Monday, August 15, 2016

Getting Back To Me

it is 1:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I have started getting my house back in order today.  I took a wooden picture rack off of my front hall bookcase.  it had pix of the kids when they were babies.  it took up space and collected dust.  I don't need baby pictures displayed in my house.  everyone here is grown up.  the grandson doesn't need me to kiss him so much anymore.  and the granddaughter is no longer clingy with me.

it's amazing how an entire month of going cold turkey, not seeing your grandmother, changes you.  I hope it will be for the best.  after all, they do see the other grandmother every day so it all works out for them.  I am getting rid of physical baggage now.  I took down a wedding picture of my son and his wife today.  I don't need to stare at this picture everyday.  it no longer pleasures me.  I also took down a wedding picture of my chabad family from about 8 years ago.  I no longer see any of them now so why stare at an old picture?  it doesn't make me feel joyous anymore.

I  framed two drawings that the kids made for me for my birthday and hung them up where the wedding pix were.  those pictures give me a lot of pleasure.  I also hung up my certificate of merit for being a volunteer at the senior's center.  it reaffirms that I am a good person.  I need my house to reaffirm what I have accomplished in my life.  it has to be less of a mausoleum now.  I still have mementos of my parents' lives in my computer room.  I took down a large picture frame showcasing my parents, siblings and their extended family.  I can't look at it anymore.  my parents are gone and so are all of the extended family.  they haven't passed on but they are grown and busy with their own lives.

 no one from the family comes to visit me in this house and now my son and his wife are leaving too.  I sometimes think that this house is cursed.  I went into the storage shed and started to clear it out.  I threw out an antique chair that needed reupholstering.  it has been sitting there for over 15 years.  it was my mom's chair that she probably reupholstered in the 70's.  I need to get my life in order and this helps.  I have tons of boxes that I'm storing for the kids and my niece.  I can't wait to do a number downstairs when the kids move out.

I am going to host a couple for a night next week.  they were friends of my sister in California.  they moved to Israel to be close to their kids and grandkids.  Suckers beware!  I need to go upstairs and tackle the apartment that got dusted last year during the 3 day dust storm.  I won't do it now.  I am going to town to see my friend's play at 5:00 p.m.  I will do it tomorrow.  I guess it's good that I don't have to take care of the kids anymore. 

I removed most of the remnants of the kids' toys today.  it  always pleased me to see all of their stuff scattered in every room of the house.  I learned to enjoy their mess.  they are no longer allowed in every room of the house so I don't need to see their toys.  it is a process but it must be done.

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