it's 10 p.m. in the holy city of zefat and i'm thoroughly exhausted. i went to sleep last night at around 5:00 a.m. that's two nights in a row that i've been unable to sleep.
i had a very long pep rally type discussion with my big sis in california. she says that i should get a life and that i should reclaim my power. that's a good one! who's got a life at our age. i know that sounds very bleak. i'm in a funk, remember?
the only good thing about the current situation is that i've lost my appetite, finally. i don't think that i'll shed any poundage unless i start to walk again. i actually read that you tend to gain more weight if you aren't sleeping well. it has something to do with how the body breaks up fat while we sleep.
i finally got out of bed at around 4:00 p.m. i didn't even shower. i decided to walk to town. i decided to visit a friend, too. my sister told me to get out of the house, so i did. i caught a ride to town on the next corner. it was too hot to walk, anyway. i figured that i could always walk home.
i left the house without my purse. i figured that i could always borrow the bus fare home. i had some money stashed away for a cab if i decided to get one, too. i ended up stopping off at gal's parents. i wanted to see sahar. i wanted to see if he missed me or not. when he saw me he was non plus. he then came running over for a hug. he wasn't clinging to me today. although, every time i tried to say goodbye to him, he would cry. so i hung around the family and walked down to town with them. it took forever. time was simply, dragging.
it wasn't as scorchingly hot in town as yesterday, but it wasn't cool, either. being without money in town was a big mistake. sahar wanted ices. yesterday i bought him a drink and ices. i had sold some jewelry to get enough money to cover my checks this month. i felt large. i had a wad of bills in my pocket. today i tried to teach sahar how to panhandle. i was half joking and half serious, i'm afraid to admit. i broke off from the group to visit a friend. she wasn't home so i rejoined the hot and miserable group next to the bank.
his sephardi grandma bought him a deluxe potty. i guess with her daughter away in eilat for the week, she plans to toilet train her less than two year old grandson. i didn't sign on for this. i would never impose my values on the topic. but rememder, i'm just the paternal granny. i think this is really wrong. but since i'm not included in any of the plans, i remain silent. i'm finally over my hurt. if that's okay with my daughter-in-law to let her mother potty train her son, well, so be it. i'm out of the loop. once more.
getting a life never sounded so swell. i really have to get back to my fighting weight. i got to have new clothes. i got to have some work. i got to get back to yoga. i got to get back to walking every day. i got to get back to being a red head. i got to get back to acting. i got to get some teeth.
i got to get my power back! even if i never had any, i got to restablish myself as a menstch. i got to clean up all the pish, poop and doggie vomit all around the house. i have to pay my water bill, my real estate tax bill, and my electric bill. i have to cancel my appointment with the homeopath next week. i need that money to pay a bill. i need to take better care of me. i need to eat something right now. i need to get a camera so i can skype my family in india. i need to go to unemployment.
i decided not to buy my grandson sandals. let his other grandma deal with it. or let his mother drive herself crazy. i know that whatever i buy will be wrong. so i left my cash at home. i intended to walk home because my entire body is stiff. i ended up being driven home by gal's mom. her sister needed to pick up shoes from downstairs, anyway.
i decided not to be angry or vindictive with the kids. i will not throw them out, afterall. i cannot guarentee that i will still be available 24/7 anymore. i'm trying to rethink the laundry, too. we shall see, won't we.