Seder For One

it is 7:00 p.m. in the holy city of zefat. i just got back from the supermarket. i bought 3 tomatoes, 2 cucumbers, 2 onions, 2 carrots, and one colarabi. i am alone for shabbat. i defrosted a small turkey roulade and i have some old rolls in the freezer.

i ran to town this morning to take care of bureacratic things. i made it to the unemployment office, bank, and israeli verson of social security office. if it wasn't for the kindness of the guard, who helped me make copies and sort out the paperwork, i would never have managed. i thought about popping in to the seniors' center for an hour or two, but it started to storm. i ran to catch a bus home.

i haven't done a thing for pesach yet. i have been curled around the sofa all week long. i am in a funk. the kids have been extremely hostile lately. they stiffed me out of a month's rent and left me to pay an enormous electric bill, by myself. i am way over my 'alotted' overdraft for the first time in years. they couldn't care less. they have become like squatters downstairs. i am so worried about the finances that i can't seem to function.

i decided to spend the pesach seder by myself this year. it falls out on shabbat night this year. i may have a friend join me. i am also not going to entertain for a while. there will be no barbecues this pesach. i am not planning on buying any steaks or lamb chops, either. i will buy a modest amount of food for the week of pesach for myself. i'll get by with eggs, yogurt and veggies. i still have plenty of oranges on the tree.

i am still on a pretty strict diet so i will not buy any potato chips or pesach cakes. i will not run out and buy a new toaster oven to bake pesach brownies. i can make a raw cake with dates and ground nuts. i will buy a few sweet potatoes for the seder night. there will be no white potatoes in my house. i will not stand on my feet frying chips this pesach. i'm not planning on buying a lot of matzah either. i will buy a package of 3 round matzahs for seder night. i have a bottle of wine in the closet and i am not planning on buying any more. i will buy some nuts for nashing.

i am in survival mode. pesach is just one week long. i am not planning on filling up the freezer for the year. i may not even order a gas balloon. i'll get by with using my electric 2 burner stove. i can use the small barbecue to burn the neck bone for the seder. i'll buy a jar of gefilte fish. or i'll make some from a package. there will be no sephardi in laws this pesach to make a face.

the more i plan for pesach, the more empowered, i feel. i can read the pesach hagadah in english if i please. i can read any commentaries that i want to and have as many dogs here, as i please. i can go to bed when i want to and i don't have to account to anyone for anything. i think we are having fun now.
i already bought some turkish coffee and a small honey.