The End Of Pesach

it is 3:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. tonight is the second holiday of pesach. it is actually the time that the red sea split. we have a holiday meal tonight and tomorrow afternoon. we go directly into shabbat night. we don't pass go or collect any money.

we leave pesach but go staight into shabbat. we have no chance of changing back to leavened food. we have to use the matzah for the 3 shabbat meals. we won't be able to buy bread until sunday. i don't really miss it. it has been strange eating matzah. it is very filling and most binding. however, you simply must spread something on it. i like avocado and egg salad. the children use chocolate spread.

i made a mayonnaise 'like' dressing today. i used lemon juice and olive oil. it is very bitter. i added a bit of honey but it still tastes bitter. i mashed up a bunch of boiled eggs and used the dressing. it is edible. i threw out my first batch of mayonnaise yesterday. it had the perfect consistency but it was very bitter.

i used a new blender that my friend gave me. i tried to beat egg whites in it today to make icecream. they didn't exactly stiffen up. i added mashed bananas and sugar. i spilled in a bit too much vanilla extract so it looks weird. i wonder if it's edible. i cut up some melon but it wasn't very tastey. i drizzled honey on it.

i got up at 8:00 a.m. and went straight to work in the kitchen. i made a salmon fillet in white wine, a beef fillet in red wine, and a chicken and potatoes cholent for shabbat day. i made a small amount of charoset; using apples, dates and walnuts. it was better at the seder. i made a carrot and apple slaw, colorabi and carrot salad, and cooked a small amount of beets in orange and honey.

i made a ginger and carrot soup for a friend. it isn't as spicey as i would have liked. i just wolfed down two bowls of it. i also had 2 sheets of matzah. i hope i'll have an appetite later. i am very tired. the weather has gone from heatwave to fall/winter cold spell and possible storms.

i may only have one guest tonight. right now i feel like being alone. too bad i cooked for about 6. the kids still aren't talking to me. i went to visit the 'inlaws' the other day. a little 'birdie' let me know that the kids were out of town. my grandson had just fallen asleep so i sat around for a couple of hours and waited for him to wake up. i held the baby for a bit and gave her a bottle. i even got her to belch. i still cannot relate to her. she is pretty and cute but i never got to bond with her.

i felt like a criminal sneaking around. how did i end up with 'supervised' visits, anyway? i'm not a child abuser. i guess i am. afterall, i did throw the kids out. the sephardi grandma and me, made the smallest amount of small talk. we never nentioned the current situation. she was on the phone for hours. she delegates a lot of the tasks by phone. at home, she gets this one to make a bottle and another one to change a diaper. the others take the kids out all day long. even the neighborhood kids take over the daycare of my grandchildren. everyone has access to them except me.

i'm not exactly missing doing all of these menial tasks. i am missing the interaction with my grandson. he was glad to see me but a bit shy at first. by the end of the day, he was begging me to take him home to his mommy. i could hear his crying, all the way to the bus stop. it will probably be a while until i see him again. i mentioned that i hadn't seen the kids in a month. the sephardi grandma chose not to respond. it was like i never said it. she chose not to think about it. it could never happen to her.

the 'upstairs' sister actually, came down to let me know that she was leaving. she made the effort to wish me a happy holiday. i had gone up earlier with a glass of steamed lemon, ginger and honey tea, for her. perhaps, this was a sign of her appreciation. her little sister, beeped the horn for her and parked away from my house. she comes all the time and makes sure not to park in front of my house. isn't she lovely!!!

i called my son to let him know that he had mail. i resisted the urge to pick up a registered letter for him. he politely, thanked me. i think he was a bit relieved to hear my voice. maybe i imagined it. who knows. they drove up in front of the neighbor's house last night at about 11:30 p.m. and my son got out and took the mail. i had left it outside on the porch. life isn't all that sweet right now.

i have to pray and trust that in time, my life will be happier and more fullfilled. in the meantime, i get to enjoy my very clean and very orderly house. too bad there is no one here to see it. hope mom is 'qvelling' from heaven. i have been too busy lately to take notice. tomorrow, we go to synagogue to pray for the souls of the departed family members. oh boy do i cry!!!