it is 11:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. I just had to take a break from the cleaning. I am so tired and achy. the kids came back a little before midnight last night. I was already sleeping downstairs on the sofa. my son wanted to show me his new clothes but I couldn't have cared less. I was exhausted. I'm still sick and coughing all the time and I resented having to be with the kids all night.
I had taken care of both kids from 2:00 p.m. until 9:00 p.m. I had run after them, supplied drinks and snacks numerous times, fed them, bathed them, and put them to sleep. that's what grandmas usually do, right? I had spent the morning hours scrubbing down the bathroom and washing the windows in all 3 rooms and mopping down all of the floors. I was tired. I had no patience for the kids. I found myself screaming at them like a lunatic.
I really lost it on my son and grandson this morning. the insurance company sent over the worker to repair the broken tiles from the leak in the wall we had a few weeks ago. I let my son oversee the work while I washed the floors in the master bedroom. I can't use the porch because there is a blockage in the drainpipe, so I had to mop all of the water through the entire house. my grandson came up to use the toilet. he managed to get cocky all over the bathtub. I asked him to was his hands with soap and he refused. I had no strength to go head to toe with a 5 year old this morning.
I ordered him to go downstairs to his father. I also told him that he couldn't stay with me today if he didn't listen to me. I went downstairs to see the work the repairman had done. I noticed that the ceramic tile that had fallen off the wall from under the sink had not been replaced. it was also no longer in the kitchen. I went slightly ballistic. I asked my son why he hadn't seen to it that the repairman replace it and I got the usual lip from him. I told him that he was a horrible tenant and he went ballistic. after all he is not a tenant. he doesn't give me a cent to live here.
I told him that he should have given me the head's up to check out the work before the guy left. that is called a courtesy. what would he know about courtesy? he uses me as a babysitter and couldn't care less about me as a person. neither of them do. I'm here to serve them and I pay to play. they use the grandkids to keep me in my place, too.
I told him that all he cared about was his new clothes and couldn't care less about my house. he told me not to take my stress out on him. my stress is mostly caused by him and his family and all the expenses I have incurred since they moved back in. he accused me of not caring about anyone except myself. that's when I told him to take his son with him to work. I screamed so loud I nearly lost my voice. I nearly told him to make his own pesach Seder downstairs. I really wanted to tell him to move out again. I am so fed up with all of his crap.
of course, I felt guilty about kicking my grandson out. he's spending the day at his other grandma's today. after all why shouldn't she share in the love. I still have to pick up the granddaughter at 2:00 p.m. and I still have to finish the master bedroom. I'm truly struggling with the task. the weather has taken a turn once again to cold and nasty. a storm is definitely brewing. why not? after all, most of the windows are washed already. I wanted to finish painting the gate but it's not happening in this weather. I'd rather do anything than the master bedroom. it's such a mess. laundry is also out of the question today. oh well, I guess it's back to the master bedroom for me.