Saturday, January 22, 2011

Saturday Night

shabbat has just ended in the holy city of zefat. it is almost 7:00 p.m. i haven't made havdalah yet. i just woke up from a short nap. i spent the shabbat alone. i was physically and emotionally spent. i had spent two days in a row with a lot of people and i couldn't face being with the entire sephardi clan. i needed some quiet.

i spent the shabbat munching on the left over nuts and fruit. i had a tuna sandwich for supper last night, topped with olives. i had a bowl of pomegranate pips for dessert. i had a salmon sandwich for lunch and the rest of the dried fruits for dessert. i've eaten way too much sugar. the thought of drinking grape juice now is too overwhelming.

i sat outside for about three hours in the afternoon sun, reading psalms. the dogs were barking at everyone and really making a lot of noise. it was so comfy sitting in the warmth of the sun. the house was freezing. i didn't bother turning on the heat. i usually, only heat when i have guests.

yesterday, i wrote to my first love. my computer savvy, good friend, found his email. i don't know how she did it because he wasn't listed on facebook, not that i know anything about facebook. i did the math. i met him 44 years ago. that was hard to swallow. being 60 is a bitch!

i actually got a response from him a moment later. i was so glad to hear that he was alive. it unravelled more of the repressed memories for me. wow! i have been on one heck of a memory roller coaster ride, lately. this one predates my college years, my involvement in the woman's lib and gay pride movements, and my brief stint in the hip, world of fashion.

i was really hyper yesterday. i spent the afternoon on the phone with friends. i couldn't quite come down from all the excitement. i tried to look up another friend who i haven't spoken to in 20 years. i think i understand my brother's reunion fever, now. he is forever meeting up with his college buddies all over the U.S. he's even planning a road trip out west to catch up with some pal of his from his frat days.

a couple of months ago, my son mentioned that he had met some guy at his winery who knew my brother from college. that was a pretty strange tale. after a long conversation, the guy mentioned that he had gone to bklyn college. my son asked him if he knew his mother, zelda gleich. he said he didn't know a zelda but he had known a charles. zvi told the man that charles was his uncle. so he left his email address with my son. i of course, forwarded it to my brother who was wildly ecstatic.

unlike my brother, i wasn't really looking for a reunion or a run down memory lane. i think i was looking for some kind of closure. i didn't find it. i was looking for pieces of the young girl that was just beginning her life's journey. i missed her. i never really got to know her. how heavy!!!

i'm supposed to go to a memorial melave malka in a little while, for the first anniversary of a friend's passing. i can't seem to get myself up and dressed. i am feeling very cold and very still inside. i want to honor her memory but i don't feel like being with a crowd of women. i think that i prefer to visit her grave tomorrow afternoon, instead.

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