Another Lockdown

 it is 9:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  we start another lockdown today at 5:00 p.m.  we get recorded messages from our mayor a lot.  i have stopped listening.  i have stopped watching the news.  i  have become a true isolationist.  lockdown doesn't really change my lifestyle one bit.  i still go out with the dogs everyday and i still take walks when i have the energy and i still go to the supermarket, pharmacy and health food store when i have money.

i see the kids when they can make it in.  i video chat and send videos all the time.  i cherish seeing their replies.  i missed seeing my one year old grandson start to walk.  it is what it is.  i pray that i can make it to his other major milestones in the future.  life goes on in this new covid world. everyone over 60 is invited today to get a shot.  i will not be going.  i did make an appointment to do a lung CT next month in the tel aviv area.

they found blood in my stool so now they are coercing me to do a colonoscopy.  i find it very troubling.  i know it is probably a hemorrhoid but the doctors aren't convinced.  i am tired of being tested.  i am tired of being given another health issue.  i recently went in for a yearly blood exam.  i was curious to see how my intermittent fasting and weight loss effected my body.  i did lower my sugar and cholesterol; considerably.  i had been fasting and not drinking so my blood pressure went sky high.  another health issue?  not really.  

i went home and stopped off at a friend.  she gave me water and calmed me down and took my pressure.  it had already dropped down a lot.  i read that dehydration can raise one's blood pressure.  too bad the nurse didn't know that and offer me a glass of water.  she actually, let me leave with a high enough rate that i could have stroked out.  we must all do our part and take responsibility for our health.  the professionals are too busy with the covid to give us the time of day now.  yes; if we want a vaccine or have covid or need a covid hotel; they are interested.

i didn't get my annual brain MRI this year.  travelling was out of the question.  i still don't know how i will get to tel aviv for the CT.  i did go to my oncologist in june by taxi.  a dear friend sponsored the trip.  i recently applied for my social security benefits.  they are so backed up that i will be lucky if i hear from them by summer.  i am trying to stay calm.  i have always followed the path of the least resistance.  i am invisible now.  i accept it.  i feel very lucky to have recently gotten free Netflix. the young lady upstairs, my daughter-in-law's sister; is using my wifi and she has netflix.  i suddenly got it down here.

i am happy for the simple things.  if i find organic almond milk on sale i am elated.  if my dogs both poop at the same time it's a home run.  my standards are pretty low.  right now it is freezing outside.  it's pretty cold inside, too.  no problem.  i simply add on more layers.  one great benefit to weight loss is that you can add on more clothes and still breathe.  life is good.  i am used to being alone.  i actually prefer it.  people exhaust me.  

i had a pretty brutal tooth extraction last week.  it left me; pretty much a basket case for two days. i am pretty much healed now.  it reminded me of the dustin hoffman movie, the marathan man.  you may remember lawrence olivier as the nazi dentist who tortures hoffman.  it was pretty brutal, just like my extraction.  i am pretty much over it now.  i doubt that my dentist will be working during the lockdown.  so, i am pretty much safe for the next two weeks.

i am planning on heading over to the local supermarket to stock up on some essentials.  i need dog food and almond milk and grains and tuna fish and chicken wings.  what a life!  it's all about the food.  last night i was seriously considering eating 3 chocolate bars in my fridge.  that little binge food voice was egging me on.  i haven't indulged in a year.  i felt violated.  i  needed to get it out of my house.  at midnight i ran out of my house.  i was headed for the garbage bin when i spotted my daughter-in-law's brother putting away his motorcycle.  he has recently joined the army.  he was delighted to be handed 3 chocolate bars.  close call!

i actually read that binge eating is an official eating disorder.  i suffered with it for years.  i thought that it was over but it sneaked up on me last night.  i actually mentally, relived the experience of a chocolate binge.  it felt very soothing.  alas, i still can remember acquaintances passing me by because they didn't recognize me since i gained so much weight.  my good friend and intermittent fasting sponsor; had nightmares about gaining back the weight.  she has lost a lot more than me.  she is actually, thin now.  i am still carrying an extra ten pounds or more.  it doesn't bother me.

Back for more

 it's been a wile since i blogged.  i haven't been near my computer in a month.  it wasn't intentional to take a break.  i just was out of sorts and couldn't be bothered going to the computer room.  i have been plagued with toothaches and headaches and have been fatigued.  i just took a break rom life after thanksgiving.  i guess i overdid it and needed some time to relax.  i was into some sort of hibernation period too.  i hardly texted at all.  i didn't even check my facebook messages.

Chanukah came and went; just as quickly.  i was alone for the first night of lighting.  it was eerie.  i was a bit depressed.  i went to visit a friend and ate a fried donut.  it was not sugary so i didn't feel guilty.  it was greasy and didn't feel all that great afterwards.  i had the shabbat meals with the sephardi family downstairs.  i missed my grandchildren.  i went to town and blew my money on gifts for the kids.

my granddaughter turned nine and my grandson turned one.  i bought expensive birthday gifts and spent a lot on the chanukah gifts.  i only get to see them occasionally now.  i thought about visiting them in jerusalem on chanukah but i couldn't get it together to travel on a bus.  it was a very surreal chanukah.  covid has put a damper on all of our holidays and family get togethers. 

last sunday; i decided to invite a couple of gals over for a latke meal. i always forget how hard it is to make latkes.  last year i made hundreds at the yeshiva but i had help.  i also made applesauce, greek salad, greek mini donuts and tomato soup.  it took me about four hours.  i was a bit frantic at the end.  it was the 12th year of my mom's passing.  i didn't go to the cemetery because it is not really popular to go on chanukah. i didn't even get to read some torah passages in her name, either.  i was really overwhelmed.  i had wanted to shower before the guests arrived.  it didn't happen.

i used cornstarch instead of flour to bind the latkes and i used too much.  the consistency of the latkes was weird.  they were like puffed potato pancakes instead of the flat crispy latkes.  i made tons.  i ended up eating about 15.  they were kind of small.  i struggled with the applesauce, too.  i actually had a problem with every component of the meal.  i had wanted to postpone the meal to the middle of the week because i wasn't really up to it; but one of the ladies had already arranged for someone to pick her up; so i forged on.  it was a bust.

we all ate in a rush and the gals left a little more than an hour later.  we didn't play dreidel or chanukah trivia or even commemorate my mom's passing.  i had a rum breezer and i got inebriated.  i was pretty miserable.  i felt awful.  i quickly did the washing up and got into pajamas.  it was only 6:00 p.m.  i gave out doggy bags of latkes and greek donuts.  i did enjoy bowls of the rich tomato soup the next day and the leftover greek salad.  nevertheless; it was a non event, as they say.

the grandkids came on wednesday and the real fun began.  the sephardi grandma made her famous couscous and chicken and we were all fed really well.  on thursday, she made sephardi fried donuts.  i indulged in a couple; once again i didn't feel guilty.  i recently had my weight and blood pressure checked.  my weight was okay but my blood pressure was sky high.  i t hink i was dehydrated when i went because i was fasting for my blood workup.  i  haven't been back since.  they are smack, in the middle of a massive drive; to inoculate everyone for covid.  i don't do vaccines.

i babysat for the one year old grandson on thursday for 8 hours.  he was under the weather, teething and overtired and wanted to go to sleep.  i was instructed by the 'clan' downstairs to keep him up. the poor thing was super overtired and desperate for a bottle.  i was discouraged from giving him a bottle until it was nearly 9:30 p.m.  he gulped it down but couldn't fall asleep until an hour later.  i was finished by then and just wanted to go to bed.  the two other grandkids were downstairs with their family.  my granddaughter came upstairs to sleep with me about midnight.

she woke up in the middle of the night and she was burning up.  i was sure that it was covid and that i was a goner.  i ran to get the rubbing alcohol.  i know it is frowned upon these days but i am old fashioned.  her young mother woke up and checked her and said she didn't have a fever so i went back to sleep.  in the morning she was cool as a cucumber; as they used to say.  i was slightly dead.  i didn't sleep much since they arrived.  i didn't have a moment to myself to communicate with the outside world, either.

the entire clan came for shabbat.  we were eleven adults, 6 children, two babies and four dogs.  it was loud and quite active.  i stayed downstairs for the entire time.  i was in a trance.  i couldn't sleep. i was on headache tablets and antibiotics.  i was snacking on roasted nuts and drinking hot tea.  i didn't go down for the third meal.  i was stuffed.  i made my own havdalah to end the shabbat and then the real fun began.  the family belated birthday party for my two grandchildren was underway.

it was chaos glorified until 11:00 p.m. then everyone went home and the kids went back to jerusalem.  i woke up the next morning at 8:00 a.m.  i was in a fog.  i cancelled my dental appointment.  i need to have two teeth pulled.  i was really out of it.  i was informed that my freind's mom has passed away.  i had a problem grasping the news.  i spent the morning making hospital appointments and got ready to go to the funeral.  after the funeral i went to visit my parents' graves.  i cried my heart out.  i wanted to walk over to where my sister was recently buried but i resisted.  all in all it was a hard day.

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