Good News Rough Day

it is 3:30 p.m. in the holy city of zefat.  i am still recovering from my all day trip to the hospital in tel aviv yesterday.  i hardly slept the night before.  i was exhausted from having babysat all week.  i got up at 6:30 a.m. and let the dogs out.  i put on the sprinklers and went to lie down.  the night before i had binged on ice cream and cheesecake.  i got up at 7:00 a.m. to get my medical papers in order.  i could not find the referral and payment voucher forms any where for the gyn oncologist visit.  i had been to town last week and spent hours waiting for the doctor and voucher to come in.

it is not like me to lose important papers.  i searched every nook and cranny of my house.  my sister decided to come with me to the hospital.  i told her that i would stop off at the clinic up here to get copies of the referral.  i jumped into the shower at about 7:30 a.m. and the water was just about a trickle.  i realized  that i had forgotten to turn off  the sprinklers.  what a waste of good water and money!  the grass is brown and balding in spite of the little water i give it.  i ran outside in a robe and saw the driver waiting for me already.

he had come a good 15 minutes early.  i skipped my shower and quickly got dressed.  i put in my denture and the acrylic clip snapped right off.  i was in shock.  it was too uncomfortable wearing it that way so i left without my 'teeth'.  thank the Lord, that i still have all of my front teeth.  never the less i felt, quite uncomfortable without it.

i got to the clinic and the referral and payment voucher forms were not on the computer.  the  young and inexperienced receptionist suggested that i go to the clinic in town.  i got irate.  i told her that i was on my way to tel aviv for a 10:30 a.m. appointment.  it was already late. a few other nurses and office ladies came out to help.  they know my medical history.  both doctors at each clinic were not present.  i went into a crying jag and said that i didn't care any more.  i didn't want another internal exam any way.  i told them that all i did was spend my money and time going back and forth to doctors for papers for doctors appointments and that i was tired of it all.

i could hardly speak in hebrew.  i said i wasn't crazy.  i told them that i hadn't imagined getting the papers last week.  and i ranted something about having a brain tumor.  one nurse came running out to give me a cup of water.  i just kept on crying and ranting.  the driver came inside to see what was going on.  he was under pressure to get me to tel aviv by 10:30 a.m.  it was already past 8:30 a.m.  and we still needed to pick up my sister.

an experienced office worker found a voucher from may that i hadn't used because i didn't go for my gyn oncologist visit.  i had gotten the radiologist to exam me with a female gyn doctor.  they had sent me appointments all summer long and i had refused to travel to see the gyn oncologist as long as i could hold out.  last week the dingbat secretary, that had scewed me up for months, called my sister and promised if i came in before my neurosurgeon appointment, she would get me in early to see the doctor.

we left zefat after 9:00 a.m. but we managed to get to the 10:30 a.m. appointment on time.  i did however, wait more than 1 1/2  hours.  we threatened to leave more than once.  the specialist did give me an internal and told me that it was looking good. he sent a pap smear to the clinic and hopefully it will come back clean, please G-d.  at the beginning of my treatment he told me that we were considered to be 'engaged'.  yesterday, he told me that we had a 'catholic' relationship now.  i guess he found someone he liked better.

i hustled over to the other side of the hospital in the blazing heat.  there were no cabs outside.  i only waited for about half an hour.  there was no change in the size of the tumor.  the neurosurgeon determined that it was most likely benign.  he warned me of the rare danger signs of a bleed and told me to come back in november to do another mri.  he feels that the longer i heal from the radiation, the stronger i will be for surgery.  he said that it was a long surgery because of the precision of the microscopic tools.  anyway, i'd be totally put out, so what was time to me?  he upped the anty.  now we are talking about a 4-5 day minimum hospital stay and a month long recovery period.   how fun!

i need to see the radiologist in september, and the gyn oncologist in november, do another mri and see the neurosurgeon again, too.  he's talking december/january surgery.  i can wait longer, believe me.  i am still mostly a -symptomatic.  i tried to schedule an appointment for the mri while i was there, but no could do.  i have to call them.  i was hoping to be able to do the oncologist and mri on the same day to eliminate a trip.  we shall see.  i still haven't been reimbursed for any of the many taxi rides yet.

in the meanwhile, i got proposed to.  the guy that i have been seeing, decided it was time to ask me to marry him.  please refrain yourselves from screaming mazal tov.  i didn't say yes,yet.  i went into sheer panic mode.  i'm not ready to commit.  i'd like to believe that the prospect of starting a marriage off with brain surgery, simply doesn't do it for me.   the picture of waking up all bandaged,  groggy, and possibly nauseous with the new hubby being the first person to greet me and let me know that i m not a veggie, also doesn't do it for me, either.   hustling to make a small wedding reception and having the upcoming jewish holidays together so that i can prepare a million meals, doesn't seem all that idyllic.  but all these excuses doesn't make it the real truth.  i guess i need more time to heal,  get stronger and really have total clarity that this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with.  i'm just not there yet.  i'm not really ready for intimacy yet, either.  i don't want to keep this lovely man hanging but i can't rush into this, now.

my son called me hours ago to ask if i could take my grandson today and the both kids tomorrow.  i made an appointment to have my dental plate fixed in the morning.  i can't do it in zefat.  i need to travel to the clinic in rosh pina at 8:30 a.m. and wait for nearly 2 hours.  there is no way that i can take the boy to the clinic on the bus with me.  there is no way that i can take the boy to the clinic in a taxi, either.  i decided to take care of zelda first today.  that is a new thing.  i don't want to put off my teeth for anyone.  i'm the one with a brain tumor and i'm the one who spent  2 months getting radiation treatments for cancer .  i did try to call the other grandma to let her know that i could help out tomorrow after i return from the dentist.  her phone was busy all day long.  oh well.......