it is noon time in the holy city of zefat. i have just, successfully, put away all of the purim costumes and props. what an achievement! i even organized them by style. it really wasn't a hard task at all. yesterday, i tackled the downstairs apartment. yes sirs, after 12 hours i completed the task.
i washed most of the windows, painted over some mold, and washed down the kitchen walls. i even moved beds. i don't think that the windows were cleaned in years. i had a potential rental for chol hamoed so that gave me the impetus to start. the apartment is spick and span and definately, kosher for pesach. the only problem is that the client never called back. oh well, at least the place is clean now. the lady must have found a cheaper place.
at 7:30 p.m. last night, i collapsed into bed. my right hand was throbbing. i felt vey exhausted. i was too tired to make myself a coffee. i lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. i was too tired to relax. at about 11:00 p.m. i got up and got a banana. i was starving! all i managed to consume all day was a hand full of almonds and a can of tuna. i did indulge at one point, in some carob/peanut butter balls from purim. it wasn't really sweet enough to put me into a sugar high or get me into a food binge. let's just say, that i didn't gain back any weight lately.
the weather here has just turned cold again. it has been storming for two days now. there go the windows! i really don't care. i stopped competing with the neighbors years ago. i am a one woman show. i do not have any help at all. i find myself asking for divine help every day. before i lift something too heavy, i pray that i won't get hurt. there is no man here to do my windows. the handyman was supposed to come today. i haven't heard from him at all. a while back, i met a window washer from new jersey. i fell madly in love and wanted to marry him. my son also liked him. unfortunately, he didn't want to marry me. i suffered for a long time. what kind of fool am i?
my son came over the other night. i was in the computer room and didn't know he was here. the 'sister' living upstairs, let him in. i had done my laundry and used a rack because it started to rain. i took the second rack and put it on my outdoor porch. i was very serene. i actually, got to do my laundry when i wanted to. there was no one downstairs to confront or to apologize to. i didn't feel like i was infringing on anyone's privacy. it was very liberating. i felt like a mentch.
my son entered my house without knocking. he asked me where the second laundry rack was. he needed to 'borrow' it to hang up his laundry. i couldn't bring myself to say that it wasn't my problem. i couldn't even tell him that i couldn't help him anymore. i'm not that type of person. i can't be vindictive. i will always want to help him. he offered me 50 shekels to buy the rack from me. i had already given him the rack for free. i am not a cheap person. i would never sell someone a laundry rack. he hadn't a clue how much these things cost. 50 shekels is about a third of the cost. i took the money on principal. he didn't even say goodbye or thank you. what kind of fool am i?
should i have confronted him? should i have told him how much he has hurt me? should i have told him how much i long to see my grandson? i have no real feelings for the baby girl, because i wasn't allowed to be a part of her birth. i don't know what to do so i do nothing. i clean for pesach. i think i made a mistake by letting the kid take my laundry rack. perhaps being the bigger person here, doesn't send home any message.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Rules Of Engagement
it is 1:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i just moved a heavy wooden bed frame down the stairs, by myself. my back is 'kvetched'. i am trying to get the downstairs into a rental mode before pesach. i really should just sell the bottom half of the house with my chometz. i used to clean all three floors for pesach, but i just don't have that type of energy now.
i managed yesterday, to get the neighbors to help me 'schlepp' down a huge televsion set from the third floor to the bottom apartment. my 'tenant' upstairs, the daughter in law's sister, had locked the door with a skeleton key and gone out. i was a bit overwhelmed. the cable guy was due to come to install a new cable in my apartment.
my son came on saturday night to take out the cable box to his new apartment. the cable was listed on his bank account. he probably got a much better deal using this company's internet, telephone and television. i got a small deal, which allowed me to have cable television on two floors, for the price of one. i figured that if i do get holiday rentals, people might want cable televsion. let's hope!
i spent shabbat day with an elderly lady, whose family went out of town for a simcha. i walked to the old city first, to visit my friend. on friday night, i went to sleep at about 8:00 p.m. i got up at 6:00 a.m. i had some coffee, davened in the backyard, and enjoyed the warmth of the sun for a couple of hours. i made kiddush and had some grape juice, bread and tuna fish. by 10:00 a.m. i was antsy. i wanted company.
on my way to my friend's house, i stopped off to visit a lovely rebbeson, who is my age. unfortunately, she recently suffered a stroke and is in a wheelchair. it was nice to see her again. we spoke for about an hour and she went inside to daven. i went down to town. i then walked back up to canaan to have lunch with the 94 year old lady. i stayed with her until she fell asleep at 8:30 p.m.
it was eerie not knowing where the kids were for shabbat. they're not talking to me. i wasn't up to combing the neighborhood for their car. i really don't care where they are living right now. i'm sure they will be fine. a friend actually spotted them yesterday, and called to give me the 'heads up'. i wish she hadn't called. i spent the morning removing the remnants of their things from all the chest of drawers. what a waste of my precious time!
my big sister tells me that i musn't engage with them anymore. she told me to kick the sister out of my house and do nothing more for the sephardi family. she told me that my offering to store things for them, was actually my way of keeping them attached to me. i want to find boxes now and put all of their stuff into the outside shed. that way, they don't need to come inside to get their stuff, anymore.
truthfully, i really don't know what the rules of engagement are. someone from the clan, left a message to invite me to a birthday party for gal's nephew yesterday. he turned 1 years old. i had no idea where the party was taking place. i also, had no desire to attend. i had no desire to face the kids. i didn't even want to see my grandson. i want them all to know that i am on the outside now. they are not my family. i really don't have any family here except for my sister. i am just the exrich american landlady/babysitter to them. the kids have temporarily severed their relationship with me.
i don't feel my usual need to run over to the sister's house with a present today. i have no desire to see any of them. as my son was driving away from my house on saturday night with cartons of stuff, i asked for his help with the televsion. he turned me down flat. he solumnly told me, that he could no longer help me with things. as i left the house on shabbat day, i made sure to leave my key on the outside ledge for them, so that no one would be locked out. what a jerk!!
i have to get over to the post office soon so that the cable company can fax me a direct payment form for the bank. whoppee!! to be continued.........
i managed yesterday, to get the neighbors to help me 'schlepp' down a huge televsion set from the third floor to the bottom apartment. my 'tenant' upstairs, the daughter in law's sister, had locked the door with a skeleton key and gone out. i was a bit overwhelmed. the cable guy was due to come to install a new cable in my apartment.
my son came on saturday night to take out the cable box to his new apartment. the cable was listed on his bank account. he probably got a much better deal using this company's internet, telephone and television. i got a small deal, which allowed me to have cable television on two floors, for the price of one. i figured that if i do get holiday rentals, people might want cable televsion. let's hope!
i spent shabbat day with an elderly lady, whose family went out of town for a simcha. i walked to the old city first, to visit my friend. on friday night, i went to sleep at about 8:00 p.m. i got up at 6:00 a.m. i had some coffee, davened in the backyard, and enjoyed the warmth of the sun for a couple of hours. i made kiddush and had some grape juice, bread and tuna fish. by 10:00 a.m. i was antsy. i wanted company.
on my way to my friend's house, i stopped off to visit a lovely rebbeson, who is my age. unfortunately, she recently suffered a stroke and is in a wheelchair. it was nice to see her again. we spoke for about an hour and she went inside to daven. i went down to town. i then walked back up to canaan to have lunch with the 94 year old lady. i stayed with her until she fell asleep at 8:30 p.m.
it was eerie not knowing where the kids were for shabbat. they're not talking to me. i wasn't up to combing the neighborhood for their car. i really don't care where they are living right now. i'm sure they will be fine. a friend actually spotted them yesterday, and called to give me the 'heads up'. i wish she hadn't called. i spent the morning removing the remnants of their things from all the chest of drawers. what a waste of my precious time!
my big sister tells me that i musn't engage with them anymore. she told me to kick the sister out of my house and do nothing more for the sephardi family. she told me that my offering to store things for them, was actually my way of keeping them attached to me. i want to find boxes now and put all of their stuff into the outside shed. that way, they don't need to come inside to get their stuff, anymore.
truthfully, i really don't know what the rules of engagement are. someone from the clan, left a message to invite me to a birthday party for gal's nephew yesterday. he turned 1 years old. i had no idea where the party was taking place. i also, had no desire to attend. i had no desire to face the kids. i didn't even want to see my grandson. i want them all to know that i am on the outside now. they are not my family. i really don't have any family here except for my sister. i am just the exrich american landlady/babysitter to them. the kids have temporarily severed their relationship with me.
i don't feel my usual need to run over to the sister's house with a present today. i have no desire to see any of them. as my son was driving away from my house on saturday night with cartons of stuff, i asked for his help with the televsion. he turned me down flat. he solumnly told me, that he could no longer help me with things. as i left the house on shabbat day, i made sure to leave my key on the outside ledge for them, so that no one would be locked out. what a jerk!!
i have to get over to the post office soon so that the cable company can fax me a direct payment form for the bank. whoppee!! to be continued.........
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Moving Day
it is 10:a.m. in the holy city of zefat. the kids are pretty much moved out. i went downstairs to see the apartment. it looked ugly. all the kids things, that i mostly, bought are gone. it doesn't look like a home. i heard zvi singing downstairs. he is truly on a high. why not? this should be a really happy day. moving into their own apartment, finally, should be cause for celebration. i am feeling bereft. i wonder if things had ended on a less than volatile note, and they had chosen to move out on their own, if i would still be feeling so lost.
i asked my daughter in law, who hasn't spoken a word to me since purim, if they were leaving now. i wanted a proper goodbye. forget about hugs. we are probably, way past that stage. i wanted to wish them good luck. she is treating me like i'm the immoral landlady who threw them out for more money. i told my son, as he was driving away, that it wasn't nice how they were exiting. however, if you do have to go, this is the traditional time of exodus for our people.
i lost an extrmely close friend a few years ago, over a similar rental dilema. i did actually, ask her for a $50 raise in rent for the upcoming year. i was accused of betraying her and she never spoke to me again. this was a typical landlord/tenant issue but the players were best friends. here, the 'landlord' is the mother of the boy, mother in law of the girl and grandmother of the two children. it always seems that when i stop giving it away for free, employers, family and friends no longer want anything to do with me. i have to search my soul for the reason why.
i can only give the kids mussar right now but it will have no effect. i think the best way to handle this, is to appear relaxed, happy and confident. my unhealthy instincts are to beg, cry and plead for forgiveness. deep in my heart, i know that they will survive. they're young and israeli. i also know that my son really wants to be on his own. we have always had a slave/master relationship. i thought, wrongly, that once he married, our relationship would improve. instead, i ended up serving two masters. i'm an old fat drama queen and a complete fool!
i babysat for a 94 year old woman last night who has severe memory loss. in spite of her failing memory, she was able to relate to me that she always took money from her kids for babysitting her own grandchildren. she said that her time was just as valuable as anyone else's. she also said that my giving the kids so much was not all that unusual. in her opinion, it was what all moms do. she said that the only difference, was that my kids didn't show me any sign of appreciation.
i think from now on, that i will tell my 21 year old daughter in law, what's really on my mind, directly. what's the worst thing, she'll move out and not let me see my grandkids? been there, done that folks! i must not come off weak and desparate anymore. i will call her up some time and ask if i can take my grandson out for a while. if she says no, then it's no. i am going to stop playing the victim. i am not going down on my knees to them anymore. of course, this is all easier said than done. i went to war with 2 kids and i lost. or did i??? i guess, only the future will tell.
i asked my daughter in law, who hasn't spoken a word to me since purim, if they were leaving now. i wanted a proper goodbye. forget about hugs. we are probably, way past that stage. i wanted to wish them good luck. she is treating me like i'm the immoral landlady who threw them out for more money. i told my son, as he was driving away, that it wasn't nice how they were exiting. however, if you do have to go, this is the traditional time of exodus for our people.
i lost an extrmely close friend a few years ago, over a similar rental dilema. i did actually, ask her for a $50 raise in rent for the upcoming year. i was accused of betraying her and she never spoke to me again. this was a typical landlord/tenant issue but the players were best friends. here, the 'landlord' is the mother of the boy, mother in law of the girl and grandmother of the two children. it always seems that when i stop giving it away for free, employers, family and friends no longer want anything to do with me. i have to search my soul for the reason why.
i can only give the kids mussar right now but it will have no effect. i think the best way to handle this, is to appear relaxed, happy and confident. my unhealthy instincts are to beg, cry and plead for forgiveness. deep in my heart, i know that they will survive. they're young and israeli. i also know that my son really wants to be on his own. we have always had a slave/master relationship. i thought, wrongly, that once he married, our relationship would improve. instead, i ended up serving two masters. i'm an old fat drama queen and a complete fool!
i babysat for a 94 year old woman last night who has severe memory loss. in spite of her failing memory, she was able to relate to me that she always took money from her kids for babysitting her own grandchildren. she said that her time was just as valuable as anyone else's. she also said that my giving the kids so much was not all that unusual. in her opinion, it was what all moms do. she said that the only difference, was that my kids didn't show me any sign of appreciation.
i think from now on, that i will tell my 21 year old daughter in law, what's really on my mind, directly. what's the worst thing, she'll move out and not let me see my grandkids? been there, done that folks! i must not come off weak and desparate anymore. i will call her up some time and ask if i can take my grandson out for a while. if she says no, then it's no. i am going to stop playing the victim. i am not going down on my knees to them anymore. of course, this is all easier said than done. i went to war with 2 kids and i lost. or did i??? i guess, only the future will tell.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Cruel To Be Kind
it is 5:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i have stopped shaking. i owe it to a particular homeopathic remedy and the tremendous support of my friends and readers all over the world. the vote is in, folks. it seems to be unanimous. everyone agrees that the best thing i can do for the kids is put them out. they will have a chance after nearly 3 years, to work on their relationship and parenting skills.
they will finally see how the real world works. they will have each other to yell at. they will get accustomed to putting up the hot water urn before shabbat so they can enjoy hot drinks throughout the weekend. they will also have to buy their own coffee, tea and milk, too. and while we're at it, let's not forget to buy toilet paper. there will be no pilferage in mama's pantry, either. i know i sound very petty at this moment but i have been supplying them with staples for years.
i also think it will be great education for them to not have a built in babysitter anymore. i'm pretty sure that they are remaining in the neighborhood. i think that is great. i have already written them that they may come and visit me whenever they like. i offered them my help with the kids when i am available to do so. i let them know that although, i can no longer assist them financially, i am always here to help out. i even offered them free storage space and told them to let me know if they needed additional items from downstairs.
the point here being, is that i want to be in control of my life and my house. i want them to appreciate that i did set them up for an apartment 3 years ago. the buck should have stopped there. what can i say now? i was foolish, foolish, foolish. i think that the distance apart, even if it is only a city block, will help our relationship. i understand now that i was harming the kids by trying to take care of everything for them. they were so very young and working so hard, that i wanted to lighten their burden.
i shouldn't have given up my pals and exercize routine for them. i shouldn't have given up my volunteer work for them. i shouldn't have gone 'sephardiesque' for them. i shouldn't have done their laundry or filled up their fridge. i shouldn't have bought the diapers and wet wipes. i should have kept my apartment locked at all times. i should have insisted on writing out a contract before they moved in so we would have all been on the same page from the start.
i should have refused to have them over nearly, every other week for shabbat. i should have made it clear from the start, that they were only guests in my home and not real tenants. i should have used the 'n' word once in a while. i don't think that i ever said no to them in 3 years. however, there may be a slight chance that i might have said no once.
i have become my mom. sue me! she was all controlling and ruled with a tight fist. she was also unable to say no to anyone. apparently, her father was a real 'shnook', too. my mother was a classic people pleaser and so am i. i do, genuinely worry and care about people. before i threw out some old play station games last week, i put out an ad on the local zefat line to eee if anyone wanted them. some kid called me and i met him at the bus stop today to let him have them. i always think about the needs of others. however, my baby sister wouldn't agree to that. she feels that i have had a free ride for the past 10 years.
i only learned when i reached 50, that it was okay to ask for help. i learned how to ask for a cup of coffee or water at a friend's house. unfortunately, i never learned how to ask for respect from others. i always appear 'witchy' when i try to be assertive. i get really angry when i feel out of control. and when i finally say no it is quite explosive.
i am from the old school of 'women who love too much'. i am a giver. i don't enjoy receiving. interestingly enough, the attribute of receiving is a female quality, according to kabbalah. i am now giving myself permission to receive quiet and peacefullness. i am now receiving the gift of being alone.
they will finally see how the real world works. they will have each other to yell at. they will get accustomed to putting up the hot water urn before shabbat so they can enjoy hot drinks throughout the weekend. they will also have to buy their own coffee, tea and milk, too. and while we're at it, let's not forget to buy toilet paper. there will be no pilferage in mama's pantry, either. i know i sound very petty at this moment but i have been supplying them with staples for years.
i also think it will be great education for them to not have a built in babysitter anymore. i'm pretty sure that they are remaining in the neighborhood. i think that is great. i have already written them that they may come and visit me whenever they like. i offered them my help with the kids when i am available to do so. i let them know that although, i can no longer assist them financially, i am always here to help out. i even offered them free storage space and told them to let me know if they needed additional items from downstairs.
the point here being, is that i want to be in control of my life and my house. i want them to appreciate that i did set them up for an apartment 3 years ago. the buck should have stopped there. what can i say now? i was foolish, foolish, foolish. i think that the distance apart, even if it is only a city block, will help our relationship. i understand now that i was harming the kids by trying to take care of everything for them. they were so very young and working so hard, that i wanted to lighten their burden.
i shouldn't have given up my pals and exercize routine for them. i shouldn't have given up my volunteer work for them. i shouldn't have gone 'sephardiesque' for them. i shouldn't have done their laundry or filled up their fridge. i shouldn't have bought the diapers and wet wipes. i should have kept my apartment locked at all times. i should have insisted on writing out a contract before they moved in so we would have all been on the same page from the start.
i should have refused to have them over nearly, every other week for shabbat. i should have made it clear from the start, that they were only guests in my home and not real tenants. i should have used the 'n' word once in a while. i don't think that i ever said no to them in 3 years. however, there may be a slight chance that i might have said no once.
i have become my mom. sue me! she was all controlling and ruled with a tight fist. she was also unable to say no to anyone. apparently, her father was a real 'shnook', too. my mother was a classic people pleaser and so am i. i do, genuinely worry and care about people. before i threw out some old play station games last week, i put out an ad on the local zefat line to eee if anyone wanted them. some kid called me and i met him at the bus stop today to let him have them. i always think about the needs of others. however, my baby sister wouldn't agree to that. she feels that i have had a free ride for the past 10 years.
i only learned when i reached 50, that it was okay to ask for help. i learned how to ask for a cup of coffee or water at a friend's house. unfortunately, i never learned how to ask for respect from others. i always appear 'witchy' when i try to be assertive. i get really angry when i feel out of control. and when i finally say no it is quite explosive.
i am from the old school of 'women who love too much'. i am a giver. i don't enjoy receiving. interestingly enough, the attribute of receiving is a female quality, according to kabbalah. i am now giving myself permission to receive quiet and peacefullness. i am now receiving the gift of being alone.
Hard To Breathe
it is 10:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i am finding it dificult to breathe. i have constant agita. it is hard to wallow. i coudn't eat for two days. i broke my 'fast' yesterday at around 9:00 p.m. with a hand full of almonds and a huge bowl of brown rice. i din't even chew it. i literally, inhaled it. i lost another couple of pounds. i am in turmoil. i go to bed around midnight every night and start the day at 7:00 a.m.
the dentist cancelled on me today so i have the day free. i cannot get focussed on pesach chores. i've been on the phone for hours. nobody wants to hear my rants. i told the kids on friday that it was time to look for an apartment. i know that they are flat broke and facing around 30,000 dollars woth of debts. however, they are living here virtually, free and not helping with the utilities. i am also flat broke. the difference being here, is that i am the only one worried and unable to breathe.
i paid the gardener yesterday with a bit of cash that i stashed away. i took a taxi to the electric company to pay off the december/january bill. i know that i am not the only one this winter who got a huge bill. however, i am among the few who sat in a freezing house all winter long without heat. i found myself wihout the carfare to get back to town. the taxi cost way more than i expected. i guess i panicked. i was miles away in some industrial zone and i didn't have a clue how to trek back up to town. i paid the electric bill and started to cry. i couldn't control myself. i looked around for people. i figured someone could give me a tramp back to town.
i chased a chassidic man up the hill to beg for a ride. i couldn't stop crying. he told me that it would be alright. i went to the bank to check my overdraft. it was bad. i managed to pull out enough money for carfare home. i had to go to several cash mashines before i got it done. i walked to my in law's home to talk. i wanted them to know that i wasn't cruella deville. i wanted someone to tell me that i wasn't a difficult person. i wanted to see my grandchildren. i wanted to let the sephardi family know that i couldn't take any more crap from the kids.
the kids are moving out next week. i know in my heart of hearts, that it is for the best. in the future, when things calm down, i can still visualize the grandkids coming over for the day and running around the huge backyard. i can still have a relationship with them. they don't need to live downstairs. my door is always open. they can even put up a pool in the backyard if they want. it is up to them now to be on their own. i admit that i am scared. i keep telling myself that i needn't be. i do own a house that i can sell. i can put myself into a home from the revenue in later years if need be.
i can't stop worrying about the kids. i know it is symptomatic. i can't live their lives for them. they have to be on their own to learn that rent, electricity, water, city taxes, and food costs a lot of money. they have to choose what it important. they have to learn to budget, prioritize and make astute decisions. they are leaving me with debts. i will have to pay off the new water and electric bills without getting a penny. they wouldn't get away with this if anything was in their name. and yet, i still worry about them like my 90 year old mom worried about me.
i take the blame for enabling them this long. and yet, i would still give willingly, if i had the money. i would pay off their debt if i had the money. i know deep down, that you can't solve money problems with money. i have prayed for days to get rid of my anger. afterall, they're just kids. i need to step back right now and let them go and grow up. i did offer free storage for anything they can't take with them. i will help them any way i can in the future which doesn't involve money. i will have to learn to set limits.
i am quaking as i write this. i am horrified at this outcome. i wonder now why i didn't assert myself earlier. why couldn't i tell my 21 year old daughter in law to stop sreaming at me? why couldn't i communicate better with my 25 year old son and let him know that things were getting out of hand? again, i realize that i was dealing with two spoiled kids, who were too dumb to appreciate what they had in me. i also, couldn't pin them down to discuss a thing.
i have to pull myself together. i have to get on with my affairs. i have to find a way to make some money. i have to regroup. i have to make a plan. i have to take a remedy so i will stop quaking. i have to get my smile back and i have to get the weight off. i need to get back to me, zelda. everyone seems to think that i'm creative, attractive and fun. maybe some day i'll also think that again.
the dentist cancelled on me today so i have the day free. i cannot get focussed on pesach chores. i've been on the phone for hours. nobody wants to hear my rants. i told the kids on friday that it was time to look for an apartment. i know that they are flat broke and facing around 30,000 dollars woth of debts. however, they are living here virtually, free and not helping with the utilities. i am also flat broke. the difference being here, is that i am the only one worried and unable to breathe.
i paid the gardener yesterday with a bit of cash that i stashed away. i took a taxi to the electric company to pay off the december/january bill. i know that i am not the only one this winter who got a huge bill. however, i am among the few who sat in a freezing house all winter long without heat. i found myself wihout the carfare to get back to town. the taxi cost way more than i expected. i guess i panicked. i was miles away in some industrial zone and i didn't have a clue how to trek back up to town. i paid the electric bill and started to cry. i couldn't control myself. i looked around for people. i figured someone could give me a tramp back to town.
i chased a chassidic man up the hill to beg for a ride. i couldn't stop crying. he told me that it would be alright. i went to the bank to check my overdraft. it was bad. i managed to pull out enough money for carfare home. i had to go to several cash mashines before i got it done. i walked to my in law's home to talk. i wanted them to know that i wasn't cruella deville. i wanted someone to tell me that i wasn't a difficult person. i wanted to see my grandchildren. i wanted to let the sephardi family know that i couldn't take any more crap from the kids.
the kids are moving out next week. i know in my heart of hearts, that it is for the best. in the future, when things calm down, i can still visualize the grandkids coming over for the day and running around the huge backyard. i can still have a relationship with them. they don't need to live downstairs. my door is always open. they can even put up a pool in the backyard if they want. it is up to them now to be on their own. i admit that i am scared. i keep telling myself that i needn't be. i do own a house that i can sell. i can put myself into a home from the revenue in later years if need be.
i can't stop worrying about the kids. i know it is symptomatic. i can't live their lives for them. they have to be on their own to learn that rent, electricity, water, city taxes, and food costs a lot of money. they have to choose what it important. they have to learn to budget, prioritize and make astute decisions. they are leaving me with debts. i will have to pay off the new water and electric bills without getting a penny. they wouldn't get away with this if anything was in their name. and yet, i still worry about them like my 90 year old mom worried about me.
i take the blame for enabling them this long. and yet, i would still give willingly, if i had the money. i would pay off their debt if i had the money. i know deep down, that you can't solve money problems with money. i have prayed for days to get rid of my anger. afterall, they're just kids. i need to step back right now and let them go and grow up. i did offer free storage for anything they can't take with them. i will help them any way i can in the future which doesn't involve money. i will have to learn to set limits.
i am quaking as i write this. i am horrified at this outcome. i wonder now why i didn't assert myself earlier. why couldn't i tell my 21 year old daughter in law to stop sreaming at me? why couldn't i communicate better with my 25 year old son and let him know that things were getting out of hand? again, i realize that i was dealing with two spoiled kids, who were too dumb to appreciate what they had in me. i also, couldn't pin them down to discuss a thing.
i have to pull myself together. i have to get on with my affairs. i have to find a way to make some money. i have to regroup. i have to make a plan. i have to take a remedy so i will stop quaking. i have to get my smile back and i have to get the weight off. i need to get back to me, zelda. everyone seems to think that i'm creative, attractive and fun. maybe some day i'll also think that again.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Peace In The Middle East
it is noon in the holy city of zefat. the cable guy is here putting in a line in the upstairs apartment for internet. my daughter in law's sister, who is supposedly, only staying for 2 months, is having cables put in my house. no one mentioned anything about this to me. but then, no one is talking to me at the moment. then again, before the official 'freeze out' no one mentioned that this girl was actually coming here to live.
i am in the process of asking my son and his family to move out. i am sick about this. i am not normal. who leaves herself without funds to give everything to the kids. my mom left me the house before she died, at the ripe old age of 91. she didn't give me all of her money when she was 60. what the heck was i thinking??? what is wrong with me? i have been enabling these marrried kids for 3 years. they have now turned on me. how dare i expect them to share the $1000 electric bill? afterall, they have huge debts. and because they owe me money, they cannot be bothered to wish me a shabbat shalom or even greet me in the street. i have become a burden to them.
my son told me last week, that the perfect living solution for all of us would be, for them to move out and i help them pay their rent. they have been giving me less than $300 dollars a month to live in a 5 room apartment for about 2 years. i have been paying for the electricity, water, city taxes, gardener, and insurance all by myself, for the past 3 years.
they don't feel that it's right to pay me rent. however, they have agreed to help me with the utilities. they don't share the water bill because i use a lot of water on the garden. they now refuse to help with the electric bill because they claim that they are never home. they stiffed me on the january and february rent and they are absolutely, refusing to deal with the electric bill. my friend told me to let the electric company turn it off. i am screamed at on a regular basis when the water isn't hot enough for their 15 minute showers.
i know that this is hard to believe that kids can be so rotten. i also know that it is my fault for letting them in and putting up with their crap for so long. i gave them everything to start a home. i bought them bedroom furniture, kitchen appliances, a washer/dryer and refrigerater and i paid for all the repair bills, to boot. i paid for their heaters and now i'm struggling to pay for the electricity. i bought food for them and diapers for the first year. what was i thinking? i lent them money which was never repaid and i gave them gas money, whenever they needed it.
so yes, i created 2 monsters. i did this all because i wanted my son and grandson to have a great life. who sees my grandson anyway? he lives downstairs and i haven't spoken to him since purim. the only words that i hear on a daily basis are: 'turn on the water heater' or 'the water isn't hot". there is constant screaming downstairs. on friday i got my usual 'turn on the hot water' plea and for some reason it bothered me. i abruptly, hung up the phone and turned on the dude. it was on for about 2 hours. i was busy cleaning out the fridge and doing sponger. later, i heard more screaming downstairs. it was followed by a harried call from my son, asking me why i hadn't turned on the water heater. i told him that i had indeed, turned it on hours before. when he complained that there still wasn't any hot water, i freaked out and screamed that i didn't give a damn.
i know that it was immature of me to scream and curse. in my world, if you want hot water and heat, you pay for it. it isn't free. i did not appreciate my daughter in law accusing me of not putting on the dude and being dafka. i was also, totally shocked when she accused me of lying about how much electricity they consumed. i didn't even ask them to pay the whole amount. i wanted half. i am now not speaking to them. i told my son on friday that it was time to look for another place to live. he asured me that they were looking around. he also told me that he would never forgive me. what? never forgive me because they didn't get a hot shower before shabbat? or never forgive me for not being able to support a family of 5 on my welfare check? i know, for asking them to leave.
i know this all sounds wackadoo. in my world, when there is no hot water, i don't take a shower. i don't cry and i don't scream. i don't run up bills and not pay them. i don't heat the house because i can't afford it. i don't leave on all the lights because i can't aford it. i don't borrow money and not pay it back. i don't buy new clothes or shoes because i can't afford to. i say hello to everyone i meet and wish every one a good shabbat. i come from a world of the past. the new world is something very different.
i am heart broken at the thought of kicking the children out. i hate this anger that i am feeling. i hate the fact that i threw away all the money on the kids. i hate how the kids treat me. i hate their attitide and their ingratitude. if i had any money, i would go to india for pesach. i truly don't know what to do. i pray for peace in the middle east and in my home.
i am in the process of asking my son and his family to move out. i am sick about this. i am not normal. who leaves herself without funds to give everything to the kids. my mom left me the house before she died, at the ripe old age of 91. she didn't give me all of her money when she was 60. what the heck was i thinking??? what is wrong with me? i have been enabling these marrried kids for 3 years. they have now turned on me. how dare i expect them to share the $1000 electric bill? afterall, they have huge debts. and because they owe me money, they cannot be bothered to wish me a shabbat shalom or even greet me in the street. i have become a burden to them.
my son told me last week, that the perfect living solution for all of us would be, for them to move out and i help them pay their rent. they have been giving me less than $300 dollars a month to live in a 5 room apartment for about 2 years. i have been paying for the electricity, water, city taxes, gardener, and insurance all by myself, for the past 3 years.
they don't feel that it's right to pay me rent. however, they have agreed to help me with the utilities. they don't share the water bill because i use a lot of water on the garden. they now refuse to help with the electric bill because they claim that they are never home. they stiffed me on the january and february rent and they are absolutely, refusing to deal with the electric bill. my friend told me to let the electric company turn it off. i am screamed at on a regular basis when the water isn't hot enough for their 15 minute showers.
i know that this is hard to believe that kids can be so rotten. i also know that it is my fault for letting them in and putting up with their crap for so long. i gave them everything to start a home. i bought them bedroom furniture, kitchen appliances, a washer/dryer and refrigerater and i paid for all the repair bills, to boot. i paid for their heaters and now i'm struggling to pay for the electricity. i bought food for them and diapers for the first year. what was i thinking? i lent them money which was never repaid and i gave them gas money, whenever they needed it.
so yes, i created 2 monsters. i did this all because i wanted my son and grandson to have a great life. who sees my grandson anyway? he lives downstairs and i haven't spoken to him since purim. the only words that i hear on a daily basis are: 'turn on the water heater' or 'the water isn't hot". there is constant screaming downstairs. on friday i got my usual 'turn on the hot water' plea and for some reason it bothered me. i abruptly, hung up the phone and turned on the dude. it was on for about 2 hours. i was busy cleaning out the fridge and doing sponger. later, i heard more screaming downstairs. it was followed by a harried call from my son, asking me why i hadn't turned on the water heater. i told him that i had indeed, turned it on hours before. when he complained that there still wasn't any hot water, i freaked out and screamed that i didn't give a damn.
i know that it was immature of me to scream and curse. in my world, if you want hot water and heat, you pay for it. it isn't free. i did not appreciate my daughter in law accusing me of not putting on the dude and being dafka. i was also, totally shocked when she accused me of lying about how much electricity they consumed. i didn't even ask them to pay the whole amount. i wanted half. i am now not speaking to them. i told my son on friday that it was time to look for another place to live. he asured me that they were looking around. he also told me that he would never forgive me. what? never forgive me because they didn't get a hot shower before shabbat? or never forgive me for not being able to support a family of 5 on my welfare check? i know, for asking them to leave.
i know this all sounds wackadoo. in my world, when there is no hot water, i don't take a shower. i don't cry and i don't scream. i don't run up bills and not pay them. i don't heat the house because i can't afford it. i don't leave on all the lights because i can't aford it. i don't borrow money and not pay it back. i don't buy new clothes or shoes because i can't afford to. i say hello to everyone i meet and wish every one a good shabbat. i come from a world of the past. the new world is something very different.
i am heart broken at the thought of kicking the children out. i hate this anger that i am feeling. i hate the fact that i threw away all the money on the kids. i hate how the kids treat me. i hate their attitide and their ingratitude. if i had any money, i would go to india for pesach. i truly don't know what to do. i pray for peace in the middle east and in my home.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Seder For One
it is 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i just got back from the supermarket. i bought 3 tomatoes, 2 cucumbers, 2 onions, 2 carrots, and one colarabi. i am alone for shabbat. i defrosted a small turkey roulade and i have some old rolls in the freezer.
i ran to town this morning to take care of bureacratic things. i made it to the unemployment office, bank, and israeli verson of social security office. if it wasn't for the kindness of the guard, who helped me make copies and sort out the paperwork, i would never have managed. i thought about popping in to the seniors' center for an hour or two, but it started to storm. i ran to catch a bus home.
i haven't done a thing for pesach yet. i have been curled around the sofa all week long. i am in a funk. the kids have been extremely hostile lately. they stiffed me out of a month's rent and left me to pay an enormous electric bill, by myself. i am way over my 'alotted' overdraft for the first time in years. they couldn't care less. they have become like squatters downstairs. i am so worried about the finances that i can't seem to function.
i decided to spend the pesach seder by myself this year. it falls out on shabbat night this year. i may have a friend join me. i am also not going to entertain for a while. there will be no barbecues this pesach. i am not planning on buying any steaks or lamb chops, either. i will buy a modest amount of food for the week of pesach for myself. i'll get by with eggs, yogurt and veggies. i still have plenty of oranges on the tree.
i am still on a pretty strict diet so i will not buy any potato chips or pesach cakes. i will not run out and buy a new toaster oven to bake pesach brownies. i can make a raw cake with dates and ground nuts. i will buy a few sweet potatoes for the seder night. there will be no white potatoes in my house. i will not stand on my feet frying chips this pesach. i'm not planning on buying a lot of matzah either. i will buy a package of 3 round matzahs for seder night. i have a bottle of wine in the closet and i am not planning on buying any more. i will buy some nuts for nashing.
i am in survival mode. pesach is just one week long. i am not planning on filling up the freezer for the year. i may not even order a gas balloon. i'll get by with using my electric 2 burner stove. i can use the small barbecue to burn the neck bone for the seder. i'll buy a jar of gefilte fish. or i'll make some from a package. there will be no sephardi in laws this pesach to make a face.
the more i plan for pesach, the more empowered, i feel. i can read the pesach hagadah in english if i please. i can read any commentaries that i want to and have as many dogs here, as i please. i can go to bed when i want to and i don't have to account to anyone for anything. i think we are having fun now.
i already bought some turkish coffee and a small honey.
i ran to town this morning to take care of bureacratic things. i made it to the unemployment office, bank, and israeli verson of social security office. if it wasn't for the kindness of the guard, who helped me make copies and sort out the paperwork, i would never have managed. i thought about popping in to the seniors' center for an hour or two, but it started to storm. i ran to catch a bus home.
i haven't done a thing for pesach yet. i have been curled around the sofa all week long. i am in a funk. the kids have been extremely hostile lately. they stiffed me out of a month's rent and left me to pay an enormous electric bill, by myself. i am way over my 'alotted' overdraft for the first time in years. they couldn't care less. they have become like squatters downstairs. i am so worried about the finances that i can't seem to function.
i decided to spend the pesach seder by myself this year. it falls out on shabbat night this year. i may have a friend join me. i am also not going to entertain for a while. there will be no barbecues this pesach. i am not planning on buying any steaks or lamb chops, either. i will buy a modest amount of food for the week of pesach for myself. i'll get by with eggs, yogurt and veggies. i still have plenty of oranges on the tree.
i am still on a pretty strict diet so i will not buy any potato chips or pesach cakes. i will not run out and buy a new toaster oven to bake pesach brownies. i can make a raw cake with dates and ground nuts. i will buy a few sweet potatoes for the seder night. there will be no white potatoes in my house. i will not stand on my feet frying chips this pesach. i'm not planning on buying a lot of matzah either. i will buy a package of 3 round matzahs for seder night. i have a bottle of wine in the closet and i am not planning on buying any more. i will buy some nuts for nashing.
i am in survival mode. pesach is just one week long. i am not planning on filling up the freezer for the year. i may not even order a gas balloon. i'll get by with using my electric 2 burner stove. i can use the small barbecue to burn the neck bone for the seder. i'll buy a jar of gefilte fish. or i'll make some from a package. there will be no sephardi in laws this pesach to make a face.
the more i plan for pesach, the more empowered, i feel. i can read the pesach hagadah in english if i please. i can read any commentaries that i want to and have as many dogs here, as i please. i can go to bed when i want to and i don't have to account to anyone for anything. i think we are having fun now.
i already bought some turkish coffee and a small honey.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Pesach Is On Its Way
it is 11:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i looked at the calendar last night and realized that pesach was exactly, a month away. boy did i panic! i don't know why it hit me so hard. pesach is always a month after purim. i guess i was still too high from all the purim festivities and getting off on all the fun pix to think about scrubbing out the fridge. alas, the adorable cowboy outfit that i made, never made it to the purim seudah because my grandson pished all over himself.
i thought that i would start with my computer room this year. i store all the purim costumes there. right now i have props, masks, costumes and wigs strewn all over the bed. i don't really feel like dealing with it. i thought about doing the fridge and freezer today. i also thought about doing the stovetop and oven, too. i even fantasized about climbing a ladder to clean the shelves above the counter tops and polishing the silver chanukiahs. i guess i am feeling manic and can't quite focus.
i just did the rest of the shabbat dishes. i had so many leftovers from the purim seudah that i invited the kids and another couple to come for shabbat. i had decided to put a halt to shabbat dinners last week after a rather distasteful harangue by my daughter in law. the reason i had so many leftovers in the first place, is that i prepared a seudah for about 17 people. after i did all of my cooking, the sephardi mother also brought over her seudah.
my daughter in law's family will not eat anything that i prepare. sweet and spicy chicken wings is not their thing. meatballs cooked in wine is also not their thing. neither is brown lentils and brown rice, or instant couscous with almonds and raisins. they prefer to eat white rice that their mother prepares, greasy oven roasted potatoes, and sephardi mama's meat. Don't get me wrong, i am not saying that the meat wasn't delicious. i enjoyed the stuffed grape leaves, immensely.
i am just saying that i don't know what possessed me to even cook for this crowd. shabbat was a repeat of the purim meal. the two sisters wouldn't eat the chicken wings. i guess it was beneath their dignity to use their hands. the oldest sister would only eat her mother's challah rolls and fish. the mother actually sent over a few portions of tuna for her darling 27 year old daughter, who has recently moved in to my upstairs apartment. i have yet seen a dollar.
the cholent came out a bit watery, and the potatoes were undone. i guess i used the wrond size pot. i simply, couldn't find my regular one. all 3 sisters were revulsed by the prepared sausage like kishka in the cholent. the rest of us 'brave' souls ate some and we all survived. i cut up a lot of israeli salad and it was also not to the princesses taste. i remembered after shabbat, that the daughter in law had borrowed my cholent pot a few weeks ago. i reclaimed my pot this morning and dumped out the remains of rotted and fermented leftover potatoes.
if it wasn't bad enough that the food was rejected, the conversation between my son and myself turned mean. he decided to advise me at the shabbat meal, how to make some money. he even told me that the 'perfect' situation would be if they moved into their own apartment and i helped them out from revenue from renting the downstairs. it seemed cheaper for me to give them money than pay these enormous bills. he then recommended that i buy a couple of apartments to rent out. why do they all think that i have tons of money stock piled away. i sold my gold jewelry to pay the last electric bill.
again, i don't know what possessed me to engage with him. nonetheless, i answered that i already had 2 rentals that were not panning out. he and 'wifey' decided to leave me to pay an outrageous electric bill without giving me their share or their stipulated amount of rent money this winter. and to boot, they brought in big sister to 'rent' the upstairs for a few months. yes, things got really ugly at the shabbat dinner. i am done!!!! i am cleaning out the freezer this week and there will be no more shabbat dinners until after pesach.
when my computer savy friend came over before shabbat, i implored her to email purim pix from my son's computer to mine. she was downstairs for over an hour, while i frantically, washed the purim debris off of my floors. i should have done it first thing in the morning, but i was outside with my grandson until noon time. i was relaxing in the warm sun. how foolish am i?
for some reason, my friend chose to download baby pix of the 2 grandkids. the fact is that for the past 2 years since the bris, i have not been given any pix. there are exactly 2 pictures of me holding my infant grandson. i had to fight for a photo of me and the baby at the bris, after the entire clan had their turn. my brother and sister in the states, have never seen pix of my grandkids until this week. i am not loving this at all!!
i thought that i would start with my computer room this year. i store all the purim costumes there. right now i have props, masks, costumes and wigs strewn all over the bed. i don't really feel like dealing with it. i thought about doing the fridge and freezer today. i also thought about doing the stovetop and oven, too. i even fantasized about climbing a ladder to clean the shelves above the counter tops and polishing the silver chanukiahs. i guess i am feeling manic and can't quite focus.
i just did the rest of the shabbat dishes. i had so many leftovers from the purim seudah that i invited the kids and another couple to come for shabbat. i had decided to put a halt to shabbat dinners last week after a rather distasteful harangue by my daughter in law. the reason i had so many leftovers in the first place, is that i prepared a seudah for about 17 people. after i did all of my cooking, the sephardi mother also brought over her seudah.
my daughter in law's family will not eat anything that i prepare. sweet and spicy chicken wings is not their thing. meatballs cooked in wine is also not their thing. neither is brown lentils and brown rice, or instant couscous with almonds and raisins. they prefer to eat white rice that their mother prepares, greasy oven roasted potatoes, and sephardi mama's meat. Don't get me wrong, i am not saying that the meat wasn't delicious. i enjoyed the stuffed grape leaves, immensely.
i am just saying that i don't know what possessed me to even cook for this crowd. shabbat was a repeat of the purim meal. the two sisters wouldn't eat the chicken wings. i guess it was beneath their dignity to use their hands. the oldest sister would only eat her mother's challah rolls and fish. the mother actually sent over a few portions of tuna for her darling 27 year old daughter, who has recently moved in to my upstairs apartment. i have yet seen a dollar.
the cholent came out a bit watery, and the potatoes were undone. i guess i used the wrond size pot. i simply, couldn't find my regular one. all 3 sisters were revulsed by the prepared sausage like kishka in the cholent. the rest of us 'brave' souls ate some and we all survived. i cut up a lot of israeli salad and it was also not to the princesses taste. i remembered after shabbat, that the daughter in law had borrowed my cholent pot a few weeks ago. i reclaimed my pot this morning and dumped out the remains of rotted and fermented leftover potatoes.
if it wasn't bad enough that the food was rejected, the conversation between my son and myself turned mean. he decided to advise me at the shabbat meal, how to make some money. he even told me that the 'perfect' situation would be if they moved into their own apartment and i helped them out from revenue from renting the downstairs. it seemed cheaper for me to give them money than pay these enormous bills. he then recommended that i buy a couple of apartments to rent out. why do they all think that i have tons of money stock piled away. i sold my gold jewelry to pay the last electric bill.
again, i don't know what possessed me to engage with him. nonetheless, i answered that i already had 2 rentals that were not panning out. he and 'wifey' decided to leave me to pay an outrageous electric bill without giving me their share or their stipulated amount of rent money this winter. and to boot, they brought in big sister to 'rent' the upstairs for a few months. yes, things got really ugly at the shabbat dinner. i am done!!!! i am cleaning out the freezer this week and there will be no more shabbat dinners until after pesach.
when my computer savy friend came over before shabbat, i implored her to email purim pix from my son's computer to mine. she was downstairs for over an hour, while i frantically, washed the purim debris off of my floors. i should have done it first thing in the morning, but i was outside with my grandson until noon time. i was relaxing in the warm sun. how foolish am i?
for some reason, my friend chose to download baby pix of the 2 grandkids. the fact is that for the past 2 years since the bris, i have not been given any pix. there are exactly 2 pictures of me holding my infant grandson. i had to fight for a photo of me and the baby at the bris, after the entire clan had their turn. my brother and sister in the states, have never seen pix of my grandkids until this week. i am not loving this at all!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Countdown To Purim
it is 7:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. tomorrow is the fast of esther and we go to hear the megilah in the evening. i have been baking and preparing sweets for the past week. i didn't make huge quantities this year. the prices are sky high.
i managed to make a few dozen hamentashen yesterday. i made some with the combination of white and rye flour. i filled them with an apricot and almond filling. these are very american in style. the triangle shapes aren't perfect. the filling is exploding out of the hamentashen. these are not your picture perfect hamentashen.
i also made up a batch of non gluten hamentashen, using both, brown rice and tapioca flours. i filled them with poppy seeds, ground almonds and raisins. they were surprisingly, easy to make. they are also sugar free. i used just a bit of date honey syrup in the dough.
i put everything in the freezer. i lost about six pounds, recently. i've been running around town and only ate about once a day. i am definately, trying to get down to my pre son's wedding weight. i have another twelve pounds to go. i can't believe that i gained so much weight in only a few years. i guess depression will do that to you.
i made a batch of chocolates and didn't eat any. i seem to only want to eat chicken, yogurt and almonds lately. i guess i should clarify that i don't eat all of these things together, being an observant jewish lady. i've already had my yogurt and nuts today so i guess it's time to broil up some chicken. i am honestly, getting rather hungry.
i baked some 'sephardi' sugar cookies yesterday. i was all out of oil, eggs and white sugar. i 'helped' myself to some oil and sugar from the kids' pantry. after all, they're always borrowing things from me. perhaps 'borrowing' is not the correct word, here. the recipe said to let the cookies cool off before shaking powdered sugar on them. i can't seem to ever follow the recipe, all the way. i am officially through with my purim baking. what i have already made will just have to suffice even if the daughter in law wants me to make a cake. tomorrow, i plan on cooking brown rice and lentils for my party. the upstairs party room is almost organized.
i am completely spent. i was up til 1:00 a.m. babysitting last night. sahar threw up all over the bed, rug and himself. i got him into fresh pajamas and another bed. while he slept, i did the clean up. i threw the blanket, bedding and even the pillow, into the washing machine. i washed the part of the rug that was stinky and put it outside to dry. i threw the pillow and bedding into the dryer and remade the bed. i cleaned the floor as best as i could with wet wipes.
i woke up at 9:00 a.m. just in time to see sahar leave for his purim party at daycare. he was a really cute clown with a very runny nose. i then got ready for the purim party at the seniors' center. i dressed up as a chassid, complete with fake beard and streimel with peyot. i was the hit of the morning. i danced with a lot of the elders and took pictures with them. i was also left in charge of about nine from the dementia group. two of the men got a tad aggressive when i tried to contain them in a certain area. it suddenly turned hot today and i was melting under the chassidic black robe.
i had a silly royal blue elephant head dress that was never used for purim and an extra large friend without a costume. at first i thought about her being the elephant man. afterwards, i sewed fancy trim onto her long black and blue fleece robe and turned it into a royal robe. i added a pink sequined crown to the elephant hat and voila! you have the elephant queen. we're definately having fun now!
i managed to make a few dozen hamentashen yesterday. i made some with the combination of white and rye flour. i filled them with an apricot and almond filling. these are very american in style. the triangle shapes aren't perfect. the filling is exploding out of the hamentashen. these are not your picture perfect hamentashen.
i also made up a batch of non gluten hamentashen, using both, brown rice and tapioca flours. i filled them with poppy seeds, ground almonds and raisins. they were surprisingly, easy to make. they are also sugar free. i used just a bit of date honey syrup in the dough.
i put everything in the freezer. i lost about six pounds, recently. i've been running around town and only ate about once a day. i am definately, trying to get down to my pre son's wedding weight. i have another twelve pounds to go. i can't believe that i gained so much weight in only a few years. i guess depression will do that to you.
i made a batch of chocolates and didn't eat any. i seem to only want to eat chicken, yogurt and almonds lately. i guess i should clarify that i don't eat all of these things together, being an observant jewish lady. i've already had my yogurt and nuts today so i guess it's time to broil up some chicken. i am honestly, getting rather hungry.
i baked some 'sephardi' sugar cookies yesterday. i was all out of oil, eggs and white sugar. i 'helped' myself to some oil and sugar from the kids' pantry. after all, they're always borrowing things from me. perhaps 'borrowing' is not the correct word, here. the recipe said to let the cookies cool off before shaking powdered sugar on them. i can't seem to ever follow the recipe, all the way. i am officially through with my purim baking. what i have already made will just have to suffice even if the daughter in law wants me to make a cake. tomorrow, i plan on cooking brown rice and lentils for my party. the upstairs party room is almost organized.
i am completely spent. i was up til 1:00 a.m. babysitting last night. sahar threw up all over the bed, rug and himself. i got him into fresh pajamas and another bed. while he slept, i did the clean up. i threw the blanket, bedding and even the pillow, into the washing machine. i washed the part of the rug that was stinky and put it outside to dry. i threw the pillow and bedding into the dryer and remade the bed. i cleaned the floor as best as i could with wet wipes.
i woke up at 9:00 a.m. just in time to see sahar leave for his purim party at daycare. he was a really cute clown with a very runny nose. i then got ready for the purim party at the seniors' center. i dressed up as a chassid, complete with fake beard and streimel with peyot. i was the hit of the morning. i danced with a lot of the elders and took pictures with them. i was also left in charge of about nine from the dementia group. two of the men got a tad aggressive when i tried to contain them in a certain area. it suddenly turned hot today and i was melting under the chassidic black robe.
i had a silly royal blue elephant head dress that was never used for purim and an extra large friend without a costume. at first i thought about her being the elephant man. afterwards, i sewed fancy trim onto her long black and blue fleece robe and turned it into a royal robe. i added a pink sequined crown to the elephant hat and voila! you have the elephant queen. we're definately having fun now!
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