it is nearly 3:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i am blogging while the kids are unwinding from gan. it has been two weeks since i last posted. the kids went back to gan and i collapsed. i couldn't move. i have been picking them up every day at 1:30 p.m. it's about a 10 minute walk to my grandson's gan and a 20 minute walk on the way back. my grandson is not a good walker. my granddaughter is in a gan at the end of my street about 3 houses away. she throws a fit every day. it is difficult keeping her form running into the street. there are alot of cars nowadays.
i am exhausted. i finally went to my homeopath and got a remedy for chronic fatigue and sciatic pain. i am anxiously waiting for it to kick in. i have been sleeping a lot ever since i got it. i don't do anything except rest until it's time to pick up the kids. i would love to do a real 'pesach' like cleaning before the holidays but i don't see it happening. the2 kids and the 3 dogs trash my house every day. the little chihuahua is marking her 'territory' all over the house. i smell pish wherever i sit. the lego is all over the t.v room floor and the there are toys scattered in every room. i do not have the energy to clean it up.
i am not looking forward to an entire year of watching the kids every day. so far the entire burden has been on me. i think that once the holidays are over the kids might stay in gan til 4:00 p.m. i can't wait. i need some time alone. i need to go to town and deal with my needs. i need to get to the bank and i need to get a few things for the holidays. i am too tired to go to town bright and early and there isn't enough time for me to do my errands and be back in time to pick up the kids. i feel trapped.
i've been on a diet for the last couple of weeks. i am eating tons of veggies both raw and cooked. i am trying to cleanse the old kidneys. i lost a few pounds but my stomach is still enormous. i can't fit into any of my clothes. i am tired of looking this way. i can't run or walk fast. i want to feel comfortable in my own skin during the holidays. i have already made a few meals for the new year. i do not know if i will have any guests, yet. i wanted to farm myself out but my neighborhood buddy is having a difficult relative for the holidays and i don't know how comfortable that will be.
i invited a good friend to stay over with her dog for the chag and shabbat. this year rosh hashana starts on wednesday night and goes right through shabbat. that's 8 meals. i may go out to the sephardi clan the first night. i don't know what my friend will do. maybe she won't mind going to the neighborhood friend with the difficult relative. who knows. i want to pray up here in my neighborhood. i can have lunch with my friend right here when i come home from services. i don't know if the kids will be here or stay with the clan.. perhaps, the kids will come back for the evening meal. if not, i can go to the neighborhood friend or i can stay home and host a friend or two. i have no problem being home on friday afternoon and having lunch with my girl friend and the 4 dogs. woopie!
i think that the kids will be here for shabbat meals. i'll make the shabbat food on wednesday even though i'll have the kids with me all day. i'm not planning on making elaborate meals. i don't know if i'll get around to kugels. i just might make some more food tomorrow and freeze it. i am so not thrilled about cooking this year. i'm pretty resentful about having the kids too. when i'm not babysitting during the day and evening, i'm babysitting at night. i am not happy one bit with this arangement. so far i made a small beef roast in sweet wine, some chicken and some turkey meatballs in tomato sauce. i don't even know what else to cook. i'm toally unmotivated.
the only time i have off is when i go the hospital in tel aviv. my recent pet scan was clean so i am cancer free. i didn't schedule an MRI on the old brain yet. i have a gyn oncologist appointment on thursday. i'm going with my neighborhood pal and then we are going to 'jump' over to jerusalem and visit the kotel. we were supposed to go on an all day synagogue sponsored tour but it fell apart. this is the best we can do at this point. i have a taxi taking me to the hospital and then it's about an hour bus ride to jerusalem. i haven't been there in over 10 years.
the only downer is that i'll probably have to make shabbat meals on friday while i babysit the kids. i know some grandmothers who would envy me. they probably don't have little kids waking them up in the middle of the night or have to watch them every single day. i should really curb my tongue. that's why i love my blog. i can really talk. i spent all last week mourning for joan rivers. i watched every possible youtube video i could find on her. it felt like i lost a member of my family. i guess the entire world felt the same.