it is 10:30 in the holy city of zefat. the sun is out and it isn't all that freezing. we have been blessed with lots and lots of rain. the garden is lush green and it didn't cost me a penny!
i should get to town. i have a few errands to take care of. i need to get to the bank, pronto. and yet, i am not moving. i don't seem to be able to get self activated. i am in a bit of a slump. not working again, is a real mood killer.
my phone got turned off for a couple of days. i tried for a cople of months, to get the phone company to send me a bill. i'm finally almost, through with my credit card. i spoke with about 5 different people and they all promised me that it would take 'a while'. they also reassured me that they wouldn't turn off the phone.
i paid off the bill, eventually, with cash and waited for them to turn on the phone. i emailed the company and told them that i was not a happy customer. i did get two apologies. big deal!
i still need to fill out a form in the bank to set up a direct payment. i also have to fax this form to the phone company. i need to sign up at the unemployment office and i need to put some cash into my account. and yet, i sit here, not moving.
i need to take a shower and change my clothes. i've been holed up here for the past few days in the same few layers of wool clothes. i have even, been sleeping in a wool hat. i am definately, in a slump.
i spent shabbat with a couple of friends. the kids ate out in the neighborhood. i had adult company and adult conversation, for a change. i even went for a 2 hour walk with a friend. my son asked me to watch his son and i declined. it felt so liberating. normally, i would have declined the walk. i am slowly, trying to get my life in order and set priorites for me.
i went back to the dentist after a year. my cap fell out. i still have to decide how to continue. i still need either, a surgical procedure to affix 3 inplants, or have about 4-5 teeth pulled to make a plate. money is a big issue and of course, my fear of pain is another big issue.
i do want to deal with this critical health issue in this new year. i have gotten quite heavy this winter. i can't seem to settle down on a diet plan. i have this self destructive urge to stuff face every night. i am depressed and worried about the future. being cold all the time, doesn't help.
while i was working from home, i did get out every day. i managed to cope better. i am basically, waiting for tu b'shvat so i can, once again, create a fruit extravaganza. and then what? purim? pesach?
i am in a rut. i sent out 2 email birthday cards this week. so far, my brother has not opened his. i figured a musical card would be festive and definately, arrive on time. i guess, that's if one opens their email regurlarly, and it doesn't go to their spam. oh well, at least i tried!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Is Anyone Out There?
hi! it's 2:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i just got back from the little supermarket. i heard that they're predicting snow tomorrow, so i ran to buy some veggies for shabbat. i think the kids will be home. i also started 'selecting' dried fruit for the tu b'shvat sedar. i bought apricots, guava, figs, and prunes. i also bought packaged chestnuts to make my gourmet soup. i already have almonds and walnuts so i'm 23 types shy of the 30 types of nuts and fruits.
yesterday, i walked over to sahar's daycare to pick him up. it was a lovely, warm and sunny day. i had fantasies of the two of us strolling hand-in-hand to the kids' park and then later over to the bus stop. i thought that i would treat sahar to some pizza, while i had a coffee. i had to buy some things at the pharmacy for the new baby. i thought that sahar and i would have some 'quality' time, for a change.
we all heard about the fantasies. right? in reality, what i had, was an overtired, wild and hysterical little 2 year old. first, he ran over to me in the gan, and wanted to be held. once outside, he ran wildly down the street and almost into the traffic. he wanted to 'search' for puddles and happily ran until he found some. i absolutely, refused to let him jump in any. i know, what a kill joy!
we made it over to a small park and spent about an entire 5 minutes there. he wouldn't hold my hand and persisted in running down the next street by himself. he wanted to cross a large street alone, too. i thought that at least, he would sit patiently at the bus stop for a short while. fantasy #2! he squirmed and wiggled out of my lap and started to cry. he didn't want a busride. he wanted a taxi. he wanted to go home. he wanted his mother. he wanted my money. he wanted to hold my purse. he wanted my keys. he wanted to run down the street. he wanted to run across the street and touch a flag that was painted on a car. he wanted his independence.
i thought about calling a cab and bringing him home and then going back out alone, to the pharmacy. the bus finally came and he started screaming and crying that his shoe had fallen off. i barely made it to a seat and retrieved the shoe before the bus went racing off. he wanted to play with the bell. he wanted his mom. he wanted to go home. he wanted a present. i wanted to hide and get off that bus as soon as possible. the price had recently gone up and i was short about 20 cents, but the driver took pity on me. my talking to this little brat in english was a bit of a novelty act, i must admit.
we made it off the bus and in front of the pharmacy. he saw a dora book and wanted it. normally, i would have just purchased it, but i thought that we had already bought this book last week. he started screaming and crying and threw himself onto the sidewalk. semi mortified, i scooped him up and carried him over to the large supermarket. he wouldn't sit in a shopping cart. what little child doesn't love to sit in the shopping cart? he didn't want to run up and down the aisles, either. he, simply, didn't want to be in the supermarket. he wanted to go to sleep. he had missed his nap at daycare and was exhausted.
i bought him a small toy. it was a small plastic frying pan with a few plastic food items. he was finally quiet. he was finally appeased. he was also hungry. he saw packaged cake and suddenly wanted cake. he of course, started screaming and crying for cake. i ran to the bakery section to find a pastry. now he wanted a roll. he grabbed a whole wheat roll and started to eat it. i bought some milk and went to pay for it with him, still in my arms. he didn't want to stand. i carried him back to the pharmacy and he refused once again, to sit in a shopping cart. he ate his roll and held onto his toy.
he tried to fall asleep in my arms. i tried desparately, to place him onto a chair. he was rather heavy. he refused to sit. he told me in hebrew, that it was dangerous to sit in that chair. i tried to reason with him and when that didn't go anywhere, i simply, sat down, myself. i somehow, managed to get the prescription filled, buy diapers, and a remedy for colic. i even paid the bill, while he was still in my arms, hanging on for dear life. i grabbed all of the bags and made a mad exit. i saw a cab and got in. he fell asleep. it was 5:00 p.m. no time to nap. it was pretty much, a disaster. i took him downstairs and woke him up with the help of his mom. he played cheerfully, with his new toy frying pan.
i have to go again and pick him up now. it is cold and raining. i think i'll just cab it all the way. when in doubt, throw money at it, right? i bought him another set of toy plastic kitchenware and a plastic strawberry shortcake that breaks into 6pieces. it even came with a mini stove top. he'll have a ball. maybe he'll grow up to be a top chef winner or even an iron chef winner. who knows? only time will tell.
i haven't worked all week. it looks like my home companion gig fell through. another case of no money. why she hired and led me on, when she really didn't have the financing, is annoying. once again, i find myself without an added income. that's life in the middle east, i guess. you just got to hang in there!
yesterday, i walked over to sahar's daycare to pick him up. it was a lovely, warm and sunny day. i had fantasies of the two of us strolling hand-in-hand to the kids' park and then later over to the bus stop. i thought that i would treat sahar to some pizza, while i had a coffee. i had to buy some things at the pharmacy for the new baby. i thought that sahar and i would have some 'quality' time, for a change.
we all heard about the fantasies. right? in reality, what i had, was an overtired, wild and hysterical little 2 year old. first, he ran over to me in the gan, and wanted to be held. once outside, he ran wildly down the street and almost into the traffic. he wanted to 'search' for puddles and happily ran until he found some. i absolutely, refused to let him jump in any. i know, what a kill joy!
we made it over to a small park and spent about an entire 5 minutes there. he wouldn't hold my hand and persisted in running down the next street by himself. he wanted to cross a large street alone, too. i thought that at least, he would sit patiently at the bus stop for a short while. fantasy #2! he squirmed and wiggled out of my lap and started to cry. he didn't want a busride. he wanted a taxi. he wanted to go home. he wanted his mother. he wanted my money. he wanted to hold my purse. he wanted my keys. he wanted to run down the street. he wanted to run across the street and touch a flag that was painted on a car. he wanted his independence.
i thought about calling a cab and bringing him home and then going back out alone, to the pharmacy. the bus finally came and he started screaming and crying that his shoe had fallen off. i barely made it to a seat and retrieved the shoe before the bus went racing off. he wanted to play with the bell. he wanted his mom. he wanted to go home. he wanted a present. i wanted to hide and get off that bus as soon as possible. the price had recently gone up and i was short about 20 cents, but the driver took pity on me. my talking to this little brat in english was a bit of a novelty act, i must admit.
we made it off the bus and in front of the pharmacy. he saw a dora book and wanted it. normally, i would have just purchased it, but i thought that we had already bought this book last week. he started screaming and crying and threw himself onto the sidewalk. semi mortified, i scooped him up and carried him over to the large supermarket. he wouldn't sit in a shopping cart. what little child doesn't love to sit in the shopping cart? he didn't want to run up and down the aisles, either. he, simply, didn't want to be in the supermarket. he wanted to go to sleep. he had missed his nap at daycare and was exhausted.
i bought him a small toy. it was a small plastic frying pan with a few plastic food items. he was finally quiet. he was finally appeased. he was also hungry. he saw packaged cake and suddenly wanted cake. he of course, started screaming and crying for cake. i ran to the bakery section to find a pastry. now he wanted a roll. he grabbed a whole wheat roll and started to eat it. i bought some milk and went to pay for it with him, still in my arms. he didn't want to stand. i carried him back to the pharmacy and he refused once again, to sit in a shopping cart. he ate his roll and held onto his toy.
he tried to fall asleep in my arms. i tried desparately, to place him onto a chair. he was rather heavy. he refused to sit. he told me in hebrew, that it was dangerous to sit in that chair. i tried to reason with him and when that didn't go anywhere, i simply, sat down, myself. i somehow, managed to get the prescription filled, buy diapers, and a remedy for colic. i even paid the bill, while he was still in my arms, hanging on for dear life. i grabbed all of the bags and made a mad exit. i saw a cab and got in. he fell asleep. it was 5:00 p.m. no time to nap. it was pretty much, a disaster. i took him downstairs and woke him up with the help of his mom. he played cheerfully, with his new toy frying pan.
i have to go again and pick him up now. it is cold and raining. i think i'll just cab it all the way. when in doubt, throw money at it, right? i bought him another set of toy plastic kitchenware and a plastic strawberry shortcake that breaks into 6pieces. it even came with a mini stove top. he'll have a ball. maybe he'll grow up to be a top chef winner or even an iron chef winner. who knows? only time will tell.
i haven't worked all week. it looks like my home companion gig fell through. another case of no money. why she hired and led me on, when she really didn't have the financing, is annoying. once again, i find myself without an added income. that's life in the middle east, i guess. you just got to hang in there!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
All Qiuet On The Eastern Front
it is 8:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. my 'charge' has just left. i may have mentioned that for the past couple of months, i have been receiving in my home, a young 19 year old girl with asperger's. she spends every afternoon here until 8:00 p.m. i keep her well entertained and busy and then give her dinner.
she loves to go shopping, so i make sure that we walk over to the pharmacy and supermarket up here. sometimes, like today, we bus it to town. i get to check out my bank balance and she gets to check out the local stores. thankfully, it is a bit of income for me. i get to pay the electricity bill tomorrow. Whoopie!!
this evening, i treated her to a melted cheese sandwich and hot chocolate in town. who wants to make dinner anyway? i know i shouldn't be spending money on her but i can't help myself. anyway, we caught the bus back up and she was picked up by a driver a little while later. 'another day, another dollar', as we used to say back in the old country.
it has been rather quiet and peaceful here lately. no major drama to date. the kids continue to do their own laundry and i think they feel good about themselves. ashkanazi jewish mama is staying out of their way. i leave the mail and the various sleepers and pajamas that i often buy, on their door handle outside. i do not go downstairs.
my daughter-in-law has been staying at home with the new baby and my grandson has been spending the afternoons with her family. i have only, been called upon a couple of times lately, to bathe sahar up here in the big tub. i watched the baby last night for about an hour. she had been given a bottle by her daddy and was sound asleep. i am not comfortable with new babies. give me a couple of months.
i have been very tired in the mornings and only seem to rev up late in the day when my charge comes over. today it was warm and sunny so i decided to do my laundry. fortunately, my daughter-in-law wasn't home. i called first to ask her permission to use my maytag machine that is situated on her floor. afterall, i wouldn't want to disturb her during the day.
the kids have chosen to have shabbat here for the past two weeks. i was also given the job of watching my grandson on 2 consecutive fridays. what fun!!! i haven't asked the kids if they are planning to be here this weekend, yet. they usually let me know late on thursday evening, when the supermarkets are already closed.
my freezer is quite stocked with chicken parts, fish, and meat for cholent. i even bought several marrow bones to throw into the cholent. my son loves them. if they stay for shabbat, i will only need to buy potatoes, challah and veggies. i have recently come into a bit of a 'windfall' and i will be able to pay all of my bills this month. what a tremendous relief!
i am really going to make an effort to visit the seniors' center tomorrow. i haven't been there all month. not very nice at all! i have an infection in my gums, and i think that i will be losing more teeth soon. too bad, that i don't have the money to do a teeth makeover. i don't think i could suffer the pain.
the kids are playing house once again, and for the most part, enjoying it. i am keeping separate but equal in my space. they are trying to be more respectful and honor my privacy. my daughter-in-law, actually cooked this week and sent up a plate of food for me. maybe, there is a chance that i'll be looked after in my old age. perish the thought!
yesterday, i showed my upstairs studio to someone. she wants to do 'drums alive' therapy in zefat. the idea of people bouncing around with giant exercize balls upstairs, didn't really thrill me. it is not a gym. every little movement upstairs reverberates and sounds like elephants stomping on my ceiling. i ended up giving this person a motivational speech for nearly an hour. i didn't make one penny, either.
i did discover a wounded pigeon trapped in the apartment. it had pooped all over the place. i was finally able to catch it and put it outside of the apartment. i didn't know if it could fly so i didn't throw if off the roof. i once did that and the poor pigeon plunged to its demise.
yesterday, i simply, didn't have the strength to clean up the studio. i walked away, locked the door, and didn't look back. it is going to be way harder, now, to clean up the dried poo. just add it to my list of tasks to do before pesach. it's always something!
she loves to go shopping, so i make sure that we walk over to the pharmacy and supermarket up here. sometimes, like today, we bus it to town. i get to check out my bank balance and she gets to check out the local stores. thankfully, it is a bit of income for me. i get to pay the electricity bill tomorrow. Whoopie!!
this evening, i treated her to a melted cheese sandwich and hot chocolate in town. who wants to make dinner anyway? i know i shouldn't be spending money on her but i can't help myself. anyway, we caught the bus back up and she was picked up by a driver a little while later. 'another day, another dollar', as we used to say back in the old country.
it has been rather quiet and peaceful here lately. no major drama to date. the kids continue to do their own laundry and i think they feel good about themselves. ashkanazi jewish mama is staying out of their way. i leave the mail and the various sleepers and pajamas that i often buy, on their door handle outside. i do not go downstairs.
my daughter-in-law has been staying at home with the new baby and my grandson has been spending the afternoons with her family. i have only, been called upon a couple of times lately, to bathe sahar up here in the big tub. i watched the baby last night for about an hour. she had been given a bottle by her daddy and was sound asleep. i am not comfortable with new babies. give me a couple of months.
i have been very tired in the mornings and only seem to rev up late in the day when my charge comes over. today it was warm and sunny so i decided to do my laundry. fortunately, my daughter-in-law wasn't home. i called first to ask her permission to use my maytag machine that is situated on her floor. afterall, i wouldn't want to disturb her during the day.
the kids have chosen to have shabbat here for the past two weeks. i was also given the job of watching my grandson on 2 consecutive fridays. what fun!!! i haven't asked the kids if they are planning to be here this weekend, yet. they usually let me know late on thursday evening, when the supermarkets are already closed.
my freezer is quite stocked with chicken parts, fish, and meat for cholent. i even bought several marrow bones to throw into the cholent. my son loves them. if they stay for shabbat, i will only need to buy potatoes, challah and veggies. i have recently come into a bit of a 'windfall' and i will be able to pay all of my bills this month. what a tremendous relief!
i am really going to make an effort to visit the seniors' center tomorrow. i haven't been there all month. not very nice at all! i have an infection in my gums, and i think that i will be losing more teeth soon. too bad, that i don't have the money to do a teeth makeover. i don't think i could suffer the pain.
the kids are playing house once again, and for the most part, enjoying it. i am keeping separate but equal in my space. they are trying to be more respectful and honor my privacy. my daughter-in-law, actually cooked this week and sent up a plate of food for me. maybe, there is a chance that i'll be looked after in my old age. perish the thought!
yesterday, i showed my upstairs studio to someone. she wants to do 'drums alive' therapy in zefat. the idea of people bouncing around with giant exercize balls upstairs, didn't really thrill me. it is not a gym. every little movement upstairs reverberates and sounds like elephants stomping on my ceiling. i ended up giving this person a motivational speech for nearly an hour. i didn't make one penny, either.
i did discover a wounded pigeon trapped in the apartment. it had pooped all over the place. i was finally able to catch it and put it outside of the apartment. i didn't know if it could fly so i didn't throw if off the roof. i once did that and the poor pigeon plunged to its demise.
yesterday, i simply, didn't have the strength to clean up the studio. i walked away, locked the door, and didn't look back. it is going to be way harder, now, to clean up the dried poo. just add it to my list of tasks to do before pesach. it's always something!
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