it's 8:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat. i got up at 7:00 a.m. and let the dogs out. i picked up my hamodia newspaper and came back into the house. it's really cold inside! it's dark and raining outside. what a shame that i never made it out for a walk yesterday.
i was planning on going over to the seniors' center this morning. i even thought about stopping at the city office first, to pay my tax bill. i really hate nasty weather. i haven't asked the kids if they are coming for shabbat. i went out last night to buy some veggies. i splurged on cottage cheese. i don't know if you have been kept abreast of the cottage cheese boycott here or not. an 8 0z. container of cottage costs about $2 here.
i also bought a few tomatoes and cucumbers, some hake fish, and a small package of fresh liver, just in case the kids do stay for shabbat. this cost me about $30. times are tough and prices are way out there. i was playing with the idea of making a thanksgiving dinner again this year but i don't think that i can afford to. last year i threw an authentic, retro dinner for about ten guests. i even had turkey napkins. this year i bought a paper turkey tablecloth.
if i do invite a few guests, the menu will be a lot simpler. i'll serve turkey cutlets instead of drumbsticks. i'll make pumpkin soup instead of pie. i'll make baked apples for dessert. i'll make a corn bread and add some cranberries. i bought some prepared chestnuts that can be made into a really delicious soup or dressing. i can always mash up a few potatoes. it can be a poor but festive thanksgiving afternoon meal.
i opened the newspaper to catch the headlines as i drank my morning java. "13 dead from snow storm in monsey" and "1 dead from terrorist rockets in the south". hundreds of thousands of students are reported to be at home. is this really true? where have i been all week? i normally do not read the news and i hardly ever watch the evening news. how is it that i thought the most urgent story of the day was kim kardashian's divorce??
after glancing through the hamodia and reading about the disasterous winter storm in monsey, the 56 year old man killed in his car by a grad missile, the dismantling of a well known israeli town, and other assorted disturbing news items, i began to shake. i immediately felt a quiver in my stomach and throat. i believe it is called agita.
i am in a state of panic. i don't want to leave the house now. i don't want to go to the family wedding in hadera on sunday, anymore. i don't want to get dressed. i don't want to think about anything. i feel paralyzed. my mother, may she rest in peace, was a politically savy person. at 91, she watched the kinesset hearings everyday and agonized over the news, nightly. i finally forbade her to read the news online. one of the last things she asked before she died, was if we still had a country left.
i try not to put any faith in government. i do not believe in any politicians. i pride myself in not believing the news. i trust in the Lord up above. i pray that things will turn around. i throw simple dinner parties with silly napkins to give each of us a lift. unfortunately, every now and then, i lose myself and begin to doubt my faith. i fall victim to the news.