMS numbers.

the hospital in the tel aviv area will call my son in jerusalem, rather than call my home in safed.  i couldn't even get an appointment to speak to a bank clerk the other day.  apparently, you can only do it on a smart phone.  i am so sick of this new technology.  my friend loves it and is totally caught up on the smart phone.  i want to go over to her house one day so she can show me how to use it.  i'm not even sure what i should ask the man at the electronic store to even put on my phone.  do i really need internet???  i don't even have a face book account.

i know i should have one so i can see pix of my family.  no one is really staying in touch with me anymore.  this way i could at least see pictures of my family's children.  i feel so isolated.  my kids were here on monday.  the entire sephardi clan came to safed for their mothers' birthday.  they made a surprise party.  they make one every year.  the sephardi mom didn't think that all the kids would come in this time because of the rona.  the only one missing was the son who is in the army.

i spent most of the evening and the next day downstairs.  the sephardi mom made lunch for us.  we had a hearty meal of roasted potatoes, spaghetti and leftover barbecued wings, kabobs and steak.  i ate a ton of food.  i even had a steak later that night.  my stomach was ruined.  i fasted for many hours the next day.  i haven't stopped over eating since.  i am still not eating junk food or sing sugar but i have been over doing everything.

i seem to have lost my balance.  i couldn't move yesterday.  i was completely wiped out.  i did practically nothing while the kids were here.  i didn't even make them a cup of tea.  oh yes, i did make the granddaughter some scrambled eggs and i put some waffles in the toaster oven for my grandson.  however; i remained sitting for most of the time.  and yet i was too tired to take a walk yesterday.  this morning i did a 50 minute walk around the neighborhood at 8:00 a.m.  

it is hot outside but i think i should go to town.  i will see if i can walk there.  if it is too hot i will go on a bus.  i need to pay my electric bill.  i should really go today but i am not sure i have enough money to pay the bill right now.  part of me doesn't want to move anymore.  i might just take the dogs out for a stroll.  they don't really look like they want to leave the house, either.  i have become so passive.

Home Sweet Home

it is 12:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  i just got back from town.  i just ate a few dried figs to break my nightly fast, which today; was 17 hours.  i got up at 6:00 a.m. and walked the dogs.  i needed to get to the bank this morning.  i haven't been inside the bank in nearly a year.  things have changed.  now with the rona, you can only get a number to see the personal banker person on your smart phone.

the machine inside the bank and the one outside; only gives you a number for the teller who gives out cash.  i needed cash so i took a number.  there weren't so many people in the bank.  someone sent me money for my son and my debit card would not allow me to draw it out.  apparently, i needed to have the dollars converted into shekels.  i guess i could have just taken the dollars and gone to the change store down the street; but i didn't have the mental prowess to make that sort of decision. 

breathing through a surgical mask and wearing glasses in the heat, seems to diminish ones' hearing and eyesight.  i wasn't all that knowledgeable about current Israeli banking policies and i didn't recall ever having received dollars in the bank.  whatever.....  i was directed to the personal banker service and yet there was no place to get a number.  there was a Russian lady who was having a meltdown at the same time as i .  i started shrieking in Hebrew and she started screaming in Russian.   she had been there for an hour.  i was only a half an hour in.  it made no sense.  no one would help us.  one young lady; who i believe was the manager; started in on the Russian lady.

i went into the outside cubicle and screamed to anyone who looked official.  all i wanted was a number so i could take a seat inside and wait my turn.  i had already been there around 30 minutes.  one young man came over and actually asked me if i needed help.  i explained what had already taken place and how i was desperately searching a number for a personal banking assistant.

he took pity on me and walked me right back to the original money teller.  she told him that i needed to see a personal account's personal.  and how did you get a number?  you needed to use the application on your smart phone.  and if you didn't have a smart phone you needed to use your home computer.  and if you didn't have a home computer or a smart phone there was a pretty young thing in the corridor who would help you if you had all day to wait for her.  i tried to get her attention while she was schmoozing with some younger customers.  i started shrieking again.  i was losing it.

the young lady manager came into the corridor as i was shrieking again.  she asked me what my problem was.  she wasn't trying to help me.  she was being nasty.  she didn't like that i was aggravated and falling apart.  i muttered under my mask that i would explain to her my problem when she turned 70 years old.   to think that i have been a customer of this bank for over 30 years.

the young man, who was my guardian angel, went over to a personal account's clerk and asked her to do me a favor.   in about 5 minutes she had transferred the money onto my account.  i then went back to the teller for the third time and finally received my shekels.  it only took an hour.  i was spent.  my walking buddy wanted to go to town and i needed to de-stress.  it was only about a twenty minute walk so i agreed.  i stopped off in town and went into the $ store where you can buy cheap things for the kids.  i only spent abut $15.  i got puzzles and imitation lego and tons of stickers and little containers of slime.  ironically, i bought a 100 piece police lego set for my grandson.

believe it or not, i just got a call to join in a survey about my bank.  talk about your karma!  i didn't hold back..  she asked if i wanted to speak with someone from the bank.  bring it on!!! i can't wait to let someone have it.  i am so upset.  the reality is that banks will probably go totally digital soon and it will all be done by smart phone.  i have to get my phone taken care of soon and i got to learn how to use it.  i am paying a fortune for long distance calls.  i can't wait to cancel the service.

we then

We Can Walk It Out

it is nearly candle lighting in the holy city of safed.  i just got back from taking a 45 minute walk around the neighborhood.  i was supposed to meet my walking buddy/ girl friend in the morning but i was trashed from travelling yesterday.  i took the dogs out at 6:00 a.m. and i went down to the small supermarket to buy bananas.  my legs felt unsteady.  i waited for my neighbor to finish her shopping and she drove me home.  i did very little today.  i defrosted the chicken that i had made for Shabbat, last week. 

i sat yesterday for 6 hours straight and didn't get to move my legs.  i didn't  drink any water because i kept my mask on the entire time.  i also, didn't want to have to stop at a bus rest stop and use their bathroom.  it hit me today.  my legs and back were aching all day long.  i finally got myself back outside and did a walk to work out the pain.  i feel much better now.  i will take a hot shower and light my Shabbat candles.

i cooked a bit of rice, grated some beets and made a lettuce salad.  i have chumus that i made this week.  i didn't have tahini so it is not my best culinary creation.  Jamie Oliver said that you could substitute peanut butter for the  tahini but i wasn't feeling so adventurous.  i was invited to join the Sephardi family downstairs tonight but i am way too tired to be civil.  i will make Kiddush and eat quickly and call it a day.  i'm beat.

i made banana muffins.  i forgot to buy rolled oats at the supermarket.  i had a package or two of ground almonds so i used some with a cup of the remainder of the ground oat flour.  they are very nice,non gluten but small.  the texture is softer than when i use only oat flour but i am satisfied and glad to have something sweet and healthy to have with my morning tea.

i got a good report from the oncologist.  that will keep me for another year.  i need to make an appointment to do a brain scan soon and then go see the neurosurgeon.  i'm sure that will take a while to do.  luckily, i don't need to see the lung surgeon until next February.  wouldn't it be so lovely if the Messiah came right now and we were all instantly cured of all of our inflictions and burdens.  wishing everyone a good Shabbos and have a great weekend.

Get Out Of Town

it is 7:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i took the dogs out at 6:00 a.m.  they woke me up and wouldn't let me go back to sleep.  i went to a playground and there was a large pit bull with his owner.  the owner was siting on a bench enjoying the morning air. and the dog was enjoying the grass.  it took me a moment to see that the dog was not on a leash.  it took my dogs a moment before they started to yipe.

the man got the dog back on the leash in a moment.  i see him and his dog every day.  the dog is never on a leash .  he seems quite docile and possibly elderly; but i am afraid of these types of dogs.  i watch videos of 'pitties' all the time.  i am still afraid of them.   i say a silent prayer every morning as i leave the house; that i don't have a run in with a wild animal or a viscous dog. it helps.

i am going out of town this morning to my gyn oncological appointment near tel aviv.  i am taking a taxi.  i am beginning to feel anxious. i have fretted for weeks about going.  i cannot travel on a crowded bus anymore.  on Thursday, the soldiers are going home and the busses are full.  i am pretty scared to be going to a major hospital, too.  there have been many corona patients there.  my neighbor's daughter is a nurse there and she told me it was very safe now.

i am beginning to shake a bit.  i am not afraid that i will get bad news from the doctor.  i am more afraid that i might contract the rona.  a few years ago, i went for a pre surgical visit a week before my scheduled brain surgery and contracted the flu and remained ill for a few months.  i never rescheduled the surgery.  i am due for an MRI and will call the hospital next week. isn't life grand!

i just broke my nightly 13 hour fast.  i had some slices of organic rye bread with a few slices of additive and lactose free cheese.  i will have my chai tea, shower and get ready to be out of here.  the taxi should arrive in half an hour.  i hope the doctor notices my weight loss.  oh vanity, oh vanity!

update:  i got back to safed at 3:00 p.m.  what a luxury being picked up and waited for and then dropped off at home!  the trip was only two hours each way. i left at 9:00 a.m. and was home in six hours.  that included the hour and 3/4 wait to see the oncologist.  when i travel by bus i always take a taxi to rosh pina and catch the express bus to tel aviv.  that usually takes 2 1/4 hours.  i then catch a bus to the hospital which is about a 45 minute ride.  when i return i almost always wait an hour for a bus back to tel aviv which entails a 45-50 minute trip.  i then usually wait another hour for a bus back to rosh pina and a 2 1/2 - 3 hour ride.  from rosh pina i usually catch a taxi to my neighborhood.  the entire trip including waiting for the doctor takes me more than 12 hours.

the ride was very expensive.  i was just too scared to go all the way there on crowded city busses.  i got a rave report so i'm good for another year.  i checked out all the ladies there.  i wondered who was pregnant and who was doing fertility treatment and who was fighting cervical cancer.  i didn't once think who had the covid 19.  the waiting room was quite full but they divided the chairs and kept a space between seats.  all in all, it was a good day.

Losing It

it is 7:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  i am in a funk.  the 45 minute walks aren't helping all that much.  my body aches. my legs and my lower back are quite stiff.  i take the dogs out at 6:00 a.m. to avoid the kids and parents coming to the kindergartens and daycare a few houses up the street, from me.   the mayor told the old people to stay in between 7:30 and 8:30 a.m.  i am getting fed up with all of this.

i have started walking to town.  it's about 45 minutes in a slow stroll.  i am not doing power walking.  i do not carry weights nor do i swing my arms.  i just keep on moving.  i have fantasies of returning home on foot.  i am not ready for that yet.  i come back on a city bus.  it is a bit nerve wracking.  it is so very hard to breathe with a surgical mask in the warm weather.  in winter, it will be splendid, i'm sure.

my son wants me to come to Jerusalem to help take care of the baby.  i don't have a dog sitter and they do not want me bringing my two dogs there.  not working is taking a toll on my budget and my mental state.  i am doing practically nothing.  i get up early and take the dogs out and then i take a walk.  sometimes i go to a store but the prices are very high right now.  i do not feel like sitting in a coffee shop next to people or hanging outside for too long.  i don't even do laundry.  i wash out my under ware by hand, in the bath tub.

i usually troll the net for a few hours in the morning.  i get into documentaries.  i watched the ali- frazer fight in manila yesterday.  it was brutal.  i break my nightly 12 hour fast and eat for a while and then i pass out.  in the early afternoon, i eat again.  i hardly cook.  yesterday, i was craving a cheese sandwich so i bought some organic rye bread and a small package of lactose and additives free semi hard sliced cheese.  it was heavenly.

i still have a pint or so of fake banana ice cream every day.  it is just frozen banana and peach chunks with a splash of organic rice and almond milk..  sometimes i add frozen cherries.  it's refreshing and very delicious.  it tastes like good quality sherbet.  i also eat a few dried figs every day.  i haven't been eating any poultry.  i cooked some for Shabbat but lost my desire to eat it.  i froze it for this Shabbat.  i like to have grains for dinner.  it isn't very keto but i like it.  yesterday i did a lot of carbs.  i had oatmeal for breakfast.

i watch more television and internet shows in the evening.  i go to bed late because i nap in the afternoon.  it's a very unproductive life.  i don't read much.  i tried on Shabbat.  i seem to fall asleep a lot.  i feel like an old lady.  it is depressing.  i am so over this rona.  i feel so empty.  my spiritualty has waned.  i find it hard to see the good things in life. 

i just saw a jackal.  he looked very lonely.  i wondered if it was the same one that i saw a few months ago.  i haven't seen any in months.  i was so sure that the humane wildlife organization that i had called; had come to pick him up.  it made me sad.  the weeds are growing sky high these days.  there are all sorts of creatures hiding in the bushes.  the dogs are going slightly nuts.  it is a bit dangerous because of snakes.  i am rather tired this morning.  i went to sleep about 3:00 a.m.  i don't think i am up for my morning walk.  oh well.......

Walking Away

it is 7:30 a.m. in the holy city of safed.   in half an hour i will be going out with a friend for a walk.  we started being walking buddies on Monday.  we usually walk for about 45 minutes.  this is not speed or power walking.  we do not carry weights or swing our arms.  this is just walking away from the stress and the fear of the world's health crisis for a little while.  we are both committed to losing more weight but this is our commitment to exercise the old bones.

i have slept better lately.  from being home all day and sedentary; i have been riddled with back and leg pains.  the walking helps the pain and it helps the mental state.  we have all been stressed out from the overload of bad news for months.  we walked to town twice, this week.  my friend is a shopper.  we hit quite a few shops this week.  i mean, visited and not, looted or robbed.  prices are sky high.  i guess because i am no longer working; everything seems more expensive.  i couldn't buy any toys this week.

i want to go to Jerusalem t help the kids out but i have no one to take care of the dogs.  i was willing to weather the recent rona outbreak there but the kids cannot deal with my dogs.  i am very frustrated.  we have a small rona outbreak in this area.  i am walking now and venturing out of my neighborhood.   i have even, travelled on the local busses a few times.  it is so hard to navigate in masks and sunglasses.  i have started wearing sunglasses.  what a tremendous difference it has made.  my eyes are less dry and irritated.

my friend gave me a pair of her expensive designer ones.  you can hardly feel them on.  yesterday i entered my home and it was pretty dark.  i thought there had been a power outage.  i climbed up onto the dining room table and added another bulb to the chandelier.  it was till dark.  i got a bit panicky.  i thought that i might be losing my eye sight.  i passed a mirror and realized that i was still wearing my sunglasses.  pretty crazy!

this is what happens to someone self isolating.  we are all going slowly daft.  i still cannot do proper exercise but the waking is a grand start.  i have recently come into possession of some lovely second hand clothes.  i now have a few skirts and tops and loungewear for summer.  it is wonderful because i cannot find anything suitable and affordable in the local shops. i have lost weight but i have also lost most of my muscle tone.  i am one, flabby old lady.

i managed to go into the large supermarket this week.  it was the first time in three months that i tried.  i was able to buy a bit of chicken and fish for Shabbat.  i gave all of my poultry and meat and pantry items to the kids; when they were here.  i am fine.  i bought tons of fresh cherries and romaine lettuce in town at a vegetable stand and have been eating salads again.  i have been eating a lot of pasta but i have been fasting for longer hours.  yesterday i did about 18 hours. 

the news form the states has been so alarming that it's a wonder that i haven't started to binge eat again.  i hope that all of my readers are safe and in good health.  i pray that everyone has what they need and are in a loving environment; even if alone.  i wish you all a good Shabbos.