The End Of An Era

it is 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  I just got back from quitting my cooking job at the yeshiva.  I wasn't planning on quitting today, although I wanted too, very badly.  I am recovering from the flu, once again. I spent the entire Chanukah sick and in bed.  I went back to work a week later and covered for the other cook. too, who was recovering from kidney stones.  I worked 7 hours a day and helped pick up the grandkids.  I would come home and fall asleep in the early evening.  I fell apart once again.  my grandson had a throat infection and bronchitis.  I thought I caught the bug from him.

this time around, I couldn't eat and felt like I was surely, dying.  the weather turned stormy and I stayed inside.  I started coughing, more kike hacking and bending over.  my neighbor heard me.  I finally went to the doctor because I thought I had pneumonia.  my neighbor is a doctor and he came over to say that I should do an x-ray.  I waited for the rain to stop and went to the clinic.  the doctor there just looked at me and said I had the flu.  she did listen to my breathing but said that my lungs were clear. 

 she also said that I was low in vitamin d.  this was based on my last blood test from nearly 2 years ago.  I underwent another set of blood tests.  the doctor didn't bother to have my vitamin d level tested.  there were several other important things that were not tested, also.  I wanted to see a complete overview of everything because I had issues with my kidney function.  so now I need to make another appointment to go back to the doctor to get the paperwork to do the additional tests. and then of course, I need to do another 12 hour fast and do the blood tests.  I have very depleted veins so I have to suffer, once again, while the nurse struggles to find a vein.  I am still black and blue from the last test.

I am also still hacking away.  I can't seem to stop coughing.  my throat doesn't actually hurt.  I am so tired.  I went to work yesterday to make supper for the yeshiva.  even though I know that they had hired someone to cover for me, I felt obligated to go. I took a taxi to work.  the weather was very nasty. I spent about 3 hours making dinner.  I put up rice and mashed potatoes and made two medium sized meatloaves.  I threw in some frozen veggies and added some tomato puree.  I found some leftover cooked beets and made a salad with onions and made a corn salad.  I had to sit down while I peeled and cut the potatoes.  right there, it's defeat for me.  I always stand.  anyway, I felt validated.  I walked to the bus stop because I didn't want to spring for another cab.  I waited outside in the cold for a bus and had to stand while dozens of school kids boarded.  the entire ride home I felt satisfied that I was back on my feet again.

I could hardly move today.  I forced myself to go to work.  I took two busses.  I got there to the smell of yummy food.  I was excited to meet my replacement.  I wanted to share my knowledge with him and coordinate a meal plan.  it turns out that it was someone I knew from the old yeshiva.  he is a lovely young man.  he used to be my assistant at the yeshiva.  I went to his wedding just before I quit the yeshiva to go to cancer care.  he thought that he had a full time job.  he had already made dinner.  the manager said that we should figure it out ourselves. I decided to quit right there and then.  he is a married man with a few kids and a wife to support.  I felt free.  I got my wages and went to town to buy some food.  next week the grandkids are staying with me while their parents go on a vacation.  I will miss the extra money that I have been earning but I will survive somehow. 

the age of the yiddisha mama cooks is over.  I am slightly saddened.  I need this time to regroup.  my health comes first.  I need to rest.  I hope I didn't make the strong decision.  I feel less pressured right now.  we shall see how I feel later on down the road.