Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays

it is nearly noon time in the holy city of safed.  I should be on my way to work but I am very tired.  it has been raining non stop for a few weeks.  it is a huge blessing for the land but a drag to navigate in.  I went to Hadera on Thursday for the festive meal after the thirty day mourning period.  my daughter-in-law's grandmother passed and I wasn't able to make it to the funeral.  I was going to join my son and his wife for the meal after the official shiva ended but they ended up going the day earlier and I then went to Jerusalem for the rest of chanuka to take care of the grandkids.  I felt very guilty that I hadn't consoled my in-law on his mother's passing.  I didn't make a phone call because it was awkward talking on the phone in Hebrew.

on Thursday, we had monsoon like rainstorms. I rushed to finish my meals at the yeshiva in order to be able to travel. by car this trip is less than two hours but I wasn't going by car.  I waited  forty minutes for a bus that ended up not going to Hadera.  I jumped on a bus to Carmiel to catch the train.  I hate trains.  I can't stomach the smell.  I am a bus person.  the trip to Carmiel took an hour. it travelled through every Arab village and neighborhood along the way.  I felt a panic attack coming on.

I had a minute to climb the stairs to the platform to catch the train.  it took an hour to reach Hadera.  I called my daughter-in-law to ask her for directions to the meal.  I thought it was close by.  she informed me to go to Pardes Chana.  I was in the wrong town.  I was on an express train.  I needed to go back a stop. the only problem was that I only had a minute to catch the next train.  I told her that I would catch a taxi and meet her at Pardes Chana.  it was pretty much a twenty minute ride. I never meant for her to have to pick me up.  she had just driven from Jerusalem.  I wasn't even sure that she had gone.

I couldn't reach her or her mother in the morning.  my son made it seem like she wasn't sure about travelling in the rain storm and he told her that I wasn't coming.  we relied on him and that was a huge mistake.  she and her sister travelled to Hadera to pick me up.  her mother and father were extremely grateful that I made the effort to come.  I had to wait until after 9:00 p.m. to catch the bus back to safed. it arrived at 10:30 p.m.  I was driven to another town to catch the bus.  a man stopped to offer me a ride.  he was going to Rosh Pina which is about ten minutes from safed.  I felt very blessed.  but then I felt very scared driving off with a male stranger at that hour.  I was also afraid of being stranded at Rosh Pina without a cab.

I declined the ride and waited another half an hour for the bus to show up.  I was afraid that the driver might not see me.  I also assumed that it would be crowded.  the bus was completely empty.  I was relieved to get in and get a seat.  he made a rest stop and I was able to get small bills for a taxi.  he left me off at the taxi stand in safed at 12:30 a.m. and I got home safely.  he was a very nice man and very good driver.  I had planned to go back to Jerusalem with the kids after the meal but in the end, I didn't prepare an over night bag.  I couldn't reach my friend to come over and watch the dog, either.

I thought about going out on Friday to buy underwear, a toothbrush and a change of clothes at the second hand store in Jerusalem.  I just couldn't leave the dog alone overnight.  the grandkids were very disappointed that I didn't go back with them.  I felt really conflicted.  I had an awful Shabbat alone.  I ran to the local supermarket to buy challah.  I ended up buying prepared gefilte fish and root vegetables to make a chicken soup. I didn't make it out for services.  i slept most of the day.  i was pretty miserable.

i should be at work already.  i don't have time to shower.  i will call a cab.