Taking Back The Power

it is 8:15 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  I was really tired this morning having not slept last night.  I took a cab to the old age home.  it is super hot and supposed to get even hotter tomorrow.  I couldn't bare being at the bus stop for too long.  I went to see my friend with Alzheimer's but she was in a rare mood and quite hostile.  I asked her to turn around so she could look at me and she was quite offended and let out a round of loud no's.

 I went upstairs to see my dying friend.  she looked pretty good.  she looked somewhat angelic in a white shirt and white skirt.  she held onto my hand and allowed me to spoon feed her some jello.  she didn't want any food.  she never eats anything on my watch.  I took her outside for a split second and she let me know that she wanted to go back to bed.  I didn't call an orderly.  I assisted her getting out of the wheelchair and into her bed.  I said my goodbyes and went to visit a girlfriend.

I had a bit of lunch with my friend and went over my problem with my son verbatim ad nauseam.  I couldn't get it right in my brain.  I went home and wrote an email to my son.  I let him know that I appreciate his wanting independence and privacy but I did remind him that he lives in my house rent free.  I pointed out that he had no right to tell me who I can invite to visit me downstairs on my property.  I let him know that it was shameful of  him to take over the backyard area as his exclusively.  I acknowledged how nice the patio looked but reminded him that I also enjoyed entertaining friends downstairs and that I had spent a lot of time piddling in the flower beds and planting succulents.

he replied back that he had always come second after my family and friends.  he also said that I love to play the victim.  he claimed that no one had said that I couldn't use the backyard area and that was yet, another example of my playing the victim.  he did say that I should have asked permission to use his pool and that I had no right to take food out of his freezer to feed my niece and her family. I copped to both points and apologized.  he brought up once again, how I couldn't make it financially without his paying the full electric bill and cable bill.  he told me that he felt unwanted and if that was how I truly felt he would leave.

he totally diverted from the issue of paying rent.  talk bout playing the victim!  I countered with although he had not asked permission to place the pool in my backyard:I should have anyway, asked his permission to use the pool.  throw the dog a bone.  I commiserated with him and said how very burdensome to have felt unwanted and to have felt that he had not been the number one priority in my life.  someone need a vomit bag?  I did tell him that I loved him and it was for him to decide if he wanted to continue to live here.  I did stress the need of financial relief to help pay off the household bills in lieu of rent money.  I hope that I left him his dignity.  I did not make any threats or ultimatums.  the ball is in his court.