it is 8:45 a.m. and i am very tired. i actually got out yesterday and went to a funeral. a lovely lady who used to help care for my mom lost her husband. he was about 50 years old. they had 4 children. she is left to care for 2 teenage girls and 2 small boys. i think the youngest is 6 years old. they were separated and living in two separate dwellings but the husband definitely spent a lot of time with the kids. the husband worked in the local college teaching english.
he apparently was well liked by the staff and students. i wasn't planning on going out. it was rather windy and my eye was hurting. i wanted to be there for the wife. this was the first of many funerals lately in the english speaking community of zefat. it seems that we have been losing members of our tight knit group every month. everyone is reeling from all the trauma. there was a pre purim party planned for last night which was, of course, cancelled. i wasn't planning on attending.
the funeral was called for 3:00 p.m. i had an early lift there but i declined. i didn't think i could make it. at 2:30 p.m. i snuck outside to check out the wind. it was very warm and still. i rushed into the shower and got dressed. i called for a taxi and got there about 3:15 p.m. the oldest teenaged girl, all of 18 years, was a wreck. she was wailing. she actually took to lying on the temporary coffin and screaming 'abba' for about a half an hour until her mom got her up and out of there.
i ran into some old friends who seemed glad to see me. the man was buried very close to my parents' graves so i got to visit them for a moment. i actually, also, threw myself on both of my parents' graves and begged them to pray and intercede for our family's welfare. i was 18 when i lost my grandmother. i was left at home with her and i can still remember the hospice nurse telling me that she had passed on. my poor grandma had been ravaged from cancer. she was in her 70's and back in the 60's there was no treatment for cancer. i remember being very quiet and sad. i remember that she was the first dead person that i had ever seen. we were very sheltered as kids and never told about the passing of relatives.
my grandmother's funeral was a first for me. i remember wanting to jump in to the open grave after her. it has haunted me for years. i used to take my very young son with me to funerals. i was reacting to being overly sheltered by my parents. i wanted him to be a 'man' and see the way we jews ritually bury our dead. i wanted it to be a natural part of life for him, a mitzvah. all i could think of yesterday, was how my son and family would deal with my burial. i know that i was being very morbid. i dreamt of death last week. since i took the remedy, i have been remembering my dreams after a long dry spell. i dreamt that i had died but i was still here. it was so frustrating because no one could see or hear me. i was trying to speak to the grand kids but they couldn't hear me. i remember being so close to them and blowing into their ears to get their attention. some dream!
after the funeral i got a lift home. i stopped off to see my friend on the next block. i say that but it's really about 4 streets away. i remember when i met her i told her that i lived 'down the street' from her. when she finally came to visit she let me know that i did not live down the street. in fact, she let me know that i lived 'up' the street and that it was quite an uphill incline. before my illness, i was quite the walker. not so much, now.
i still have to make shabbat for the kids, and i am simply too tired to function right now. i can't imagine cooking today. i am spent. between running to the electric company and the funeral, i'm done. i think it will be a simple meal this week. i might give over the veggies to the daughter-in-law and have her make the salads. maybe we'll buy some cakes, too.
i am trying to get a few ladies to come over after the fast of esther next month, for a purim gathering. i want to make some sangria and make a cheese spread. i want to keep it very simple. my friend wants to play her organ so we could party on down to her place. i know it's hard because it's after a fast and most of us are busy making shabbat meals. i am still going to try to do this. i don't even feel the need to do a full costume. perhaps heavy eye make up or fake tattoo. we shall see who is willing to come out. at least i'm thinking about it.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Waiting In The Dark
it is 4:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. the electricity just came back on. at about 11:00 a.m. the power went off. i assumed that it was a power outage in the neighborhood and was bummed out because i am lost without the telly. after a short time, i checked with a neighbor just to be sure it wasn't just me without lights. it turns out that it was just me. the power company finally shut off our electricity.
i have been fearing this for awhile and yet, i still believed that i had time to pay the bills. i was waiting for a reduction from the national insurance company and also for a good day to leave the house. i didn't receive any notices or warnings and i had no idea that i had been shut off until around noon. i called the electric company to ask how much i actually owed after the senior citizen discount. they couldn't tell me right away.
i had about $100 in cash and only one check left. i went to the super yesterday to get more bargains and used up my checks. i was planning on getting to the bank tomorrow. i woke up with a pain in my bad eye. it was tearing and hurting and i was in no shape to get out of bed. i didn't even make myself a hot drink. i figured that i would get to the power company next week to clear things up. when i finally realized that i had to get to the electric company right away i went straight into problem solving mode. i thought about running to the local cash machine but i wasn't sure that i had any money to withdraw.
i quickly threw on a jacket and ran to catch the bus to town. i went straight to the bank to check out my balance. luckily, i had some cash left to withdraw. i ordered new checks and jumped into a cab. the cab driver remembered me from two months ago when he drove me to the tel aviv bus in rosh pina. he owed me a receipt and gave me one today. i don't know if the health carrier will accept it and reimburse me. i got to the electric company, which is literally, at the other end of zefat, at about 12:45 p.m.
it didn't show on the computer that i had been cut off. the manager asked me for the turn off notice, which i didn't have because i never got one. the bill turned out to be a little over $400. i did get about a $200 reduction. the manager promised that the electricity would be turned back on in half an hour. i had about $2 left over. it was exactly enough money to ride the buses home. i started walking in the direction of the bus stop. it was a long haul.
i was at the bottom of the industrial zone. i tried to get a lift. no one was going back to town so i kept on walking. it was a warm and sunny day. i didn't really know where i was. i finally got a lift to a bus stop in the southern end of town. i caught the bus right away and made it back to town. the second bus was actually there so i avoided a 30 minute wait.. i got back to my neighborhood pretty soon and went to visit a friend. she wasn't home so i walked to the little super to see if they had any bargains. i bought a few tomatoes and went home. they were in the midst of revamping the store and nothing was organized yet.
i got home at 2:45 p.m. and there wasn't any electricity. i started my frantic calls. i was so afraid that the daughter-in-law would come home to a dark house. she was not a happy camper at all. she started calling in rapid fire hebrew but was told that we might have to wait until 9:00 p.m. by 4:00 p.m. it was already dark in my house. luckily it was a warm day and we were all siitting otside in the sun. i made my last frantic call about 4:30 p.m. and finally the lights went back on.
being without the t.v. and computer all day long was painful. i am a junkie. i am watching 7:15 a.m. reruns of the apprentice because the 'housewives' ended. i am totally unmotivated to read or do a project in the house. i have plenty to do here. there are walls to patch up and paint, and there is a lot to clean. i can't get started. my mind is working overtime making mental lists but my body doesn't follow up. i am a couch slouch!
i have been fearing this for awhile and yet, i still believed that i had time to pay the bills. i was waiting for a reduction from the national insurance company and also for a good day to leave the house. i didn't receive any notices or warnings and i had no idea that i had been shut off until around noon. i called the electric company to ask how much i actually owed after the senior citizen discount. they couldn't tell me right away.
i had about $100 in cash and only one check left. i went to the super yesterday to get more bargains and used up my checks. i was planning on getting to the bank tomorrow. i woke up with a pain in my bad eye. it was tearing and hurting and i was in no shape to get out of bed. i didn't even make myself a hot drink. i figured that i would get to the power company next week to clear things up. when i finally realized that i had to get to the electric company right away i went straight into problem solving mode. i thought about running to the local cash machine but i wasn't sure that i had any money to withdraw.
i quickly threw on a jacket and ran to catch the bus to town. i went straight to the bank to check out my balance. luckily, i had some cash left to withdraw. i ordered new checks and jumped into a cab. the cab driver remembered me from two months ago when he drove me to the tel aviv bus in rosh pina. he owed me a receipt and gave me one today. i don't know if the health carrier will accept it and reimburse me. i got to the electric company, which is literally, at the other end of zefat, at about 12:45 p.m.
it didn't show on the computer that i had been cut off. the manager asked me for the turn off notice, which i didn't have because i never got one. the bill turned out to be a little over $400. i did get about a $200 reduction. the manager promised that the electricity would be turned back on in half an hour. i had about $2 left over. it was exactly enough money to ride the buses home. i started walking in the direction of the bus stop. it was a long haul.
i was at the bottom of the industrial zone. i tried to get a lift. no one was going back to town so i kept on walking. it was a warm and sunny day. i didn't really know where i was. i finally got a lift to a bus stop in the southern end of town. i caught the bus right away and made it back to town. the second bus was actually there so i avoided a 30 minute wait.. i got back to my neighborhood pretty soon and went to visit a friend. she wasn't home so i walked to the little super to see if they had any bargains. i bought a few tomatoes and went home. they were in the midst of revamping the store and nothing was organized yet.
i got home at 2:45 p.m. and there wasn't any electricity. i started my frantic calls. i was so afraid that the daughter-in-law would come home to a dark house. she was not a happy camper at all. she started calling in rapid fire hebrew but was told that we might have to wait until 9:00 p.m. by 4:00 p.m. it was already dark in my house. luckily it was a warm day and we were all siitting otside in the sun. i made my last frantic call about 4:30 p.m. and finally the lights went back on.
being without the t.v. and computer all day long was painful. i am a junkie. i am watching 7:15 a.m. reruns of the apprentice because the 'housewives' ended. i am totally unmotivated to read or do a project in the house. i have plenty to do here. there are walls to patch up and paint, and there is a lot to clean. i can't get started. my mind is working overtime making mental lists but my body doesn't follow up. i am a couch slouch!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Out On The Town
it's 8:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat and i just put the granddaughter to sleep and came back upstairs. the mom took the grandson to a kids show in town. i had it easy today. the mom bathed and fed the girl before she left. it was an unseasonably warm day so i washed the floors. i haven't been in as much pain lately so i've been able to perform simple tasks again. for instance, i made shabbat meals last week.
i baked two loaf cakes, made 7 salads, two types of fish, one chicken ball soup and a beef and chicken cholent in under 3 hours. i was on fire. it was pretty cold in the house so i needed to use a space heater to keep my hands warm so i could prepare the meals. i had the grand kids with me for a short time while the daughter-in-law picked up the son.
it's a lot easier having the grandson here. he can keep himself occupied and i don't have to get down on the floor and play with him. i certainly don't have to chase after him anymore. i find it a lot easier to fill a tub with bubbles and let him soak and play for a while than manually shower him. i usually keep him company while he bathes. sometimes, i stay in the t.v. room outside the bathroom and watch a show until he's ready to get out. of course, i help him get out and dry him off and help him into his pajamas. it's easy to put them both in the bath instead of showering them,too.
my computer is on the fritz so it's chancey blogging. i can't really download anything without it disappearing. i need to get the repair man over but i doubt that i have the money right now. i haven't made it over to the social worker with my medical travel receipts in ages. i simply, can't get it together. i desperately need the money but i'm in a bad head space. i sleep a lot and seem to be in a continual fog.
i want to go to the big supermarket tomorrow because i heard that they're having a huge sale. i applied for a supermarket credit card just to get the bargains. i know they will not give me the card because i've already been rejected 3-4 times. i might just get away with the 50% discount tomorrow. we'll see. the kids were having a ball on saturday dressing up in costumes. i dressed the boy as a lion and the girl as a pineapple. later on, he put several costumes on by himself while i napped. he had the pineapple suit on, the clown's pants, and the policeman's shirt all under the lion suit. he also had his fleece training suit on under all of these items. he felt no cold. he even put on a soldier's beret.
while i napped, he answered the door, went outside and said some psukim with the local chabad teenagers. he came back inside with a toffee and woke me up to let me see his candy. i saw that he was incredibly overdressed so i laughed. he really got a lot of use out of the bits and pieces of costumes that i've collected throughout the years. i remember my son loving to play dress up too, some 20 plus years ago..
the women are having a purim party this week even though purim is next month. i want to have a purim party on the night before the actual purim but i don't think i'll be able to get anything going. i'm already thinking about purim day. i doubt that i'll be making rum balls this year. i don't think i'll get to making hamentashen either. i'll buy some bakery goods. i'll make the purim chocolate molds for the kids and buy some candy. i'll host the meal or co host it with the sephardi clan. the son wants to invite his firends and get wasted. he wants to do a kareoke evening. i'll buy some good quality booze and dress up and get laid back. i'll make spicy barbecue wings, and hot dogs in dipping sauce. i'm thinking of making stuffed shells with chop meat. i usually make meatballs but i think the shells might be a welcomed change.
i have put on a huge amount of weight so i really need to lose it before purim. i am simply not motivated. i live in robes. i look awful. i was on the south beach diet before tu b'shvat but once i started eating dried fruits and carbs i went nuts. i have to get myself in check once in for all. i have to stop eating everything in sight.
i baked two loaf cakes, made 7 salads, two types of fish, one chicken ball soup and a beef and chicken cholent in under 3 hours. i was on fire. it was pretty cold in the house so i needed to use a space heater to keep my hands warm so i could prepare the meals. i had the grand kids with me for a short time while the daughter-in-law picked up the son.
it's a lot easier having the grandson here. he can keep himself occupied and i don't have to get down on the floor and play with him. i certainly don't have to chase after him anymore. i find it a lot easier to fill a tub with bubbles and let him soak and play for a while than manually shower him. i usually keep him company while he bathes. sometimes, i stay in the t.v. room outside the bathroom and watch a show until he's ready to get out. of course, i help him get out and dry him off and help him into his pajamas. it's easy to put them both in the bath instead of showering them,too.
my computer is on the fritz so it's chancey blogging. i can't really download anything without it disappearing. i need to get the repair man over but i doubt that i have the money right now. i haven't made it over to the social worker with my medical travel receipts in ages. i simply, can't get it together. i desperately need the money but i'm in a bad head space. i sleep a lot and seem to be in a continual fog.
i want to go to the big supermarket tomorrow because i heard that they're having a huge sale. i applied for a supermarket credit card just to get the bargains. i know they will not give me the card because i've already been rejected 3-4 times. i might just get away with the 50% discount tomorrow. we'll see. the kids were having a ball on saturday dressing up in costumes. i dressed the boy as a lion and the girl as a pineapple. later on, he put several costumes on by himself while i napped. he had the pineapple suit on, the clown's pants, and the policeman's shirt all under the lion suit. he also had his fleece training suit on under all of these items. he felt no cold. he even put on a soldier's beret.
while i napped, he answered the door, went outside and said some psukim with the local chabad teenagers. he came back inside with a toffee and woke me up to let me see his candy. i saw that he was incredibly overdressed so i laughed. he really got a lot of use out of the bits and pieces of costumes that i've collected throughout the years. i remember my son loving to play dress up too, some 20 plus years ago..
the women are having a purim party this week even though purim is next month. i want to have a purim party on the night before the actual purim but i don't think i'll be able to get anything going. i'm already thinking about purim day. i doubt that i'll be making rum balls this year. i don't think i'll get to making hamentashen either. i'll buy some bakery goods. i'll make the purim chocolate molds for the kids and buy some candy. i'll host the meal or co host it with the sephardi clan. the son wants to invite his firends and get wasted. he wants to do a kareoke evening. i'll buy some good quality booze and dress up and get laid back. i'll make spicy barbecue wings, and hot dogs in dipping sauce. i'm thinking of making stuffed shells with chop meat. i usually make meatballs but i think the shells might be a welcomed change.
i have put on a huge amount of weight so i really need to lose it before purim. i am simply not motivated. i live in robes. i look awful. i was on the south beach diet before tu b'shvat but once i started eating dried fruits and carbs i went nuts. i have to get myself in check once in for all. i have to stop eating everything in sight.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Much To Do About Nothing
it is 4:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. it has been a nice and sunny day. i didn't venture out. i haven't left the house this week at all. i haven't even gotten dressed this week. i've been relatively pain free, thanks to the recent remedy that i took. however, i have been incredibly tired. i convinced myself that i have chronic fatigue. the homeopath believed me and fashioned the remedy to improve it. i don't think that phase has kicked in. i am terribly exhausted from doing nothing.
i keep on waiting for some energy to kick in. i need a shower and i need a change of clothes. it's so simple really, but so difficult for me. i lay in bed for most of the day watching reruns on the telly. it has been rather cold so i've been under the goose down comfortor with the dogs all week. i constantly think about making a move. and then i fall asleep.
my gradson has been coming up each morning at 7:00 a.m. he watches the telly while i prepare him some hot chocolate or hot milk with honey. this morning i made them both bottles of carob milk. i had a whole bag of organic carob powder left over form tu b'shvat. from what i read, i think that dutch cocoa powder is probably more healthy than carob and it does taste richer. the carob powder is naturally sweet. any way, i managed to slip in some carob into their morning drinks. i actually lifted the boy today, a real testament to my recent welllness. even he mentioned that his 'safta' was pain free again.
i sometimes help the kids get dressed. this morning i got the definate vibe from the daughter-in-law that she didn't appreciate my being around. i, anyway, come up each day for my morning fix of 'new jersey housewives' at 8:00 a.m. i am a housewives junkie. i can't get enough of these series. i always imagined doing a zefat housewives show. it would really make for a great satire on purim, but i don't think the general populace here would get it. oh well! thinking about purim makes me tired. i don't think there will be tons of my home made rum balls or hamentashen this year.
i have a good buddy who has been calling every day in crisis mode. does she have rats in the house? no. does she have a huge electric bill to pay? nope. does she have a health crisis like cancer? once again, no. she is a wannabe singer/performer. she actually did have a real career back in the days. however, she packed that all in back in the 80's. she really is a talented cometic writer. we used to perform for the ladies at purim and chanukah but we haven't pulled off any thing in years. i was always the costume designer. i still have an extensive wardrobe of costumes and props in my blog room..
anyway, my freind still wants to have a career in the music world. i do encourage her to write songs and make videos to show on you tube. afterall, that is the musical climate these days. do i think that she has a chance to make it in the real world of music? not a one. they recently had try outs for the israeli 'x' factor. even my son, the kareoke maven, tried out. did i think that he had a chance of making it? no, not a one. neither one got a call back. nebech! my friend hasn't really gotten over being rejected from the show. how am i supposed to really relate to her ayway? i can't get out of bed. i can't drag my behind out of the house. i sometimes feel like playing up the cancer card but it doesn't really work any more.
my zefat sister and i had words before shabbat. it was pretty much the same dance that we have been doing all these years. i always get attacked for being judgemental and not allowing her to 'express' herself. i have no patience for it anymore. i cannot engage. i have chronic fatigue from all the radiation i received last year. leave me alone. my other sister, the voice of reason, has been suffering from similar back and leg pain lately, too. she takes motrain and runs off to the gym to do planks, and plunges and tread mill. she doesn't lie in bed all day like her younger sister. does anyone really care?
i heard from the california chapter, that my zefat nephew was accepted into med school in n.y. do you think the zefat chapter would go out of their way to spread the good news? not a chance. that is the way things are. many years ago, i got a call from my california sister letting me know about a crisis my son was having right here in zefat. did i get a local call? of course not. why can't i just accept that things are the way they are and can't seem to change? it was all so simple when i was undergoing treatment. now that i'm cancer free, i can't get anyone to give me the time of day.
i heard from the west coast connection that certain readers/ extended family members were happy to read the blog once again. i am happy to know that people are reading my blog. i would love to meet everyone some day. i extend an open invite to anyone who happens to find themselves in zefat to come over and dine with me. we have sleeping space too. try to come when it's warm. the house is a virtual ice box this winter.
the son wants to renew his american passport thos month. he wants me to schepp with him to haifa. ain't happening. he needs photos to prove his identity through the past years. i haven't really kept up but i do have some photos that may help. i keep on thinking that the boy wants to escape to the states. who knows? i'm not going anywhere.
i keep on waiting for some energy to kick in. i need a shower and i need a change of clothes. it's so simple really, but so difficult for me. i lay in bed for most of the day watching reruns on the telly. it has been rather cold so i've been under the goose down comfortor with the dogs all week. i constantly think about making a move. and then i fall asleep.
my gradson has been coming up each morning at 7:00 a.m. he watches the telly while i prepare him some hot chocolate or hot milk with honey. this morning i made them both bottles of carob milk. i had a whole bag of organic carob powder left over form tu b'shvat. from what i read, i think that dutch cocoa powder is probably more healthy than carob and it does taste richer. the carob powder is naturally sweet. any way, i managed to slip in some carob into their morning drinks. i actually lifted the boy today, a real testament to my recent welllness. even he mentioned that his 'safta' was pain free again.
i sometimes help the kids get dressed. this morning i got the definate vibe from the daughter-in-law that she didn't appreciate my being around. i, anyway, come up each day for my morning fix of 'new jersey housewives' at 8:00 a.m. i am a housewives junkie. i can't get enough of these series. i always imagined doing a zefat housewives show. it would really make for a great satire on purim, but i don't think the general populace here would get it. oh well! thinking about purim makes me tired. i don't think there will be tons of my home made rum balls or hamentashen this year.
i have a good buddy who has been calling every day in crisis mode. does she have rats in the house? no. does she have a huge electric bill to pay? nope. does she have a health crisis like cancer? once again, no. she is a wannabe singer/performer. she actually did have a real career back in the days. however, she packed that all in back in the 80's. she really is a talented cometic writer. we used to perform for the ladies at purim and chanukah but we haven't pulled off any thing in years. i was always the costume designer. i still have an extensive wardrobe of costumes and props in my blog room..
anyway, my freind still wants to have a career in the music world. i do encourage her to write songs and make videos to show on you tube. afterall, that is the musical climate these days. do i think that she has a chance to make it in the real world of music? not a one. they recently had try outs for the israeli 'x' factor. even my son, the kareoke maven, tried out. did i think that he had a chance of making it? no, not a one. neither one got a call back. nebech! my friend hasn't really gotten over being rejected from the show. how am i supposed to really relate to her ayway? i can't get out of bed. i can't drag my behind out of the house. i sometimes feel like playing up the cancer card but it doesn't really work any more.
my zefat sister and i had words before shabbat. it was pretty much the same dance that we have been doing all these years. i always get attacked for being judgemental and not allowing her to 'express' herself. i have no patience for it anymore. i cannot engage. i have chronic fatigue from all the radiation i received last year. leave me alone. my other sister, the voice of reason, has been suffering from similar back and leg pain lately, too. she takes motrain and runs off to the gym to do planks, and plunges and tread mill. she doesn't lie in bed all day like her younger sister. does anyone really care?
i heard from the california chapter, that my zefat nephew was accepted into med school in n.y. do you think the zefat chapter would go out of their way to spread the good news? not a chance. that is the way things are. many years ago, i got a call from my california sister letting me know about a crisis my son was having right here in zefat. did i get a local call? of course not. why can't i just accept that things are the way they are and can't seem to change? it was all so simple when i was undergoing treatment. now that i'm cancer free, i can't get anyone to give me the time of day.
i heard from the west coast connection that certain readers/ extended family members were happy to read the blog once again. i am happy to know that people are reading my blog. i would love to meet everyone some day. i extend an open invite to anyone who happens to find themselves in zefat to come over and dine with me. we have sleeping space too. try to come when it's warm. the house is a virtual ice box this winter.
the son wants to renew his american passport thos month. he wants me to schepp with him to haifa. ain't happening. he needs photos to prove his identity through the past years. i haven't really kept up but i do have some photos that may help. i keep on thinking that the boy wants to escape to the states. who knows? i'm not going anywhere.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
To Better Days
it is 10:00 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i have decided to attend a class in honor of a friend who recently passed on. she was a practitioner of chinese medicine and reached out to all of the english speaking population in zefat. i heard that there was a huge turnout for her funeral. i didn't make it there.
i had two appointments at sheba hospital in tel aviv that morning. i read psalms for her all the way to tel aviv. i had a strong feeling that she was passing away. as i heard it be told, the doctors told her that she had three days left. how they knew, i'll never understand. the hardest thing to comprehend was how a person who recently seemed and looked totally well, died so suddenly. it was leukemia that ravaged her. i tried to read up on it and just gave up. what's the difference, really.
i was given a good report from both the gyn/oncologist and the brain surgeon. they both were unusually sociable and cordial with me. they both had interns attending that day and allowed me to interact with them. the gyn/oncologist told me that i had significant bone damage from the radiation therapy and that is what is causing all the pain. he said that it should go away in a year. normally, i would have been depressed with the news, but under the recent circumstances of my friend's demise, i was happy to be alive even if it meant a considerable amount of daily pain.
the homeopath wants to try and help me. i made an appointment for monday. i'd rather try something natural instead of depending on anti inflammatory and pain drugs. we'll see what she comes up with. i try not taking pain pills. however, i do spend a lot of time lying down. lately, it has been rather painful to sit. the brain doctor told me that the tumor was stable. there is no emergency to operate but he feels that it is better to take it out while i am in more or less, good health. actually, he says that i could continue like this, being anti symptomatic, for another ten years. the problem could eventually escalate making surgery difficult or impossible. realistically, i could be fighting , heaven forbid, another bout of cancer in the future which would definitely, make brain surgery a huge risk.
don't get me wrong, i am not gong ho on surgery. especially, when i am not symptomatic. i kind of think it's the right decision but i will try and get some other medical advice. as the surgeon explained more specifics of the actual procedure, i became horrified. i will revisit the oncologists in april and undergo another brain mri, too. i'm thinking of a summer surgery. we shall just wait and see.
my grandson has been coming upstairs to visit me almost every morning. sometimes it's 3:30 a.m. but usually it's 5:30 a.m. this morning he told me that i am sick everyday and that i am an old person. he is only repeating what i have been telling him for months. he's heard me say that i'm too old to pick him up, or that i'm too sick to take him to the park or give him piggy back rides for some time, now. somehow it got to me when i heard him tell me that i was sick and old today. i felt myself trying to validate my worth as a human being to a 4 year old.. silly me.
the kids are having a shabbaton downstairs with the daughter-in-law's sister and family this weekend. that leaves me free from cooking, cleaning and shopping this week. lucky me! i am willing to share whatever fowl i have in the freezer as long as i don't have to prepare it.. i'm not up to baking either. i need a break. i will decide if i want to visit a friend for lunch. it's nice to be free for a change. i hope i'm not asked to make a cheesecake. i really don't feel up to doing anything. the travelling and the pain has taken a toll on my stamina.
we are expecting a few babies in the family. it is great news. i am happy to be around to greet them. i can't wait. i am feeling really emotional these days. i want to be well and i want to enjoy my family. it's in times like these that we see what is really important or not. may we all enjoy good health! and may we all enjoy good news!
i had two appointments at sheba hospital in tel aviv that morning. i read psalms for her all the way to tel aviv. i had a strong feeling that she was passing away. as i heard it be told, the doctors told her that she had three days left. how they knew, i'll never understand. the hardest thing to comprehend was how a person who recently seemed and looked totally well, died so suddenly. it was leukemia that ravaged her. i tried to read up on it and just gave up. what's the difference, really.
i was given a good report from both the gyn/oncologist and the brain surgeon. they both were unusually sociable and cordial with me. they both had interns attending that day and allowed me to interact with them. the gyn/oncologist told me that i had significant bone damage from the radiation therapy and that is what is causing all the pain. he said that it should go away in a year. normally, i would have been depressed with the news, but under the recent circumstances of my friend's demise, i was happy to be alive even if it meant a considerable amount of daily pain.
the homeopath wants to try and help me. i made an appointment for monday. i'd rather try something natural instead of depending on anti inflammatory and pain drugs. we'll see what she comes up with. i try not taking pain pills. however, i do spend a lot of time lying down. lately, it has been rather painful to sit. the brain doctor told me that the tumor was stable. there is no emergency to operate but he feels that it is better to take it out while i am in more or less, good health. actually, he says that i could continue like this, being anti symptomatic, for another ten years. the problem could eventually escalate making surgery difficult or impossible. realistically, i could be fighting , heaven forbid, another bout of cancer in the future which would definitely, make brain surgery a huge risk.
don't get me wrong, i am not gong ho on surgery. especially, when i am not symptomatic. i kind of think it's the right decision but i will try and get some other medical advice. as the surgeon explained more specifics of the actual procedure, i became horrified. i will revisit the oncologists in april and undergo another brain mri, too. i'm thinking of a summer surgery. we shall just wait and see.
my grandson has been coming upstairs to visit me almost every morning. sometimes it's 3:30 a.m. but usually it's 5:30 a.m. this morning he told me that i am sick everyday and that i am an old person. he is only repeating what i have been telling him for months. he's heard me say that i'm too old to pick him up, or that i'm too sick to take him to the park or give him piggy back rides for some time, now. somehow it got to me when i heard him tell me that i was sick and old today. i felt myself trying to validate my worth as a human being to a 4 year old.. silly me.
the kids are having a shabbaton downstairs with the daughter-in-law's sister and family this weekend. that leaves me free from cooking, cleaning and shopping this week. lucky me! i am willing to share whatever fowl i have in the freezer as long as i don't have to prepare it.. i'm not up to baking either. i need a break. i will decide if i want to visit a friend for lunch. it's nice to be free for a change. i hope i'm not asked to make a cheesecake. i really don't feel up to doing anything. the travelling and the pain has taken a toll on my stamina.
we are expecting a few babies in the family. it is great news. i am happy to be around to greet them. i can't wait. i am feeling really emotional these days. i want to be well and i want to enjoy my family. it's in times like these that we see what is really important or not. may we all enjoy good health! and may we all enjoy good news!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
An Easy Shabbat
it is 6:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. shabbat just ended. it was a pretty easy shabbat. it was very warm and sunny so we spent the morning in the backyard enjoying the heat. preparations for shabbat seemed rather easy this week. the house was already clean from tu b'shvat so there was no last minute running around to mop the floors. what a pleasure!
i already had a freezer full of chicken so there was no last minute run to the super. i was in pain so the daughter-in-law went out to buy the veggies and treats. i had plenty of grape juice left over form tu'b'shvat so we didn't need to buy drinks, except for a few beers. i made a chicken cholent because i didn't have any meat. there was a lot of cooked wheat and barley left over from the seder so i threw it into the stew. i was a bit nervous about adding it because it had been flavored with Cinnamon and apple juice but i didn't feel like wasting it.
i actually worried about the cholent all night long. silly me. the kids loved it. it had a caramelized quality to it and almost all of it was eaten. score one for the zelda. i also had a hit with the mango layer cake that i served. i had half of a white cake from a few weeks ago in the freezer. i had used mango juice for the liquid. i had this great idea of turning it into a layer cake. i cut it into 3 sections and cut each section into thirds. i made up a frosting of fresh whipped cream and vanilla pudding. it was too stiff to spread so i added a bit of juice from a tangerine. it gave it a subtle fruity citrus taste but it was very delicate and creamy. it was a perfect shabbat morning cake and a third of the price of making a cheesecake. once again, hats off to the zelda.
i didn't dare let the kids know that they were eating leftovers. heaven forbid, they should eat something from the freezer! i made stewed chicken legs and chicken meatballs for the main course. i fried a few chicken cutlets too. i made a small amount of rice that mostly got eaten. i made a small niles perch fish in spicy tomato sauce. everyone seemed to like the food. the grand kids were too busy playing in the next room to join us for a meal so i gave them each a chicken cutlet in a napkin. i had a lovely box of strawberries left over form tu b'shvat, complements from a friend, so we had an easy dessert. i simply whipped up some non dairy cream to accompany the fruit.
the kids nashed on left over dried fruit and nuts all day so we didn't need to buy a lot of junk for them. everyone got along and there weren't any blow ups this shabbat. the daughter-in-law did the dishes so once again, i had it easy. .i do have to babysit this evening but i can lie on a sofa in the next room and watch the telly. it was so heavenly being warm and comfortable this shabbat. although i am suffering with pain in my lower back and leg, i can do the steps. lifting the kids is out of the question. i feel like i'm hobbling along like an old lady. that's what it is.
i have an old acquaintance that is undergoing tests for a serious condition in haifa. that seems to be the 'in thing' with my crowd. thankfully, my body is clean of the cancer cells. if this pain is a residual side effect of the radiation treatment there isn't much i can do about it. the homeopathic remedy that i took this week didn't really alleviate it. i'm thinking of trying a thai massage. i accept the pain willingly. it could be a lot worse.
now i'm thinking of purim. we have another two months but you can never plan too early. i am also looking forward to cleaning the house for pesach. this place does need a serious spring cleaning. i hope that i'll be able to cope. i definitely am very tired lately. i tend to nap a lot more. the day after tu b'shvat, i couldn't make it out of bed. i have never been able to pace myself. especially now, i never know when i'll be pain free or have excess energy; so whenever i can, i do whatever needs to be done. when i shop at the super, i try to look out for bargains and i try keeping the freezer stocked.
the other night the kids felt like pizza. no one had any cash so i made a huge platter of ravioli. i buy it on sale and keep it in the freezer. i made two kinds: one batch of sweet potato and one batch of goat cheese. it takes 5 minutes to boil up. i take a box of cooking cream and a little butter and voila! i have a lovely sauce and a gourmet meal in minutes. my daughter-in-law cannot tolerate the smell of goat cheese or goat butter so i made her a separate batch with tomato sauce. lately, she brings up food for me and sometimes i actually, eat it. it's always a treat to have hot food.
i went off the south beach diet for a few days and i can already feel the pounds coming back on to the stomach area. i have to get back on my diet tomorrow before there is a lot of damage done. i feel like a beached whale.. .
i already had a freezer full of chicken so there was no last minute run to the super. i was in pain so the daughter-in-law went out to buy the veggies and treats. i had plenty of grape juice left over form tu'b'shvat so we didn't need to buy drinks, except for a few beers. i made a chicken cholent because i didn't have any meat. there was a lot of cooked wheat and barley left over from the seder so i threw it into the stew. i was a bit nervous about adding it because it had been flavored with Cinnamon and apple juice but i didn't feel like wasting it.
i actually worried about the cholent all night long. silly me. the kids loved it. it had a caramelized quality to it and almost all of it was eaten. score one for the zelda. i also had a hit with the mango layer cake that i served. i had half of a white cake from a few weeks ago in the freezer. i had used mango juice for the liquid. i had this great idea of turning it into a layer cake. i cut it into 3 sections and cut each section into thirds. i made up a frosting of fresh whipped cream and vanilla pudding. it was too stiff to spread so i added a bit of juice from a tangerine. it gave it a subtle fruity citrus taste but it was very delicate and creamy. it was a perfect shabbat morning cake and a third of the price of making a cheesecake. once again, hats off to the zelda.
i didn't dare let the kids know that they were eating leftovers. heaven forbid, they should eat something from the freezer! i made stewed chicken legs and chicken meatballs for the main course. i fried a few chicken cutlets too. i made a small amount of rice that mostly got eaten. i made a small niles perch fish in spicy tomato sauce. everyone seemed to like the food. the grand kids were too busy playing in the next room to join us for a meal so i gave them each a chicken cutlet in a napkin. i had a lovely box of strawberries left over form tu b'shvat, complements from a friend, so we had an easy dessert. i simply whipped up some non dairy cream to accompany the fruit.
the kids nashed on left over dried fruit and nuts all day so we didn't need to buy a lot of junk for them. everyone got along and there weren't any blow ups this shabbat. the daughter-in-law did the dishes so once again, i had it easy. .i do have to babysit this evening but i can lie on a sofa in the next room and watch the telly. it was so heavenly being warm and comfortable this shabbat. although i am suffering with pain in my lower back and leg, i can do the steps. lifting the kids is out of the question. i feel like i'm hobbling along like an old lady. that's what it is.
i have an old acquaintance that is undergoing tests for a serious condition in haifa. that seems to be the 'in thing' with my crowd. thankfully, my body is clean of the cancer cells. if this pain is a residual side effect of the radiation treatment there isn't much i can do about it. the homeopathic remedy that i took this week didn't really alleviate it. i'm thinking of trying a thai massage. i accept the pain willingly. it could be a lot worse.
now i'm thinking of purim. we have another two months but you can never plan too early. i am also looking forward to cleaning the house for pesach. this place does need a serious spring cleaning. i hope that i'll be able to cope. i definitely am very tired lately. i tend to nap a lot more. the day after tu b'shvat, i couldn't make it out of bed. i have never been able to pace myself. especially now, i never know when i'll be pain free or have excess energy; so whenever i can, i do whatever needs to be done. when i shop at the super, i try to look out for bargains and i try keeping the freezer stocked.
the other night the kids felt like pizza. no one had any cash so i made a huge platter of ravioli. i buy it on sale and keep it in the freezer. i made two kinds: one batch of sweet potato and one batch of goat cheese. it takes 5 minutes to boil up. i take a box of cooking cream and a little butter and voila! i have a lovely sauce and a gourmet meal in minutes. my daughter-in-law cannot tolerate the smell of goat cheese or goat butter so i made her a separate batch with tomato sauce. lately, she brings up food for me and sometimes i actually, eat it. it's always a treat to have hot food.
i went off the south beach diet for a few days and i can already feel the pounds coming back on to the stomach area. i have to get back on my diet tomorrow before there is a lot of damage done. i feel like a beached whale.. .
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Tu B'Shvat 2014
it is 5:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i have been baking, cooking, and straightening up all day. tomorrow evening is the new year for trees. i make a tu b'shvat seder every year. last year due to health issues, i didn't host one. i merely bought 12 items and the kids and i ate them and said the appropriate blessings. tomorrow night we'll be a small group of lady kabbalists. i have small amounts of over 30 fruits and nuts to display
two years ago i cooked a different dish out of nearly 30 varieties of nuts and fruits. it was way over the top. i ended up eating most of the leftovers and put on a bit of weight. this year i am keeping with the 12 fruits and nuts that correspond to the 12 letter name of Hashem. we will read a torah passage for each item we eat and we will drink 4 cups of wine. we will alternate from drinking white wine to red wine. we always crack up when we need to add a 'drop' of red wine to the white wine. someone always screws up.
i already set the table and put out little wine glasses. i don't think any of us are up to drinking large goblets of wine anymore. i also have grape juice for any tea totters among us. this year we will have live entertainment. my good freind and neighborhood buddy is bringing her organ. she has been looking up fruit songs for days. she called me up with a preview. we always break out in song after drinking the wine. we usually can't think of a lot of songs.
one elderly friend usually sings 'chiquita banana' and actually knows all the words. another friend used to sing 'i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' but, unfortunately, she won't be joining us this year. i actually delegated this year and asked different people to bring things. one friend is bringing oatmeal cookies. for the occassion, she has added chocolate chips, cranraisins, and almonds. another friend is bringing lemon squares. everyone is excited to be using butter because we won't be serving any meat. the guest musician is bringing a sweet noodle kugel and an orange and avocado salad. one guest is bringing some fruit and napkins. you know how crazy i am about theme napkins!
i made coconut bars with fresh coconut. i broke my small electric grinding machine in the process. i should have just used the hand grater. i also made carob and date brownies. i only had a bar of goat butter. i used a cup of date honey. i hope it tastes okay. i also made fruit bars with peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cranberries, prunes and apricots. i cooked wheat and barley together with spices, apple juice and raisins. that's to start the seder. i also made my signature cream of chestnut soup. i am planning on buying some cheese tomorrow to go with the fruit.
i am still suffering with leg and back pain. i went to the homeopath on monday but the remedy didn't help at all. i will have to ask the gyn/oncologist next week for help. i did manage to walk home yesterday from canaan. once a half hour walk, it now took forever. i wanted to stop every few minutes. i made it home anyway, but passed out for most of the day. i am in constant pain and am beginning to think it won't ever go away. i can not bend to pick up an object. i have to get down on all fours and clean up the toys. i find it very difficult to get in and out of bed and cars, are specially wicked for me. enough pain talk on to the seder!
we have fresh orange, kiwi, mango, pear, pomegranate, apple, persimmon, carob, coconut, avocado and star fruit. we also have canned lychees and canned olives. i plan on making fried lychee donuts tommorow. we have dried dates, figs, estrog, cherries, peach, prunes, apricots, papaya and raisins. there are no grapes available in zefat this year. we have almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts, pecans, cashews, chestnuts, macadamians, brazilnuts and pistashios. i made chocolate leafs because the cocoa bean groes on trees. and i am planning on serving coffee with whipped cream.
i already organized the seder and the texts. my friend is organizing a 'name that tune' game. hopefully, it will all go well and we'll all have a ball. they are predicting another snow storm after tu b'shvat. oh please let it be not. me and snow are enemies now. i don't want to see any more snow ever again. my fruit trees are miraculously standing and all the debris has been cleaned.
two years ago i cooked a different dish out of nearly 30 varieties of nuts and fruits. it was way over the top. i ended up eating most of the leftovers and put on a bit of weight. this year i am keeping with the 12 fruits and nuts that correspond to the 12 letter name of Hashem. we will read a torah passage for each item we eat and we will drink 4 cups of wine. we will alternate from drinking white wine to red wine. we always crack up when we need to add a 'drop' of red wine to the white wine. someone always screws up.
i already set the table and put out little wine glasses. i don't think any of us are up to drinking large goblets of wine anymore. i also have grape juice for any tea totters among us. this year we will have live entertainment. my good freind and neighborhood buddy is bringing her organ. she has been looking up fruit songs for days. she called me up with a preview. we always break out in song after drinking the wine. we usually can't think of a lot of songs.
one elderly friend usually sings 'chiquita banana' and actually knows all the words. another friend used to sing 'i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' but, unfortunately, she won't be joining us this year. i actually delegated this year and asked different people to bring things. one friend is bringing oatmeal cookies. for the occassion, she has added chocolate chips, cranraisins, and almonds. another friend is bringing lemon squares. everyone is excited to be using butter because we won't be serving any meat. the guest musician is bringing a sweet noodle kugel and an orange and avocado salad. one guest is bringing some fruit and napkins. you know how crazy i am about theme napkins!
i made coconut bars with fresh coconut. i broke my small electric grinding machine in the process. i should have just used the hand grater. i also made carob and date brownies. i only had a bar of goat butter. i used a cup of date honey. i hope it tastes okay. i also made fruit bars with peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cranberries, prunes and apricots. i cooked wheat and barley together with spices, apple juice and raisins. that's to start the seder. i also made my signature cream of chestnut soup. i am planning on buying some cheese tomorrow to go with the fruit.
i am still suffering with leg and back pain. i went to the homeopath on monday but the remedy didn't help at all. i will have to ask the gyn/oncologist next week for help. i did manage to walk home yesterday from canaan. once a half hour walk, it now took forever. i wanted to stop every few minutes. i made it home anyway, but passed out for most of the day. i am in constant pain and am beginning to think it won't ever go away. i can not bend to pick up an object. i have to get down on all fours and clean up the toys. i find it very difficult to get in and out of bed and cars, are specially wicked for me. enough pain talk on to the seder!
we have fresh orange, kiwi, mango, pear, pomegranate, apple, persimmon, carob, coconut, avocado and star fruit. we also have canned lychees and canned olives. i plan on making fried lychee donuts tommorow. we have dried dates, figs, estrog, cherries, peach, prunes, apricots, papaya and raisins. there are no grapes available in zefat this year. we have almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts, pecans, cashews, chestnuts, macadamians, brazilnuts and pistashios. i made chocolate leafs because the cocoa bean groes on trees. and i am planning on serving coffee with whipped cream.
i already organized the seder and the texts. my friend is organizing a 'name that tune' game. hopefully, it will all go well and we'll all have a ball. they are predicting another snow storm after tu b'shvat. oh please let it be not. me and snow are enemies now. i don't want to see any more snow ever again. my fruit trees are miraculously standing and all the debris has been cleaned.
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