Raining

it is 6:00 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  it is cold and rainy.  they had a hail storm downtown today.  I finally took down the sukkah this morning.  it did look threatening so I went into action.  my son had taken off the bamboo roof covering a few days ago.  the material , which I've had for over 20 years, was pretty dirty.  I threw it into the washing machine on a gentle cycle.  it survived.  it doesn't look brand new but it doesn't smell bad now.  it only took me about an hour to take down all the decorations, dismember the bars and wash the material. 

I am pretty tired these days.  I had the grandkids almost every day during the holiday.  I also cooked almost every day which is a lot for me.  I went through all my cooking job money pretty fast.  I spent a fortune on food and treats for Shabbat and holiday meals.  if I need to make shabbat for the kids it will be a simple meal.  I have some wings and chop meat in the freezer.

it is it is 8:00 a.m. in the holy city of safed.  I just got back from walking, tiny, the medium sized terrier.  he likes being on a leash now.  the major problem is that there are many loose dogs around in this area and they all want to war with tiny.  it doesn't help that he growls at every 4 legged creature, too.  I took him out last night at midnight and at the corner circle, a young and collarless small german shepherd was hanging around.  I had to grab tiny and hold him and I screamed for the shepherd to scram.  it is very stressful.

I need to go to the yeshiva later to defrost some chop meat.  they end their holiday break tomorrow.  I need to make supper for 18 students tomorrow.  I didn't sleep very well last night nor the night before.  I am pretty wrecked.  I watched a pretty graphic sexy and violent movie in the middle of the night.  I slept through most of it.  the son did get vengeance on the ones who turned his mother into a prostitute.  I was truly too tired to get up and turn off the television.  I don't feel well this morning.  I also ate an enormous amount of candy last night.  I have been binging for the past two weeks.

a vey dear old friend has her first anniversary of her passing this Friday.  I have been thinking a lot about her for weeks.  I even asked someone when her yirtseit was because I was feeling her so strongly.  I don't want to chance running into my sister at the cemetery.  I am not ready to see her.  she has emailed me twice and I deleted both texts.  she is in denial about what transpired between us.  I know Dr. Phil would disagree with me.  but then again, he never met my sister.

I truly believe in accountability.  I can no longer be around people who cannot fess up to their atrocious behavior.  you can't fix something unless you admit that it is broken.  this goes far beyond being political incorrect.  it took me a long time before I could own up to my mistakes.  I would like to believe that I can admit when I screw up.  I am pretty busy picking up the grandkids after school.  we ride home on the school bus a few times a week.  it is free and the kids love being with their peers.  who knows what I will do when it begins raining every day.

I am obsessed with following the Harvey Weinstein scandal online.  it reminds me of the Clinton years.  it comes into every home if you want it or not.  it hurts that it is a jewish man, to boot.  we are supposed to be the light to the other nations.  we are not supposed to be bullies.

Tomorrow Night Is Sukkot

it is 9:30 p.m. in the holy city of safed.  my little sukkah is ready to go.  I just hooked up the light.  it is only 2 meters by 2 meters.  I only used half of the parts so that if my son wanted his own sukkah it was already stored in the shed.  I broke two ceramic decorative hangings of lemons and apples.  oh well....  I always buy a new decoration before every sukkot but I was not so inspired this month.  the kids made some paper chains and my grandson made a lantern.  I am afraid to hang it over the light bulb.  I do not want the sukkah to burn down.

I will hang it as a decoration.  I always hang my vast collection of plastic fruits and vines.  this time I  mainly used clusters of grapes, apples, pomegranates and citrons.  I didn't hang up the odd pear, peach or passion fruit.  I also didn't hang up the silver glitter apples this time.  when the kids come in the morning, they can help me put them up if they want them.  I tried to avoid the tinsel.  I schlepped up a large picnic table from the downstairs.  I couldn't believe that it actually fit.

I decided to stay up here in the neighborhood tomorrow night.  the kids are coming on Thursday afternoon to make a barbecue.  I splurged big time and bought a bunch of steaks.  I will make some tomato relish and humus tomorrow.  I will also make a green salad on Thursday.  I can't decide if I need to make potatoes or rice to go with the meat.  they are also coming for Shabbat meals.  I haven't exactly decided what to cook.  I might just go with schnitzels and mashed potatoes and of course, spicy morracocan style tilapia for supper.  I'm thinking about making a cholent for lunch.  I bought a nice piece of meat.

I really blew my paycheck on this holiday.  it felt good to have a little money for a change.  after this we have simchat torah and then no more holidays until Chanukah.  I'm not sure when I will do my surgery.  I'm kind of scared to wait until I have seizures.  I am also scared of not being able to get back to work.  as hard as it is to cook every day for 12 hungry young men, it is harder to think about being a shut in.  I have been hitting the junk food again. I simply lost myself. 

I have been riding the school bus 3 times a week with my grandkids.  it is free and I save on cab fares.  the grandkids love riding the bus with their peers.  my grandson doesn't exactly like my screaming at his little boy friends.  it is a zoo.  the kids wanted to sleep over tonight because they don't have school tomorrow.  I needed a break.  I had them here til 11:00 p.m. last night.  I thought I could wash the floors tonight but I absolutely didn't have the energy.  I spent a couple of hours this evening decorating the sukkah.  I will wash the floors tomorrow and change the sheets.

I want to do a bit of baking tomorrow.  I want to make chocolate and date brownies.  I might just use the jar of coconut oil that has been sitting in my fridge for months.  I hope i'll have some energy tomorrow.  it will be good for me to go to my friends on the next street.  I can't even think about walking home for 40 minutes from the in-law's.  I hate to seem stand offish but I just don't have a lot of energy of late.  I don't think that I've been drinking enough and it has turned hot, once again.

my friend, on the next street, is a frequent visitor to Vegas.  in fact she has tickets to go in November.  I freaked out when I read the internet.  of course, my living in Israel has made me believe that every mass murder is a terror attack.  from what I've seen on the American news, they are calling out the availability of a crazed man to get automatic weapons.  the platform is against guns and not isis and the jihad movement.  oh well....