Another Lockdown

 it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  we start another lockdown today at 5:00 p.m.  we get recorded messages from our mayor a lot.  i have stopped listening.  i have stopped watching the news.  i  have become a true isolationist.  lockdown doesn't really change my lifestyle one bit.  i still go out with the dogs everyday and i still take walks when i have the energy and i still go to the supermarket, pharmacy and health food store when i have money.

i see the kids when they can make it in.  i video chat and send videos all the time.  i cherish seeing their replies.  i missed seeing my one year old grandson start to walk.  it is what it is.  i pray that i can make it to his other major milestones in the future.  life goes on in this new covid world. everyone over 60 is invited today to get a shot.  i will not be going.  i did make an appointment to do a lung CT next month in the tel aviv area.

they found blood in my stool so now they are coercing me to do a colonoscopy.  i find it very troubling.  i know it is probably a hemorrhoid but the doctors aren't convinced.  i am tired of being tested.  i am tired of being given another health issue.  i recently went in for a yearly blood exam.  i was curious to see how my intermittent fasting and weight loss effected my body.  i did lower my sugar and cholesterol; considerably.  i had been fasting and not drinking so my blood pressure went sky high.  another health issue?  not really.  

i went home and stopped off at a friend.  she gave me water and calmed me down and took my pressure.  it had already dropped down a lot.  i read that dehydration can raise one's blood pressure.  too bad the nurse didn't know that and offer me a glass of water.  she actually, let me leave with a high enough rate that i could have stroked out.  we must all do our part and take responsibility for our health.  the professionals are too busy with the covid to give us the time of day now.  yes; if we want a vaccine or have covid or need a covid hotel; they are interested.

i didn't get my annual brain MRI this year.  travelling was out of the question.  i still don't know how i will get to tel aviv for the CT.  i did go to my oncologist in june by taxi.  a dear friend sponsored the trip.  i recently applied for my social security benefits.  they are so backed up that i will be lucky if i hear from them by summer.  i am trying to stay calm.  i have always followed the path of the least resistance.  i am invisible now.  i accept it.  i feel very lucky to have recently gotten free Netflix. the young lady upstairs, my daughter-in-law's sister; is using my wifi and she has netflix.  i suddenly got it down here.

i am happy for the simple things.  if i find organic almond milk on sale i am elated.  if my dogs both poop at the same time it's a home run.  my standards are pretty low.  right now it is freezing outside.  it's pretty cold inside, too.  no problem.  i simply add on more layers.  one great benefit to weight loss is that you can add on more clothes and still breathe.  life is good.  i am used to being alone.  i actually prefer it.  people exhaust me.  

i had a pretty brutal tooth extraction last week.  it left me; pretty much a basket case for two days. i am pretty much healed now.  it reminded me of the dustin hoffman movie, the marathan man.  you may remember lawrence olivier as the nazi dentist who tortures hoffman.  it was pretty brutal, just like my extraction.  i am pretty much over it now.  i doubt that my dentist will be working during the lockdown.  so, i am pretty much safe for the next two weeks.

i am planning on heading over to the local supermarket to stock up on some essentials.  i need dog food and almond milk and grains and tuna fish and chicken wings.  what a life!  it's all about the food.  last night i was seriously considering eating 3 chocolate bars in my fridge.  that little binge food voice was egging me on.  i haven't indulged in a year.  i felt violated.  i  needed to get it out of my house.  at midnight i ran out of my house.  i was headed for the garbage bin when i spotted my daughter-in-law's brother putting away his motorcycle.  he has recently joined the army.  he was delighted to be handed 3 chocolate bars.  close call!

i actually read that binge eating is an official eating disorder.  i suffered with it for years.  i thought that it was over but it sneaked up on me last night.  i actually mentally, relived the experience of a chocolate binge.  it felt very soothing.  alas, i still can remember acquaintances passing me by because they didn't recognize me since i gained so much weight.  my good friend and intermittent fasting sponsor; had nightmares about gaining back the weight.  she has lost a lot more than me.  she is actually, thin now.  i am still carrying an extra ten pounds or more.  it doesn't bother me.