Thursday, September 1, 2011

Quiet Tme

it is 6:45 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i am by myself. i just got back from town. i spent the day at the seniors' center. i hadn't made it over there in weeks.
it was a hot day.

i spent hours yesterday bailing out water from the pool. the grass already looks greener today. so does the remaining water in the pool. after a particularly, rowdy group of 20 or more paying guests used the pool for a few days, it was pretty much trashed for the season. there is just so much bleach you can add to the water. people bathing in full attire and velour robes, just isn't right.

i went to a sheva bracha yesterday for my suishi lady. i have known her for 18 years. i haven't been in a social gathering all year long. i was having a major anxiety attack. my carrot cake was dry and the cream cheee icing was melting. thank goodness, my gal pal had given me the day before, a lovely, dramatic looking, cotton shift house dress that was flattering on me and quite attrative. i had the perfect matching head scarf, to boot.

my dress and matching scarf, as well as my carrot cake, were the hit of the party. i had made one for shabbat. it was in honor of my daughter-in-law's upcoming birthday. it was the best carrot cake that i have ever made. it was very high and moist. the icing was perfection. i had a couple of slices by myself before shabbat.

the kids never got around to sampling the cake. zvi woke up late on saturday morning. he couldn't find his prayer shawl and rushed out of the house to catch the rest of the minyan. he didn't even have time to have a cup of coffee. my grandson came up at 7:00 a.m. i was in the process of making him a bottle. his mom didn't come up until after 10:00 a.m.

she couldn't tolerate the lack of air in my apartment and the excess dog hair around the furniture. she freaked out when she saw random dog hairs on her son's naked chest. i had removed his shirt because he seemed a bit feverish. i had left the windows closed to keep out the heat. i hadn't had the chance to change my dog hair ridden bed clothes yet. it was a mess. she ran off to her sister's house on the next street with sahar. she refused my offer of cake and coffee.

i had gone to her parents' house for the evening shabbat meal against my better judgement. i really had wanted to stay home and chill out by myself. we had hosted nearly 40 paying guests all week long and i had taken care of the grandkid all by myself. i was beyond tired. my legs hurt. my thighs hurt. i didn't want to walk the 30 minutes or more home. i had fallen down the day before and my back hurt.

the walk home was awkward. i followed the kids behind by some 10 paces. the kids had a fight on the way home. i was left pushing the sleeping kid in the stroller up hill all the way home, all by myself. it was most unnerving. i had bothered making an entire lunch for the kids. i had left the electric hotplate on to heat up the mashed potato kugel. i had struggled in the heat to shlepp down to the market and lugged home drinks, and a huge watermelon. i made several salads, cut open the entire watermelon, and rinsed a few bags of romaine lettuce. i made a carrot cake and frosted it, and baked a potato kugel for the kids. i even bought treats.

my son came home from shul at 11:00 a.m to let me know that they had made other plans for lunch. i was invited to join them but i declined their 'gracious' offer. i was not at all pleased with them. i was mourning the added expense of the groceries and all of the waisted hours spent preparing the meal. all i had wanted, was to hang in the pool by myself. i decided to catch up on my psalms.

the kids returned a little while later. my son felt guilty. when i didn't rush over to join them for lunch, there was a huge outburst. they ended up having a giant fight downstairs and i left home. i sat in the park for a couple of hours, reading tehillim.

no one had lunch. my son threatened to move out. i actually, wanted him to go, too. i was miserable and guilty. i got sick. i kept on rehashing the details leading up to the explosion. i kept on asking myself what i could have and should have done to keep the peace. my son didn't speak to me for a couple of days. i didn't see the baby or my daughter-in-law for a few days. i completely missed her birthday this year. the kids spent the day in haifa and there was no surprise party.

we finally made up over the phone. everyone told each other that we loved one another. we were all over tired from the herculean task of renting out the downstairs. i decided to start leaving the house again. getting back into a schedule and activities. i found my old cell phone and recharged it. i gave the number to the kids. instead of my always being home and on the couch 24/7, they can now call me on the phone whenever they need me.

i stopped off in town to buy gal a birthday gift. i didn't torture myself by trying to buy perfume for her. i bought a couple of expensive chatchkas. i spent about $40. i know that's cheap but she already got a very expensive gift from my son, her husband. i already spent my 'wad' of cash on repairs for the kid's apartment and the water bill. i didn't get any rent money from the kids this month, either. all in all, it was a rough summer.

i bought some good dark belgian chocolate to make bride and groom molds for my neighbor's daughter. her wedding is on monday. she is having a sheva bracha on wednesday. i also bought a plastic container that looks like a bottle of champagne, to showcase the chocolates. i bought myself a new top to wear to the wedding. i am tired of trying to squeeze into my old clothes. my stomach is really huge. i need subterfuge. i still may have to go out again and buy a skirt or long sleeve shift.

it's nearly midnite and the kids are in tiberius. they just called to ask me to make shabbat meals for them. here we go again! shabbat shalom!!! and chodesh tov and happy neaw year!!!!

1 comment:

  1. You need to take care of you and not always the kids as I do not think they appreciate you and all that you do nearly enough - and yet you need/want to enjoy them being around while you can. A very hard slope of emotions to balance and cope with. If you ever need a "break" and want to pop over, you know I am often around.