Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I'll Do Anything

it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i've been in a funk. i've been home alone for weeks. i haven't been out at all lately. i'm also tired. i guess i'm depressed. i feel uneasy all the time. i'm not sleeping very well. i wake up feeling tired. i've lost the will to shine.

i started gaining weight already. i had to take myself in check, again. i have to stay away from sugar. i really need to get out more. tonight begins the great pilgrimage to the gravesite of rabbi shimon bar yochai. thousands of people from all over the country will be desending on meron. it is normally, a 10 minute bus ride. tonite, it will take between 45 to 60 minutes.

i hate crowds. i don't think i'll be going down to meron today. perhaps, i'll go tomorrow. i'm thinking about going on friday, also. i need to get to town and pay some bills. i can't be bothered getting dressed. i've been walking the dogs in my robe. i feel like i have chronic fatigue syndrome. i should go to the doctor and get a blood test. i don't have the energy to do that, either.

i'm terribly bored. i can't deal with my life. i have been answering ads all over town to obtain work. i have been given the runaround by everyone. i applied for a babysitting job in someone's home, a cooking job in a small yeshiva, and a receptionist's job in a tourist center downtown. the problem is that i live pretty much, far away from town. when i lived in town, it was never an issue to run around and get to a job in the old city or artist colony. everything was a 5 or 10 minute sprint.

now, i have to worry about bus schedules, and getting paid off the books. it is very frustrating. everyone is looking for help but no one wants to talk money. i am waiting for the yeshiva to set up an appoinment to meet me. i kind of already know, that it will be a hassle to make 3 meals a day and be in and out of the place all day long. it is definately, a full time job, and i am sure that they will be paying less than a part time salary. it is a good job for someone who lives in that neighborhood.

i am also awaiting part time rentals. someone came over last night to check out the place for a two week rental in june. the dogs were yiping their heads off. the male jack russle terrier boarder, never shuts up. he really wants to cuddle with us on the t.v. sofa but my little pincher doesn't let him come close. i can't complain. it pays about $100 dollars a week. that pays for two teeth to be cosmetically filled.

my son came by last night to pick up his mail and get more shoes. he looked awful. he has a bad backache. he was rear ended in a recent car accident. he is suffering a lot. he looked out of it. i was involved with a potential client outside. there wasn't anything i could do for him. i wanted to give him arnica but he didn't want to try it. i wanted to set up an appointment with a healer but he wasn't interested. my heart ached for him. i wanted to tell him to come back again with his son. i miss my grandson so much. i had to let him go. i was busy. i have to take care of zelda.

i went to the dentist yesterday. he filled in the small space between my front teeth. i was actually, okay with the space. the thrill is gone. i'm pretty much over going to the dentist. i started this process last january. however, i still want to fill in a couple of my bottom teeth. i also need to do a cap. this is consuming the major part of my savings.

i stood up for myself yesterday. the billing department decided that they had undercharaged me for the tooth bonding. they doubled the price, per tooth, last week. when i complained, they told me that i could pay the original price for just one week. they told me that it would be doubled afterwards.

i went to the manager before my treatment and showed him the written estimate of all the work that i had agreed to do. thankfully, they agreed on the original price. i saved over 1000 shekels. that will pay for most of the new cap. that, indeed, took some perseverence, on my part. i was afraid that the dentist would be annoyed and not do a good job. he didn't seem put out, the least bit.

i am currently offering myself out there, to do, just about anything. i will walk your dog, cook your meals, burp your baby, speak to visiting tourists, and board your parents, all for just a small sum of money. any takers out there???

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