Whose Life Is It?

it is 11:30 a.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I started my day off with receiving confirmation of the death of a very cherished friend in London.  I hadn't heard from here in over a year and was very concerned.  in my heart of hearts, I knew she must have passed but I was still waiting for some form of notice.  last night I gave her phone one more try and received the same message that I have been getting for months, 'the phone was busy, try again'. 

I finally looked up a chabad rav in London and started my inquiry online.  I was referred to another rav who sent me the sad news this morning.  I also wrote to her lawyer because I need more details.  I do know that she was buried in Israel in beit shemesh.  I will have to figure out how I can visit her grave.  it will be a colossal schlepp across the country.

I am so sad.  I was in a serious funk all week but this news just finished me.  I can't stop crying.  I feel so alone.  this wonderful friend was very eccentric but she was an incredibly generous lady.  I don't think that she left me any money but I want to know if at least, she wanted me to be informed of her demise.  she was so supportive of me when I got sick.  she struggled with cancer for several years.  I'm waiting to hear from the barrister.  I had offered her to come and stay here with me.

she came to zefat for my wedding, some 23 years ago.  she brought 2 sets of Waterford Chrystal wine glasses as a wedding gift.  I have never used those glasses.  I had put them away in my pesach closet.  this year after so much time, I decided to use a few glasses.  my granddaughter knocked over one and it broke into 2 pieces.  nothing like the durelex glasses that we use here that break into thousands of shards.  I was able to teach my grandson something about real glass and real crystal.  my grandson now knows how real glass sounds and how it breaks.

 I made up my mind today that I will start using the wine glasses all the time.  in fact, I will make Kiddush tonight with one of these beautiful glasses and I will make a toast to my dear friend, madeline cohen.  she should rest in peace.  I now want to find a way to get a picture of her grave sent to me.  just another online inquiry.

the cold war is still on here in the middle east at chez zelda's.  my casa is still their casa and no one here is speaking to me.  I saw my grandson for a second yesterday.  he was going to a soccer game with his dad in Netanya.  the granddaughter went with her mom to the supermarket.  last month before this fallout, I took my granddaughter with me to a friend of mine because she didn't get to go to the soccer game.  my friend tried to teach her how to play the ukulele.   she had a blast.  last night she got some alone time with her mom, I guess.

when they came home from the supermarket, I resisted running outside to help with the packages.  I always go outside to help but not anymore.  I am the dotty old landlady now who sits by herself on a plastic chair near the gate, waiting to catch a glimpse of the two little kids who live downstairs.  one close friend says that I shouldn't have invited my niece to come over last month for a pool party.  after all, I don't really ever hear from her and I don't even know if she returned to india already.  I never heard from after the swim date that started the whole infighting.

my friends who are estranged from their kids and grandchildren tell me to kick my sons' sorry behind out of my house and get a life.  this one friend says that I have to pick my battles and in this case, since my son hates my family, I should also hate them and stick with what I have.  right now I am totally alienated from my grandchildren and my only son.  Whose life is it anyway?